How to avoid rape - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sweetpea · 05-14-2005, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KinkyKiwi

sweetpea, do you know what the gun laws in NY are? i was actually thinking about it because i have many friends who live in not so good areas and i never feel safe when i go to visit them. for a while i was carrying a hunting knife and the few times i felt that a man was threating my safety just pulling the handle and part of the blade out so he could see seemed to be a good deterent. maybe the gun kinda works the same way..if a possible attacker seems someone armed and calm how likely are they going to be to still attack? one of my male friend taught me how if i needed to i could aim for the groin with the knife. even if i was being restrained.

Yes, if you are a resident, you can get a permit.

http://www.packing.org/state/index.jsp/new+york+city

I would highly suggest before you do so, you take some training courses, any gun range offers safety and basic training courses. Find out if you are comfortable first and then proceed from there.

Anyone else who is interested.

Here is the site which has more information for every state in the U.S.

http://www.packing.org/state/index.

Sweet Pea

Sweetpea · 05-14-2005, 01:07 PM

Thank you very much for sharing Mal.

that makes me crazy with anger to know that they wouldn't press charges against that horrible excuse for a human being.

you did the right thing. the police did not.

and your friend was amazing.

thank you for sharing your experience, hopefully, we can all learn from it.

Sweet Pea

maleficent · 05-14-2005, 04:12 PM

A gentleman (and I do mean that sincerely) member of TFP forwarded on the following information to be shared with the ladies of the lounge:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1: Pepper spray is useless against a determined attacker. It's better than nothing, and it will probably kill a rapist's mood, but anyone who's been hit with it more than once will have built up a resistance. The same goes for stunguns. Police hate them because they can take down about 30% of criminals, less if they're drugged. Unless you're highly trained, carrying a knife is not advisable. It's very difficult to use it well, and you risk hurting yourself in a struggle if you lose control. If you do carry it, the best way to defend yourself is to slash at the soft side of any major joint. You will sever critical tendons and render anything from that point outward useless until after major reconstructive surgery. If you slash the armpit or inner thigh, the attacker will most likely bleed out within 45 seconds, but it is unlikely that any court would convict you for self-defense. Keep in mind that carrying anything with a blade of 4 inches or longer is illegal in most US states and is either a misdemeanor or felony.

The most important thing to remember is that you cannot carry a weapon solely as a deterrent. You should not expect to brandish a knife and scare off an attacker. You will not be able to carry a gun and shoot to disable. If you are not willing to shoot at an attacker's center of mass (middle of the chest,) you should not carry a gun. If you do shoot the center of mass, there is a 6% chance that a follow-up shot will be needed. There is still a 2% chance that a second shot will not produce reflexive neurocirculatory shock (disabling of the peripheral nervous system.) If two shots do not stop an attacker, the third should be placed directly between teh eyes, below the hard part of the skull but still high enough to disable the central nervous system. If you read that and aren't sure that you want to carry a gun to defend yourself, then you are probably not prepared to kill in self-defense, and should not carry unless your attitude toward lethal force is more definite.

2: There are two ways to hit a guy that will drop him almost 100% of the time (unless he's drugged.) The first is a sharp blow to the family jewels, the second is an eye gouge. Biting used to be an option, but you're likely to get some sort of nasty disease these days. The original post referred to someone who said she felt bad for ripping muscle on a guy who was trying to rape her, but as a male, I fully believe that someone who is trying to sexually assault anyone deserves to lose an eye or a ball. There is no good way to describe the pain caused by a hit to the testicles, and the only comparable thing that I can think of that could be experienced by both genders is to be punched in the eye itself, not eye socket, while someone twists your nipple with a pair of pliers.

If someone grabs one of your arms, the easiest way to dissuade him is to twist so that his elbow is facing up, and bring your other fist down on it. This will either dislocate or break the attacker's elbow, allowing you to get away. A friend of mine who was taking a martial arts class showed me this move, and although I am 8-9 inches taller than him and outweigh him by around 100 pounds, a light, nondamaging hit to my elbow proudced a momentary bout of excruciating pain.

Bending back fingers will also cause excruciating pain, but this is not guaranteed to stop a determined attacker.

