ralphie250

any pointers on how to pass a drug test? i like my job but there has been something better to come along, but one issue. i have to pass a drug test, and i cant. any pointers?

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Baraka_Guru

If you can't pass a drug test, then how is it possible to pass a drug test?

Are you asking how to cheat on a drug test?

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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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genuinegirly

Don't do drugs. Don't eat poppy seeds.

I'm sure there are a number of pointers that others can share, but honestly without additional details on the type of drug test (hair? urine?) and the amount of time whatever drug has been in your system, I don't think you'll be getting any practical advice. While providing us with such details, you will also want to avoid incriminating yourself. Good luck.

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ralphie250

yes, that is what im asking.

---------- Post added at 11:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 AM ----------

urine test

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tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

Baraka_Guru

Is it that you can't pass a drug test or that you won't?

Do you have health reasons as to why you can't?

How badly do you want this job?

How significantly does using drugs have an impact on this job?

I'm really not sure how easy it is to game the system. What has Google told you?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

ralphie250

i cant.

drugs dont have an impact on the job.

google tells me to takle midol, drink water, and take asprin.

was looking for maybe some real world experience from someone who has done it, or knows if it is possible

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tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

Baraka_Guru

Well, there isn't much I have to offer to help. I just wanted to suss out more details from you for the benefit of the thread.

I'm sorry to hear that you have problems preventing you from legitimately passing such a test. I wish you the best in your endeavour to change jobs.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

chinese crested

Theres some powdered drink stuff you will find in shops that sell that type of paraphenalia - they remove all trace of ganja - take about 12 hours before you have your pee test. Not used it myself - but did go buy it for someone else who needed it, and that person was okay on test.

LordEden

Ok, here is all the knowledge I've gleaned from friends passing drug tests.

First off, anything you can buy over the counter won't work, don't even bother buying anything OTC. If it worked, it wouldn't be sold in the US.

Second, what kind of drugs are we talking? The fucked up thing about drug tests is that the hardcore drugs (heroin, coke, meth, ect) are out of your system in 3-7 days depending on use (light vs heavy). Weed stays in your system for anywhere to 2-5 weeks depending on use and weight. The fatter you are the longer it stays in your system as THC binds to fat cells.

I'm going to assume weed is the drug of choice here, so everything I say is based on that assumption. First off, exersie makes it worse if you are fat. Exercise burns fat which releases more THC in your blood stream, so don't work out (which if weight is a factor, then you won't be exercising anyway).

Water, it's your best friend. Drink, Drink, Drink! Water flushes your system out and lessens the ML level of THC in your system. Most standard drug tests have a threshold of 50ML of THC, which means you can get away with SOME THC in your system. Don't count on that tho, you will end up fucking yourself if you think you can just step in and pass it after smoking.

Second hand pot smoke WILL NOT trigger a false postive, most studies i've seen say you would have to be stuck in a closet with someone smoking weed for 8 hours before you will reach the THC threshold.

There are folk tales about vinegar or pain meds masking the THC, this is a lie. Don't depend on this.

To be honest, there are not many OTC ways of cheating a drug test, most of the ones that worked the FDA took off the market.

Had a friend once take water purifcation tablets and drink a gallon of water to pass one. He did... and then threw up and shit himself at the same time in the parking lot of the clinic. He was sick for 3 days as his system passed those pills. Don't do this.

You need at least 2 weeks and I maybe making a incorrect statement but I think you are a big guy ralphie, so you will need extra time to pass it. Stop smoking and start drinking water. That's about the only way to do it.

urineluck which is a company that sells synthetic urine is a place to go, but it's expensive and sometimes doesn't work (depending on the lab).

If you need to pass one fast? Take clean urine with you. Got kids? Male children? Make them pee in a cup and take it. If you really want to go down that route I'll put up ways of doing that.

There isn't a easy way to pass one while drugs are in your system. If it is weed, you are kinda screwed. If it is heavier drugs you are ok after a few days as long as it's not a hair or blood test.

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uncle phil

sounds like you need to make some choices, ralphie...

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Plan9

Next on TFP: The best way to use the date rape drugs on college girls and proven techniques for killing police officers during a traffic stop.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ralphie250

It is weed. And I am a big (fat) guy. I don't do it everyday just on occasion. That was alot of useful information. Thanks. I really don't want to go the "bring your own urine" route.

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

LordEden

Yeah, strapping a zip lock bag of urine to your inner thigh is a bitch and hurts like a motherfucker when you rip the duct tape off.

Plan9 Supported answer:

DON'T DO DRUGS.

Better?

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ralphie250

[QUOTE=LordEden;2918600]Yeah, strapping a zip lock bag of urine to your inner thigh is a bitch and hurts like a motherfucker when you rip the duct tape off.

