Halx

Some of you may know that I recently bolted from the west coast to find happiness in New York City. BuDDaH and I found an apartment and have moved in. For the last few weeks, however, I've been living in fairly crappy comfort, having only an inflatable mattress and my suitcase for a table. Well, last week we bought a couch, and today it was delivered.

Now, I must tell you about this couch. It's fucking comfortable. We wouldn't have spent as much as we did if it wasn't. When you sit down on it, it's supreme comfort coaxes a deep, satisfied "Ahhhhhhhhh" from your throat. It's also fairly big (for an apartment) so we were a little unsure of if it would actually fit where we wanted it to. Oh yeah, there's another thing I gotta tell you. We live on the 5th floor of a 5-story walkup.

BuDDaH and I decided to help the poor delivery guys by carrying one of the two large couch sections and letting them handle the other. What a fun, needed workout. I feel stronger already. We managed to get our piece up the thin stairway in good time. We were pumped and ready to do more, but the delivery guys came in lugging the second piece, winded and aching. Don't they get paid to do this?

Anyways, once the delivery guys left, we pulled open the wrapping on the couch sections to discover that we had let the delivery guys leave too soon. The couch feet had to be screwed on. That's still their job, right? Well, here we were with a nice new couch, a few wood screws and some wedges of wood. What good does that do us? We called the furniture store that we had bought the couch from and they offered to let us borrow a power screw driver. Ok, fine. We walked about 7 blocks to pick it up and then went back to our apartment.

Then, the battle began.

I've never understood how philips head screws became popular. They aren't that nifty. Especially when they are wood screws and you have to bore them through planks of hard wood. If you dont have the absolute perfect bit on your screwdriver to fit the often shallow head of the screw, it's strip-city for you. That is; for US. What does a screwdriver going 100mph do when it suddenly meets a fair amount of resistance from the screw? chkchkchckhckhckhckhckchckhckhckhckchckh!!

BuDDaH was the drill man while I sorta just used my body weight to make sure the couch didn't go flying across the room as he 'got personal' with the screws. chkchkchckhckhckhckhckchckhckhckhckchckh!! I don't know what the fuck was up with these screws... were we trying to drill into industrial steel bolts or something? We kept listening for the satisfying squeak of the screw displacing wood as it dug deeper in, but we only heard chkchkchckhckhckhckhckchckhckhckhckchckh!!

There came a point where BuDDaH was making like Bill Murray in Caddyshack; talkin' to the screw, trying to intimidate it. "Bite, bitch! Bite!"

Finally, after quite a bit of fuss, and a lot of strippage, we got the last foot secured on the couch. We had won the war! Time to relax .. in COMFORT!

The couch, newly delivered. Please note how far away the ground is through the window.


The finished product... BuDDaH likes it.


In all it's glory.


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...


VICTORY!!


More relaxin...


The damage!

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Hard8s

Ah I see by the last pic. that your problem lies not in the screws but in the bits. There are 3 standard sizes for Phillips bits. The trick is to use the correct one for the screw. The correct one is usually the biggest on that will fit firmly in the screwhead, and then to go slowly so that they do not ramp out. But I can see to the victor go the spoils, and just send back those piece of crap bits to the furniture store, grab a beer, and relax on that comfortable couch!

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BuDDaH

one and a half hour later, and I am still muttering about it..
So, I did sound like Bill Murray muttering like he says, "Hello Mr. Gopher, I'm Mr. Rabbit.." (while making animals out of C-4 explosives..)

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I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become King of England!

BuDDaH

This stripped one was the correct size, the drill was WAY TOO powerful for what we were doing...
See the screwdriver? I manually tried to even hand screw them in, I torqued it so bad, I bent the screwdriver into a half smile.

I then got pissed..

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I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become King of England!

World's King

Yippie. Now I have somewhere to pass out when I visit.

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ryfo

nice couch hope you have a tv to match

StormBerlin

that is an awesome couch. definately worthy of sleeping on should one come to visit

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snowy

Looks good, boys. Definitely looks comfy! You should be proud that you showed those screws who's boss!

