Ella

My Mum passed away just before xmas last year. She had been sick for a while, but when she went, it was actually quite sudden (she had a heart attack, aged just 62).

So now, nearly 3 months later, I miss her more than ever. She and I had grown apart as I grew older and had a family of my own. I also moved away 10 years ago from the state where she lived, so we didn't see each other a lot. We talked on the phone regularly, though, and right now I'm feeling that's what I am missing most about having her about. The ability to pick up the phone and just call her...to say hi. To tell her about how my kids are settling into their new school. To tell her about the man I have met (and to get the lowdown on how he may or may not be astrologically matched to me). Just to tell her I love her.

There's just a bunch of things I miss having her around for. I'm heading up to the coast tomorrow to scatter half of her ashes on the ocean - something she used to talk about when I was younger and she was feeling particularly fatalist. The other half are interred down near her home - her husband (my 84 year old step-father) makes an hour long round trip each day to lay fresh red roses at the site of her plaque.

I miss her. I look at my daughters (aged 5 and 11) and hope they don't have to feel this way for a long time. I doesn't matter how old you are....girls still need their Mums from time to time.

Thanks for listening, ladies.

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"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

amonkie

My heart goes out to you Ella - while I do still have my mom, she was in the hospital for a stroke over the holidays last year. It just wasn't the same having mom gone, even if temporarily. I can't imagine missing her more. Hugs for when you need them, we're here to listen

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

little_tippler

Sorry is all I can say. I can feel your pain. In recent years I have had my share of family woes. My dad passed away 3 years ago now, so I can relate a little to how you feel. I was only 21 at the time, so it was hard. About a year later my mom had a burst aneurism and nearly died...it was a very low moment for me, where I had to look at my life and think, what will I do without anyone? (I'm an only child). I think I dealt really well with my dad's death. It hurt so much in the first year. But somehow I found peace in visiting the cemetery where his ashes are. Now I sometimes go there, it's such a quiet place, with trees and birds singing, not worried about the world...I just came to accept it as a natural part of the cycle of life. The memory stays forever, but it makes you stronger and wiser. And in time your wounds will heal. One of the things I miss the most is his smell...funny that.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

lurkette

I'm so sorry, hon. Try talking to her the way you would if she was still here, or writing to her. That helped me a lot dealing with my brother's death. And as much as it hurts now, there will come a time when you notice the pain is less, or even gone for a moment, and you'll want it back. Do what you can to feel close to her spirit, and know that all her love is still with you.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Starlight4

My heart goes out to you, Ella. If there's anytime that you need to talk about it, please do talk about it and don't worry that you're going to bother anyone by continually talking about it. We're here to support you.

My mom passed away 7 years ago when I was 16 and I'm barely starting to deal with it now. I tried to bury the pain, but obviously that didn't work, so... Please allow yourself to talk about things and feel what you need to feel, including just crying. *HUGS*

raeanna74

Hugs. I wish you peace in this sadness.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Gilda

Thank you for sharing that. We often don't appreciate those closest to us enough while we have them near. Your post reminded me that I should make a conscious effort to do that.

I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, so I can only imagine the grief you must have right now. I hope sharing with us will help make the pain a little bit lighter.

Joan of Arc

Big hug for you. I lost my Mom a while ago. The pain wanes but there will be memories always.

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"Insanity and Genius are on the same side of the street"

Ella

Thank you so much, ladies. It's wonderful to have a place just to vent, ya know?

It's Saturday morning here and Mum's ashes are sitting on the table behind me. I'll be heading up the coast soon for the scattering, and I am so glad I won't have to do it by myself...my man is coming with me for support and a lovely big manly shoulder to cry on. And I'll be remembering the good stuff...she did it tough as a single mother to two kids (the exact situation I find myself in now), though I'm doing a lot better than she did. She tried to be strong for us, but it just wasn't part of her character. She let life get on top of her, and I have the ability not to let that happen. So I think I'll be OK....it will just take some time.

__________________
"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

KinkyKiwi

Oh Ella i hope you feel better *hugs*

__________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

Manuel Hong

I'm glad you'll have a nice big shoulder to cry on when you go. You poor dear. My heart goes out to you...I lost my Dad when I was 13, and my Mom had a close call with cancer 8 years ago. I appreciate our relationship so much, but she's as human as me and we can still make each other nuts. That's part of the beauty of it.
I know you miss her, your memories will keep her alive.
Do you still dream of her and feel like you've really seen her? I did that with my Dad for years and it was such a comfort.
Hang in there, girl. Take a hot bath, remember her and have a good cry...repeat as necessary.

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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

sexymama

Blessings Ella! I hope all went well at the coast and that every visit you make to the coast will bring back happy memories of a woman you obviously love and who loved you!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

cowgirl02

Im really sorry about your mom i hope that you feel better dont forget that we are all here for you girly!!! and dont worry you will always have a place to vent here!!!! Good luck with everything!!! I wish you the best!!!

__________________
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"- Mother Theresa

*No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

*Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

*Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

ironmaiden7o7

Hi Ella, I am really sorry to hear. There is no special way to deal with death, time does it. I lost my mother a few years ago also and I miss her terribly along the way, but I only pray for her to be safe in god's arms.
Atleast you have your daughters with you, and I am sure your mother would want you to be happy. It's still new, only three months, I understand that it must get really difficult at times, but when you feel sad and hurt, just think of the the memories with her and that alone should get you through. I am sorry once again. *Hug*

jenjen

My heart goes out to you. That is a loss I can not bear to imagine.

Ella

Well, I was actually calmer than I thought I would be during (and after) the scattering. We found a rocky outcrop overlooking the ocean, and scattered the ashes in a rock pool. The tide was coming in, so she would have been washed out to the ocean fairly soon after. Mum had been ill for a long time, and unable to travel at all, so I'm sure she enjoyed being back at the ocean again.

I feel a lot more settled now...complete in a lot of ways. Here's me doing the scattering. I know Mum would be happy there.

__________________
"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

Starlight4

Your photo seemed very peaceful, Ella. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling more settled now. I'm sure your mom is very happy to be watching down on you. Let us know if you ever need someone to talk to. *hug*