dd3953

I can't remember the last time I honestly cried, just cried.

I know that for the most part, I see it as a weakness, an unneeded action that helps and changes nothing. At 27, I am learning that while it may not change much, it does help ... but having not really experienced it, I don't know how it works. And I've also learned that it's really hard to 'force' yourself to cry.

I have dropped tears, but I have seen crying, and I know it's not the same. And the only time that ever happens is when I'm listening to music. It doesn't really matter what kind of music, but I guess gospel will do it faster than the rest.

So, I guess what I'm wondering is ...
If you don't have a problem with crying, what do you feel it does for you?
What do you do when you want to cry, but can't?
Why do you feel you can or can't cry?
What do you think makes for a 'good cry?'

EDIT:
I have another question: do you think it's easier to cry for yourself or for others? why do you think it makes a difference?
I wasn't really sure where to post this, so it's here ... if you have a better idea, please, let me know.

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

levite

I assume you're talking about serious sobbing crying, not just a few tears here and there; and for some kind of deep emotional reason, not just tears shed when one hits one's thumb with the hammer, or at a good performance of Les Miz or La Bohemme.

I don't have a problem with it, but I don't do it very much. The last time I cried was when we had to put our dog to sleep. But it was healing crying: making my peace with sending her onward, freeing her from her pain (she was a pretty sick little dog). Before that, probably not since I broke up with my last long-term girlfriend: not if we're talking about serious sobbing crying.

I did shed tears-- joyful tears-- two years ago, on moving to Jerusalem for the year, when I went to visit the Western Wall for the first time in my life. But that wasn't sobbing, that was just me happy, so overcome with emotion and the power of the place that tears just came. That kind doesn't happen often, either, although it's very different.

Other than that, I just don't cry much. It's not that I want to but can't, or that I am ashamed of crying: like I said, I think it's okay for anyone to cry. It's natural, it's healthy, and it can connote strength as much as weakness. And when I need to cry, I do. But that's just not a channel that my emotions tend to often use.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

inBOIL

Crying doesn't do anything but make me sadder. Most people have a hydraulic view of emotions; they build up, then you release them and the pressure drops, making you feel better. My crying is like pouring gasoline on a hot ember, it makes things worse and eventually I just have to smother it anyway.
I rarely feel the urge to cry, and when I do I stifle it, because there's not much point in letting it out. A "good cry" doesn't exist for me.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

dlish

that's interesting lev. i've had the same response from family members who have been to Mecca and have experienced the same thing when entering upon the Kaaba.

me..i try and not get emotional. im as unemotional as they come, but there are times when you need to let go. usually these are during sorrowful times for me which i dont usually disclose.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Charlatan

I get teary all the time. My eyes well up at the drop of a hat. It doesn't take much.

But sobbing is another thing. I don't think I have broken down into sobs since my Dad died about 10 years ago.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

little_tippler

Crying is an emotional release. I tend to have trouble stopping myself from crying when I feel strongly enough about something. I don't like to cry in front of people if I can help it. Sometimes I can't. It depends on who is the onlooker. I don't see it as a sign of weakness but I do see it as something that instantly makes you more exposed, or vulnerable. That's ok if you can trust the person who you're doing it in front of. Sometimes crying can be a good way of letting someone know you actually do care about something, but that are crap at expressing otherwise.

I find crying a good way of letting out stress, anxiety, pain, sadness, and pent up anger. It can also be revealing to yourself if you feel the need to cry about something you didn't realise meant that much to you.

Sometimes I feel teary if I see or hear something beautiful or inspiring. Sometimes I'm overly sensitive to things.

I don't often sob cry, but when I do I feel drained after. But sometimes it's just pain that needs to come out.

