booboo82

I'm a 29 year old female (birthday was in May) and I am absolutely at the end of the line. I have no job, no car, no furniture, no boyfriend...I can go on but I'm sure you get the point. What I do have is a Mom that is allowing me to stay at her house and there's no problem with food/shower/etc.

The story starts when I turned 24. I moved to California and tried to get a job without success. Luckily I met an older man that was loving and allowed me to stay at his place rent free if I would help out with the house. I did that for a year, all the while looking for a profession that I would enjoy honestly, from my heart. I never really did find that job. I found other things. Like working at a coffee shop, meeting some new friends, and that was also the time that I met the love of my life. Him and I would be "dating" off and on because of our extreme passions that would cause extremely big fights. My father died, I went home for a few weeks, then back out to California to continue my coffee job. Then I got pregnant and had an abortion.

I'll cut to the chase as best I can. Everyday, I wake up and tell myself that this is the start of something new...But it almost never takes me to that point of where I need to break through with my life. There's always some little set back. I have $1.32 in my bank account, my phone is about to be shut off and I can't see how this can get any better or worse.

Can anyone please give me some advice because I'm lost. I've been lost a few times before but never this deep in it.

Not to mention, the love of my life just came to visit me from half-way across the country and I blew it. I blew a fuse or something and started screaming at him telling him he's a "cheater/liar/I hate him etc" and I swear to God it was all a blur.....I don't remember what I was saying.

Baraka_Guru

In your view, what profession would you honestly enjoy?

What's your educational background?

What experience do you have beyond coffee shops and keeping house?

What are your strengths?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

booboo82

In your view, what profession would you honestly enjoy?
Anything that involves caring for others that need help. I enjoy investigating, challenging my mind, helping the world become more unified.

What's your educational background?
1600 hours of Cosmetology with no license...

What experience do you have beyond coffee shops and keeping house?
Coffee shops, keeping house, and working as a nanny. I'm no longer interested in the nanny gigs.

What are your strengths?
I'm a extremely honest individual. I love to love. Always follow through. And like to go shopping

The_Jazz

How in the world do you not have a cosmetology license after 1600 hours? That's 40 weeks of fulltime work!

Ok, you're 29 and looking for a career. That's a little late to start, but you may have already found it. So I'm going to address this portion and not the relationship issue since that kind of seems where you're more focused at the moment.

If you're looking for an awesome and fulfilling career, good luck. Most people never find it. There are some - Baraka_Guru and I happen to be two of them, I think - but most folks tolerate their careers as a means to an end.

It seems to me that you've got a choice - you can either stay in California and work on finding a better job, or you can start over where the Love of Your Life (LYL) is. If you're stagnant in CA, and the little things are too much of a burden, a change of venue might help - it helped me a million years ago.

Here's the thing, though - don't expect to be investigating, challenging your mind and helping the world straight off the bat. It may not even be possible to get all 3 in one job - you may have to voluteer somewhere to do that. You could go to work for an environmental organization, charity or other non-profit, but those gigs don't pay well. Regardless, you're going to be starting at the bottom of the totem pole, so life will suck for a while. As long as you're willing to work hard and learn to be competent fairly quickly, then you'll move off the bottom and into a better role sooner or later. But you have to pay your dues.

Hope that helps.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ralphie250

i can fully understand. i am a 30 year old man married for 12 years with a 3 year old daughter. i have lost everything that i owned once. house cars etc... and it seems as if though i am fixin to do it again with less things. the only advice that i can give you is keep your nose to the grind stone. it will pay off eventually.

figure out what you like to do and persue it. hope this helps. good luck

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

dlish

I've been there, if only for a short while. For me the hardest thing was asking for money. My mother cried when i asked her for a few dollars...that was a difficult day. i couldnt look her in the eye for a long time afterwards. I basically had about the same amount of money you did, and it put a lot of strain on me mentally, wondering where i was going to get my next paycheck every minute of the day.

What i did find is that i found different ways of getting the next bit of income so i could survive another day/week/month. The key though is to acknowledge that you're not going to get out of this rut overnight if you stay doing what you are doing.

My advice? press the reset button. take things slowly and dont try to move too fast. Borrow some interest free money from your mother if you can, and try to cut down on your expenses. You say you like shopping, so im assuming its non-essential items. Things you dont need to survive.

It might help if you also find a hobby that you can make money from. Sewing, painting, carpentry..etc and sell them on ebay/fete's even if its for a few dollars. Just find something to keep you occupied.

But like i said before, you cannot change your situation, unless you start from within.