3: If you can't hit, but can grab, your best bets, depending on your range of motion (unless he has both wrists pinned to your sides, one of these should be possible,) ar either the underarm pinch, or twist-and-grab on Mr. Winky's two best friends. If your wrists are pinned, either kick backwards toward the groin, or if you're facing him, pick between pushing forward and kneeing the groin and headbutting his nose.

4: You also have a range of psychological techniques to try if you can't physically resist. As Squishor mentioned, the "I thought we were friends" can really mess with someone's head. Using forceful language to define yourself in his mind as somethign other than a passive victim has been shown to work by killing off the rapist's fantasy of domination.

A final note: If the unthinkable happens and you are sexually assaulted, do not be afraid to report it. You did not do anything wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't report it, there is a good chance that the person who did it will do it again to someone else.

Sweetpea · 05-14-2005, 06:24 PM

^^^

Thank you to this gentlemen TFPer

all great points.

Sweet Pea

anti fishstick · 05-15-2005, 09:52 PM

this may be a stupid, question but is pepper spray and mace the same thing?

raeanna74 · 05-16-2005, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

this may be a stupid, question but is pepper spray and mace the same thing?

Here's what I found at a distributor of pepper spray.

"What is the difference between pepper spray and Mace or tear gas?

Mace is a brand name for a tear gas product. Tear gas, both CS and CN are synthesized chemicals that are known as "lacrimators".

A lacrimator is a substance that produces profuse tearing. Lacrimators, such as tear gas, are not effective against animals. Tear gas can also cause severe blistering of the skin and permanent blindness.

In short, tear gas has a very high level of toxicity whereas our pepper spray is totally non-toxic.

It appears that the chemicals used are different in the two sprays. Both may have a mixture of the same chemicals but not in the same ratio. It appears that pepper spray has a larger ratio of chemicals made from peppers. I am generally not knowledgable about this subject but I do know where to find information about it at least.

JustJess · 05-16-2005, 06:36 AM

Thanks to this thread, Quadro is looking into buying me some pepper spray or mace. I'm not sure whether to thank you all or roll my eyes... Having never been in a situation like that, I have a hard time imagining it as real. Not that I'm interested in finding out, either! Thus the precautions... *sigh*
I wish people were healthier mentally.

Edit: I didn't realize that I missed several posts... good gods. Thanks for sharing. I mean it. By doing so, you've helped one naive woman start thinking a little less naively... This shit makes me SOOO angry. That's what I worry about, actually.. not that I'll get raped, because I've been molested and I lived through that, but that my anger will get me killed instead.

Thanks so much to all the ladies who share to teach.

Is one spray generally considered better than another? Tear gas seems so extreme - what if I make a mistake? But I don't want pepper spray if it won't work that well either... Anyone have ideas on that?

maleficent · 05-16-2005, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

this may be a stupid, question but is pepper spray and mace the same thing?

Mace, as far as I know is a lot stronger, but you need to be liscensed (at least in NY to carry it) Pepper spray is generally pretty easy to find, and causes a stinging sensation in a person's eyes. However, if a person is on drugs, or possibly even very drunk, they may not be aware of the pepper spray or may not be bothered by it. The problem with pepper spray also, if used on a breezy day, it can come back to you...

Your best offense, as they say, is a good defense, and not put yourself into a situatio where you could get ito trouble, always be aware of your surroundings, and don't be stupid... (I would also add trust no one, but that makes me soud bitter)

KinkyKiwi · 05-16-2005, 05:52 PM

i was really amazed and awed at how shani dealt with her rape...

i hope oneday i can have that same attitude..

