Kubz18

ok for the last 4 months i have been dating this girl, and its been going extremely well but just like every relationship theres a problem,
besides her living 3 hours away i still see her almost every weekend(she comes home from college) but my job
has me working nights and most of the time i work weekends too, so basiclly i only see here until like 10pm and then i have to leave, then she goes out.....and sometimes doesnt come home till the next day


now im not a jelous guy and we have a very trusting relationship but while im at work i get calls from her telling me how much fun im missing out on tells me these parties are great, but heres what gets me, she always goes to parties with one guy all the time, she tells me that hes just a friend and that hes hopelessly in love with her, plus shes always re-assured me that she had never cheated on anyone and that i have nothing to worry about. but she has a problem when she gets drunk, when im not out with her, she flirts heavily with everyone guys and girls(although the girls dont bother me ) i wouldnt be so worried but the worst feeling is i feel like i cant do anything about it.

i would love to call in sick and go with her to these parties but im a my probabtional period at my job for 3 more months so calling in sick is almost out of the question

so what im asking for is advice, what can i do? should i be more worried that i am?

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"I have no idea whats going on"

WillyPete

Call in sick, see if you enjoy it.
Your health doesn't take a 3 month rain check on being sick even if it is your probationary period.
If you turn up work still drunk, well, that's another problem...

Are you going to the parties to keep an eye on her or to have fun?
If it's to play the jealous boyfriend, I can guarantee that she'll ditch you real quick.
Never do that.
Go to,like, 1 in 5 parties. You can deal with that. Have fun with her and keep your job.

She has it good, and you're part of that 'good'.
You're the steady boyfriend who understands and lets her out to play.
That's hard to find. You're still developing trust at this point. You have to define the limits of the trust, but if she's saying she's not wandering and you have no proof otherwise that should be ok.

As for flirting:
Nothing wrong with going to the restaurant and reading the menu to get an appetite and going home to eat.
Just make sure that she is coming home to eat regularly.

-Ever-

Man I feel you. I too am dating a party girl right now. She loves to settle down and such but she works hard and definitely likes to play hard.

I'm not quite sure what to say though as it sounds like a situation I'd be asking help on. It sounds like she has reassured you a few times though which is nice. I'd agree with the above poster that going out every once in a while with them would be cool, but who knows, ever night she's not with you is a new experience. If it were me, I'd try to plan a vacation here and there to let her know that you're putting energy into the relationship and expect the same out of her. It's also a good excuse for getting out of the bar scene and into the "world" scene every once in a while

Good luck with whatever happens, girls are tough.

Edit: Btw my party girlfriend recently broke up with me for what it's worth..

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--Acknowledge your weaknesses--

SERPENT7

Party people are not interested in being tied down. Eventually she will get bored with stability and move on.

aintyoboyfriend

Agreed. I dated a party girl, and she resented the fact that I provided stability and normality in her life.

Eventually, she left me so she could party without her conscious.

Later she settled down and got out of the party girl mentality, and came crawling back...

Jinn

Now THAT's partying.

To the OP:

Ever considered gettin' more friendly with this guy? It serves three purposes (at least). The first -- you make a new friend. The second -- if he's your friend, his conscience will tell him not to do something that would hurt YOU. Third -- if he's a GOOD friend, he'll be there to protect your lady in your absense. Think Lancelot. Or wait, don't. He stole Arthur's lady.

The unfortunate part of this situation is that you will really never know. Its all about how much you trust them.. and if you're getting the feeling you shouldn't trust them, I think that goes along with the feeling that you should no longer be with them.

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Johnny Pyro

Hmmmm....should you be worried? Most definitley. Party girls are not good girls. A guy friend? Hmmm...sounds fishy. I wouldn't trust it at all. Thats just me. Go to church and find a good girl that won't drive you nuts with worrying about what shes doing, or who. Nothing against party girls, I like 'em plenty, but I wouldn't date them.

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insidious_machinae

This message has been deleted.

Cimarron29414

If you don't think you can lose her to a girl just as easily as a guy, you are deceiving yourself. While she is reassuring, which is admirable, if she is committed to you then there is a simple rule:

Always conduct yourself as if your mate is sitting in the room with you. If you wouldn't behave that way with them in the room, then you shouldn't do it when they are gone.

