he said his co-worker is beautiful - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

msnea · 01-13-2005, 08:11 PM

we have been married for 24 yrs, things have been cool and slow for the last 8 months, he just trained a new, young associate at work for the 90 day training period. now he says they are friends. and i should be able to accept that. oh and by the way he thinks she is beautiful! never has he said that about me . iam i crazy or should i be worried.

sillygirl · 01-13-2005, 08:26 PM

Do you trust him? Is there something else about your relationship that isn't right, or would make you suspicious? Have you met her? What else is going on?

Sage · 01-13-2005, 08:50 PM

has he never said you were beautiful? ever? cause i'm thinking, if he's not ever told you you were beautiful, in the 27+ years you've been together (married & courting and all that) then there's a problem. but if you two are just in a marriage rut, having been together for so long, then yeah, he probably is looking at her and going "wow, she looks like a girl who is thinking only of herself and not the kids/morgage/car/soccerpractice/lunchmoney" if you've been together that long i'd say that you either really love each other, or are really stubborn in not giving up the marriage.
also, think about this- he might not have meant it the way it came out. i know that sometimes my mom will say things, and my dad will take them a TOTALLY different way. perhaps he meant that she was beautiful because of the way she acted, or because she reminded him of you when you were younger.

ASK HIM!! the fact that you're running to the message boards instead of sitting down and talking with him rationally gives me the vibe that you two aren't as close as 24 years of marriage would build- perhaps there's issues behind your screen. besides, what man is STUPID enough to tell his WIFE that another woman is beautiful? (unless he know's your'e into checking out other chicks... but that's a different forum)

go talk to your HB... be calm, don't jump to conclusions, and figure out what's going on. communication!

msnea · 01-13-2005, 09:14 PM

sage, you sound alittle older then me right now i know iam being crazy, we did talk about it. he loves me i know this. he tells me all the time. not a phone call is hung up without i love you. but he has never told me iam beautiful in all these years. and by the way we got married after 9 months and not becouse i was pregnate. oops. right now i think its just a lot of self esteem issues. he is great looking at 44 iam just getting into a new exercise program. i will never look 25 again but i sure will work this ass off for it.

maleficent · 01-13-2005, 09:30 PM

Having just turned 40 myself, the past few years, I've looked around at other women, watching them desperately trying to stay young, and I honestly don't understand it. With age, comes wisdom, and confidence, and a sexiness that girls don't possess. celebrate that, and get to know that in yourself.

Now... He mentioned in passing that another woman was beautiful, which bothers you more, that he mentioned the other woman, or that he's never told you. Men are sometimes stupid, ummm forgetful, they finally got the I love you part figured out, but it's the other little things they forget, he knows you are beautiful, he might just not think to mention it.

My parents have been married 45 years, dad is 72, and loves (for reasons I will not comprehend) my mother more than anythig in the world, he's also go an eye for the ladies, and will look, my mother, at 73, who is far from her 20s, will often point out women for dad to ogle. It's almost cute in a twisted sort of way.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that youa re beautiful, you don't need to hear it from anyone if you beleive it.

Sweetpea · 01-13-2005, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that youa re beautiful, you don't need to hear it from anyone if you beleive it.

Well said Mal. . . that is the smartest thing i have heard all week . . .

ShaniFaye · 01-14-2005, 04:14 AM

I remember the first time dave said I was beautiful....we'd been together almost a year, he'd always said I was pretty, sexy, attractive but never beautiful. I dont think guys understand what a HUGE impact that word can have on a woman. It encompasses so much more than the other words (at least to me it does, maybe its just me)

I cried for a day and a half when Dave said it, he was like "I've told you that before" and I told him no, he'd used different words that to him meant the same thing, but to me they didnt.

Does your guy use other words to describe how he feels about your looks? He may just feel that its the same thing.

qtpye4u84 · 01-14-2005, 10:24 AM

I would rather have him tell me what he thinks about her insted of him holding it in.
I would ask him, if he would ever do anything with her or if he thought she was better looking then me.

sexymama · 01-14-2005, 05:47 PM

Why not be honest and tell him that you are having your own issues. Admit that they are not his issues, that they are your own. And then request the opportunity to meet his new friend. Maybe have her and her date over for dinner, double date, or meet the two of them for lunch. Let her see you are real, that you love your husband, and put your mind to rest. After all, it is just fine to look -- just not to buy. From the sounds of it, he isn't buying.