when i was younger my longterm bf passed away...i was really hurt and many of his so called friends were actually asking me out in teh weeks after his death...i had become friends with only one of his friends and i turned toward him the most. we had agreed that we would say we were dating so that people would leave me alone. he was a big guy..not so much tall as wide...very wide...he wasnt the brightest guy but he was friendly. i was on alot of meds at the time for depression and they made me feel very weak and tired. he would push for the stuff that he thought "normal" gfs would do...3 years older then me and he hadnt even kissed a girl. i would object and he would push it everytime. totally forgetting that we werent a normal couple ..that we werent a couple at all...eventually i gave in..he would kiss me..and touch me..and i would smile and then go and throw up. he would push my head down and demand head...i saw his rolls of fat and acne and beady eyes and i wanted to cry and throw up and peel my skin off. meanwhile a guy had moved in next door (biznatch) that i was amazingly attracted to..even tho it was so close to my bfs death i was drawn to him. i tried to end it totally with the guy. he would invite himself over to do work for my parents...oneday i felt very ill and i was supposed to meet him in the city that day...i called him to tell him i wasnt feeling well and he shows up at my door..i let him in thinking i would just let him wait at my house for the next train...he pushed me into the couch and using his weight held me down while he raped me. i begged him to stop and to get off. he just looked at me and said "but your my girlfriend this is what were supposed to do dont you get it?" after he finished he said he loved me and told me to go clean up. i was depressed and confused and kinda scared..i was convinced i had caused it. after me and biznatch started dating and some other stuff happend i told him to leave me alone for good. he then be friended my parents housekeeper whos more a member of the family then anything else and gpt close to my parents..and he would show up at my house whenever he felt like it...almost everyday. i didnt want to see him so i would stay up stairs. some other stuff happend between up and i told him that he wasnt my parents friend and that he wasnt mine. he showed up at my parents office and made up and long list of things i had "done"..now this was when i was younger and he was saying stuff like i had forced HIM to have sex ..while he wanted to wait till marriage, how i was lying to them and doing drugs..how i was stealing and lying about everything...the list was long. he pretty much pulled it out of his ass. throwing in just enough truth to make my parents believe it. after i found out what he had done including finding pictures of me that were for my bf who had passed away on my computer (nude photos) and sending them to himself then showing them to my parents saying i was giving them to everyone and was selling my body for money. i sent him a txt msg saying to watch his back. i was too scared to tell my mom what had happend..and i still havent...and i knew i couldnt report it without my mom knowing...i didnt want him to get off scot free...now he was disturbingly close to his family..at 19-20 years old he had an early curfew and he couldnt go out without telling him mom where he was and when he was going to be home..along with even creepier stuff...and we got a call from his mom threating my family and me if we ever retaliated. i'm still confused and it still hurts me everyday...he lied to all of my dead bfs friends telling them i was a manipulative whore..he made up this entire story...they knew him all thro HS so they trusted him...

anyway...maybe now that i've shared it i'll be able to come to terms with it

maleficent · 05-16-2005, 05:59 PM

what an asshole.... you didn't do anything wrong... don't ever forget that...

hugs for ya, kiddo.., hope this made you feel better.

JustJess · 05-16-2005, 07:03 PM

*HUGS*, kk...
Just that. Hugs.
You did everything anyone could have done.

Hugs.

Sweetpea · 05-16-2005, 09:13 PM

Kiwi, it's not your fault.

Have you thought about seeing a Counselor ??

After my friend's rape, she recieved counseling and it helped allot.

Here is a resource i found for NYC
http://www.aardvarc.org/victim/

Hugs ((( HUGS ))) Thank you for being brave enough to share

Sweet Pea

Gilda · 05-16-2005, 09:35 PM

Let me second sweetpea's suggestion. Rape counseling centers will provide counseling for free, and can be very helpful, and can refer you to a specialist if longer term counseling is needed. It's hard, very hard, to walk into one of those places, I know this, but it's worth it.

Xsexy-dolphinX · 05-17-2005, 12:14 AM

i found all of what was being siad very touching, unfortunatly i can also relate to what was said, although my cercumstances are entirely different again.

i was raped, and lost my virginity to this person,this said i couldnt report it as i thought that i would be to blame,i was 16yrs old and my rapist was 14yrs old, and therefore under the legal age for sex.

to add to the situationn i couldn't leave this person as i thought that if i did he would get me int some serious trouble, so i stayed, i was with this person for 2 years, and then when he turned 16 i fell pregnant. i knew that i couldn't have got rid of my child, and so ended up hoping that i would loose the baby instead, but i didn't, i now have a lovely 6 yr old son, of whom i love with all of my heart, and i can be pleased in telling you that i've since married and had more children. It is hard for me to try and not think about what my sons father did ,but at the end of the day he is all mine and no one elses, and i love him with all of my heart 100%.

i dont think that i will ever be able to forget what hapened, and it just goes to show that although you think that you know some one you don't.

maleficent · 05-17-2005, 06:48 AM

It's appalling that a 14 year old would think that it was acceptable behavior. I don't understand what goes thru the mind of someone that thinks it's OK.

