Ralph: When the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, it was
the happiest day of my life

Ms. Hoover: Thank You, Ralph, Very Graphic.

Comic book guy would say: "Worst thread ever!"

My cat's breath smells like cat's food.

Elliot Gould: "Your monkey bit my kid again!"

Krusty: "Well, if he'd stop wearing the banana sunscreen!"

Good ol'Ralph :D
Oh boy, sleep! That's when I'm a viking!
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Homer: Marge, I'm not going to lie to you...


Beer Baron episode:

the investigator from out of town: (sorry forget his name)

I'll get you beer baron!

homer: No you won't

Investigator: Yes I will!

homer: D'oh!

Chief Wiggum

'No you've got the wrong number, this is 91.........2'

Classic!

Marge: Homer, you'll kill us all!
Homer: (determined) or die trying!

------------------------------

Homer fires a shotgun
Bart: you just killed Zombie Flanders!
Homer: Zombie?

--------
Finally....

anything Ralph Wiggam says

Homer (as the stand-in Smithers) reading messages to Mr. Burns:

"You have 30 minutes to move your car"
"You have 10 minutes to move your car"
"Your car is being towed"
"Your car has been crushed into a cube"
"You have 30 minutes to move your cube"

# "I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."


"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"


"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."


"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

# "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."


"Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."

Scorpio: You ever see anybody say 'goodbye' to a shoe before?
Homer: Heh,heh... once.

Bart: Jeez, everyone knows the first day of school is a total wank.
Skinner: If by 'wank', you mean 'educational fun', then stand back, it's wanking time!

Wiggum describing his location:

"I'm driving on a road, appears to be asphalt. There's some trees and shrubs... I'm directly under the earth's sun... NOW!"

Ralph " I beat the smart kids, i beat the smart kids. OOPS, I bent my whookie"

Ralph Wiggum: I ated the purple berry.....
Bart Simpson: How is it?
Ralph Wiggum: Tastes like.....burnniiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggg

Apu: Silly customer! You cannot hurt a twinkie!

and

Marge: Homer stop! You'll kill us all!
Homer: Or die trying!

Lenny: Oww!! the doctor said not to get pudding in my eye

UP AND ATOM!

Up and at them!

?

Does anyone have change for a button?

-Burns

Homer Simpson:

I have misplaced, my pants


Classic

Mr Mephisto

Ned - Homie, I can see your doodle!

Flanders: Son of a diddly!

Ralph: Oh boy.... sleep.... that's where I'm a Viking!

Ralph: Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies, and the baby looked at me!

ohhh, sure lisa. some wonderful, magical animal.

-homer not believing lisa that pork, bacon & ham all come from the same beast.

Barney: Uh oh, my heart just stopped..............Oh, there it goes.

From my favorite episode!

(lisa creates life and the people think she is God)

People from Lisa's miniature world: You protect us from the Evil one!

Lisa: The Evil one?

People: The one you call....Bart.

Lisa: Bart? Oh, that's just my brother.

People: (everyone gasps) The Devil is your brother?

From the Aliens take over the Presidential Race skit -

Mordorf: Either way, you'll have to vote for one us, it's a two party system..hahaha

Person in crowd: Geeze he's right, it's a two party system!

Moe slaps a giant sticker on Duff Man's face
"Duff Man cant breath. Ohhhhh nooooo!"


"Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. AHHH!"


Homer: Linguo, dead?
Linguo: Linguo is.....dead.

Homer: "This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke...it just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!"

Ralph: "Go banana!"

Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Post Office Employee: "Alright Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
Homer: "I don't know."

Maude: "Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?"
Todd: "Hell no."

DuffMan: "That brown patch needs a little H 2 O....oh yeah!"

Bart: "God schmad, I want my monkey man."

Homer: "Its my first day."

There are countless others that I just can't recall right now.

Homer:

-If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.


-Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever ... thy will be done. (munch munch munch)


-Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

-Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?
The kids can call you Hoju!

-Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

- Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems.

-I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.

-I'll handle this ... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes ... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty ... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!

It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April fool, as it were.

When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen.

So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.

Homer : Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge : What's that?
Homer : [thinks] A dinosaur


God : Thou hast forsaken My Church!
Homer : Uh, kind-of ... b-but ...
God : But what
Homer : I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
God : [pause] Hmm ... You've got a point there.




Homer has so many great quotes! :lol:

I couldn't get this out of my head Thursday night when the power went out:
So we'll march day and night,
By the big cooling tower,
They have the plant,
But we have the power.

Homer J:

Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!

Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land , in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!

Tooth Mayor speaking to Lisa about the Tooth colony abouut her being their god:

Mayor: We have learned to immatoot you exarkley

best thread ever.
all of these quotes are great!!!
a couple more off the top of my head:
bart (saying grace): dear god, we payed for this food ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
troy mclure (in "stop the planet of the apes, i want to get off"): i hate every ape/ from cimpan-a to chimpan-zee/ you'll never make a monkey...
apes: no we'll never make a monkey...
troy: you'll never make a monkey out of meeee
troy: oh my god, i was wrong/ it was the earth all along/ you finally made a monkey...
apes: yes, we finally made a monkey...
troy: you finally made a monkey out of meeeee/ i love you dr.zais!

Homer : You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart : Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer : I like stories.

Homer:That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room.

Homer : Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!
Bart : What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer : Err ... He sold poisoned milk to school children.
Marge : Homer!
Homer : Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them.

Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer : New glasses?
Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer : Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge : I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer : Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge : That's not what I meant.
Homer : Admit it Marge, it was.

:lol:

Homer: "If the Bible has taught us anything—which it hasn't—it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such."

Homer: "We can hike anytime. This is our chance to see cars driving."

Homer: "I can't take his money. I can't print my own money. You want me to work for money. Why don't I just lay down and die!"

Homer: "Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves."

Homer: "You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

Homer: "Dear Baby, welcome to Dumpville. Population: You."

Homer: "You couldn't fool me on the foolingest day of the year with an electrified fooling machine."

Homer: "You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

Homer: "Can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain."

Homer: "No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz."

Homer: "It's because they're stupid. That's why everyone does everything."

Homer: "It's going to take a lot of fireworks to clean this mess up."

Homer: I can't let that happen, I won't let that happen and I can't let that happen!

Homer: Apologize?! I NEVER apologize.

Homer: I'm sorry but thats just the way i am.

Lisa(looking at donuts): Do you have any fruit?
Homer(picks up donut): this one has purple inside. Purple is a fruit.

Homer: Mmmmmmm, free goo...

Krusty: My house is dirty, buy me a new one.

homer to waffle on ceiling : "why do you mock me oh lord?"
marge : "homer thats not god it's a waffle bart threw up there"
homer to waffle (after marge knocks it down) I know i shoudlnt eat thee o lord ::: eats:::: mmmmmmmm sacralicious !!!!!!

Gary Coleman on one of the Christmas Specials: What you Talking Bout? What you talking bout everyone...