LoganSnake

I don't think it's much of a secret that I have a certain distaste for human population as a whole. Not that I hate people. It's more of an apathetic feeling and an overall notion that we'll destroy ourselves through out stupidity, arrogance and greed.

So, with that said, upon meeting a new person, I automatically throw him into the Part Of The Population As A Whole™ category. What that means is that I immediately assume that said person is stupid, closed minded, greedy and generally does not do anything without having an ulterior motive. It is then up to that person to make his or her way out of that nasty pile.

Sometimes, it only takes a few lines from that person for me to change my opinion about them. Sometimes, it takes one hang-out, a cup of coffee. Sometimes, it takes several conversations spanning days. There are times where they can't make it out and interaction stops.

What is the point of all this? Well, I don't meet a person and attach an empty chart to their chest just waiting to be filled with objections and dislikes. Instead, the chart is already filled with several pages of preconceived notions and then I erase them one by one, tearing off the pages as they become clean.

How about you?

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

wooÐs

anyone ever call you judgmental?

Yeah... me too.

LoganSnake

Of course. I'm fine with it.

One of my friends says that I am the most judgmental person she's ever met. I don't always show it. After all, that's why thoughts are so awesome. However, those that know me fairly well see it quite plainly.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

wooÐs

Yeah I try my best to keep my thoughts to myself unless it's family or a bf, etc. Otherwise I usually just end up causing shit. It's better to sit back and observe - for me, anyways.

Baraka_Guru

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I find that preconceived notions can lead you to think wrongly of people. Even first impressions can be misleading. You can spend years thinking poorly of people only to find out that they are actually decent human beings.

I tend to reserve judgement. However, when that judgement is made, it's difficult to work your way around it. If I deem someone to be ignorant or otherwise an ass, I don't have many reasons why I should change my mind.

However, there are exceptions. Sometimes someone comes across as being an ass because they're having a bad day, or because of some life crisis they're hiding. Or maybe they're just prejudging you and they think you're an ass without knowing any better, so why should the open up or be nice to you? If you catch them at another time or in a different context, you get below that surface and find out they're decent.

Human interactions were never easy I don't think.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

GreyWolf

I tend to be at the other end of the spectrum... I expect and assume the best of people I meet. I've been sorely disappointed over the years, but for the most part, I find it makes ME happier to assume you're a nice guy/girl, and to act accordingly. But, like B_G, once you've shown yourself to be less than I think you should be, it takes a lot to rehabilitate yourself in my eyes. Fortunately, that hasn't happened often enough to make me lose faith.

It's like the makers of Tilley Hats (at least used to) say... "We will accept personal cheques, provided you offer no other form of identification". Yes, they got burned with that policy over the years, but not often enough to make them change the policy.

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The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.

dlish

i'm your friend, but if you ever screw me over, it's over.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Ce'Nedra

I tend to be very guarded and judgemental at first. First impressions are pretty important to me and there are only a handful of people who have become friends after bombing a first impression. Hurt me or a family member once, though, and you're done.

Punk.of.Ages

Everybody gets a blank slate with me. I'd hate to go through life automatically assuming everyone's a fuckrag, actually...

It just seems like a lot of opportunities would be missed due to unwarranted preconceived notions.

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Cynthetiq

either you're an asshole or you're not. Everyone starts out as not an asshole. It's easy to get yourself put on that asshole list. There are though various degrees of asshole, since pretty much everyone is one at one point in time.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Spiritsoar

Yea, I've been called judgemental a lot. I'm not so bad that everybody starts off in the useless category, but I make first impressions very easily, and it takes a considerable amount of time for someone to disprove that original opinion. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing though, if I was wrong I'll eventually admit it, and so far, I'm usually right.

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Veritas Vos Liberabit

percy

I find that the more one assumes something or doubts someone until they are proven worthy, the more they miss out on the natural characteristics and subleties that may be a greater measure of the person being judged, but that are overlooked to please our known standards of likes or better, dislikes.