(Also, if your marriage is in a rut, maybe it is time to "sex" it up. Have fun, go wild, do something new and fun. Seduce him -- just because you love him! But don't do it because you're jealous, it takes the fun out of it and keeps your mind away from the joy of being together.)

astrahl · 01-18-2005, 09:24 AM

Sexymama has it right. Tell him how that comment made you uneasy because of the way you feel about yourself. He could stand to be a bit more sensitive when it comes to your self-esteem.

Remember though, Al Pacino said it best in Scent of a Woman..."The day we stop lookin', Charlie, is the day we die."

msnea · 01-18-2005, 08:24 PM

ok ladies, he has said he is so sorry. he of course the man thing he is, didnt think it was a big deal, he even swore that he has said great things to me. like your sexy.your cute. your fantastic. i reminded him no your wrong. now make it right.still has not said any of the things i would love to hear but sex is so good.

little_tippler · 01-19-2005, 07:57 AM

sounds like you're on the right track to sorting this out...get him to say you're beautiful, you've earned it!

As Sage said, ASK HIM is something we often forget to do. Also, maleficent's advice is spot on

maleficent · 01-19-2005, 09:17 AM

I know that if we want something we are supposed to ask for it, but, in the case of being asked to be told that you are beautiful just seems so wrong to me, and how sincere would the answer be?

Honey, please tell me I'm beautiful.
Ok, you are beautiful.

How's that different from:
Honey, does this make me look fat?
Oh, no dear.

He may not say it, but does he show you? Was this an issue before he mentioned his colleague? Doesn't sound like it really was... Why is it so important now that you be told you are beautiful?

little_tippler · 01-19-2005, 11:36 AM

I don't know but to me, and I think I've said this before in tfp so forgive me for the repetition, when you love someone they are beautiful to you, in more ways than one. I can't help it myself. I always find "beauty" in the people I love. I even feel compelled to say it to them. I'd say it's just a natural thing to feel and say to your loved one. And mean it. I guess not everyone's built the same. But it's a shame...it's a great feeling.

Maybe it's important to msnea because she feels this way about her husband. I don't know, here I am guessing.

01-13-2005, 08:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
msnea Upright	he said his co-worker is beautiful we have been married for 24 yrs, things have been cool and slow for the last 8 months, he just trained a new, young associate at work for the 90 day training period. now he says they are friends. and i should be able to accept that. oh and by the way he thinks she is beautiful! never has he said that about me . iam i crazy or should i be worried.

01-13-2005, 08:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Do you trust him? Is there something else about your relationship that isn't right, or would make you suspicious? Have you met her? What else is going on? __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

01-13-2005, 09:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Having just turned 40 myself, the past few years, I've looked around at other women, watching them desperately trying to stay young, and I honestly don't understand it. With age, comes wisdom, and confidence, and a sexiness that girls don't possess. celebrate that, and get to know that in yourself. Now... He mentioned in passing that another woman was beautiful, which bothers you more, that he mentioned the other woman, or that he's never told you. Men are sometimes stupid, ummm forgetful, they finally got the I love you part figured out, but it's the other little things they forget, he knows you are beautiful, he might just not think to mention it. My parents have been married 45 years, dad is 72, and loves (for reasons I will not comprehend) my mother more than anythig in the world, he's also go an eye for the ladies, and will look, my mother, at 73, who is far from her 20s, will often point out women for dad to ogle. It's almost cute in a twisted sort of way. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that youa re beautiful, you don't need to hear it from anyone if you beleive it. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-14-2005, 04:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I remember the first time dave said I was beautiful....we'd been together almost a year, he'd always said I was pretty, sexy, attractive but never beautiful. I dont think guys understand what a HUGE impact that word can have on a woman. It encompasses so much more than the other words (at least to me it does, maybe its just me) I cried for a day and a half when Dave said it, he was like "I've told you that before" and I told him no, he'd used different words that to him meant the same thing, but to me they didnt. Does your guy use other words to describe how he feels about your looks? He may just feel that its the same thing. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

