F*** My Life - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

LoganSnake · 02-05-2009, 04:32 PM

Best. Site. Ever.

F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories.

braisler · 02-05-2009, 05:36 PM

Yeah, good for a few laughs. I got there through StumbleUpon just the other day.

Plan9 · 02-05-2009, 05:53 PM

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

HAHAHAHA! I'll drink to that.

Xerxys · 02-05-2009, 06:35 PM

"Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML"

My favourite so far!!!!!!!!

dippin · 02-05-2009, 06:48 PM

my favorite is this:
"Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML"

Not the fact that she sent a nude picture to her father, but the reply...

phathom · 02-05-2009, 11:44 PM

Today, I woke up surrounded in a hospital. I suffered a stroke and my left side is paralyzed. My mom brought me my phone that had a voicemail from my girlfriend of a year and a half saying she wanted to break up. FML

Kinda makes you wish you hadn't woken up huh?

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Yuck!

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

Ouch

And my favorite

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. We've been together for three months. Two years before we began dating I received a confirmed successful vasectomy that she doesn't know about yet. FML

OH SH*T LMAO

ItWasMe · 02-06-2009, 12:31 AM

OH, I love this one:

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

troit · 02-06-2009, 08:28 AM

A few of my favorites:

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
#8816 (9) - 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm by PlayTag - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (2009) - you deserved that one (1299)

Today, the girl I'm in love with told me she might be a lesbian. She then asked me if I wanted to have sex with her. Does she wanted to make 100% she was a lesbian? Her reply was: "No, I just think you'd be a good transition". FML
#6083 (13) - 02/03/2009 at 9:16am by Revi - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (3605) - you deserved that one (201)

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style postion was fun, it reminded him what it would be like to rape a girl. FML
#4489 (11) - 02/01/2009 at 5:53am by anonymous - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (4204) - you deserved that one (295)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML
#997 (2) - 01/12/2009 at 10:37am by LiLGeek - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (863) - you deserved that one (188)

Plan9 · 02-06-2009, 08:29 AM

Common themes of guys fappin' at porn and getting caught and girls sending naked pictures to someone other than the intended target.

Pretty damn funny.

phathom · 02-06-2009, 02:00 PM

NEW:
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Reese · 02-06-2009, 04:20 PM

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

aww..

ASU2003 · 02-13-2009, 11:40 PM

F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories.

If the world has gotten you down, it could always be worse. After you read some of these posts, your troubles hopefully won't seem quite so bad.

Quote:

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

Quote:

Today, I was at a bar in Canada and was really hitting it off with a girl. She asked how big my junk was and I told her in inches... They use centimeters. FML

Quote:

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

dd3953 · 02-27-2009, 06:33 PM

http://www.fmylife.com

and you thought you were having a bad day.

this website is funny and sad all at the same time. people log on and post about the crappy stuff that has happened to them. and you get to vote, is their life really f***ed or did they deserve it?

like...

Quote:

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

Quote:

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

Quote:

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

ASU2003 · 02-27-2009, 06:39 PM

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/found-n...augh-them.html

I knew I had seen this before. Nobody else liked it I guess. I thought it was quite funny.

Quote:

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

That is too funny.

dd3953 · 02-27-2009, 06:46 PM

damn, i knew i should of done a search first. maybe i can get them merged or something.

Xerxys · 02-27-2009, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASU2003

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/found-n...augh-them.html

I knew I had seen this before. Nobody else liked it I guess. I thought it was quite funny.

That is too funny.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dd3953

damn, i knew i should of done a search first. maybe i can get them merged or something.

Both o' y'all shoulda' done a bit o' searchin'

>>LINK<<

dd3953 · 02-28-2009, 12:03 AM

wow. didn't realize how popular this site was. but cool.

Quote:

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

Not Right Now · 02-28-2009, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake

Best. Site. Ever.

This.

Teufel Hunden · 03-01-2009, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

My cousin used to do the same thing with pop corn.

Not Right Now · 03-03-2009, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

Ohhhh fuck.

dd3953 · 03-04-2009, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." So I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well I am still not attracted to you though." FML

Xerxys · 03-05-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

Why cant I get the picture outta my head?!!!!

MacGuyver · 03-05-2009, 11:05 PM

Someone I know sent me this today... it's a website called 'F*** My Life'

It looks like a place where you can post situations throughout the day that made you say fuck my life. Some of these are actually pretty funny. There's even a little feature where you can vote, 'I agree, your life is fucked' or 'you deserved that one' haha.

F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories.

Redlemon · 03-06-2009, 10:03 AM

See F*** My Life - Tilted Forum Project for discussion.

MacGuyver · 03-06-2009, 10:49 AM

Shiiit. I never search.

Esoteric · 03-06-2009, 11:12 AM

Some of this is pretty hilarious and other stuff is kind of depressing if true.

Jozrael · 03-06-2009, 12:15 PM

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

dd3953 · 03-08-2009, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

Quote:

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

Quote:

Today, I spent $160 on a spa package for me and my best friend because her boyfriend just broke up with her, and she has been really upset for the past week. Turns out her boyfriend broke up with her because she had been cheating on him. With MY boyfriend. FML

Quote:

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

Quote:

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

Not Right Now · 03-09-2009, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

Quote:

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

Tiny Dancer · 03-12-2009, 05:03 PM

This site always makes me feel so much better about myself it's great. It also pruves guys are duch bags,

Herbert West · 04-18-2009, 09:05 AM

"Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML"

This reminded me of something funny I found a while ago: google "England flops shafted by enormous todger". Sorry I can't post the direct link; TFP isn't letting me post URLs yet.

