Missing my mother....
 

My Mum passed away just before xmas last year. She had been sick for a while, but when she went, it was actually quite sudden (she had a heart attack, aged just 62).

So now, nearly 3 months later, I miss her more than ever. She and I had grown apart as I grew older and had a family of my own. I also moved away 10 years ago from the state where she lived, so we didn't see each other a lot. We talked on the phone regularly, though, and right now I'm feeling that's what I am missing most about having her about. The ability to pick up the phone and just call her...to say hi. To tell her about how my kids are settling into their new school. To tell her about the man I have met (and to get the lowdown on how he may or may not be astrologically matched to me). Just to tell her I love her.

There's just a bunch of things I miss having her around for. I'm heading up to the coast tomorrow to scatter half of her ashes on the ocean - something she used to talk about when I was younger and she was feeling particularly fatalist. The other half are interred down near her home - her husband (my 84 year old step-father) makes an hour long round trip each day to lay fresh red roses at the site of her plaque.

I miss her. I look at my daughters (aged 5 and 11) and hope they don't have to feel this way for a long time. I doesn't matter how old you are....girls still need their Mums from time to time.

Thanks for listening, ladies. :icare:

My heart goes out to you Ella - while I do still have my mom, she was in the hospital for a stroke over the holidays last year. It just wasn't the same having mom gone, even if temporarily. I can't imagine missing her more. Hugs for when you need them, we're here to listen :) :icare:

:( Sorry is all I can say. I can feel your pain. In recent years I have had my share of family woes. My dad passed away 3 years ago now, so I can relate a little to how you feel. I was only 21 at the time, so it was hard. About a year later my mom had a burst aneurism and nearly died...it was a very low moment for me, where I had to look at my life and think, what will I do without anyone? (I'm an only child). I think I dealt really well with my dad's death. It hurt so much in the first year. But somehow I found peace in visiting the cemetery where his ashes are. Now I sometimes go there, it's such a quiet place, with trees and birds singing, not worried about the world...I just came to accept it as a natural part of the cycle of life. The memory stays forever, but it makes you stronger and wiser. And in time your wounds will heal. :icare: One of the things I miss the most is his smell...funny that.

I'm so sorry, hon. Try talking to her the way you would if she was still here, or writing to her. That helped me a lot dealing with my brother's death. And as much as it hurts now, there will come a time when you notice the pain is less, or even gone for a moment, and you'll want it back. Do what you can to feel close to her spirit, and know that all her love is still with you.

My heart goes out to you, Ella. If there's anytime that you need to talk about it, please do talk about it and don't worry that you're going to bother anyone by continually talking about it. We're here to support you.

My mom passed away 7 years ago when I was 16 and I'm barely starting to deal with it now. I tried to bury the pain, but obviously that didn't work, so... Please allow yourself to talk about things and feel what you need to feel, including just crying. *HUGS*

Hugs. I wish you peace in this sadness.

Thank you for sharing that. We often don't appreciate those closest to us enough while we have them near. Your post reminded me that I should make a conscious effort to do that.

I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, so I can only imagine the grief you must have right now. I hope sharing with us will help make the pain a little bit lighter.

Big hug for you. I lost my Mom a while ago. The pain wanes but there will be memories always.

Thank you so much, ladies. It's wonderful to have a place just to vent, ya know?

It's Saturday morning here and Mum's ashes are sitting on the table behind me. I'll be heading up the coast soon for the scattering, and I am so glad I won't have to do it by myself...my man is coming with me for support and a lovely big manly shoulder to cry on. And I'll be remembering the good stuff...she did it tough as a single mother to two kids (the exact situation I find myself in now), though I'm doing a lot better than she did. She tried to be strong for us, but it just wasn't part of her character. She let life get on top of her, and I have the ability not to let that happen. So I think I'll be OK....it will just take some time.

Oh Ella i hope you feel better *hugs* :icare:

I'm glad you'll have a nice big shoulder to cry on when you go. You poor dear. My heart goes out to you...I lost my Dad when I was 13, and my Mom had a close call with cancer 8 years ago. I appreciate our relationship so much, but she's as human as me and we can still make each other nuts. That's part of the beauty of it.
I know you miss her, your memories will keep her alive.
Do you still dream of her and feel like you've really seen her? I did that with my Dad for years and it was such a comfort.
Hang in there, girl. Take a hot bath, remember her and have a good cry...repeat as necessary.
:icare:

Blessings Ella! I hope all went well at the coast and that every visit you make to the coast will bring back happy memories of a woman you obviously love and who loved you!

Im really sorry about your mom i hope that you feel better dont forget that we are all here for you girly!!! and dont worry you will always have a place to vent here!!!! Good luck with everything!!! I wish you the best!!!

Hi Ella, I am really sorry to hear. There is no special way to deal with death, time does it. I lost my mother a few years ago also and I miss her terribly along the way, but I only pray for her to be safe in god's arms.
Atleast you have your daughters with you, and I am sure your mother would want you to be happy. It's still new, only three months, I understand that it must get really difficult at times, but when you feel sad and hurt, just think of the the memories with her and that alone should get you through. I am sorry once again. *Hug*

My heart goes out to you. That is a loss I can not bear to imagine.

Well, I was actually calmer than I thought I would be during (and after) the scattering. We found a rocky outcrop overlooking the ocean, and scattered the ashes in a rock pool. The tide was coming in, so she would have been washed out to the ocean fairly soon after. Mum had been ill for a long time, and unable to travel at all, so I'm sure she enjoyed being back at the ocean again.

I feel a lot more settled now...complete in a lot of ways. Here's me doing the scattering. I know Mum would be happy there.

Your photo seemed very peaceful, Ella. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling more settled now. I'm sure your mom is very happy to be watching down on you. Let us know if you ever need someone to talk to. *hug*