01-14-2005, 10:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
qtpye4u84 Flavor+noodles Location: oregon	I would rather have him tell me what he thinks about her insted of him holding it in. I would ask him, if he would ever do anything with her or if he thought she was better looking then me. __________________ The QTpie

01-13-2005, 08:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	has he never said you were beautiful? ever? cause i'm thinking, if he's not ever told you you were beautiful, in the 27+ years you've been together (married & courting and all that) then there's a problem. but if you two are just in a marriage rut, having been together for so long, then yeah, he probably is looking at her and going "wow, she looks like a girl who is thinking only of herself and not the kids/morgage/car/soccerpractice/lunchmoney" if you've been together that long i'd say that you either really love each other, or are really stubborn in not giving up the marriage. also, think about this- he might not have meant it the way it came out. i know that sometimes my mom will say things, and my dad will take them a TOTALLY different way. perhaps he meant that she was beautiful because of the way she acted, or because she reminded him of you when you were younger. ASK HIM!! the fact that you're running to the message boards instead of sitting down and talking with him rationally gives me the vibe that you two aren't as close as 24 years of marriage would build- perhaps there's issues behind your screen. besides, what man is STUPID enough to tell his WIFE that another woman is beautiful? (unless he know's your'e into checking out other chicks... but that's a different forum) go talk to your HB... be calm, don't jump to conclusions, and figure out what's going on. communication!

01-13-2005, 09:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
msnea Upright	sage, you sound alittle older then me right now i know iam being crazy, we did talk about it. he loves me i know this. he tells me all the time. not a phone call is hung up without i love you. but he has never told me iam beautiful in all these years. and by the way we got married after 9 months and not becouse i was pregnate. oops. right now i think its just a lot of self esteem issues. he is great looking at 44 iam just getting into a new exercise program. i will never look 25 again but i sure will work this ass off for it.

01-14-2005, 05:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Why not be honest and tell him that you are having your own issues. Admit that they are not his issues, that they are your own. And then request the opportunity to meet his new friend. Maybe have her and her date over for dinner, double date, or meet the two of them for lunch. Let her see you are real, that you love your husband, and put your mind to rest. After all, it is just fine to look -- just not to buy. From the sounds of it, he isn't buying. (Also, if your marriage is in a rut, maybe it is time to "sex" it up. Have fun, go wild, do something new and fun. Seduce him -- just because you love him! But don't do it because you're jealous, it takes the fun out of it and keeps your mind away from the joy of being together.) __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

01-18-2005, 09:24 AM	#10 (permalink)
astrahl Insane Location: You don't want to live here	Sexymama has it right. Tell him how that comment made you uneasy because of the way you feel about yourself. He could stand to be a bit more sensitive when it comes to your self-esteem. Remember though, Al Pacino said it best in Scent of a Woman..."The day we stop lookin', Charlie, is the day we die."

01-18-2005, 08:24 PM	#11 (permalink)
msnea Upright	ok ladies, he has said he is so sorry. he of course the man thing he is, didnt think it was a big deal, he even swore that he has said great things to me. like your sexy.your cute. your fantastic. i reminded him no your wrong. now make it right.still has not said any of the things i would love to hear but sex is so good.

01-19-2005, 07:57 AM	#12 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	sounds like you're on the right track to sorting this out...get him to say you're beautiful, you've earned it! As Sage said, ASK HIM is something we often forget to do. Also, maleficent's advice is spot on __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

01-19-2005, 09:17 AM	#13 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	I know that if we want something we are supposed to ask for it, but, in the case of being asked to be told that you are beautiful just seems so wrong to me, and how sincere would the answer be? Honey, please tell me I'm beautiful. Ok, you are beautiful. How's that different from: Honey, does this make me look fat? Oh, no dear. He may not say it, but does he show you? Was this an issue before he mentioned his colleague? Doesn't sound like it really was... Why is it so important now that you be told you are beautiful? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-19-2005, 11:36 AM	#14 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	I don't know but to me, and I think I've said this before in tfp so forgive me for the repetition, when you love someone they are beautiful to you, in more ways than one. I can't help it myself. I always find "beauty" in the people I love. I even feel compelled to say it to them. I'd say it's just a natural thing to feel and say to your loved one. And mean it. I guess not everyone's built the same. But it's a shame...it's a great feeling. Maybe it's important to msnea because she feels this way about her husband. I don't know, here I am guessing. __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918