warrrreagl

Last night, I hurt my thumb squeezing lemon into my tea. I think I hyper-extended it.

I was squeezing the lemon slice and it slipped/shot out of my hand. My thumb shot right up in there between my first finger and my bird finger, and it has hurt like hell since.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Cynthetiq

Age 1.5
running into a shopping cart getting a butterfly bandage on my head

Age 10
running into a parked car and getting 5 stitches.

Age 13
running into a window pain getting 4 stitches.

Age 15
jumping off a staircase, falling and getting hairline fracture in my skull

Age 34
closing the car door and hitting my head on the door. 4 stitches.

what's so priceless about that? Nothing.. just stupid.

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Unknown Poster

When I was 5 years old, I was kneeling on a chair at the kitchen table. I tried to push away from the table, but the chair didn't move. Instead, I slid back, cacthing my big toe nail on the upholstery seam, ripping it clean off. Ouch!

XenuHubbard

I was under the influence in a dark corner in a pool at a small party. My girlfriend starts pulling off my trunks. I go, "yeah...".
She throws them over the pool fence. I run out of the pool, covering my privates with my hands. People laugh at me. Suddenly, running and turning the corner around the fence, I slip, my right leg flies up, and my small toe breaks against the corner of the house.

I jump up and down, naked, holding my broken toe, roaring.
People laughed even more. My girlfriend included.

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"What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and paranoid". - SB2000

warrrreagl

My God, I didn't even see it and I'm splitting over here. HILARIOUS!

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Troublebot

Last weekend I was helping rip the flooring out of a farmhouse. My freind and I got bored of using tools and the wood was fairly rotted, so we decided to go all ninja on these floorboards.

Stupid. I put my hand through a board and severly ripped up my forearm. I'm an idiot.

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Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

Big Julie

Back in the mid-80's, I was running the light board for a community theatre production. Towards the end of the show, one of the characters went backstage and shot himself.

We were using a starter pistol, since the gun had to be seen before he went off. A few performances in, the cylinder pin fell out, and couldn't be found. We tried using a big nail, but it didn't line the cylinder up quite right(one night the audience was treated to a series of clicks and a muffled "Dammit!" before it fired).

So I had me a brilliant idea: put a cap on a stage weight, and hit it with a hammer at the appropriate time. On my second test hit, something stung my index finger. Looked, and there was the flattened cap, sticking out from under the skin of the first knuckle. About half in and half out, actually.

It wasn't that bad a wound at all, but the circumstances make it rather amusing. Still have a little bit of a scar.

Luckily for the rest of my fingers, we found the cylinder pin the next day....

warrrreagl

Big Julie, I've done a LOT of community theatre work, and I'm dying laughing at your post.

Two years ago, I directed "The Haunting of Hill House," which calls for tons and tons of backstage knocks and slamming sounds. My poor crew looked like bombed refugees by the end of our run because they hit each other almost as much as they hit the sound-effects stuff we built.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

rsl12

big julie: yuck.

one summer night in college, i felt hot in bed so i rolled down to cool off on the floor.

i forgot that i was in a bunk bed. and that there was a metal fan below. i still have a fat scar.

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Big Julie

Man, I bet we could swap some stories....

Working on a set some years ago, I was cutting one foot square pieces of luan on a small table saw. Didn't have the blade guard dohickey on, because they just get in the way, you know.
The luan was a little damp, and one of the pieces kicked back, and bounced off my inner thigh, off into a corner a good twenty feet away. If it had hit me a couple inches more to the right, I'd have been in a big world of hurtin'....
Got quite the colorful bruise as it was.

warrrreagl

Since I'm also a guitar player, I wimp out when it comes to power tools. There are way too many things that can happen to fingers.

Once, during a rehearsal for another show, I was sitting in a folding chair at the back edge of the stage, waiting for my cue. One of the back legs slid off the stage, and I performed at least a 10-second Flying Wallenda balancing act on three legs of a falling folding chair (arms waving madly) before the chair and I finally went over backwards off the stage. I had recently broken my hand prior to that incident, so everyone came rushing up to see if I was okay. They found me lying on my back and laughing uncontrollably.

The only person (literally) who did not run to my aid was my wife. She told everybody afterwards that she was confident my head was hard enough to take the hit.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Halx

I once had a race with one of my neighbors.. I bet him that my bike was faster than his roller blades (and he was like.. 5 years older) well, I won the race, but I crashed straight into the back of my neighbor's parked corvette. I ended up on the back windshield. Hurt like hell, and I was pretty embarassed, but I won the fucking race.

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jets

Steamroller rolled over my foot. Sucked large. Coulda been worse.

