Tamerlain

I've never been able to cheat on my girlfriend in my dreams. I don't dream about situations where I could cheat often, but when they occur I can never go through with it. I always feel guilty. And when I wake up I'm upset because it's just a dream and there's nothing wrong with anything you dream about. (plus the girls I dream about are gorgeous and it would have been a lot of fun to fool around with them )

This kind of thing happened with my last girlfriend too and I've always wondered about it. I thought it might have just been with her, so I'm kind of surprised the same thing is happening.

I'm not dwelling too much on it, I just thought it was something interesting so I thought I would see if this happens to anyone else.

-Tamerlain

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I never let school interfere with my education.

analog

Dreams, in my opinion, do not always have to have anything to do with reality- things we "want" to do, or "wish" we could do, etc.

Meaning that if you have a dream where you kill people, that doesn't make you a serial killer in real life when your real body count is zero, nor does it mean that if you fantasize (dream) about doing stuff with another girl, that it's a betrayal.

To begin with, most of the time you can't control 1. what you dream about, or 2. what you do in those dreams. Even if you choose to do stuff in your dreams, it's still an act of fantasy. Now it's basically on par with daydreaming about doing things with a hot person you see in reality.

Should fantasy really count? I think that's the whole point of fantasy- to be happy thinking about doing something you'd never actually do for real.

Tamerlain

Maybe I didn't explain the situation as well as I had intended.

When I have these dreams, the 'me' in the dream feels guilty about the prospect of cheating, not the 'me' who is doing the dreaming (make sense? ). It bothers me because, like you said, dreams don't often parallel reality. You should feel free to do as you wish because it's a dream - it's not real. I don't feel guilty when I wake up that I've dreamt about another person; I feel guilty while I'm in whatever dream situation and so I don't cheat.

The idea of doing what you want in your dreams is also interesting to me. I don't know about anyone else, but when I dream I usually know it's a dream. I'm aware that what is occuring isn't real. That makes it all the more frustrating for me. I believe that since I know I'm dreaming, I should be able to do whatever I want because it's a dream - but I'm rarely able to.

I hope that makes a bit more sense.

-Tamerlain

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I never let school interfere with my education.

Siege

The same applies to me. I don't remember my dreams very often. But whenever I do, i'm aware of the fact that I am dreaming.

I certainly hope that dreams don't parallel reality. If they do, I think I should be very concerned

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CSflim

"Would you ever cheat on me, sweetie?"
"I wouldn't dream of it honey. Literally"

hotzot

I cheat in my dreams all the time. It's just my darker side trying to come out. So far I've been able to contol myself in the real world.

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ratbastid

So it's a problem for you that you don't cheat on your girlfriend in your dreams?

That says more about you than the contents of your dreams, my friend.

cyrnel

I used to cheat in my dreams all the time. My Tetris dreams. Fucking game.

Cheating on my SO in a dream would be a problem if it were recurring, but only if it were a big deal to either of us. That might mean it's self-perpetuating since I'm dwelling on it. The onesy-twosie violations get chalked up to living in this body.

I don't put much stock in dreams other than sometimes the dream topic reminds me of something that deserves thought. Most of the time though, it's just "dream weird."

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There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

Tamerlain

Not really a problem so much as something I find interesting. I know I'm dreaming so I should be able to do whatever I want (and not feel guilty) because it's a dream - but I never can. I'm just curious as to why that happens.

-Tamerlain

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I never let school interfere with my education.

Ch'i

In my dreams I can baptize a mormon, eat a planet, or reminisce with a seventeen foot seal while promoting a commercialized chestnut named Isaac. So it would certainly be possible to cheat. However, like you, I would tend to revoke the temptation. Self indulgence has never been a strength of mine. Besides, cheating in your dreams would make it a less apprehensive dealing in reality.

Sultana

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.

I guess I'll be mush less apprehensive about unassisted flying now. :P

The OP is a lot more about controlling the content, and the motivation behind the control, than the content. What is that phrase, lucid dreaming? Yeah. Try working on that.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Sticky

When I dream (and when I can remember them afterwards) there are times when I know that I am dreaming and there are times when I have not figured out that it is a dream.

In the cases where I don't know that it is a dream I never cheat. What I mean is that in the dreams, that I don't know are dreams, if I am married to someone or seeing someone (in those dreams) then I don't cheat on that someone.

In the dreams where I realize that they are dreams I take advantage, or try to at least, of the situation. There are even times I don't cheat and then in my dream, or later after I am awake, I get mad at myself becuase the dream would have been a lot more interesting if it had involved sex (rather than just "no thanks, I will continue sipping my beer").

This of course only applies to the dreams that I can remember afterward. I have no idea, of course, about any other dreams.

I think that if you are in a situation where you know you are in a dream it would be great if you could take advantage of that. Try flying, be a rockstar, buy an expensive car, meet people you have always wanted to meet, and yes fool around with someone you find attractive.

