*Nikki*

I would like to know if I am being overly sensitive or if anyone else agrees with my take on this situation.

I am having a bridal shower in March. My fiance's sister lives about ten hours away from where I do. I told her a couple weeks ago that I was having the shower in March and I would really like her to come. After all she is soon going to be my sister-in-law. She told me that she could come about any weekend in March and that sounded good to her.

Well I am now told that instead of coming to my shower she is going to visit her brother (my fiance) for four days that weekend of the shower. She has said that she wants to spend some time with him as a "Bachelor" before he and I are married.

I am very upset with this. Basically she is flying all the way to South Carolina and staying with him (he lives 3 hours from me) and completely skipping the shower. Not only that but I was one of two people who threw HER BRIDAL SHOWER a few months ago.

So now I am really hurt and mad and I don't know how to address this issue and need some suggestions.

maleficent

It's pretty inconsiderate of her, seeing as she basically said she would come, will be close the weekend of the shower, and then comes up with an excuse.

But, no matter how inconsiderate she is, it sounds like she's pretty tight with her brother, so any real bitching you do about her, might not be well received. Maybe you could suggest to your fiance, that you'd love to have her at the shower, and maybe he and his sister could drive up for the afternoon, so she could attend, and not miss out on brother time. You don't want to interfere in their bonding, but you'd really like to have family at your shower.

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la petite moi

That's pretty sad of her. Maybe you should call her up and tell her exactly how you feel (not rudely of course).

snowy

I swear...Mal always comes up with the good suggestions.

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Sweetpea

Okay . .. there are a couple different issues going on here . . . and you have to realize that this isn't about your bridal shower . . . What seems to be bothering you is that you don't feel that she is upholding her part of your friendship by not being supportive, right? Tell her how you feel . . . be honest with her, but try not to be angry . . . tell her how you felt hurt and that she doesn't seem to be being supportive of you and tell her How much it would mean to you for her to be at your shower and partake in the social festivities.

On a different note: Ask yourself WHY? does she want to spend time with just her brother . . . Have you considered the fact that she might be Upset about her brother getting married . . . aka he won't have much time for her, he won't need a sister in his life when he has a wife etc, etc. You see? She might be feeling insecure about where her place is going to be in his life once he is married to you and has a wife etc. Does that make sense? I had this happen to me with my sister-in-law and were finally able to work it out . . . that she would still have a place in my hubby's life and it didn't mean that their sibling relationship was going to end or that i would be in effect replacing her love etc. People are very complex and often do things not out of spite or to be mean . . . but because they feel insecure.

at any rate . . . i would speak to her frankly and tell her how you feel . . . just get it out in the open, speak your mind and let her speak her mind . . . You are going to have to see her at family functions etc. and it's important to develop a healthy and honest repoire . . . so try if you can/want too to speak to her . . .

anyway, i know family is annoying, esp. in-laws family and can drive ya crazy Good luck Nikki!!

Also congratulations on your impending marriage . . . that rocks that you're gettin' married!

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onodrim

You're not being over sensitive, that's definently inconsiderate of her to say the least. I would also go along with what mal said. She clearly is very close to her brother, so perhaps if he talked to her about it then she'd see things differently. I hope she comes around!

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hunnychile

Take a 45 and settle it. Just kidding. Old movie lines never die - they just reappear in tfp!

Act like you don't care and have fun with the ladies who have a conscious and matter more. Be above her bullshit and don't obsess.

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little_tippler

I don't know, I'd be pretty hurt by this. You helped throw HER a bridal shower. She said she'd come any weekend in March. She had to choose your bridal shower weekend for brother time? Sounds like she just loooves you. Do you guys get on? Do you like her? Ask her whether she couldn't reschedule brother time for a different weekend and come over to your bridal shower and let her know how hurt you'd be if she doesn't come. Plus, what's the difference in spending time with him when he's married or not? He's still her brother. Sounds like she's trying to exclude you, or imply that when he's married to you it won't be the same...which in my book is BS.

But don't listen to me, I'm paranoid

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ironmaiden7o7

I totally understand where you're coming from, I can almost relate. It's okay to feel the way you do. I believe that any of us would be hurt, sensitive or not sensitive. It's a very special moment for you and I am sure that anything negative that anyone does will affect you a great deal. It seems that she really does want to spend time with her brother but whether she has a motive for not wanting to come to the shower anymore, I couldn't say. But, whatever you do, do not get her brother involved, speak to her about it,tell her how you feel. Explain to her that you are hurt. We can only give you a limited amount of advice and suggestions here but only you and her can solve that problem. And I don't think she would really know how you feel unless you tell her that you are hurt!
Good luck and congrats ...

*Nikki*

I ended up saying something to her about it. One night when she called me she was like "Did you hear that I am coming down to visit my brother in March?" and I was like "Yeah I thought you were coming to my shower." Then she says "Well I wanted to spend some time with my brother while he is still a bachelor!" Since I think that is just weird I really couldn't say much more to her after that. It is not like since I am marrying her brother that means he is no longer her brother. So whatever.
She then said that she wanted to make sure that I got a gift since she could not be there.
This to me is bullshit. She can be there, she just chooses not to be. So in lieu of her presence she wants to send a gift?? Wow, I feel honored.

ironmaiden7o7

She can pick any other time to spend with her brother, why that specific time? It doesn't make sense to me. You will do fine without her. I'm sorry for being so negative, but she should atleast try to be there, it's going to a big deal for you, you ARE getting married afterall.

Squishor

Maybe your fiance could help shed some light on this. I'd be careful how I talked to him about it of course, but I'd want to know. As others have said, what's the difference whether he's married or not? Something's not adding up.

maleficent

She has got some serious jealousy issues. It's like she doesn't want to share your fiance with anyone. Jealousy is an odd thing with people, I would tread very carefully with her. She's being unreasonable, but it's her problem not yours. Enjoy the shower with the people who want to be there and share your happiness with you.

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LiLi-CMA

I agree with maleficent. Sounds like she is jealous of you, that you might take attention away from her and her brother's relationship (which is too bad since hello, he'll be your husband.) If I was in that situation I would tell her she hurt my feelings. I feel like if I don't tell people that are close to me what I'm feeling, it hangs around in my head and my heart until I get it out.

Congratulations, by the way!

themisfit

Just curious, but what if anything has your fiance said about this?

I agree she does have some jealousy issues..hopefully since she doesn't live that close to y'all, you won't have to deal with them much.

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*Nikki*

Hi all

Basically my fiance has no say in the matter. His sister TOLD him she was coming to visit at that time. She is just weird and I am getting more used to the fact that she does as she pleases.

He is caught in the middle in this situation and I understand that. So far the plan is still that she is spending that weekend with him. I will never understand it, but oh well...