sillygirl

Does anyone else have a man that just spends... and spends... and spends... and spends... without realizing that THE MONEY ISN'T IN THE FARKING ACCOUNT?

I mean, sure, I got a valentine's gift.. and I love it... I was even thinking this morning how nice it was that I wouldn't have to worry that everything would go through cuz we got bills, etc paid first so it'd be taken care of... but somehow that meant that the debit card could just be swiped for whatever reason.. even after we said no more spending til next payday. ARGH.

*storms off*

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Nancy

Luckily no. Loverboy has always been very responsible and sensible when it comes to money

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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Averett

I'm the stupid spending person in the relationship

Well, he spends his fair share too, but at least he doesn't have a mountain of credit card debt to deal with...

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superredhead

seperate bank accounts i learned the hard way that joint bank accounts arent exactly the greatest thing in the world. i'm a believer in maintaining a seperate bank account but also having a joint account that you and your SO put into to save for such things as a house, vacation, etc. money tends to always create problems.

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*yawn*

sillygirl

we should have an extra $800 in our account every month, not including anything the roommate pitches in... and yet somehow, we're scraping by this month... AGAIN. I can't even remember the last time that I spent money on something just for me.... I mean, I NEED a pair of pants. I NEED some socks... and I can't go get them. Argh. Argh. Argh.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Averett

You're gonna have to sit down with your guy and talk about money stuff. Money issues is the cause of many relationship failures, and it's the thing that I worry about with my relationship the most.

Maybe sit down with him and work out a budget. $800 a month is a huge amount to just disappear. With that amount, you two should be able to come up with a budget where you both have a comfortable amount of spending money each month.

Awhile back I kept track of every penny that I spent. Its amazing how each trip to Starbucks or the snack machine can add up. Maybe for him its a trip to the book store or the latest Xbox game. You'll need to figure out where all this money is going and now to fix the problem.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

sillygirl

There have been MANY times where we've sat and figured something out, just to have to scrape by again. Honestly, it's the coming home and not saying anything about how much he spent at the music store for his guitar, etc.

This is really the only problem we have in our relationship, so I still consider myself VERY lucky. But today I figured out all the math and sent an email (he's at work and it's easier through email than chat to list everything) and told him what I'm thinking will work. Basically that we'll each get a certain amount in CASH to spend each month, and once the cash runs out, oh well, too bad. We want to buy a house next year and that shit won't fly if we don't get everything straight NOW. I've always been a big saver, and it really sucks for me every time I have to transfer the funds from savings to checking just to cover stupid random purchases. Ugh.

And my 21st birthday is in April, and I wanna have a big chunk set aside cuz I am hell bent on going to Vegas to celebrate in ADDITION to a party I'm having that night.

Things'll be okay, I just really needed to rant. If nothing else works, I'll just chop up both debit cards. :nods vigorously: I rarely use mine anyway.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

la petite moi

Prioitise with your man. Tell him: dude, I need pants and socks and etc. Then he'll probably say: Well, I need the new computer game.

Then slap him silly and tell him that not getting the new computer game is more prevelant than going naked this time of year.

And like superrehead said, if it gets bad enough, get a separate account.

Averett

It's a pretty big problem though...

Money is the root of all thats evil.

I think the cash thing is a good idea. Try that out for a few months. But STICK TO IT!! If he comes cryin that he spent everything by the 6th of the month, to damn bad.

Seriously, good luck with this. Hopefully you two can get things figured out.

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ironmaiden7o7

I'm good when it comes to money and managing the bills and such, my boyfriend on the other hand is very bad when it comes to money, he would spend all that he has one day and then the next day, he's left with nothing. I like men that are responsible and strong when it comes to watching how they spend their money. Yea, and separate accounts would be the best thing!

hunnychile

Kiss the house and trips good bye. Seriously, I know - the Worst Thing I Ever did was merge my money into 1 account with my hubby. He spends like a drunken sailor and it ain't pretty. I was (am) the saver and him the spender. And he's outta work these days. Don't be weak about this or you will be stuck like I am. Never marry a spoiled rich kid esp. if you're middle class and level headed. And if they inherit they just blow it. Been there - done that. Be strong and get deep into the issue. You have to protect your assets and future.