I'm glad it's had a happy ending for you, that you are hopefully wiht a m an that treats you with respect and loves you. Your young son will grow into a man that also does the same thing, and the cycle won't repeat itself.

maleficent · 05-17-2005, 11:38 AM

A male member chimes in on the subject of pepper spray vs mace

Quote:

I was reading your post on rape in the ladies lounge and you asked whether you should get pepper spray or mace. I advise you get a spray that uses a mixture of both, which they do sell. This combo is unbeatable since it is still effective on those who are immune to pepper spray and mace alone is kinda severe.

Thanks..

KinkyKiwi · 05-17-2005, 02:41 PM

thanks you guys

i did actually try to talk to a therapist i was seeing at the time but she had said that if i told her she would have to tell my parents. i didn't want that to happen especially since he had said that i had forced him and they already believed him. its actually caused a huge family rift. recently i started seeing a new therapist who i actually feel comfortable talking to so hopefully that will help me deal with it better. *hugs* back to all of you

xsexydolphinx i second what mal said

and where could we buy the mace/pepper spray mix? because i would actually like to get some. i've tried using pepper spray on a mugger and he actually laughed... nyc criminals dont seem to mind the pepper spray lol

maleficent · 05-17-2005, 04:51 PM

Our favorite gentleman browser offers up some more helpful information:

Mace Security International, Inc. makes several types of defense products, each containing one or several compounds.

There is the traditional capsacin-based pepper spray, which is available in spray, stream, foam, and gel canisters, and there's CS gas (military grade tear gas.)

Pepper spray causes intense burning in the eyes and mucous membranes while tear gas causes uncontrollable watering of the eyes and irritation of the respiratory tract. These two can be combined for maximum stopping power (which, unfortunately, is only about 30%,) and the triple forumla spray (this is what police get) combines the two with an indelible UV dye for identification of an attacker.

Sweetpea · 05-18-2005, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Our favorite gentleman browser offers up some more helpful information:

Mace Security International, Inc. makes several types of defense products, each containing one or several compounds.

There is the traditional capsacin-based pepper spray, which is available in spray, stream, foam, and gel canisters, and there's CS gas (military grade tear gas.)

Pepper spray causes intense burning in the eyes and mucous membranes while tear gas causes uncontrollable watering of the eyes and irritation of the respiratory tract. These two can be combined for maximum stopping power (which, unfortunately, is only about 30%,) and the triple forumla spray (this is what police get) combines the two with an indelible UV dye for identification of an attacker.

Thank you to this male member for looking out for us gals

Sweet Pea

KinkyKiwi · 05-18-2005, 04:13 PM

thanks "male member"

Squishor · 05-18-2005, 07:21 PM

Yes, thank you.

My boyfriend has been on my case to carry something for a while now, since my job has me staying in random motels in strange towns fairly often. More than once, someone has watched to see what room I was in and then called my room wanting to know if I'm "ready to party."

Nancy · 05-18-2005, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Fighting with your boyfriend is quite different than a surprise attack by a stranger. You know that your boyfriend isn't going to hurt you. With a rapist, he's got the element of surprise on his side, plus fear can paralyze a person, you also might just think, that if I just cooperate he 1. won't hurt me, 2. wont kill me.

and also the least reported because it's not always easy to prove. People expect a rapist to be a stranger... Oh you knew his name? You couldn't have been raped, you must have been sending signals to him that you wanted it... That you said no, but you really didn't mean it...

Of course it's different to fight with Loverboy. But my point was that if he, with his superior strenght by regular workout, wasn't able to hold me down then the average sized rapist wouldn't be able too either. And if I can just get one hand off his grip then I could go after vital body parts such as eyes/nuts..

Thinking that a rapist wouldn't hurt me or kill me if only I cooperate would be very naive. If he has no scruples about raping women then what's to keep him from harming them as well?

Does anyone have access to statistics over how often a rapist hurt/kill women after he's raped them?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squishor

Nancy, I think part of what happens might be that the potential rapist has adrenaline going just as much as the woman does.