I used to be that way. But then I realized I, with all my infinite wisdom, had done such a good job of picking out what I disliked, that it overshadowed what I did like. Unfortunately, that method of selection is not lost on the subject.

In the end, those people got a better measure of the kind of person I was, rather than the opposite.

Because of that, I freely admit I lost out on some great friendships.

little_tippler

I tend to give everyone a chance first, before I start applying an automatic jerk label. The label gets applied pretty fast if people are fake or outright dishonest with me.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

ObieX

Humans as a whole are a bunch of asshole motherfuckers... but they will all grow on you in time.. even if its just sympathy/compassion. Good luck with that, you'll need it.

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We Must Dissent.

LordEden

I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I've been burned so many goddamn times it's not even funny.

I've found as I get older and more bitter, I tend to give people less of a chance. I usually give them just enough rope to hang themselves with, if they so choose.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

wooÐs

I'm going to start using this.

Redlemon

Am I odd? I never even thought to try to categorize people like this. People are either people I'd want to spend time with again, or not.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

MSD

I'm a pretty good judge of character and generally, but not specifically, misanthropic. I dislike people in general, but individual persons get a blank slate when I'm interacting with them.

Iliftrocks

I appreciate people more often when I don't interact too much with them. I think this is because I find the stuff that they say they believe to be wrong or disgusting, but in general for all their blather they actually act better as human beings than their publicized beliefs. Deep down, most of us value the same things: family, friends, etc. but the crap we think we have to believe gets in the way of better social interactions. I feel I can focus on the positive better if I don't listen to the superficial dogma that gets pushed out mostly by habit.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Plan9

How solipsist. Good that you mentioned greed, though. First:

I've found it is far easier to start with the assumption that the other person is Just Like You (TM) and work to figure the differences from there as necessary instead of assuming all that emo stuff from the start. After all, nobody is a Beautiful and Unique Snowflake (TM). We're just humans doing. Anyway, that approach has served me well in the business world, mortar attacks, and various intimate relationships. Sometimes you get hurt.

If it helps, imagine yourself stranded on the can in a public restroom and needing a roll of TP from the dude in the next stall.

Pretty hard to be a Jason Bourne "everybody is my sparring dummy" hombre in that situation.

...

I Wanna Talk About Me / Greed:

The Pfft, My Shit Don't Stank (TM) attitude pervasive among my college-educated, BMW-driving, $12 Jack-and-Coke peers is utterly disgusting. I find myself succumbing to its bullshit occasionally, too... I'm not much better, I've just been smashed by the travel hammer a few times. I figure this attitude comes from an ignorant mindset focused on the desire to experience increased levels of material excess as well as turning people into things. I'm starting to see why this is how the middle class is affected by Merton's "Classic Strain" and Agnew's subsequent "General Strain Theory." Looks like college is good for something... if for nothing else than showing the odd machinations of what we want to do in life and how we go about doing it. Conformity breeds the rebellion mask, ritualism breeds the apathetic heart. Blah-blah... basically, people with the aforementioned attitude need to reevaluate what and who they have in their lives if they are to find value in intangibles... these things that can't be floated on their Platinum MasterCard.

...

Experience often cultures an individual. Attitude is everything.

Yeah, that.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ShaniFaye

Well if you're odd then I am too

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

ikandiggit

I've been called judgmental by people whom I think are judgmental.


If I have to deal with people, we either connect or we don't. When I meet someone who turns out to be an asshole, I try not to associate with them. There are people I've met in the past that no longer exist (in my mind). It makes my world a better place without them.

FuglyStick

As a recovering asshole, I am a firm believer in the "benefit of the doubt," as I remember all too well the asshatery I have been guilty of. I will happily give a person the proper respect, and I will even turn a cheek for a bit of an attitude; I won't turn it twice, however, so a person determined to be an ass has all respect rescinded, and I won't bother with you again.

