Enka

Not sure how many of you guys work in retail, but im sure someone can relate!

My stupid customer of the day: Shes looking at X-box games, and i start talking to her. Then she proceeds to lecture me about how Grand Theft Auto is a game ONLY about prostitutes, so she wont buy it for her 26 year old son. I asked her if she had ever played the game, and she said no. She could just tell by the cover.

Runner-up: Shes looking for VHS. We dont sell VHS. I tell her that, and she gets pissed off at me and asks what the hell are the people who have invested in VHS supposed to do now?

Did someone spread a rumor that i missed about how you have to get rid of your old tapes in order to buy dvd's???

The joys of working in retail...

SecretMethod70

heh, amusing. The first one is definitely a winner. Glad to know she's still got the leash on her 26 year old son!

As for the second, she has a point, but it's nothing to get upset about. That's just the way technology is. Suck it up or stop using it.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

aurigus

The best (worst) customer I had was when i was working customer service at K-mart (horrible job by the way) - anyway, she came to me with her receipt and informed me that they charged her 1 penny too much for tax. I told her all about how they round up taxes, etc, she would not let it go. So I handed a penny out of my pocket and let her be on her way.

Goes to show there are really some NUTSO people out there!!

Cujo

As a library clerk I get all kinds of stupid patrons. The ones that really piss me off are the ones that return videos days late and then bitch because they have $10 worth of fines. I and my coworkers tell everyone the date the materials they borrow are due back and we provide them all with a print out of what they have out and when its due. You'd think somewhere along the line they would pick up on "my videos are due back tomorrow. Maybe I better take them back today so I don't have to pay alot of fines" but nooooooooo. They would rather keep them a week longer and then scream at me because they have fines. Geeze!

I've come to the conclusion that a large portion of the population is borderline retarded.

sailor

I have too.

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

StormBerlin

Retail is a great thing (hope you sense the sarcasm). I've had my fair share of weirdos in the past little while. I had a guy a few days ago that was looking for a very specific case fan. I helped him look, but alas, no fan. I think we don't even carry it, so anyway, I lead to one our brand case fans (CompUSA) and he was skeptical about the brand. "I've tried compoosa before, I didn't really like it, but hey what can you do, it's compoosa." K, everytime he mispronounced Comp U S A, I had to do everything in my power not to laugh. How could you not read that as U S A? Yup, I think this one is over the borderline of retarded.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

neddy65

I work in a department store in the automotive parts area. I answer the phone" automotive parts, Chris speaking, can I help you". A lady waits for the spiel and then asks if I have an element for her oven. I ask if the oven is in her car? She replies that , no it is in her kitchen. I then tell her that I will have to transfer her to Housewares in that I deal in automotive parts and not oven parts.( the phone is automated and gives the customer a list of departments to choose from and auto parts is 1st so I suspect that people press 1 and be done with it)

as it says in my sig " I'm an asshole-eo-eoeo"

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If you're travelling at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything?

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!

Drink Dickens' Hard Cider because nothing makes a girl smile like a Hard DIckens' Cider!

dnd

its interesting how people always blame the poor sods working on the tils for the companies decisions... its not our fault...how can EnKayEs be blamed by that lady for VHS going out?!!!!
damn crazy world....

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"Never underestimate a dumb question"-- Brandon Boyd

Boo

I sell heavy equipment parts, dozer, excavator, skid steer, etc..

Many of the people buy equipment that it way too expensive for them and complain when they have to fix it. Last week a guy complained about a $12 part for his skid steer. You should have seen his face when I told him parts. Thethat just the freight would be double that on non-stocked n he goes on to tell me what a great deal he got on a "used up" machine in Texas. Then he prices a cab kit and heater..... he almost cried. He has over $10,000 in a machine worth $6-8000 on a good day. I can't wait until he tries using it with no cab kit or heater after the snow comes over the bucket and lands on his lap.

My other comment involves people buying items with no customer support and then wanting me to help them. They purchase an item from one of "the big warehouse stores" and as soon as it breaks they call me. 10 times a week I have to tell people that I don't even know where they can get parts.

People, be smart when you buy. If a company sells you something, make sure they support it. Long term costs can eat up any saving you may have got on the initial purchase.