LoganSnake · 04-18-2009, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer

This site always makes me feel so much better about myself it's great. It also pruves guys are duch bags,

And chicks are cunts. It goes both ways.

MSD · 04-27-2009, 01:15 PM

If only there were some way for the universe to punish fake posts by making the content of fake posts actually happen to people, this would be great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herbert West

"Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML"

This is especially funny for me because my band is named Death Penis.

Xerxys · 05-03-2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

dd3953 · 06-24-2009, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

and what does one say to that?

iamboredd · 06-28-2009, 03:52 PM

Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML

haHAHAAHAHHA

DaniGirl · 06-28-2009, 04:02 PM

I love that site!!!

02-05-2009, 04:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
LoganSnake We work alone Location: Cake Town	F* My Life Best. Site. Ever. F* My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories. __________________ Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

02-05-2009, 05:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
braisler Addict Location: Midway, KY	Yeah, good for a few laughs. I got there through StumbleUpon just the other day. __________________ --- You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - Albert Einstein ---

02-05-2009, 05:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML" HAHAHAHA! I'll drink to that. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

02-05-2009, 11:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
phathom Crazy	Today, I woke up surrounded in a hospital. I suffered a stroke and my left side is paralyzed. My mom brought me my phone that had a voicemail from my girlfriend of a year and a half saying she wanted to break up. FML Kinda makes you wish you hadn't woken up huh? Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML Yuck! Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML Ouch And my favorite Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. We've been together for three months. Two years before we began dating I received a confirmed successful vasectomy that she doesn't know about yet. FML OH SHT LMAO __________________ -snooch to the nooch Last edited by phathom; 02-05-2009 at 11:47 PM..*

02-06-2009, 12:31 AM	#7 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	OH, I love this one: Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

02-05-2009, 06:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	"Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML" My favourite so far!!!!!!!!

02-05-2009, 06:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
dippin Crazy, indeed Location: the ether	my favorite is this: "Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML" Not the fact that she sent a nude picture to her father, but the reply...

02-06-2009, 08:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
troit Transfer Agent Location: NYC	A few of my favorites: Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML #8816 (9) - 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm by PlayTag - sex - I agree, your life is f*ed (2009) - you deserved that one (1299) Today, the girl I'm in love with told me she might be a lesbian. She then asked me if I wanted to have sex with her. Does she wanted to make 100% she was a lesbian? Her reply was: "No, I just think you'd be a good transition". FML #6083 (13) - 02/03/2009 at 9:16am by Revi - sex - I agree, your life is fed (3605) - you deserved that one (201) Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style postion was fun, it reminded him what it would be like to rape a girl. FML #4489 (11) - 02/01/2009 at 5:53am by anonymous - sex - I agree, your life is fed (4204) - you deserved that one (295) Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML #997 (2) - 01/12/2009 at 10:37am by LiLGeek - sex - I agree, your life is f*ed (863) - you deserved that one (188) __________________ I've yet to dephile myself...

02-06-2009, 08:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Common themes of guys fappin' at porn and getting caught and girls sending naked pictures to someone other than the intended target. Pretty damn funny. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

02-06-2009, 02:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
phathom Crazy	NEW: Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML __________________ -snooch to the nooch

02-06-2009, 04:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
Reese Delicious	Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML aww.. __________________ “It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

02-27-2009, 06:46 PM	#15 (permalink)
dd3953 Psycho: By Choice Location: dd.land	damn, i knew i should of done a search first. maybe i can get them merged or something. __________________ [Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

03-05-2009, 11:05 PM	#23 (permalink)
MacGuyver You're going to have to trust me! Location: Massachusetts	F* MY LIFE! Someone I know sent me this today... it's a website called 'F* My Life' It looks like a place where you can post situations throughout the day that made you say fuck my life. Some of these are actually pretty funny. There's even a little feature where you can vote, 'I agree, your life is fucked' or 'you deserved that one' haha. F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories. __________________ We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. ---Aristotle Deeds, not words, shall speak [for] me. ---John Fletcher

03-06-2009, 10:03 AM	#24 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	See F*** My Life - Tilted Forum Project for discussion. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

03-06-2009, 10:49 AM	#25 (permalink)
MacGuyver You're going to have to trust me! Location: Massachusetts	Shiiit. I never search. __________________ We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. ---Aristotle Deeds, not words, shall speak [for] me. ---John Fletcher

03-06-2009, 11:12 AM	#26 (permalink)
Esoteric Tired Location: Florida	Some of this is pretty hilarious and other stuff is kind of depressing if true. __________________ From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

03-06-2009, 12:15 PM	#27 (permalink)
Jozrael Junkie	Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

03-12-2009, 05:03 PM	#30 (permalink)
Tiny Dancer Registered User Location: D-Town, Co	This site always makes me feel so much better about myself it's great. It also pruves guys are duch bags,

04-18-2009, 09:05 AM	#31 (permalink)
Herbert West Upright	"Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML" This reminded me of something funny I found a while ago: google "England flops shafted by enormous todger". Sorry I can't post the direct link; TFP isn't letting me post URLs yet.

06-28-2009, 03:52 PM	#36 (permalink)
iamboredd Upright	Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML haHAHAAHAHHA

06-28-2009, 04:02 PM	#37 (permalink)
DaniGirl Addict Location: Fucking Utah...	I love that site!!!