Money isn't the root of all evil, the actual quote is; "The love of money is the root of all evil." Good luck.

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sexymama

Sillygirl, my ex was like that. At one point he had 11 charge cards that I didn't know about, all maxed out. (Unfortunately he had a gambling habit -- unlike your SO.) Anyway, we went to counseling and developed an "envelope system." We wrote a budget. On pay day we would take out cash to fill the "spending" envelopes -- which included: gas, food, clothing, personal care, haircuts, allowance, etc. When we needed gas, we took cash from the gas envelope. When we were low on groceries, we took money from the food envelope. When the money was gone, it was gone. Even if it meant cleaning the cupboards and scrapping the bottom, we did not buy more food. It worked! He only spent what was there as he had no choice.

To this day my budget is very detailed. Lebell and I work much better together and ATM a lot more -- but we stay in budget. It is a major impact on a marriage --- so please address the issue.

(You may pm me if you want a detailed list of what I budget for. Believe me, if we might need it, it is in the budget -- thus we never "rob Peter to pay Paul." Good luck!")

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ngdawg

We have joint accounts, but I handle all the bills and it's really hard as he likes to use the debit card for everything, every night and that's attached to the checking. Plus, his pay sucks when there's no overtime-2 weeks take-home is one mortgage payment. My part-time money barely covers gas for the month. Most of the bills are either past due or close to being so, but I don't say anything since there isn't much we can do about it.
If I want something extra, I stash cash in a box for a few weeks-that I'm pretty good at! For us, seperate accounts simpley would not work-he's worse at paying bills than I am-I like to pay more than what's due-he used to pay minimums. I still have to remind him to write his ATM usages in-we've been short quite often because a withdrawal wasn't entered.
Your SO needs to set priorities-hard to do when young as you don't see the longterm consequences til it's too late. Our retirement plan now? work til we drop dead

Sweetpea

That is more me than my SO . . . so that would be HIS rant about ME about two years ago, i am much better now . . .
hhehehehehe

i'm sorry 'bout that sillygirl . . . impulsive people . . . can't . . . help . . . it.

heheheheheh

Sweetpea

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themisfit

it's not so much he's a wild spender, just that he isn't a saver. And I am.

Out limited discretionary income is always a topic of debate around here...so I got my own account. My portion of extra goes into savings...his goes to his whims. Not perfect but it saves on fights.

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raeanna74

He doesn't spend it if it isn't there but there have been a couple times that I've gotten upset cause he conveniently forgot about the cable bill. Then I wake up the next morning to the TV blank cause they put the cable box on a soft boot and I gotta call em up and do a check by phone. Pisses me off. He likes to put things off at times. He's gotten lots better. So have I - I like to buy lots of LITTLE extras if I'm not careful. It takes practice I think to get better at watching how much you spend and where.

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bad jane

yeah, but then we got divorced so i don't have that problem anymore

and for those who use debit cards attatched to their checking--ask your bank about seperating the two. i have 3 accounts with my bank. this trick was born from having a completely unresponsible (ex)husband. one is savings, one is checking and one is debit. this way, if i (back in the day, HE)should muck up and run the debit through one too many times--i know the checks will still clear. if i have a check bounce, i don't compound the problem by having my debit card running up over-the-limit charges too. and no matter how much i may screw up with either of those accounts, my savings still stays safe.

abaya

I gotta say, this sounds pretty bitter. Have you guys been to financial counseling? I'd hate to get to this point in a marriage... do you look back to when you were dating and see warning signs that your husband would become this kind of spender? Does he know how upset it makes you?

I'm wondering if anyone knows someone who grew up spoiled but was able to learn some discipline and become level-headed, make a budget, stick to it, and pretty much be financially responsible. I know they are out there... and vice versa, that there are some middle-class people who spend like crazy even if they grew up in a modest home and were not spoiled.

I think it depends on #1, how much financial responsibility your parents gave you, and at what age (the earlier the better, I say), and #2, on your willingness to take responsibility for consequences (aka maturity), regardless of a rich or poor background. My boyfriend and I inherited a lot of attitudes from the way we were raised, but I think that with communication and honesty (not blaming), we're able to compromise and change some of our ways of thinking about money. It's still a process, though... man, that stuff is just so deep under the skin, it's hard to get it out sometimes.

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