---------- Post added at 01:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:35 AM ----------

QFT! i had to move to another country, but that definately worked for me. I had about 200 dollars when i left Oz. Thinsg changed pretty quickly when i put my head down. i went with my gut instinct, and it worked.

what's you're gut instinct telling you booboo82?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

genuinegirly

Welcome to the life of a directionless adult women. 85% of the women our age that I encounter feel the same way you do. It comes from being raised with no worthwhile skills, and being told that there's nothing more to life than being a mother. At least, that's how most of the people I know have gotten into that situation. They're lost, hopeless, and unfortunately some of them have children as they're dealing with extreme levels of depression.

Well, guess what. You're at the bottom. You see it. You know it. Now it's time to start finding ways to look up.


It sounds like you want to be a nurse.

Hey, I know California's education system... and you're in California. I assume you're a California resident. Walk into the financial aid office at a local community college, fill out the necessary paperwork, and see if you qualify for fee/tuition waivers. The next step is to visit an advising counselor to see exactly what courses you need to take. Dive in.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Craven Morehead

I disagree. There is no reason why you can't find a career at 29 or at any age. I've changed careers three times now. The most recent was a year ago and I am 58.

The problem you have is finding a career that interests you. The best I can offer is to keep treading water while you find that, then go after it. The worst you can do is to go towards a career choice just because you need to do something. Check with the State of California to see if they offer career counseling, if the do it will most likely be free. That might help you find what you are truly interested in. Then do it. Millions of people of picked themselves up from situations similar to yours, you can too. No excuses, no compromise, just do it. Good luck.

booboo82

Thank you all for the comments. First off, I'm not writing this to hear pessimistic opinions on the world. I'm mainly looking for a direction. So thank you very kindly for all your words.

I have A LOT of work to do.

Regards--

ralphie250

just remember. we are your friends, and we love you

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

Shadowex3

Then take this in the spirit of optimism that it CAN be done: What you want out of your job sounds a lot like being either a nurse, social worker, or depending on where you work even a paralegal. Becoming any of those isn't easy, it's hard work in school and out, and you'll need a job that you don't hate but pays well enough to cover for that, but like almost all things worth doing they can be done with hard work and perseverance.

The most important thing I can tell you is not to fall into the trap of thinking that everything MUST come from one place. It really doesn't have to, you might well never find the job that lets you help people, bring the world together, and excell on your own terms. But you can DEFINITELY find a job where you help people, volunteer work where you help the world, a relationship that helps you be a better person, and personal projects that you do for your own enjoyment.

Once you understand that you don't need to get everything from any one thing even getting a job that just pays well and has decent hours lets you find places to volunteer or work on the side that provides fulfillment in other ways and your job can just support that.

__________________

Skitto

State of mind, girl. All problems can be traced to a fault in one's state of mind.

Just focus on the good and notice problems, don't dwell on them or even give 'em the time of day.

---------- Post added at 12:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:36 AM ----------

Oh, and be innovative, of course.

__________________
Yeah, well, you're just that awesome, I guess. It's not like I guessed so anyways.

chinese crested

booboo - I know it wont help with money, but have you considered voluntary work? If you have strong enough shoulders, how about putting your cosmetology training to use in a hospice - just because youre kicking the bucket doesnt mean you dont want to look nice, and if you feel you look good, its a bit of a boost isnt it, and it would update your cv, and maybe if you wish to go into nursing, it will give you a chance to be a fly on the wall and decide if it is for you.
'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars' (Oscar Wilde). I have no magic wand - I think sometimes we find ourselves in becalmed waters, and sooner or later, the wind will change, or you get swept along by a current that catches you, you can try rowing your ass out of it, maybe upheaval of a storm, or maybe the gods, in their game of chess, decide to nudge your piece along a bit. Post watch, look out for changes or fate flung opportunities. Deciding where you want to go is important of course, but the things you learn whilst navigating your course through life, they have value too. You do not have to decide right now - list your strengths and your options - and give your mum a hug, because you are lucky enough to have a supportive one. What does your mum think?
If he is the love of your life, then tell him what you told us, that you are lost and worried, and that you are sorry you snapped when he was there. What does he think? Its a long term relationship, but one with distance - which many find hard to cope with.
Making up should not be too hard if you have love.
Certainly grab a handfull of college pamphlets - see what courses and funding are available should you choose to go back into education - make yourself one of those balloon crib note things - sometimes simplicity makes everything seem more simple.
Lastly Smile, for people do give a toss, and you cant buy that.