I think crying is better than holding things in all the time. That just eats away at you.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Redlemon

Biochemically, I seem to recall that tears are a way of reducing certain hormones, especially stress/adrenaline-related.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Xazy

I have been known to laugh so hard that I cry. I rarely cry, but I think that it helps emotionally when you need to, I felt in a way better after knowing I had cried (which is interesting to say that the crying did not exact release it all but the knowladge of that I had showed how much I cared)

ratbastid

I'll just say this: There's a montage about 15 minutes into the movie Up that, if you don't lose your shit at the end of, you're a cyborg.

dd3953

I guess I do mean sobbing, weeping. And any other word, for an honest cry; and when I say 'honest' I mean one where you aren't in control of the amount of tears, the sounds that leave your mouth, the movements of your body, or length of time consumed.

I've had friends tell me i'm cold, emotionless, because I don't seem sad about things, excited about stuff, I don't even seem to get angry to them; that I don't care about anything. I do. I guess my emotions are just too quiet. I know they are building up, but they don't seem to get release, unless it is anger. Sadness, goes somewhere, but I have no way to find it.

Funny enough, that movie is one of the reasons this have been on my mind here lately. I didn't even feel the need to drop a tear. I mean, I felt sorry for the guy, as sorry as I can feel for someone who isn't real, but my friend, she damn near sobbed for that whole 15 minutes.

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

ratbastid

Well, you're a cyborg, then.

dd3953

Yeah, maybe I am.

__________________
[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

vanblah

The last time I cried was when our oldest cat died. We watched him decline over the course of a month or so and then the last week was just horrible.

Before that was probably when our dog died.

The last time before our dog dying was probably 15 years.

I got pretty teary-eyed at "Marley and Me" but tears didn't really spill over.

Sometimes music can make me teary-eyed.

Sometimes thinking about my daughter can make me teary-eyed ... but not in a sad way.

squeeeb

there have been a few times when i've felt so bad, i just wanted to cry. i couldn't. i wanted to but just couldn't. it was frustrating, like having to get out a sneeze and you can't. i just wanted it out of me, and it wouldn't happen. i have no problems with crying, it's natural, it's supposed to be a great stress release valve, it's supposed to be healthy. perhaps i have some weird repressed notion that crying makes me weak? i've never been told that, nor do i believe it, but maybe my subconscious has other ideas? i cried at my friend's funeral, that was the last time (and one of the only times since my pre-21 year old days) i cried, but it was different circumstances, i was crying for someone, not for myself.

do you think that matters? do you think the situation/reason for crying matters?

i haven't wanted to cry in a while though, so i don't know if i still cant.

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onward to mayhem!

Jozrael

I'll find out in a couple months if I can cry :s

Unless chemo works. *cross fingers*.

dd3953

I've been racking my brain for other situations, outside of childhood, where I've cried (and music wasn't playing), but they have only been tears falling, maybe some heavy breathing. Most of these have all be during fights, fist fights, from the anger, from the thought that I didn't want to hurt them, they made me do this to them ... Then I remembered my first car.

It was about two years ago ... when I got into my car totaled. It was rear-ended by one of those 'we'll move your stuff for you' type trucks. I think that was a real cry, only because the tears came for almost an hour, and returned for short periods for that whole day. I had the car for less than 3 months, it was less than a week til Thanksgiving and I was supposed to go home, and be with my family (who live 6 hours away). I didn't have the money to fix the car. I didn't have the money to buy a bus ticket. I was fine, so was the other driver, but I just couldn't figure out how I was supposed to fix it. Having the cops tell me it was my fault didn't help much, money, money, money, my insurance was gonna go up, I had to pay for the towing, the storage ...

I don't think I've ever cried just for me. And I don't take to other people's emotions well. You know, those people who get sad because the people around them are sad, or excited, or happy ... That's never been something I can do.

For me, I guess it's more like writing. Having ideas, images, a movie, running around your head and not having the letters, the words, to turn it into the story it's supposed to be. Or like trying to open a door that won't move an inch, even though you know you're pushing it the right way and there is no lock.