No?

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Sticky The Stickman

hambone

I find that if I dream about something that closely mirrors reality, such as hanging out with the same friends as real life, or doing normal everyday things, that my decisions are usually pretty close to what I would do in real life (in your case, not cheating on your girl).

However, when I do dream about crazy off the wall things, like being a robot-ninja that is pitted in a battle to the death against Darth Vader, that my actions and 'thoughts' in the dream are not too close to my normal characteristic behavior.

Maybe that's just me.

Cool topic though, very interesting.

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SaltPork

keep in mind that sometimes a dream is just a dream, other times though, it could be a manifestation of what you really want to do, whether it's fly, swim like a fish, or cheat. Me...I just dream a crazy ass things, like lumberjack competitions and log rolling, maybe it's a metaphor, maybe it's just me at a lumber jack competition. I try not to think about it.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

abaya

I didn't dream about physical intimacy with anyone until I actually started having sex, at age 24. And with my boyfriend then (who was also new to sex then... and who is my fiance now, 2.5 years later!), I didn't start dreaming about sex until we lived together, about 4-5 months after we got together. That was really weird.

During that time, I dreamed quite a few times about having sex with other people, and I always felt very guilty *in* the dream when I did it. I knew it was wrong, but it always ended up being an accident. Keep in mind that for me, disturbing dreams usually occur more often when I am stressed, especially relationally... that's all they are, manifestations of what's going on under the surface. I certainly wasn't thinking about cheating on my boyfriend at the time, but I was unhappy with our living situation and growing increasingly frustrated... and that came out in my dreams, I think. At least, that's my analysis. Since that time, I haven't really dreamed about having sex with other people, mostly because our relationship has grown stronger and stronger (or at least, that's the correlation for me).

When I was a lot more bi-curious (still am, but not as keenly), I dreamt about having sex with women, and I felt okay telling ktspktsp about those. But when I dreamt about cheating on him with men, I didn't want to tell him... especially if it was a friend of ours, in the dream. I didn't like my mind doing that to me without my permission... I really felt like I had cheated, even mentally, when I woke up. It almost felt like I was being subconsciously unfaithful, even though I know you can't always control these things. I guess I'm glad I don't dream about that stuff anymore.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

longbough

Since I'm single at the moment I'm dreaming about sex right now.

I don't recall if I had "cheating" dreams much less feel guilty about them. But I had a GF who had a dream where I was cheating on her ... and she was still upset with me for it. So I guess you could say I felt guilty about someone else's dream.

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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi

ktspktsp

I recall having one dream when I was having sex with another girl (this is after I started dating Abaya). I'm not sure if I felt guilty in the dream.. maybe I did, but then again I rarely remember my dreams well. What I do remember from that dream though, is that I had sex by entering her through.. her bellybutton. Weird. At it was perfectly normal in the dream. And no, I don't have a bellybutton fetish .

In any case, dreams are just dreams. Nothing 'wrong' or 'right' about them.

cyrnel

I think many of us have experience with that one. It can be amazingly powerful. The fact every friend I've spoken to about this has mentioned at least one similar incident makes me wonder how many women go through this without mentioning it to their SO.

Q) "What's bothering you?"
...tick tock...
Q) "Honey?"
...tick tock...
Q) "If you don't want to talk abou"
A) "NOTHING! Everything's fine!"

My only way to deal with it is laugh at the utter absurdity. Repeatedly. Her humor and rational side win out eventually.

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There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

streak_56

I cheat on myself in my dreams... my right hand gets angry at my left... and then it gets messy. I usually have to come between them to break them up. And then its usually couples conselling for a couple of days until the situation all blows over...

the drama in a single guys life eh?

shesus

I'm hoping she didn't stay mad for long because that's crazy. I've dreamed that JJ has cheated on me and I will typically punch him while I'm still asleep in real life. He's like 'WTF! and wakes me up.'
He's dreamed about me cheating on him and has actually pushed me out of bed saying 'You don't want to be here? Leave then..."

Ahhh, dreams the entertainment of sleep. And yes, I can cheat in my dreams and don't feel guilty. It's not real and dreams rarely make sense. The other night I was decapitated, last night I had sex with another man. Dreams are unpredictable and uncontrollable. Enough said.

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I heard you sold it

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SugahBritches

I love it!

Oh my. If we were judged on what we dreamed, heaven help us!

If we all dream about cheating and you dream about not being able to cheat, maybe you are the sane dreamer.

kel

I cheated on my wife in a dream recently. It was awesome! I told her about it the next morning, she seems fine with it. Man... I wish I could get away with the things I did in my dream with her!

