:::OshnSoul:::

It makes sense. We refuse to admit that we do know the opposite sex VERY well.

Here it is:

WOMEN want communication, closeness, attention, quality time together, romance, gifts....

MEN want sex.
Oh, and alone time, to feel independent and powerful.



Ok- so wouldn't it just be cuttin' the crap if we just say it? "I understand the opposite sex." Then, if we learn to give what the other needs, with acceptance and love, wouldn't couples be a lot happier? Marriages last?

It takes two to tango, if you haven't figured that out yet. :P




I am finally aknowledging this now in my current relationship of 7 months, and it has been so wonderful- there are still sparks and I don't feel like they are going to ever dissipate. Ya know those "fresh love" feelings? Still there and still intense. It still trips me out to this day. I can't help but look at him and be so happy with the person I am with. And when he looks into my eyes or touches me, I melt every time.

Why? Because- we communicate, we do things for each other that we know the other likes (really without ever having to ask), we're honest and straightforward, but we are full of gtatitude of each other that we harldy ever argue- and if we do, we can't stand being mad at the other, so we make up within 5 minutes.
AND- it is incredible in bed with him. Amazing every time. And I have seriously never been so horny in my life. Why? Again- because he satisfies my needs and desires as well. We also just mesh very well personality-wise.

So, in that, it makes everything as a whole so significant.

And even though we are flat broke, we couldn't be happier. Both coming out of bad past relationships, we did not expect this. But we mutually agreed to make a pact- to make this a wonderful, working relationship.

forkies

i think you're spot on about the benefits of communication in your relationship.
i think you're terribly off with the generalizations. try ditching them & just being happy with your partner.

(unless that's what you're trying to say, & i simply can't make it out from your post )

Cynthetiq

the challenge is to keep the communication going on for years...

we're in our 3rd year of marriage and 7th year of being together, we still communicate effectively but I can see sometimes where each one of us falls short once in a while.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

analog

I'm glad that you live in a world where men are so emotionally void and one-dimensional, because I live in the real world, and I'd hate to think I live in THAT world.

So, enjoy being with your hollow, emotionally inept, and one-dimensional boy, because males in general do not fit your horrible stereotype, and most men would not put up being insulted like that. I guess you lucked out in finding one of those men who's happy to be a puppet, rather than a partner.

Maybe once those initial "puppy love" endorphines subside a little, you'll see that this type of mindset is not at all what makes a "relationship". The "puppy love" high can keep a man from realizing he's being treated like shit- I know, I've been there personally. But, rest assured- once they subside, he'll know exactly where your heart lies.

maleficent

I really want all that? Gifts? Really? How shallow of me...

Pretty broad statement.... maybe it's what you want but I would say that all women want different things - just as allmen want different things...

__________________

Aphrodite

Stereotypes often don't apply.

I am a woman. I want alone time, freedom, independence, respect, love, romance, sex.
I am dating a guy who wants attention and communication. These things are hard for me to give.

So don't apply stereotypes to people thinking they have the answers... get to know people, because no two are exactly the same.

slimshaydee

Yes the reason all men enter relationships is because we want sex. What was I thinking wanting emotional fulfillment and someone who I could have fun spending time with.

d*d

Not the old 'all men want is sex' addage, and followed by a patronising sentence about 'alone time to feel powerful'

Sorry but you really don't get the opposite sex. All you have done is regugitated some hackneyed stereotypes

7 months is no where near as long a time to truly test your relationship, come back in 10 years then we'll talk philosophy about understanding the opposite sex

ubertuber

Analog came on pretty strong, but I agree with him. I HATE it when a woman assumes that all I am interested in is sex, or worse, assumes that I'll always be ready to go when she wants it. Your statements may be true of your relationship (which is perfectly fine), but I really don't think they'd work in the majority of instances. In fact women thinking that way has caused problems in my relationships.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

Cynthetiq

agreed. I didn't focus on that aspect of the OP.

Even after being together all this time, sometimes Skogafoss figures I'm ready to go when she's ready. Sometimes I'm not in the mood just like she can be.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Mantus

I think we need this cleared up before we can critisize OshnSoul's opinions.

maleficent

I think what it comes down to - is both sides want and need the same thing. Respect from the other person.Part of respect is paying attention to what the other person's wants and needs are and acting accordingly, but not losing yourself in the process.

__________________

:::OshnSoul:::

I didn't say that ALL men and ALL women are that way. Yes, it is a generalization, but it's not a bad thing at all. I find it a perfect fit. Men and women were made to mesh, but through life we've developed or created something against the opposite sex.
My bo and I aren't exactly fitting that portrayal- actually I find myself thinking of sex more than him! haha... But really, as a general scope of the situation that tends to occur to some point in our lives when interacting with the opposite sex, the point is to glorify the differences- even if it's not really what I said in my original post.