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Back button again, I must be getting old.

k1ng

I found a link to a former Barnes and Noble employee's website. It has pages and pages of stories similar to the ones on this page.

It will keep you entertained, especially if you work in retail.

check it out:
http://kempa.com/articles/bn/

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"Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein

cowudders14

A few years back I had a part time job in a petrol station.

For those that don't know, when you pick up a petrol pump, it comes up with a request on the till. The cashier has to look out at the person filling up, check they aren't doing anything stupid (!), and then authorise the request when they are happy. The customer can then fill up with fuel. Anyway..

The till starts beeping as usual. It's quite busy at this time and all other pumps (5 of them) are in use. I see a guy, having just got out of his expensive car, holding the pump and a lit cigarette in one hand, and chatting on a mobile on the other! "Does this guy have a suicide wish?"

My reaction was to stop all the other pumps, and fire up the tannoy: "I would like to apologise for the temporary stopping of all pumps. If the gentleman on pump 3 would put out his cigarette and switch his mobile phone off, I will then re-start the pumps". Everyone starts staring at the guy and he starts shouting abuse at the top of his voice, telling me to "turn the ******* pump on" and other choice phrases.

Everyone else seemed to be enjoying the show, and I simply said "Sir, you are causing a major fire hazard. If you will switch your phone off and put out your cigarette, I will start your pump. Until then, all pumps on this station will remain stopped". He then threw the pump on the floor and drove off loudly, tires screeching, still on his mobile. Everyone, including myself, all the customers in the shop, and all the people on the forecourt were laughing loudly as I re-started all the pumps...

Best laugh at work I've had!

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Moo! I'm mooey!

telekinetic2

http://www.improvresourcecenter.com/...ead.php?t=4475

True Porn Clerk Stories by Ali Davis is completely and utterly Awesomely Hilarious glimpse at adult retail. Go! Read it now! All of it!

gr8-4pla

Ignorance at it's best. And I love how she feels her 26 year old son still needs to be censored.

irseg

Petrol? Till? Tannoy? Speak English!

guthmund

I used to me a manager at a local fast food joint and our "uniform" was a generic pair of black dress pants and a blue short sleeve shirt with the store logo printed over the pocket with tie.

I was in Wal-Mart after work on day shopping. This guy turns around to ask for help.

"Do you guys sell box fans here?"
"I think they do, but I'm not for sure."
"Well, do you at least know where they are?"
"I don't work here, but I think they're over there. I point in the general direction of housewares.

He goes off on a rant about how he "can't get no service" around here and procedes to tell me that "if you're going to work here at least familiarize yourself with the damn store blah blah blah."

I'm real polite (because I've yet to be disillusioned about people in general) and tell the guy firmly that I don't work at Wal-Mart; I have no idea if the fans are out; he should try to find someone in housewares which, by the way, is still over there. I point again.

He leaves in a huff and I think the incident is over. 10 minutes later the guy comes back with an important looking fellow in a tie and Wal-mart nametag. He's waving and pointing at me telling the Manager-man "There's the fellow, there's the guy that was rude and refused to help me."

The Manager-man recognizes that I'm not an employee gives a "what can you do" grin and explains to the old guy that I didn't, in fact, work there at all, but he'd lead him over to housewares and get him some assistance.

The old guy, now pissed off because he looks like a complete ass, grins sheepishly and starts grumbling under his breath about how it's my fault for wearing clothes like all the other kids that work there...yada yada yada and walks away waving his hands.

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No signature. None. Seriously.

Destrox

I've worked retail for the last 3 years or so, and the part that pisses me off the most is when you get customers that LIE directly to your face.

And they do it best on returning shit, common sense is all you need people dont pull some half-ass lie through your teeth that I will confront you on!

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You bore me.... next.

cowudders14

Sorry, I'll speak American for you...
Petrol = gasoline?
till = cash register?
tannoy = PA? loudspeaker? address? system to tell idiots that they are being thick?

HTH

Shokan

Worked for MSN Internet doing customer service/tech support. On this particular day, a man of Latino descent calls me and wants to set up a new account. OK, no problem. I go through the standard stuff, name, address account name, etc.

Then I ask for his credit card number for payment verification. No problems yet, he gives it to me, I tell him we just need to make sure the credit card is valid and it will take a few seconds.

