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booboo - I know it wont help with money, but have you considered voluntary work? If you have strong enough shoulders, how about putting your cosmetology training to use in a hospice - just because youre kicking the bucket doesnt mean you dont want to look nice, and if you feel you look good, its a bit of a boost isnt it, and it would update your cv, and maybe if you wish to go into nursing, it will give you a chance to be a fly on the wall and decide if it is for you.
'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars' (Oscar Wilde). I have no magic wand - I think sometimes we find ourselves in becalmed waters, and sooner or later, the wind will change, or you get swept along by a current that catches you, you can try rowing your ass out of it, maybe upheaval of a storm, or maybe the gods, in their game of chess, decide to nudge your piece along a bit. Post watch, look out for changes or fate flung opportunities. Deciding where you want to go is important of course, but the things you learn whilst navigating your course through life, they have value too. You do not have to decide right now - list your strengths and your options - and give your mum a hug, because you are lucky enough to have a supportive one. What does your mum think?
If he is the love of your life, then tell him what you told us, that you are lost and worried, and that you are sorry you snapped when he was there. What does he think? Its a long term relationship, but one with distance - which many find hard to cope with.
Making up should not be too hard if you have love.
Certainly grab a handfull of college pamphlets - see what courses and funding are available should you choose to go back into education - make yourself one of those balloon crib note things - sometimes simplicity makes everything seem more simple.
Lastly Smile, for people do give a toss, and you cant buy that.
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