I playfight with my boyfriend(s) a lot, or have in the past anyway. As a rule they haven't been able to hold onto me for more than a few seconds and complain that I fight back too hard and hurt them. These men would be unlikely rapists.

However, I once had my auto shop teacher try to rape me and I found that it wasn't quite the same. We had made friends and he was helping me rewire the front end of my car, which took a lot more time than the routine maintenance the class was designed to teach. We were alone in his office after hours, and out of the blue he grabbed me and forced me down on the floor in the classic position of being on my back with my wrists restrained by his hands. When I tried to resist or wriggle out, I found that he had me in a grip of steel and I could see this look in his eyes like he wasn't "himself." He started undoing my pants and that's when I realized he was serious. As many times as I had successfully trounced my boyfriends, I was unable to fight back, not by the usual methods anyway. Here's how I avoided being raped:

When I realized I would have an extremely hard time getting my wrists out of his grasp or resisting in the usual way, I stopped moving and started planning. First of all, I had learned in a self-defense class that if you stop resisting for a bit, it may cause them to relax their grip enough for you to get loose, because they think you've given up. But he didn't. I felt this unbelievable surge of adrenaline rising up within me, and I determined that I would go to any lengths I had to before I was going to let this asshole rape me. I thought fast and decided that I would bite his nose off if I had to, or any other body part that presented itself. But first, I tried psychology. With the rage of a beast rising up inside me, I looked him square in the eyes and said, "I thought we were friends." It worked! His whole look changed, and he embarassedly let go and tried to laugh it off as a joke. I got the fuck out of there, to say the least.

Another time when I successfully used psychology to defend myself is remiscent of Seeker's story. It was late at night and I was walking alone to meet this guy I was seeing at a motel in the bad part of town. The streets were empty. I became aware of three guys walking behind me, and they picked up the pace until they were gaining on me. Then they started making comments, I forget what they said but they were distinctly threatening, I'm sure you can imagine.

They had been following me for a good two blocks and I was almost at the street I was looking for, we'll call it "Seaside." So what I did was, when they were about 5 feet behind me I unexpectedly turned to face them, and asked, "Excuse me, do you know where Seaside street is?" They immediately dropped their threatening attitude and responded by going, "Oh, um, er, yeah, I think it's that next one coming up right there." I thanked them and strode off purposefully while they were thrown off guard. It instantly normalized the situation when I asked for directions, and they didn't know how to handle it. I turned the corner, and as soon as I was behind a building, I ran for my life!

I hope these stories help illustrate that a woman can stop a potential rape by using her head, even when she is overpowered. I'm sure it doesn't work in every situation, but it's important to not give up and decide you're done for. It's also important to not present the appearance of an easy victim - if there's someone walking behind me on the street, the first thing I do is turn and look straight at him so he knows I realize he's there and am paying attention. So far I haven't ever been raped.

You're a strong women squishor and I admire you a lot for how you handled both situations

I'm surprised that a simple remark or facing them is enough to make them stop sometimes. I'll have to keep both techniques in mind so I'm better prepared if I ever should find myself in a rape situation!

Nancy · 05-18-2005, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Is he going all out 100%, not caring whether he hurts you? A rapist doesn't hold back, and doesn't care whether he dislocates your shoulder, cracks some ribs, or leaves bruises all over your face, torso, and thighs.

I'll play fight with Grace sometimes. She is considerably stronger than I am, but she's considerably weaker than the muscular linebacker type.

She has little trouble restraining me, and she's holding back, trying to restrain me without hurting me in any way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphaba

Back when the earth was still cooling, we were taught *not* to fight back. I suppose if the rapist had a weapon this would be good advice. If not, this old gal will make as big a ruckus as she can.

Me too!

I suppose it's stupid to fight back if the guy has a knife (it is almost impossible to get your hands on firearms in Denmark) yet I still would. I don't care how many bruises and cuts the fight may give me, I really don't. A few scars is a small price to pay opposite to all the psychological damage a rape would cause me.

Gilda: When I ask him to he doesn't hold back...

Demeter · 05-22-2005, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nancy

When I ask him to he doesn't hold back...

My question is why would you want to playfight with your boyfriend this roughly anyways?