[QUOTE]

sounds like youre speaking from experience.

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

LordEden

I have never had to cheat to pass a drug test, I always just quit before hand.

I have had to help tape a bag of warm urine to my friend's leg and watch him try to walk normally. You can't walk normally with a big bag a urine strapped to your leg.

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DaeHanL

If it's a urine sample, testing for Mary J, you can find a "detox" bottle at your local head shop or GNC. Also drink tons or water and antioxidants. Cranberry juice is primo from what I've heard. If it's hair you're screwed.

DaeHanL

Also this normally goes without saying, but you never know... Stop using drugs. You can celebrate passing with a doob, but lay off. My buddy did everything I mentioned and failed. Turns out he smoked weed the day before and then took another detox drink. Talk about encouraging the stoner stereotype. What an idiot

hunnychile

Smoking weed is no big deal. However, if you can't abstain for 3 weeks before a test then you need to have a few avenues to choose from or use - which may (or may not) work to help you pass a drug test. I'm not a weed smoker, but my friends are. They say to get the tabs available at GNC or at relaible head shops and drink a ton of cranberry juice at least 3 days before the "test". I dunno...if you really want the job, I feel you need to hold out for at least 4 weeks and then get tested. It's true that heavier folks hold on to more thc. I've worked at a place where I had to randomly test employees (a deplorable job for sure!) but felt really bad when great, smart people were tested positive and were canned. It's a slippery slope. And sad that it is considered a "bad" drug - but when dealing with certain companies & agencies there is no way around this issue. No one get's away with the urine sample taped inside their leg anymore. Honest. Testers test the body temperatures of "said" urine. And when they aren't totally convinced, they'll do a random test a week or 10-14 days later on you. They can do this.

That's all I know, but I hope you can find a way to get whatever job you're wanting. There are way worst problems than pot smokers out there IMHO. Just be cool for awhile. And lay low and keep your mouth shut about your "non-work activities." These are hard times.

And good luck. Seriously. I care.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Don't go to work for anybody who cares about anything other than your work performance. Such prejudiced idiots will never profit you.

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ralphie250

Its not a matter of not doing it for3 or 4weeks. No big deal. I haven't done it in 2. But my thing is if I decide to apply for the job then I don't want it to show up after a month of not having smoked it. Some people are social smokers or smoke when they drink (cigarettes) that's where ibwould put me. A social "smoker".

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

chinese crested

Ralphie - this is my local head shop - since the eighties - Avalon,Cannabis Seeds,Bongs,Pipes ,Kitchen Grinders,Vapourisers,Stash & Storage,Scales,Snuff Stuff,Herbal Smoking Mixes,Rolling Trays, Boxes & Kits,Books & Magazines,Skins They will be happy to give you sound advice - certainly not hard pressure selling - in the shop anyway.
Thankyou for your advice Lord Eden
'Exercise burns fat which releases more THC in your blood stream, so don't work out (which if weight is a factor, then you won't be exercising anyway).'
I am saddenened that my body lacks the ability to race around and do loads of sit ups etc. You go carefull on the chin ups Ralphie. Will there be a new thread on 'sports injuries' I wonder, as we all get up from our computers and see if we can shake or joggle a bong full out. Cheech and Chong never covered that - I think there could have been a film about a pair of stoners opening a gym.......
Me, I have had my light one for breakfast - and ignored the pain meds and the diazepan. I dont smoke and drive no more than I would drink and drive - you have to stay sharp to avoid the idiots on the road dont you.

Plan9

Laws. Seriously. What are they good for?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ralphie250

as neither do i, thank you for the link


i feel like i am being bombarded or starting to judge me cause i partake in a little smoke every now and then. i dont do it around my wife or daughter. i might do it 4 times a year if that. i see nothing wrong with it.
my only thing was that i havent done it in 2 weeks or so and i was hoping i could get some real world info on how to beat the test, or some suggestions. as i have gotten those. i have done it with people that would shock some people. i dont mean to vent. im sorry.

i personally think that they should legalize it and raise the taxes on snack foods. that would solve some of the problems.

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

Plan9

It's cool that you don't see any problem with it. A lot of the US doesn't see a problem with it. Crusty old Henry Anslinger, however, saw a huge problem with it and the US gov't overreacted like craaazy and made all these silly laws. Seeing that we're a litigious society of laws and law-laws, the only solid way to pass a drug test is to not do drugs. Employers don't want people that partake in illegal activities. Let's say that I'm in management. And let's say that I have shady people apply to work at my company. I wouldn't hire a guy that has a recent drug history simply because it shows that A. they don't care for following the rules and B. they may use said drugs on duty. So, you want a surefire way to pass this drug test? Wait another 2-3 weeks. If you've got enough money for weed, you've got enough money to wait for it to get out of your system so you can get another job.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Ourcrazymodern?