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"It better be funny"

ngdawg

Dreams are merely manifestations of conscious riddles being worked out in the subconscious. If you look at the person you are cheating with, you can analyze what the scenario represents.
No SO should get upset because you dreamt of sex with someone else. That someone else is merely a metaphor most times. You also need to look at the context of the dream itself, what you were doing, where, etc., to get the basic gist of what it means. The person alone probably means nothing; but the real life relationship with that person may give you clues to why you dreamt what you dreamt.

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Cynthetiq

sure why not.. just like I smoked a big joint in my office and my boss walked in rolled his eyes and walked out...

then i woke up... wondered what happened..

then I woke of for reals... and it was a dream inside of a dream...

so why not

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Sticky

My wife had a dream like this once.
She woke up and was mad at me.
She did not act on it though but she did tell me how ridiculous she felt becuase she was really mad at me when she knew it was only a dream.

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Sticky The Stickman

ratbastid

Yeah, lurkette used to do that. Or dream I'd done something mean to her, and she'd be mad at me all day... Good times.

The other night I had the most vivid sex dream I've had in a long time. It involved a girl I went to high school with, who I haven't seen in more than 10 years. It was getting real hot, but I couldn't go all the way with her because (in the dream) I couldn't get in touch with lurkette to clear it with her! Even in my dreams I'm a responsible polyamorist!

So, I guess, put me down in the "can't cheat in my dreams" column.

ngdawg

Sounds like you were trying to reconnect and remember some good past times, but since you now have Lurkette in your life, they just don't mean as much anymore without her being there.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Derwood

I've had dreams where my wife didn't exist. I mean, in the "reality" of the dream, I'm with some other woman and I was never married, never knew her, etc. She simply doesn't exist. When I wake up, I have to take a second to remember what reality is

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ratbastid

Hunh! That's a very nice interpretation. Not at all the one I made, but nice!

To clarify: I was never with the girl in my dream, despite a lot of wishing and wanting on both of our parts. And, if I were to see her in waking life, odds are good I'd have lurkette's thumbs-up for most anything we'd want to do together. But the explicit thumbs-up is a requirement, and evidently is so even in my dreams!

Kali

ngdawg

Whether it's just 'getting hot' or getting it on, it's important to remember that, while dreaming of having sex can be just dreaming of sex, more often than not the sex itself is representative, as is the person we're doing it to in the dream.
The results you get from the dream are more important than any outsider's interpretation of it as well, but a lot of people don't know how to make the interpretations or connections and just assume they were dreaming about sex with another person. More often than not, that's not the case at all.

Kali: That pale colored text doesn't show up on the lighter formats...

Ah...there we go...
Dreaming about sex isn't a matter of being 'satisfied' 99% of the time. Read my other posts about that. For instance, dreaming about having sex with a boss might be showing a desire to control or 'get back' at that boss (sex as a means of control). Dreaming of a 'happy sex' with someone from the past might be reminding you of some of the sweeter times of that time period-not necessarily with that person, per se. It's also important in analyzing dreams what the entire scenario is, what happens before and after, etc.
I'll give a prime example of a sex dream with a moral: Recently, I dreamt that my best (male) friend and I were sharing a house with both our families, as if on vacation. We kept exchanging glances of desire, but couldn't get time alone. Fnally, he followed me into a bathroom and we went at it on the floor, only to realize the door wasn't locked and his son started to walk in. My friend abruptly stopped, leapt off me and we sat on the floor talking to his son as if nothing was going on.
To me, the message of the dream was very clear: It was affirming my feeling of unimportance in the grander scale of this person's life, while acknowledging the mutual feelings we have. I shared both the dream and what I thought it represented with the friend. No one should be afraid to share sex dreams with their SO or anyone they trust and love-they give insight to conflict, emotions and desires.

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surferlove007

I've dreamt of sleeping with other people in dreams but they turned out to be totally random people from my real life everyday things, like my old boss or other people who I would otherwise have no attraction to in the least.
I don't think its a bad thing, you didn't mean for it to come into your dream.
As long as you don't cheat in RL I say no worries, just as long as there is no urge later down the road.
Cheating = LAZY.
Althougn sleeping with people in dreams is a good way to experiment.
I dreamt I was a lesbian, it was interesitng, I did everything necessary for sex and when I woke up I realized I was most likely not missing anything from the other side of the sexual world. Take it with a grain of salt, experiments or whatnot. Enjoy your dreams, don't overanalyze unless it bothers you severely.
Nightmares suck though.
I tend to jerk myself awake when those happen, unless it's one of those Dane Cook type crab nightmares where you wake up for a second and then fall back asleep into the same damn nightmare.
Haha...good stuff.

Intense1

Dreamt once that I slept with my pastor - yeesh, the next week's sermon was tough to sit through.

I call these type dreams "Chili-dog with onion" dreams. I often dream of being friends with Queen Elizabeth, but nothing erotic, thank God.

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(none yet, still thinkin')