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

Xerxys

I don't automatically assume everyone is an asshole or good person even by first impressions. I just don't trust them enough to ask for favors unless I've known them long enough and even then I get burned. To me, if I don't know you, I nothing you, you have to prove something for me to get a label.

girldetective

No, I dont do this. I assume a person I meet to be goodwilled, goodhumored, and plaingood, until I find out differently.

This is changing though little by little through experience.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

redsneaker

I tend to give people either the benefit of the doubt or no benefit at all. It usually bites me in the ass either way. I have no idea what the answer is.

Woods - you're lucky you can speak up w/ your family. I find my family is the worst to judge, so I have learned to keep my trap shut there.

It seems like I WANT to give people the benefit of the doubt, because I really miss having close friends, but whenever I do, I regret it.

CinnamonGirl

I've noticed a tendency to lean that way...but only with men. Everything's fine, until he compliments me, then BAM... automatically relegated to the "jerks who will lie to get me into bed, and then never call me" category.

Obviously, this is leftover from a terrible relationship, which thankfully, I'm not in anymore. I'm getting better. I have TFP to thank for that


In general, though... I'm pretty open when it comes to people. I don't share my personal feelings and stuff, but everyone gets a blank slate. I've found I judge people a little differently, though; one could be a complete asshole, but if we have something we can connect on, it's fine, so long as they aren't an asshole to ME.

I really like that Henry Rollins quote... it's so much easier to judge people and put them on the shelf and treat them with disdain. It's harder to overlook their imperfections and be nice to them, regardless of their past. And regardless of yours.

It seems like genuinely kind people are tough to find. So many are thinking about the bottom line, "what's in it for me?" So I strive to NOT be one of those people who's only looking out for myself.

This means I get hurt. I get burned. I get taken advantage of. And sometimes that's frustrating, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather be taken advantage of than be the one who's taking advantage of someone else.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Punk.of.Ages

You called?

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

bagatelle

I usually give the benefit of doubt, but I tend to expect more from other people. I forget, they only see, what I let them see in me, that's often not much. A handshake tells a lot, the way they look at you or avoid your look - or where they look at you...

It also depends on the situation, where I meet new people. Some of them propably have to play a certain role for work, they later turn out to be nicer people than I first thought.

Years ago, I attended a course for adult students. The new teacher came in 15 minutes late, looking very busy rushed in front of the class while undressing the jacket and searching something from his pockets. He didn't look at the students at all, but kept talking all the time. He didn't actually say he's sorry for being late, mentioned some excuses about the traffic, I think, then said how important the first 20 seconds and first 20 words are in making an impression. Then he started the course and talked about a totally wrong subject.

He didn't impress us much and that's what he was like the rest of the year, until they replaced him. He was continuously late, leaving us mostly study on our own, only interested in easy money.

Slick people don't get easily off my list of unpleasant people. Even so, when I get to know people better, they often have something likable about them, those buggers... but I have to draw the line to people, who manipulate others.

Daniel_

You know the bog secret?

We see our own faults, magnified in others.

It took me years to realise that all the short tempered, quick to judge, inconsiderate folks I met were not like that, I was like that.

If you treat people with respect and dignity until they prove they don't deserve it, and then treat them with caution and dignity, you will have a better time. I have worked with several people (they were all young women, but I don't know if this is significant) who seemed cursed with angry short tempered customers on the phones, and yet I never once took an angry short tempered call - many times the "angry" person has been transferred to me (as technical and quality manager) to resolve their problem, only to find that they were a normal decent person with a minor issue. Once or twice I can believe that it was that they calmed down because of the voice of authority, but for five years?

The simple fact is that if you act like everyone is an arse, everyone will be an arse.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Ace_O_Spades

I definitely give people the benefit of the doubt... Being nonjudgmental and empathetic to other people's problems/faults is an integral part of my job, and it just kinda carries over into my day-to-day. Being generally angry and mistrustful is just way too much work... IMO anyway.

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Feh.

CinnamonGirl

Yeah, but it went straight to voice mail all nine times. Jerk.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"