Oh, my! All I was saying, ralphie250, was that there are alternatives to the list the Plan made. If you only smoke 4 times a year, you've already passed the drug test. Worry no further. I smoked daily for years, & it took only 3 days off to pass one I was "given."

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Manic_Skafe

This was much needed and is much appreciated. Thanks.

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Ourcrazymodern?

What's "much needed" is for (do you know the 4-letter crossword word for employers?) is for the users to keep their noses out of their employees' private lives until they fuck up on the job.

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UnclearContent

You smoked once two weeks ago and haven't smoked for several weeks before that? Unless you emptied a half ounce on your own, you'll pass. If you want to further ensure your success, boost your water intake up to a gallon a day until you take the test. Make sure the test isn't the first urination of the day, as overnight metabolites and wastes tend to "settle" in the urine leaving it more concentrated.

After the test, keeping drinking a gallon of water a day. It's good for you.

chinese crested

Beware the dangers of water intoxification - too much of the stuff can kill you. Seems you are doing the sensible thing in life Ralphie - all things in moderation. E mail the link and ask them if you will be clear - they can answer that. Some advice, obviously, they can not give by law. I can buy opium seeds at a garden centre - as long as they have no instructions on the pack - that would be illegal. If the drink stuff works, and you worry, you could always keep one in the cupboard, and next time you have your quarterly smoke, take it the next day. No worries.

ralphie250

E mailing them shortly. Thanks for everything y'all.

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

Strange Famous

mate, not doing drugs is the way to pass a drug test.

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for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

hunnychile

In truth Strange Famous is the most honest response in this thread.

So very true, mate.

It really does boil down to how much You want a job.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

noodle

Bingo. And not doing drugs is the only way to pass a test.
Those tips, tricks, and "potions" for detoxing are NOT a way to "beat" the test. Not a single one is foolproof and the absolute last thing you want to do is fail on a job that you really want.
If you really want it, you'll quit to pass.

__________________

UnclearContent

True, but a person taking in an adequate amount of food to sustain life can generally drink a gallon a day. I've drank three gallons a day without issue. Consult with your doctor, shaman, or favorite comic book character before subscribing to this advice, of course.

chinese crested

You can find things in your wicki comic book quite easily -
Water can be considered a poison when over-consumed just like any other substance.[2] The recommendation from the medical field is to drink at least 1 to 2 liters per day[3] depending upon body mass. Water intoxication would only occur at levels far higher than that.


British actor Anthony Andrews survived a case of water intoxication in 2003. He was performing as Henry Higgins in a revival of the musical My Fair Lady at the time, and consumed up to eight litres of water a day. He was unconscious and in intensive care for three days.[30][31]

UnclearContent

Drink "at least 1 to 2 liters per day" A gallon is only about four liters.

I've consumed 12 liters of water daily without problem. I am a 250 lb physically active male. In this current heat wave I've consumed four liter in under two hours, but I was sweating a great deal and kept my sodium levels high with snacks.

Now, I did know a girl who had water intoxication from drinking a gallon, but she had barely eaten in weeks and had been extremely physically active during this time.

chinese crested

Now your average bladder is supposed to hold about a pint, but your body supposedly tells you that you need to go after a half pint. Does all this drinking mean you spend as much time in the loo as say two women with handbags on a daily basis? I have a friend who swore by drinking loads of carbonated water - to take away hunger. No it didnt work I guess as he had a gastric bypass. Must admit, I am a bit of a tea fiend myself.
Did you know, during the filming of a race car crash, the Brit extras did not look horrified enough. So the director blew up the tea trailer - the director said the shock and horror on those faces could not have been acted - it was a moment of reality. We do like our tea. Broken leg? Have a cup of tea dearie, with extra sugar.

---------- Post added at 12:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:18 AM ----------

Hows the search training going?

monkeysugar

True...fucking...that.

---------- Post added at 02:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:25 AM ----------

I've heard of people using massive doses of niacin many, many years ago. Worked for extended family at the time. Not great for your body and now they test for that too. Good luck...guess it all boils down to how much you want the job vs. your lifestyle choices. Really not judging either way, but I don't have any sympathy either. You make your bed, you sleep in it. What's to say they don't do random testing? It's all a personal choice in the long run, rhetoric and medical issues aside...is a job worth a hit or a bowl here and there?...all up to you.

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I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

ralphie250

JusJust out of curiosity why does weed stay in your system longer than other things?

__________________
tomorrow i'm taking me fishing, hang a sign on the door of my life,
tell the world i've gone missing and i wont be back for a while.

UnclearContent

Fat soluble. Most other recreational drugs are water soluble, which passes quickly.