Nancy · 05-23-2005, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demeter

My question is why would you want to playfight with your boyfriend this roughly anyways?

Didn't I mention in my first post that it was a test? I was just curious to see if he could hold me down with all his strength that's all

Demeter · 05-23-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nancy

Didn't I mention in my first post that it was a test? I was just curious to see if he could hold me down with all his strength that's all

My bad,
I was thinking, if he likes her he can tell her,
its not like we're all still in grade 1.

05-14-2005, 01:07 PM	#42 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Thank you very much for sharing Mal. that makes me crazy with anger to know that they wouldn't press charges against that horrible excuse for a human being. you did the right thing. the police did not. and your friend was amazing. thank you for sharing your experience, hopefully, we can all learn from it. Sweet Pea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

05-14-2005, 04:12 PM	#43 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	A gentleman (and I do mean that sincerely) member of TFP forwarded on the following information to be shared with the ladies of the lounge: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1: Pepper spray is useless against a determined attacker. It's better than nothing, and it will probably kill a rapist's mood, but anyone who's been hit with it more than once will have built up a resistance. The same goes for stunguns. Police hate them because they can take down about 30% of criminals, less if they're drugged. Unless you're highly trained, carrying a knife is not advisable. It's very difficult to use it well, and you risk hurting yourself in a struggle if you lose control. If you do carry it, the best way to defend yourself is to slash at the soft side of any major joint. You will sever critical tendons and render anything from that point outward useless until after major reconstructive surgery. If you slash the armpit or inner thigh, the attacker will most likely bleed out within 45 seconds, but it is unlikely that any court would convict you for self-defense. Keep in mind that carrying anything with a blade of 4 inches or longer is illegal in most US states and is either a misdemeanor or felony. The most important thing to remember is that you cannot carry a weapon solely as a deterrent. You should not expect to brandish a knife and scare off an attacker. You will not be able to carry a gun and shoot to disable. If you are not willing to shoot at an attacker's center of mass (middle of the chest,) you should not carry a gun. If you do shoot the center of mass, there is a 6% chance that a follow-up shot will be needed. There is still a 2% chance that a second shot will not produce reflexive neurocirculatory shock (disabling of the peripheral nervous system.) If two shots do not stop an attacker, the third should be placed directly between teh eyes, below the hard part of the skull but still high enough to disable the central nervous system. If you read that and aren't sure that you want to carry a gun to defend yourself, then you are probably not prepared to kill in self-defense, and should not carry unless your attitude toward lethal force is more definite. 2: There are two ways to hit a guy that will drop him almost 100% of the time (unless he's drugged.) The first is a sharp blow to the family jewels, the second is an eye gouge. Biting used to be an option, but you're likely to get some sort of nasty disease these days. The original post referred to someone who said she felt bad for ripping muscle on a guy who was trying to rape her, but as a male, I fully believe that someone who is trying to sexually assault anyone deserves to lose an eye or a ball. There is no good way to describe the pain caused by a hit to the testicles, and the only comparable thing that I can think of that could be experienced by both genders is to be punched in the eye itself, not eye socket, while someone twists your nipple with a pair of pliers. If someone grabs one of your arms, the easiest way to dissuade him is to twist so that his elbow is facing up, and bring your other fist down on it. This will either dislocate or break the attacker's elbow, allowing you to get away. A friend of mine who was taking a martial arts class showed me this move, and although I am 8-9 inches taller than him and outweigh him by around 100 pounds, a light, nondamaging hit to my elbow proudced a momentary bout of excruciating pain. Bending back fingers will also cause excruciating pain, but this is not guaranteed to stop a determined attacker. 3: If you can't hit, but can grab, your best bets, depending on your range of motion (unless he has both wrists pinned to your sides, one of these should be possible,) ar either the underarm pinch, or twist-and-grab on Mr. Winky's two best friends. If your wrists are pinned, either kick backwards toward the groin, or if you're facing him, pick between pushing forward and kneeing the groin and headbutting his nose. 4: You also have a range of psychological techniques to try if you can't physically resist. As Squishor mentioned, the "I thought we were friends" can really mess with someone's head. Using forceful language to define yourself in his mind as somethign other than a passive victim has been shown to work by killing off the rapist's fantasy of domination. A final note: If the unthinkable happens and you are sexually assaulted, do not be afraid to report it. You did not do anything wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't report it, there is a good chance that the person who did it will do it again to someone else. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-14-2005, 06:24 PM	#44 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	^^^ Thank you to this gentlemen TFPer all great points. Sweet Pea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