The card number comes back invalid. I try it again just to be sure. The following conversation took place....

Me - *comes on the line from hold* Excuse me sir? The card came back invalid. Do you have another one you can use?"

Him - "What? That's bullshit."

Me - "If you think that, you can call your credit card company to see what's wrong with the card."

Him "BULLSHIT. I'm not calling them, you racist piece of shit. You and your whole damn company is racist against the Latino brothers and sisters. You wouldnt validate me cuz I'm Mexican, you racist!!!!! RACIST RACIST RACIST!!!"

Me *Not really sure what to say at this point except....*....So I'm racist because you have an invalid credit card?"

Him "YES ASSHOLE."

Me - "OK." *click*

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Legalize it.

Shokan

Take away all the feminist bullshit she puts in her stories and they are somewhat amusing. I think its funny she claims shes a feminist, yet continues to work in a porn store.

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Legalize it.

orphen

these stories are great. more more!!

raeanna74

You don't by any chance live in Wisconsin do you? My mother could so easily be that first woman. Only difference would be her son is 23.

My mother would probably not even by a video game. They're all Satanic in her opinion - unless they are strictly learning games.

Wierdos

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

slant eyes

last year, i worked for an on-site computer consulting company, so if my math is correct, it was 2002. we were in the middle of a server swap and one of the employees at the client's site approaches me.

him...'what are you doing?'

me...'we're upgrading the server you guys have here.'

him...'upgrading huh? so will it be faster?'

me...'yeah, it'll be lots faster than your old one'

him...*trying to sound smart* 'what operation *yes, he said operation* system is in it?

me...'oh, it will have windows 2000 server edition on there'

him...'windows 2000!, is that for Y2K?'

it took soo much to keep from laughin at him. if we were installing something to fix the Y2K bug in 2002, 2 years later, don't you think the problem would have been apparent? i love when the employees at the clients place try to talk technical with me. just awesome.

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no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry

question authority, don't ask why, just do it!

ry0ronin

hi

OFKU0

I think the stereotype of the stupid customer is directly proportional to that of the stereotypical stupid employee.

As for the 26 year old. Maybe it's time to grow up, move out and stop playing computer games. 16 I can see. 26 hmmm,..get a life.

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

hu-man

Who said he's still living at home?
And why should anyone stop playing games, at any age?

Tirian

"Thick" - speak English man......


:-) See the irony ?

As for the comment about the lying customers...I used to work retail and currently work in a service industry so yes I can understand all the stories above, but what really pisses me off is lying clerks.

Just last evening I dropped by the local home centre. Yes it was about closing time, but since I just wanted to know if they still had a 12" wood planer in stock, thought I could simply ask. If they did, I'd be about a 30 second customer.

Clerk told me she did not know about any planers, and since the tills were all ready shut down, she could not find out.

As I walk out the door I hear an announcement over the PA, "Please prepare for final till shutdown...etc"

Luckily there was a guy standing outside the loading dock who knew what was up, and was able to duck back in and check if there were any left, which sadly there were not.

-

On the other hand here's a seasonal story for ya-all to continue complaining about stupid customers.

One year - it's X-mas eve, and a customer walks in around closing. No problem we have a very friendly attitude toward the last shopper of the evening.

He browsed around our (smallish) shop for a bit, and refused any assistance from the sales staff. Obviously he needed that one last present for his wife or something, cause he kept on retracing his steps back and forth.

We did every nice and friendly thing we could to assist the fellow, but after he'd kept us over an hour late on X-mas eve we had to ask him to please leave the shop so we could shut-down.

Lasereth

Your comment was as stereotypical as anything else. Most videogame players in the world are between 18 and 26. I know I'll be playing them for as long as they're around. Videogames aren't related to age in any manner. Who do you think makes the videogames? Kids? No, adults do. Do they need to grow up and get a life too? They're the same people that make operating systems and other types of software -- programmers.

I hate when people say videogames are for kids, when kids aren't the ones that can appreciate a good videogame. Kids play instruments in school, so should adults not play music? Kids play sports. So adults shouldn't? Kids watch TV, go swimming, draw, read, and eat sweets. Does that mean that adults shouldn't?

