Sorry is all I can say. I can feel your pain. In recent years I have had my share of family woes. My dad passed away 3 years ago now, so I can relate a little to how you feel. I was only 21 at the time, so it was hard. About a year later my mom had a burst aneurism and nearly died...it was a very low moment for me, where I had to look at my life and think, what will I do without anyone? (I'm an only child). I think I dealt really well with my dad's death. It hurt so much in the first year. But somehow I found peace in visiting the cemetery where his ashes are. Now I sometimes go there, it's such a quiet place, with trees and birds singing, not worried about the world...I just came to accept it as a natural part of the cycle of life. The memory stays forever, but it makes you stronger and wiser. And in time your wounds will heal.
One of the things I miss the most is his smell...funny that.