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greytone

That looks great AND you have a great story to go with it. All couches should have at least one good story. Another rule is that comfortable couches have to be ugly. I guess you have already broken that one.

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splck

Nice couch.

I always wondered why the Robertson screw wasn't adopted in the US. Phillips absolutely suck... they go straight into the garbage around here.

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nice line eh?

lite campfire

That is one astoundingly stripped driver bit.
I'd file the burrs down, drill a hole in the shaft and turn it into a necklace.

You also have very pretty floors.

Cynthetiq

nice

congrats!

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Konichiwaneko

looks grat halx, I think your story is bias though

write one in the couchs point of view about 2 bullish men violating it's sanctity with a vile device. In it's valient effort to resist you, you both jumped on it like mad men and preassured it further into submission.

Then when it finally yield, to add insult to injury you plastered your buttox on it's virgin fabric and let out warrior cries.

Do you now not weep for that couch?

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Ganguro

normally i dont reply to these kinda posts.. but that is one beautiful couch..
im jealous

Grancey

Very nice, and I like the pillows....you could use maybe two more though, to balance things out.....just a thought. And I love the floor.

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spindles

Next time, borrow a small drill bit while at the store and drill pilot holes for the screws. They'll go in heaps easier.

That is almost identical to the couch my wife wants (when we have some money).

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JStrider

nice lookin couch man...

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Poloboy

It was invented by a Canadian (probably some guy called Robertson?) and he patented it such that they could only be manufactured and sold in Canada. They are a hell of a lot easier to use though.


Awesome couch, by the way.

omega2K4

Nice couch, is it suede or microfiber? I can never tell the difference in pictures.

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Mephisto2

I can see New York outside your window.


Mr Mephisto

yabobo

With those beautiful wood floors any extra action on that sofa and
it will slide out that 5 storie window! Need some rubber under the feet!

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Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

MSD

And that's why I always have to drill the fucking things and replace them when one of those wacky Canadian devices finds its way across the border.

Personally, I'm a fan of the allen wrench.

Hash_Browns

Good to see everything came together I agree, awesome looking couch and great looking floors!! Congrats guys

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ARTelevision

Yep screwing through hardwood is a bear. Pre-drilling the holes does simplify the operation. But these power-drills are often culprits too. They're way overpowered and insensitive to the limitations of what exactly they are driving. The torque settings they sport are fairly useless as well.

Anyway, the couch is in and looks about as comfortable as could be dreamed of. Congrats on a job ... done!

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yellowchef

lovely couch. Comfy couches are very important.. mine are sooooo comfy

yellowchef

nice color too good buy!

uncle_el

nice looking couch!

i'm sure fraggle would love it!!!! lol. looks like you're settling into new york quite well.

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Charlatan

Excellent couch... as others have noted... pre-drill it makes all the difference.

Glad to see you made it to NYC safe and sound Hal.

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BuDDaH

Why does everyone assume I didn't pre-drill the holes?
OOOOPPPSSS!!! I didn't, and didn't have the tools for it.
*tsk*

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billege

I like Torx and allen, myself. I freakin hate standard, and I hate phillips too.

Allow me to expound:

Robertson screwdriver
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

A Robertson screwdriver is a type of screwdriver with a square-shaped tip with a slight chamfer (in the same way that flatheads, Phillips, hex, and Torx have flat, plus-sign-shaped, hexagonal, and hexagrammal tips, respectively).

P. L. Robertson invented the Robertson screw and screwdriver in 1908. He received a patent in 1909, and later applied for and received other patents. The last patent expired in 1964.