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madd_trixx

flipped a golf cart and ended up with an open compund fracture of the tib/fib

nowthen

When I was about 12 or 13, me and some friends went on a camping trip, just far enough away from home to make it exciting. The deal was that the guys have one tent, the girls another... of course, as soon as it gets dark, us guys head across to the girls tent to start freaking them out... unfortunately they were ready for us and came out their tent brandishing various weapons (pots and pans, sticks, REAL scary stuff!) and chased us across the "open" field.

I say "open", because unbeknown to me, there was a single thin gauge wire across the field, at about thigh height, as some kind of divider. As a pretty good runner, I hit that thing at full pelt a little before the other guys, all they saw was me suddenly turn end over end in front of them.

Damn wire didnt even cut my jeans, but I hit it with enough force that it cut both my thigh muscles like a cheese wire.

Yes it hurt.

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"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

Jesus Pimp

Fell down the stairs once and sliced my pinky open on the side of a metal shoe rack. Flesh and bone exposed. Otherwise I was fine. My pinly hurt like a motherfuck though.

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onodrim

Once in about fourth grade I think I was standing in the hallway having an argument with my sister. Finally, I got really mad and turned to walk away - straight into the wall where my forehead hit the light-switch. It gauged out a nice chunk of skin in the shape of a half moon. I think I had a scar for a few years, but its seems to have gone away. Other than that, I've had my share of sports injuries, but nothing unusual.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

Frowning Budah

I lost a good junk of my nose to a dachshund. I am abt 6'3" and the dog stood just over a foot high. People still don't believe me when I tell them what happened.

HamiC

1.) Age 9 -- Fell down the stairs blindfolded...trying to get insight into a character in a book...broke my arm, chipped my tooth, and required stiches in my head.

2) Age 10 -- Accidentally stuck a screwdriver in my eye as I was prying open a locker in my room. Now blind in said eye, but in hindsight (no pun intended), it has had some very positive impacts on my life.

3) Age 20 -- All in one collegiate track meet at MIT....broke a pole mid-vault and got a killer bruise across my a**......and impaled myself on my own javelin (no stitches, but a nice puncture wound to the left of my groin). I did score a bunch of points, though.

Mael

freshman year of high school i was playing softball in gym, with one of those big rubber softballs that you could squeeze a bit. none of us had gloves. i was playing first and someone hit a hard bouncer towards me, i stuck out my right hand to catch it, i misread it, it hit my thumb and broke clean through. played a full game of football on it that night for my high school team as offensive and defensive lineman.

rockwaldo

i pulled a muscle in my back quite badly just laying in bed....ON MY OWN......people got very suspicious on that one...

warrrreagl

My earliest memory is one of getting injured. The injury itself isn't so weird, but it's unique because I was two years old at the time (that's right, two) and remember everything quite vividly. I got my head split open for being terrified of "The Outer Limits."

Our family was watching TV in our family den, and my two-year old perception of "The Outer Limits" episode we were watching was that the night's featured hideous creature had the ability to crawl through the TV screen and into people's homes. That was enough for me, and I tried to run into our kitchen.

We had one of those restaurant-style swinging kitchen doors and my 12-year old big sister came out of the kitchen at the same instant I tried to go in. Since she couldn't see me coming and she outweighed me by ten years, she easily won the battle of the swinging kitchen door.

Although I was running forward, the back of my head was the first thing to hit the floor (never a good sign). I remember screaming and I remember being lifted by my father and loaded into the car, still screaming. I remember being carried into the doctor's home (1962 was a looong time ago) and being put into the reclining chair in his den.

He sewed up the back of my head (eight stitches) from that chair, and I screamed the whole time.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Janie

sometime when i was still in elementary school, some friends and i were on the swings, having a contest to see who could jump the farthest. there i was, swinging with all my might to get the most momentum possible. once at that magical point and height, i got ready: this was going to be the big one. this is, of course, all happening in ultra slow motion, and just about halfway through my glorious arc off the swing, i get yanked back to the ground. i'm stunned. once the shock wore off, it turns out my pinky finger was stuck in the chain the whole time.

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Gortexfogg

When I was about 11 I stepped on a tooth pick getting it stuck in my foot. It hurt like hell and required a tetnus shot. It was pretty cool though...

Slims

I was waiting in line to buy spaghetti ingredients with one of my friends last summer. He dropped a large can of crushed tomatoes on my big toe (I had sandals on). The rim of the can split the toenail completely in two lengthwise and split my toe itself down to the bone. It was nasty.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

Reese

Quite a few years ago there was a small dump with millions of glass bottles. A friend and I were Taking the bottles and busting them. I found 2 RC bottles that were still under alot of pressure, and I crashed them together while holding them. It made a 2-3 inch wound on the back of my palm. Odd thing about it is that I didn't even feel it.

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Baricua2782

I did the same thing!!!!!! except change corvette into a Jeep Wrangler.