Sorry, I get a bit sensitive about videogame issues.

-Lasereth

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

shakran

My cousin's an electrician and I used to help him out a lot, so naturally to put myself through college I got a job in the electrical department of the local Home Despot. As a result I am personally responsible for saving the lives of countless idiots.

Every Christmas we'd get at least 20 people a day who had wrapped an outside tree in Xmas lights, but had done it backwards so the plug was up at the top of the tree. They'd come in wanting a male-to-male plug adapter, which of course no one would sell since it would enable you to easily shock the crap out of yourself. They'd always get furious with me for not having it.

- Because I told a (east) Indian fellow that the transformer for his low voltage lighting (not purchased from us) was bad, I was branded a racist, and a letter was sent to corporate HQ demanding my firing. Of course, the corporate guys came down, talked to me, and wound up laughing about it and buying me lunch

- A man came in insisting he had bought the Tool Shop wire stripper from me, it was busted, and I had to give him a new one. I told him we don't sell Tool Shop. He of course called me a liar and started yelling at me on the sales floor. I pointed out that Tool Shop is the Menards house brand, to which he explained that we must have special ordered it, from our chief competitor, for him.

Then there was Best Buy, years ago, where a customer asked me if we matched advertised prices. I said yes, so he pulled out a Best Buy ad from a year ago and told me to match the price on the advertised printer.

Uhh. No.

Crack

I think dumb customers far out weigh the dumb employees... or the tech support. for example, I was out on a job trying to find out why this person's computer was "acting funny" turns out that her HDD was going bad, she had placed some very high power speaker magnets on the side of her case to hold up some pictures of her cat that just happened to be right where the HDD is placed in the old style micron computer cases... try explaining to her that it was her fault...
~Crack

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Derwood

1 - Worked at a Camelot Music store. Guy comes in and says "My daughter is 12. Pick something for me that she'd like for Xmas." How lazy is that! Try talking to your daughter jackass!

2 - I hate going into McDonalds about an hour ot more before they close, order a sundae, only to be told that they already turned off/cleaned out the ice cream machine. Hey numb nuts, the store ain't closed yet!

3 - Worke in a convenience store, where the prices on standard grocery items was outlandish. My standard response to every "How can you charge X for this product?" was "Sir/M'am, do you really think that if I had the power to set prices in this store that I'd be working at 11pm and wearing an apron?"

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"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

cowudders14

Now, forgive me if I'm missing something here, but I'm from England. The OP was from America.

As for irony, there were two winking emoticons and one smiling emoticon in my 6 line post.
Er, how shall I say this best...

":-) See the irony ?"

Someone needs a shot of caffeine! Or a beer...
I feel for ya Tirian!

OFKU0

Well good one on you. Merry Christmas to you and all the bloaks on the other side of the pond. Midlands huh? One of the best drummers in the world came from the Midlands. John something. Hmmm,..yes John Bonham I think.

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

HockeyGuy

I work in a pub, not only can the normal ppl be Stupid, but ADD alcohol to them... Yes.. this is my life EVERYDAY! (well 5 times a week.. 50 hours...) Oh how i love people!

Snakebyt

i used to work at a porn store.. graveyard shift.. i have seen/heard some freaky ass shit

omega2K4

That website with the Barnes and Noble stuff on it is hilarious.

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"While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

cowudders14

And Merry Christmas to you to sire!

John Bonham - Led Zeppelin! Not a great fan of them myself but I can say the midlands is a great place to come from! Or something...

james t kirk

Well, many moons ago, I worked at Woolco, which later got bought out by Walmart.

I remember one time i was working in the automotive dept and i got a call from Customer service that a guy wanted to return some seat covers.

There's this red neck looking dude and his fat wife in tow. He pulls out a set of worn out seat covers. Burn holes, skid marks, you get the picture.

Says that he bought them here and that they are no good and he wants a refund, but he has no receipt.

I am only 17 at the time but wasn't born last night. I'm like, sorry, not without a receipt and even then, we don't even stock these kind of seat covers.

Well, he starts getting hot, and the ladies at customer service are all looking at me, so I tell them to call the assistant manager.

The assistant manager ended up giving this asshole another set of seat covers.

To this day, i have never forgotten that B.S.