Jinn

Just because it merited being said again.

I find your stereotypes absolutely repulsive and I believe with my whole being that you are wrong. PEOPLE as a whole make differences so that they can feeeeel different and feeeeel unique and seperate themselves from "them." By pulling the "differences" about black people out of thin air, our ancestors were able to justify putting them into slavery -- because they were different. By making up the idea that women were inferior, our predecessors were able to take away the rights of women. By painting Arabs as "different" than us, we could justify being prejudiced against them because they were "different."

NEWS BREAK -- we're all humans. We all want to be loved, want to life comfortably, want to love someone, live in a safe world, etc etc etc.. we are all so much more alike than anyone realizes.

You have a good point that communication is the absolute key to a good relationship, but you shouldn't be communicating as disseperate entities. Do you NOT want sex? Does he NOT want "ommunication, closeness, attention, quality time together, romance, gifts"...?

I hate to break it to you, but both REAL men and REAL women alike WANT ALL OF THESE. Why? Because we're similar, NOT different.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Johnny Pyro

Hmmmmmmmmm....no. Lets break down your statement about men. Maybe some men want that and some women do too. Everyone is different as a individual.

Speaking for myself I want communication, closeness, attention, quality time together, romance, and sex. Woman want sex too. To feel independent and powerful? Naaa. I'll always feel indepent no matter what. I'll just have someone to be independent with.

__________________
"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

Mantus

Well now that you cleared that up for me OshnSoul, I'll chime in.

I think your statement is wrong on several levels. However as you continue with your post, it seems that you actually practice one thing and say another.

First off all yes there are a certain needs that all members of the same sex share. However, personal, religious and cultural values shape and change a persons needs; thus generalizations are very dangerous. Generalizations create two oportunities for a mistake. First you guess about the need, second you guess about the value that need holds for a person.

Sexuality for example can have an imence amount of variables when it comes to personal meaning.

The only way to discover what any one individual really wants is to ask. But it goes deeper then that! Not only do you have ask but you must analize the responce. I talked about this in the communication thread where people will give you values that are means to an end.

For example some women say they wan't "romance", most men wonder just what the fuck that actually means. I find that most of the time "romance" means they wan't to be seduced, once I know this end value I can easilly fulfil her desire. Where if I wen't with trying to fulfil the need for "romance" I would be shooting in the dark.

EULA

The lesson I learned recently is that I can't give women what they want: movie love.

Toaster126

I bet you can find someone out there that doesn't think real life and fiction are supposed to be the same.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Martian

How about this?

Women want to feel special, communication, to be validated, to feel loved, companionship, sex and understanding.

Men want to feel special, communication, to be validated, to feel loved, companionship, sex and understanding.

That's the thoery I've used for the entire portion of my 22 years that I've been interested in girls and it's worked so far.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Mantus

-Ever-

I dig this. Love to me is a soulmate, whether on top of the world or roaming garbage cans together

Just be sure to remain true to family, friends, and yourself. You never know when the relationship can end and what you're describing is something that I experienced for over two years when it suddenly ended. I don't feel I stayed as true to these things as I should have, so the comedown has been almost twice as hard as it should have been.

Here's to longevity though, may you both thrive together!

Edit: Went back and read some of the earlier replies. I'm thinking my reply is towards an edited post?

__________________
Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster...
--Acknowledge your weaknesses--

william

Generalizations are always way too simple. How can the cretin next door represent me? How can the hooker down the street represent you? All men are players? All women are golddiggers? WTF?
People are people. There are guys that are happy at the end of Extreme Makeover - Home Edition. There are women that sometimes just want the down and dirty.
Communication is definitely key - the top two killers of a marriage (relationship) are communication and finance.

Willravel

Hmm...you missed a few things for me, and possibly exaggerate one thing in particular. I like sex as much as the next guy, but no man thinks about sex every 5 seconds, or even 5 minutes. Those old studies were proven wrong ages ago. They are simply trying to reinforce the 'men ar simple minded pigs' attitude. I don't consider myself to be simple minded, even in the sexuality department. I would not put sex a the top of my 'want' or 'need' list. It'd be well into the teens for both, actually. My greatest want and need is the happyness and safety of my immediate family, both daughter and wife (and my beagle puppy, Jack). My secondary needs fall upon my or my wifes ability to bring home the resources necessary to support our family, make sure we have clothes, food, utilities, a roof over our heads, etc. These things are much more important than sexuality, alone time (independance), or 'power'. My attentions are always to my family first, then everything else. This isn't even a maturity thing. I've always felt this way. I wonder if many men are misunderstood because of sexual misconceptions.

MSD

Thanks to the same misconceptions that you're perpetuating, I can't juswt be honest and say that sex isn't all I want because I'll be acused of lying and trying to make myself sound good in order to get into a woman's pants.

I'm done with this thread, everyone else have fun with the discussion.