The drivers are famous for holding onto screws (you can start driving a screw horizontally into the wall, and leave the screwdriver in the screw while you have lunch), and allow for things like an angled screw driver and trim head screws.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robertson_screwdriver

Torx
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
: (a) Slotted, (b) Phillips, (c) Pozidriv, (d) Torx, (e) Hex, (f) Robertson, (g) Tri-Wing, (h) Torq-Set, (i) Spanner
Types of Screw Drive: (a) Slotted, (b) Phillips, (c) Pozidriv, (d) Torx, (e) Hex, (f) Robertson, (g) Tri-Wing, (h) Torq-Set, (i) Spanner

Torx is the trademark for a type of screw head characterized by a 6-point star-shaped pattern. People unfamiliar with the trademark generally use the term star, as in "star screwdriver" or "star bits." The generic name is hexalobular internal driving feature and is standardised by the International Organization for Standardization as ISO 10664. Torx head screws generally resist slipping better than Phillips Head or Slot Head screws. Torx screws are commonly found on computer systems and consumer electronics, but are also becoming increasingly popular in construction.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torx
(page has a nice pic of diff heads)

Types of screw drive

Modern screws employ a wide variety of drive designs, each requiring a different kind of tool to drive in or extract them. The most common screw drives are the slotted and Phillips; hex, Robertson, and torx are also common in some applications. More exotic screw drive types may be used in situations where tampering is undesirable, such as in electronic appliances that should not be serviced by the home repairperson.

Image:Screw_drive_types.png
(a) Slotted, (b) Phillips, (c) Pozidriv, (d) Torx, (e) Hex, (f) Robertson, (g) Tri-Wing, (h) Torq-Set, (i) Spanner

* Slot head has a single slot, and is driven by a flat-bladed screwdriver. The slotted screw is common in woodworking applications, but is not often seen in applications where a power driver would be used, due to the tendency of a power driver to slip out of the head and potentially damage the surrounding material.
* Cross-head, cross-point or Phillips screw has a "+"-shaped slot and is driven by a cross-head screwdriver, designed originally for use with mechanical screwing machines. The Phillips screw drive has slightly rounded corners in the tool recess, and was designed so the driver will slip out, or cam out, under strain to prevent over-tightening. The Phillips Screw Company was founded in Oregon in 1933 by Henry F. Phillips, who bought the design from J. P. Thompson. Phillips was unable to manufacture the design, so he passed the patent to the American Screw Company, who were the first to manufacture it.
* Pozidriv is patented, similar to cross-head but designed not to slip, or cam out. It has four additional points of contact, and does not have the rounded corners that the Phillips screw drive has. Phillips screwdrivers will usually work in Pozidriv screws, but Pozidriv screwdrivers are likely to slip or tear out the screw head when used in Phillips screws. Pozidriv was jointly patented by the Phillips Screw Company and American Screw Company.
* Torx is a star-shaped or splined bit with six rounded points.
* Hexagonal or hex screw head has a hexagonal hole and is driven by a hexagonal wrench, sometimes called an Allen key, or by a power tool with a hexagonal bit.
* Robertson drive head has a square hole and is driven by a special power-tool bit or screwdriver. The screw is designed to maximize torque transferred from the driver, and will not slip, or cam out. It is possible to hold a Robertson screw on a driver bit horizontally, due to the close fit. Commonly found in Canada in carpentry and woodworking applications.
* Tri-Wing screws have a triangular slotted configuration. They are for instance used by Nintendo on its Game Boys to discourage home repair.
* Torq-Set is an uncommon screw drive that may be confused with Phillips; however, the four legs of the contact area are offset in this drive type.
* Spanner drive uses two round holes opposite each other, and is designed to prevent tampering.

Many screw drives, including Phillips, Torx, and Hexagonal, are also manufactured in tamper-resistant form. These typically have a pin protruding in the center of the bit, necessitating a special tool for extraction. The slotted screw drive also comes in a tamper-resistant one-way design with sloped edges; the screw can be driven in, but the bit slips out in the reverse direction.

Lara Specialty Tools (http://www.lara.com/reviews/screwtypes.htm) has an more extensive guide to 24 screwhead types.


That's all you ever wanted to know about screws but were afraid to ask.


Best of luck in NY guys. I hope you really enjoy yourselves.

and I edit: (I knew I remembered reading why Phillips became popular!!) here's what I found:
Why did this guy Phillips think we needed a new type of screw?

