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The last time I really cried like my heart was breaking, was at a hotel in downtown Seattle. Reason being, the love of my life had to go home to his wife.
I cried for her, and her loveless marriage, and him, for being in that position, and myself, for finally finding true happiness so late in life, and have it taken away from me just as quickly.
I do not think I have ever cried as hard or as long as I did. And it had a cleansing effect on me, because the light of day brought on a different perspective to the entire situation.
I understand what you are saying about wanting to cry, and not being able to. I think, for myself, it is because I have conditioned myself not to cry. There were times I wanted to bawl at the sheer frustration of a certain situation, but I always keep that old song in the back of my head, "Don't let the sun catch you crying", and it stops me. Crying to me is a weakness that I do not want other people to know I have. Or at least that is the way I feel. I was raised to always keep a stiff upper lip so to speak, and it did permanent damage to my crying skills.
I have had people tell me they thought I was cold blooded at times, when all around me people were crying, and I was dry eyed. But they don't know when I go home by myself, I will cry my eyes out.
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Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~
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