I think it does. How? I'm not really sure. I don't have enough data to form a pattern.

__________________
[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

lktknow

The last time I really cried like my heart was breaking, was at a hotel in downtown Seattle. Reason being, the love of my life had to go home to his wife.
I cried for her, and her loveless marriage, and him, for being in that position, and myself, for finally finding true happiness so late in life, and have it taken away from me just as quickly.
I do not think I have ever cried as hard or as long as I did. And it had a cleansing effect on me, because the light of day brought on a different perspective to the entire situation.
I understand what you are saying about wanting to cry, and not being able to. I think, for myself, it is because I have conditioned myself not to cry. There were times I wanted to bawl at the sheer frustration of a certain situation, but I always keep that old song in the back of my head, "Don't let the sun catch you crying", and it stops me. Crying to me is a weakness that I do not want other people to know I have. Or at least that is the way I feel. I was raised to always keep a stiff upper lip so to speak, and it did permanent damage to my crying skills.
I have had people tell me they thought I was cold blooded at times, when all around me people were crying, and I was dry eyed. But they don't know when I go home by myself, I will cry my eyes out.

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Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~

Skitto

1. To me? I'm privately unemotional, so crying is a way to release my bad feelings to the ether so they're gone
2. I've never had to deal with that, but when I need to cry: to act, to lie, to force the tears into my sinuses to clear something out of my nose, whatever... what I do is I'll sorta let myself just FLIP! but cautiously; I make all the faces, refine my surface thoughts, and just fuckin' bawl my eyes out! lol.

3. I feel like I can cry when I need to, but when other people expect it of me I'll giggle! Weird eh? It's just... how I am, I guess.
4. see #1

Strange things make me cry, I've always gotten a distant sadness from doing ethnic hymns, like Native American chants, Irish durges, even the Japanese's samurai song.

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Yeah, well, you're just that awesome, I guess. It's not like I guessed so anyways.

Strange Famous

I personally havent cried as an adult. Think the last time was when I was 11 or 12... I dont think thats a good thing.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

SabrinaFair

I cry pretty easily. And yes, it's usually big-fat-ugly-cry. (my preferred term) I hate to cry, particularly if it it's because someone has hurt me. That makes me feel weak. I hate feeling weak. I try not to cry in front of people, if I can help it.

But sometimes a good cry over a sad movie can be cathartic, and get out negative emotions. There are key moments in certain movies that I ALWAYS cry at--like "In A League of Their Own" when the African-American woman picks up the foul ball and hurls it in with amazing speed, and gives that nod to the player. I've seen that movie dozens of times, and I still cry at that part.

Sometimes I cry for a multitude of reasons--the day I graduated law school, I cried like a little bitch right there on stage. I cried for my classmate who had died over spring break--his was the last name they announced, which was actually where he fell in the alphabet. I cried at the look of pride on a beloved professor's face, who looked upon our class with great pride. I cried at my own accomplishment, and the fulfillment of a long-held dream. And then, I cried because my parents were unable to make it to my graduation. (they missed it by like 30 minutes, because they were hurrying back from seeing my brother graduate college in St. Louis) None of these emotions were that strong on their own, but added together they made a big fat mess.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

jewels

The only difference is that as I get older, I notice that when I witness human kindness or love - something that brings me great joy - those things can make me sob cry.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

dd3953

my fingers are crossed as well.



i almost cried a number times today, i was texting a friend about her lost of hope, i was thinking about my life and the fact that i have never loved, or been loved (that i know of, in that wife type of way), that i might not be able to pay any of my bills this month, that i have no idea what to do with my life, that one of close friends might have cancer, and that she wants me to be her 'best man' when she gets married ... and a thousand other things, every time, the door was pushed upon, as if it wanted to open, and then it shut and everything just stopped.

I have a new question: do you think it's easier to cry for yourself or for others? why do you think it makes a difference?

__________________
[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]