Dear Cecil:

Why did Mr. Phillips invent a new type of head for screws? Was he bored? Do Phillips-head screws have any advantage over the standard slot-type screw? Or was Phillips just trying to invent a market he could corner? --Roger W., Mount Pleasant, South Carolina

Cecil replies:

So many opportunities for rude puns, Roger. I must be strong. Actually, Phillips screws have many advantages, most of which I am personally acquainted with, having once had a job repairing power tools. (Cecil has had quite the varied career.) Unfortunately, none of these advantages is of much use to Joe Handyman, who typically regards Phillips screws as a first-class pain in the butt, owing to their propensity to strip out at the least provocation. But more on this directly.

To engage the cross-shaped indentation in the head of a Phillips screw you need a Phillips screwdriver (you probably guessed this), whose pointed tip makes it self-centering. This is helpful when you're using a power screwdriver, which is the reason the Phillips screw was invented: it lends itself to assembly-line screwing, so to speak.

The inventor of the Phillips screw was Henry F. Phillips, a businessman from Portland, Oregon, who obviously had a lot of time on his hands. (I learn this, incidentally, from a delightful article on the Phillips screw that appeared in the Wall Street Journal.) Henry knew that power screwdrivers don't work well with ordinary slot screws because (1) you waste precious seconds trying to fit the screwdriver into the damn slot; (2) once you succeed, centrifugal force tends to make the bit slide off the screw and into the workbench; and even if you avoid this, (3) when the screw gets as far in as it's going to go, the power screwdriver either stalls, strips out the screw, or starts to spin around in your hand.

A Phillips screwdriver, however, has a pointed tip. Get it anywhere in the general vicinity of the screw and it engages as if by magic, and what's more, stays engaged. Furthermore, the cross-shaped indentation in the screw is so shallow that when you're done the screwdriver pops right out, before you get into trouble. Cecil found this handy fixing power tools, and back in the 1930s Henry Phillips thought the automakers would find it handy making cars. The automakers were no brighter then than now, but eventually realized the usefulness of Henry's device, and it's been with us ever since.

The only problem is, easy as they are to get in, Phillips screws can be a bitch to get back out. The screwdriver pops out too readily, stripping the screw, gouging the work, and in general transferring to Joe Handyman all the problems that were formerly the province of the assembly line. Once again, in other words, the little guy gets shafted by the dehumanizing forces of capitalism. The only solution, socialism obviously being in decline, is to buy a power screwdriver of your own. You can't beat 'em, join 'em.

--CECIL ADAMS

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_290b.html

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laconic1

ACR bits are awesome for not stripping out as much on Phillips screws. They have grooves in them that grab onto the screw when it tries to back out. I have not had any problems with Phillips bits stripping out since I started using them. Those bits are a little pricey though. Of course I have an expensive Snap-on drill too which is really nice because it is more controllable than cheap drills, so it doesn't overpower as much if you are trying to start a screw.

Scorps

You shouldn't have to pre-drill the holes...the couch should have come with the legs on it already.

Charlatan

Robertson screws are your friend.

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ShaniFaye

I cant say I like the couch (Im sure its great for ya'll.... ) but I love the story

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Scorps

If it was just a stright out 3 seater that would be a great couch....

I don't get that extra part on the end?, looks like a waste of space!

tecoyah

Okay....heres the deal....If indeed I do come out there for the party



I Get The Freakin' Couch!!!

and I get to spit out the window on the unsuspecting

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water_boy1999

Nice couch boys!

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Scorps

Spit?

why not pee

Mephisto2

Spitting makes Baby Jesus cry...


Mr Mephisto

vorpal_rabbit

Man... That reminds me of a couch that my parents have... My brother and I have a theory that it's not really a couch, but a lifeform that is DISGUISING itself as a couch, using its warm, comfortable properties to lure unsuspecting passersby into falling asleep on it, whereby it proceeds to consume them and add to its mass, in the hopes of becoming a supercouch that will one take take over the world.

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The door flew open. A Mongol warrior surged into the hut like a savage wind. Two children ran screaming to their mother who was cowering wide eyed in the corner of the tiny room. A dog yelped.

The warrior hurled his torch on to the still glowing fire, and then threw the dog on to it. That would teach it to be a dog.