looks grat halx, I think your story is bias though
write one in the couchs point of view about 2 bullish men violating it's sanctity with a vile device. In it's valient effort to resist you, you both jumped on it like mad men and preassured it further into submission.
Then when it finally yield, to add insult to injury you plastered your buttox on it's virgin fabric and let out warrior cries.
Do you now not weep for that couch?