You have to choose: trust her or let her go.

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noodles

since we're rehashing the old thread, i'll toss my $0.02 in:

i've dated two and both left me for freedom or the opportunity for someone who will more enjoy and participate in their fun times. take from that what you will.

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dlish

just her telling you 'oh theres nothing, we're just friends' should be enough to ring alarm bells.

i'd be weary if i were you.

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HalcyonDaze

On the one hand, I disagree with dlish--whether she's cheating or not, she'll tell you "oh there's nothing, we're just friends." She could very well be telling the truth, and I'm inclined to believe her on that count. If this guy is "totally in love with her," and she liked him enough to cheat on you, she'd just dump you and date him. So I think you're safe on that guy.

But, I still don't know if I'd trust the rest. I wouldn't be comfortable with my girlfriend going out and partying without me that often, especially if she's flirting and doesn't come home until the next day. I mean, once in a while is one thing, but if this is every day, things are going to go wrong.

My advice? It sounds like she's a fun girl. Enjoy it while it lasts, but don't get attached, because it doesn't sound like this girl is in for a long-term relationship.

smooth

First of all, my opinion is that you can't redefine someone's existence. It sounds like you probably met her at a party. Now that you're her man, why should she stop acting like she did before she met you?

Also, what is she to you? Marriage material?
If not, you might consider just how open you are willing to be...maybe it's time to try that MFM 3-some she's been hankering for...or that FMF or FFM for your desires! All 3 are loads of fun with the right chemistry. And you can learn a lot from other lovers' techniques.

One of the best compliments came from my wife and her friends when they explained that I was better than any of their female lovers.

And the second from my friend: dude, I thought I was an awesome pussy licker, but you are fucking amazing! Master...

You already hinted that you were up for her and another woman, so return the favor. This could turn into a beautiful thing: just think, your girl and guy friend tag-teaming the hottest ladies at the party and bringing them home for the 4 of your enjoyment!

If you don't want to walk on the wild side during her (your?) college years, have you had a monogamous discussion with her yet?

And lastly, if you feel that strongly about the whole thing, you can clip her wings: fuck the ever living hell out of her so she couldn't possibly think about taking another man


Oh, I forgot to add that I disagree with the idea that partiers don't like stability. I personally crave it. What I don't like, though, is insecurity and constriction. Asking her routinely what she's up to when you're not around and other men in her life, & etc. is a surefire way to turn someone who wouldn't be opposed to some weekly grounding into reconsidering your overall value to her life at this point.

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"You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists." -- Abbie Hoffman

World's King

Sorry if I'm keepin' her out too late... kidding... I swear it's not me... I swear... what?


Anyway... Just because you posted this I'm gonna come out and guess that you really don't trust her. And I'm gonna bet you a grand that I'm right. And you wanna know why? I tell people all the time I trust the living shit outta my girlfriend... that couldn't be a bigger pile of horse shit. She lives three states away from me in the capitol of pretty and stupid... Laguna Beach. She claims up and fuckin' down that she's not like the "mental giants" you see on TV... I'm not sure where I was goin' with this...


Dump the drunk and stick with a more well-rounded girl that doesn't go out as much...


Wait can I have that girls number if you dump her... ? Kidding... no really... Can I...

What? Fine. I'll leave now.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

smooth

only one way to find out...shoot me her number and I'll get back to you on whether she's trustworthy...

__________________
"The theory of a free press is that truth will emerge from free discussion, not that it will be presented perfectly and instantly in any one account." -- Walter Lippmann

"You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists." -- Abbie Hoffman

World's King

Funny. No.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

balinksi

How is your sex life. Is she giving it to you on a regular basis. Or is she coming up with excuses. Excuses = cheating in my book.

alec

Haha, I have dated two somewhat-party chicks (what is the definition here, by the way??) -- they didn't really go out that much, but when they do they get really drunk. And that's what always scared me, because eventually both relationships became long distance. It's easy to trust a girl when she's by your side and you can see that she loves you and cares about you -- but what about when she's far away and in a different state of mind? Even if they give you a drunk dial -- its still drunk, and you don't know where that's going to take them or who is with them.

Anyway, I don't know what to say. Maybe keep your distance and stray from getting too attached. Either way if you feel like you can or can't trust her, you may as well protect yourself from being hurt.