Martian

So I have this friend (oh, how clichéd). He's 22 and I've known him since grade school. Well, this friend of mine, he can't get a girl. I know it really bothers him and I feel kind of bad, because I've never had any trouble in that department. His real problem I think is a lack of confidence; I've had girls ask me for his number, he's good looking (tall, blonde and muscular) but he's really introverted and doesn't like going out, so I don't very often get the chance to play wingman with him and even if I did, I don't think it'd help him, since I can't actually get him together with a girl.. once he's alone with them I have a feeling he wouldn't be able to make a move unless she started tearing off her clothes or something. I really want to help the guy out here, I just don't know how. Talking is not an option. We're Men, we do not talk about feelings. And when I suggest we go out, he's not up for it. He'd rather stay in and play video games, which is fun but doesn't get you laid.

Here's the kicker. One of our old high school friends is getting married and is throwing a party on Saturday. I think this may be the perfect opportunity but my options here will be limited because my girl is coming along. I can't very well ditch her at a party where she doesn't know anyone but him and me and I can't play wingman for him if she's with me. So I think he's probably going to be on his own for that one, which means unless he meets a really aggressive girl who's really into him he's probably going to go home alone.

Any advice or suggestions? How about a single TFP girl who'd be willing to give my tall blonde friend a bit of 'sexual healing'?

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

X_789_X

I suggest you find him a girl who shares his interests (Seriously).

Forcing him to engage in activities that he normally would not or go to places that he normally would not will probably only make the situation worse for him.

Still, that's just my view.

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When a woman says she'll call you, she means when she gets home. When a man says he'll call you, he means sometime before he dies...

Martian

That's why I don't drag him out to the bar kicking and screaming. But playing video games is not the way to pick up chicks.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

GoldenOuroboros

Martian, take him to some lan dens, preferably ones with single girls (yes these sort of women do exsist, although rare they are out there) or as you said you will need some sort of woman who is interested in taking the lead and making the moves. One of my friends is the same, extremely introvereted, he likes to stay home and compose music, he sometimes complains about not having a girl, I just keep telling him "Well you won't find one at home infront of your computer" Other times he says that he's fine not being in a relationship because he likes what he's doing *shrug* I'm sure both of them will find someone eventually ^_^

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Siege

Take him to video game cons/competitions.

Evolution passed by a little while ago. The world cyber games are coming up and are in NYC.

As for locally, it's a little tougher. As one member mentioned, go to internet cafes and there'll usually be ladies there. Grab the computer next to them.

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tecoyah

Have your GF talk to him....if she is willing, and explain what you did in the opening post.
He may not listen to You.....but I am willing to bet he will listen to her.

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Ambient1

Damn.. he sounds a lot like me.

People keep telling me I need to get out more and I know I won't meet anyone at home. But going out is so out of character for me.

I'm very introverted, and something like going to the bar to try and meet girls would be very uncomfortable for me. When I'm around strangers I really don't speak unless spoken too first

I do have interests, and I have thought about joining a club, or taking a class... but in the past, I've found that in 99% of the time, the groups are all male or couples attending together. I guess I just have very male-centric interests.

On the positive side, I do have plenty of time to pursue my interests. In the past when I've miraculously had a girlfriend, she would often bug me that I spent too much time playing games etc.

bad jane

not always true--that is exactly how my boyfriend met me then again, it was online gaming--if he's a console gamer, i imagine the opportunities go down a little (still possible though).

as others have said, if gaming is what he's interested in then go do things centered around that.

psylence

I thought the same. I was fairly sure of it. Then in an ironic turn of events I met the love of my life online. If the net is where he belongs then let him find one that way perhaps. I know it sounds weird and there is certainly nothing traditional about it. But, by the same token, I couldn't be happier with the girl I met. It's just a thought. Good luck to your friend, in any case.

Martian

So here's the update : We went to the party, it was fun, there were cute girls and he didn't talk to any of them. He didn't just hang around my girlfriend, me and the groom though so that's a good thing (it used to be that he wouldn't talk to anyone he didn't know without prompting) but it turned out more or less as expected.

Tecoyah, that is an excellent idea. She's a very gentle soul (and cute too, I don't imagine that'll hurt) so if she's amenable that may be a possibility. I'll pitch the idea to her next time she's in town, whenever that is. She's a bit busy with school now and can't come up as often, but we'll see how it goes anyway.

Other than that, the consensus seems to be to just keep doing what I'm doing. I don't know if he'd go for the whole online girlfriend deal, but that's maybe possible. The groom at the party said he wants to organize a LAN party, so maybe I'll get in touch with him and discreetly suggest that if he knows any available girls who may be interested in attending to invite them. I'll try to get him out to a few places like that and we'll hope for the best.

Ambient1, have you ever gone out to a bar? I don't know if you've been or not, if you haven't give it a shot. You may like it. Also remember that all bars are not created equal. There are some that are clubby, with loud music and flashing lights, there's pool halls, there's also lounge sort of places, even what I tend to think of as 'student bars' that usually feature overstuffed recliners and toned down live music. If none of that appeals, consider what some of the above people have mentioned and by all means join some clubs that you're interested in. You'll either meet someone or have a good time doing an activity you enjoy; either way you come out on top (or on the bottom if she's the aggresive type, they're both good).

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Acetylene

Join a club! There are chess clubs and history clubs and music clubs. He will meet people who share interests. I'm in the Society for Creative Anachronism (medieval history club) which is a worldwide organization, and I have seen a higher percentage of happily married couples there than anywhere else, because when people meet each other at a club event they already know they have something in common!

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Rodney

Before this guy can have a girlfriend in his life, he has to _get_ a life to have her in. Sounds like all he does is stay home, play video games, and maybe work out. If he magically got a girlfriend, he'd still mainly want to sit home and play video games. And have sex, of course. But how attractive would this be to a moderately social woman?

A lot of people have posted the logical advice: try to find a woman with the same interests, hard though that may be. But I think he's just not there yet for a relationship. The body is eager, probably, but the mind isn't willing.

Things may change. He may "get lucky" with an agresssive woman. Although in my view, such luck is a mixed blessing, as he'll end up in an unequal relationship in which she takes the initiative (because she wants to and because he won't) and he can only express displeasure by being passive-agressive as all hell.

Things will improve if he breaks the video game habit, no matter what else he does. If he spends more time out in the world, doing things, he'll get more experience meeting people -- men and women -- and get more involved in outside activities that aren't necessarily bars but are more social. Women will inevitably follow, if he gives them half a chance.

So: rather than directly trying to get him involved with women, I'd just try to get him out of the house more for any damned thing. I think you have to start at a more basic level with this guy.

snowy

Tell him to start playing World of Warcraft...plenty of girl gamers on there...

Kidding, kidding. Seriously, though--don't you have any female friends to introduce him to on a friendly level? He has to learn to be friends with a girl before he will be able to get one, and having friends who are girls will open more doors and create more opportunities to meet other females.

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