05-15-2005, 09:52 PM	#45 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	this may be a stupid, question but is pepper spray and mace the same thing? __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

05-16-2005, 06:36 AM	#47 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Thanks to this thread, Quadro is looking into buying me some pepper spray or mace. I'm not sure whether to thank you all or roll my eyes... Having never been in a situation like that, I have a hard time imagining it as real. Not that I'm interested in finding out, either! Thus the precautions... sigh I wish people were healthier mentally. Edit: I didn't realize that I missed several posts... good gods. Thanks for sharing. I mean it. By doing so, you've helped one naive woman start thinking a little less naively... This shit makes me SOOO angry. That's what I worry about, actually.. not that I'll get raped, because I've been molested and I lived through that, but that my anger will get me killed instead. Thanks so much to all the ladies who share to teach. Is one spray generally considered better than another? Tear gas seems so extreme - what if I make a mistake? But I don't want pepper spray if it won't work that well either... Anyone have ideas on that? __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'. Last edited by JustJess; 05-16-2005 at 07:15 AM.. Reason: wanted to ask a question!

05-16-2005, 05:52 PM	#49 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	i was really amazed and awed at how shani dealt with her rape... i hope oneday i can have that same attitude.. when i was younger my longterm bf passed away...i was really hurt and many of his so called friends were actually asking me out in teh weeks after his death...i had become friends with only one of his friends and i turned toward him the most. we had agreed that we would say we were dating so that people would leave me alone. he was a big guy..not so much tall as wide...very wide...he wasnt the brightest guy but he was friendly. i was on alot of meds at the time for depression and they made me feel very weak and tired. he would push for the stuff that he thought "normal" gfs would do...3 years older then me and he hadnt even kissed a girl. i would object and he would push it everytime. totally forgetting that we werent a normal couple ..that we werent a couple at all...eventually i gave in..he would kiss me..and touch me..and i would smile and then go and throw up. he would push my head down and demand head...i saw his rolls of fat and acne and beady eyes and i wanted to cry and throw up and peel my skin off. meanwhile a guy had moved in next door (biznatch) that i was amazingly attracted to..even tho it was so close to my bfs death i was drawn to him. i tried to end it totally with the guy. he would invite himself over to do work for my parents...oneday i felt very ill and i was supposed to meet him in the city that day...i called him to tell him i wasnt feeling well and he shows up at my door..i let him in thinking i would just let him wait at my house for the next train...he pushed me into the couch and using his weight held me down while he raped me. i begged him to stop and to get off. he just looked at me and said "but your my girlfriend this is what were supposed to do dont you get it?" after he finished he said he loved me and told me to go clean up. i was depressed and confused and kinda scared..i was convinced i had caused it. after me and biznatch started dating and some other stuff happend i told him to leave me alone for good. he then be friended my parents housekeeper whos more a member of the family then anything else and gpt close to my parents..and he would show up at my house whenever he felt like it...almost everyday. i didnt want to see him so i would stay up stairs. some other stuff happend between up and i told him that he wasnt my parents friend and that he wasnt mine. he showed up at my parents office and made up and long list of things i had "done"..now this was when i was younger and he was saying stuff like i had forced HIM to have sex ..while he wanted to wait till marriage, how i was lying to them and doing drugs..how i was stealing and lying about everything...the list was long. he pretty much pulled it out of his ass. throwing in just enough truth to make my parents believe it. after i found out what he had done including finding pictures of me that were for my bf who had passed away on my computer (nude photos) and sending them to himself then showing them to my parents saying i was giving them to everyone and was selling my body for money. i sent him a txt msg saying to watch his back. i was too scared to tell my mom what had happend..and i still havent...and i knew i couldnt report it without my mom knowing...i didnt want him to get off scot free...now he was disturbingly close to his family..at 19-20 years old he had an early curfew and he couldnt go out without telling him mom where he was and when he was going to be home..along with even creepier stuff...and we got a call from his mom threating my family and me if we ever retaliated. i'm still confused and it still hurts me everyday...he lied to all of my dead bfs friends telling them i was a manipulative whore..he made up this entire story...they knew him all thro HS so they trusted him... anyway...maybe now that i've shared it i'll be able to come to terms with it __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