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Phaenx

3 years old, walking down a hallway into the kitchen and then stepped on a opened tuna fish can. Not sure how many stitches but I have a crescent shaped scar about 3 inches long on the sole of my foot.

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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy

XenuHubbard

warrrreagl, I'm glad you found it funny.

After my toe healed up, I thought it was hilarious too.

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The above was written by a true prophet. Trust me.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and paranoid". - SB2000

guthmund

I had just got out of the shower and had the radio turned up pretty loud. So I'm toweling off and dancing at the same time.

Now I'm a tall white boy with rhythm but no dancing skills and sure enough I hit a puddle of water on the linoleum and spread eagle it. Luckily I didn't pull a groin, but I did tear some stuff in my left knee.

Needless to say all the doctors had a field day with this in the emergency room.

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ARTelevision

At a high school basketball game, in an old gym with ancient wooden bleachers, I was sliding down the bleachers with one hand on the top row and one hand on the row below. I was sort of nudging myself along quickly with a forward motion of my legs in unison alternating with arm strokes - if you can imagine this.

Well, I caught my leg on a splinter which stuck through my pants into my leg. It felt a little numb but it was concealed under the pants material. My leg kept getting number, so I went into the locker room to see what was up with it.

I lowered my pants and saw that an 8 inch by 1.5 inch piece of spike-shaped wood about 3/4 of an inch think had entered my leg in the front and was poking out the back. My leg was skewered on the spike.

As soon as I looked at it, it hurt like holy hell!

I yelled for help and was taken to my doctor's office where he removed it with local anaesthetic and some dissecting tools and his hands.

I went back for months to get excess wood splinter pieces removed in the same way. I still have no feeling in that part of my leg and I have two scars at the entry and exit point.

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Pacifier

it is quite funny that some injures dont hurt until you look. as a kid i smashed my thumb with a hammer (don't ask) and actually i thought it was quite funny until I saw the bloody thumb

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"It seems to me that the idea of a personal God is an anthropological concept which I cannot take seriously. I also cannot imagine some will or goal outside the human sphere. Science has been charged with undermining morality, but the charge is unjust. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death
— Albert Einstein

raeanna74

When I was 6 I was riding my bike and racing my neighbor friend. I turned to see how far ahead I was and ran smack into a telephone pole. I don't actually remember anything after looking back but considering witness reports and where I was when my parents saw me I flew about 6 feet backwards off of my bike and hit my head on the curb. Cracked my skull and gave myself a concussion and black eye. The Black eye left a large red dot below my eye until I was 12.
Then when I was 19 I worked at a clothing manufacturer - Worst job ever I may say. Was sewing on an industrial machine and sewed right through my pointer fingernail on my right hand (I'm right handed too). I was moving fast so I nailed it 3 times before the needle broke in me. I pulled it out bandaged it up and went back to work. When I went home my parents insisted I go the the Dr. Surprisingly enough I still have my nail and you wouldn't know anything happened except the nail is a little concave. The thing bled like it was an artery and took over a year for the torn up part to grow out. Otherwise I haven't gotten anything serious though I've been tremedously stupid at times. I've just been real lucky.

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opentocomments

when i was nine years old my sister was 6 or so and i stole her jump rope and got on my bike and rode away i was going slow enough that she could keep up with me but not catch the rope then when i looked to see where i was going she jumped on top of the jump rope i was dragging. I had it rapped around my arm so it ripped me off my bike and face first i went to the concrete.

i just wanted to add that a lot of these have been happening on bikes.

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rogue49

hmm...let me think...you pick

*Jump off slide (all 10 toes broken)
*Fall 30 ft out of tree (sprained wrist)
*Swinging on Horizontal ladder (dislocated elbow)
*Lg branch piercing car window like javelin (scrape on face)
*Falling 12 ft into empty concrete pool (bruised elbow)
*Doing split practices on a special machine (slightly torn muscle)
*Rejected while dunking in B-ball, while entangled, hit concrete (dislocated kneecap)
*Puppy dog making my pour boiling hot gravy on me (3rd degree burn on bicep)
*Other person misplaces foot under me while I was dancing (Dislocated ankle)
and more...

I've had an interesting medical background.

Fearless_Hyena

A few months ago I tripped and spilled mashed potatoes I'd just taken off the stove right onto my foot. I was wearing sandals. MAN did that ever hurt! The scars are gonna be there for a while...

homerhop

peed against an electric fence once hurt like hell for days

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MilleniumZeus

I sprained my big toe while running in a potato sack race. I didn't even win.

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Lunchbox7

On Wedensday I hurt my groin playing wheelchair basketball. The irony isnt lost on me.

zxello

ran head-on into a 'friendly neighbor' fence and proceeded to break my nose =P

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Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!