05-16-2005, 05:59 PM	#50 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	what an asshole.... you didn't do anything wrong... don't ever forget that... hugs for ya, kiddo.., hope this made you feel better. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-16-2005, 07:03 PM	#51 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	HUGS, kk... Just that. Hugs. You did everything anyone could have done. Hugs. __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

05-16-2005, 09:13 PM	#52 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Kiwi, it's not your fault. Have you thought about seeing a Counselor ?? After my friend's rape, she recieved counseling and it helped allot. Here is a resource i found for NYC http://www.aardvarc.org/victim/ Hugs ((( HUGS ))) Thank you for being brave enough to share Sweet Pea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

05-16-2005, 09:35 PM	#53 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Let me second sweetpea's suggestion. Rape counseling centers will provide counseling for free, and can be very helpful, and can refer you to a specialist if longer term counseling is needed. It's hard, very hard, to walk into one of those places, I know this, but it's worth it.

05-17-2005, 12:14 AM	#54 (permalink)
Xsexy-dolphinX Upright	i found all of what was being siad very touching, unfortunatly i can also relate to what was said, although my cercumstances are entirely different again. i was raped, and lost my virginity to this person,this said i couldnt report it as i thought that i would be to blame,i was 16yrs old and my rapist was 14yrs old, and therefore under the legal age for sex. to add to the situationn i couldn't leave this person as i thought that if i did he would get me int some serious trouble, so i stayed, i was with this person for 2 years, and then when he turned 16 i fell pregnant. i knew that i couldn't have got rid of my child, and so ended up hoping that i would loose the baby instead, but i didn't, i now have a lovely 6 yr old son, of whom i love with all of my heart, and i can be pleased in telling you that i've since married and had more children. It is hard for me to try and not think about what my sons father did ,but at the end of the day he is all mine and no one elses, and i love him with all of my heart 100%. i dont think that i will ever be able to forget what hapened, and it just goes to show that although you think that you know some one you don't.

05-17-2005, 06:48 AM	#55 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	It's appalling that a 14 year old would think that it was acceptable behavior. I don't understand what goes thru the mind of someone that thinks it's OK. I'm glad it's had a happy ending for you, that you are hopefully wiht a m an that treats you with respect and loves you. Your young son will grow into a man that also does the same thing, and the cycle won't repeat itself. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-17-2005, 02:41 PM	#57 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	thanks you guys i did actually try to talk to a therapist i was seeing at the time but she had said that if i told her she would have to tell my parents. i didn't want that to happen especially since he had said that i had forced him and they already believed him. its actually caused a huge family rift. recently i started seeing a new therapist who i actually feel comfortable talking to so hopefully that will help me deal with it better. hugs back to all of you xsexydolphinx i second what mal said and where could we buy the mace/pepper spray mix? because i would actually like to get some. i've tried using pepper spray on a mugger and he actually laughed... nyc criminals dont seem to mind the pepper spray lol __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

05-17-2005, 04:51 PM	#58 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Our favorite gentleman browser offers up some more helpful information: Mace Security International, Inc. makes several types of defense products, each containing one or several compounds. There is the traditional capsacin-based pepper spray, which is available in spray, stream, foam, and gel canisters, and there's CS gas (military grade tear gas.) Pepper spray causes intense burning in the eyes and mucous membranes while tear gas causes uncontrollable watering of the eyes and irritation of the respiratory tract. These two can be combined for maximum stopping power (which, unfortunately, is only about 30%,) and the triple forumla spray (this is what police get) combines the two with an indelible UV dye for identification of an attacker. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-18-2005, 04:13 PM	#60 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	thanks "male member" __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

05-18-2005, 07:21 PM	#61 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	Yes, thank you. My boyfriend has been on my case to carry something for a while now, since my job has me staying in random motels in strange towns fairly often. More than once, someone has watched to see what room I was in and then called my room wanting to know if I'm "ready to party."