Misz

Well this guy I know over counterstrike has told me that he is gay, but more to the point, Whenever he talks about anything gay (anything at all) I start to feel sick in the stomach and feel like iam going to spew.

Is it natural for me to feel like this or am I being insensitive

He is still kinda the same person to me but yet whenever I talk to him it just makes me feel weird and not balanced.

(edit: iam a guy and iam not gay, just incase some are confused)

Rlyss

I wouldn't say you're being insensitive. If you're not comfortable with homosexuality then you're just plain not comfortable with that. I'm not comfortable with, or hearing about, BDSM, and I'd rather keep my distance from it. If this guy is telling you about his sexcapades, gay or straight, and you don't want to hear about it, then let him know to keep the in-game chat relevent to the game. If he's keeping the chat relevent but it's still in the back of your mind, just try and keep your mind on the game. How old are you? You only know him through Counter Strike so I don't see how you can get emoitional about it.

Misz

Iam not getting emotional about it, I just wanted to know if thinking it was completely disgusting is usual and if others get this feeling of wanting to be sick.

slimshaydee

It's perfectly normal to dislike something in regards to sexual escapades of others.

Misz

O and btw 2 girls is perfectly fine to me, it actually turns me on alot, its just "gays"

(sorry if I sound inconsiderate here)

bobillydylan

I know some gay people, but i know what you mean if they start to describe their sexual activities i would feel uncomfortable with it.

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lurkette

I don't think it's unusual to be uncomfortable with it (my friend Chris tells me about his hookups and it makes me wince, and I am bi and pretty open-minded; frankly, hearing too much detail about anyone's sex life makes me a little uncomfortable) but to physically want to spew? There's something going on there, and if it was me, I would want to find the root of it, not to be politically correct but to free myself from feeling sick in response to something that's sort of disproportionate to the reaction it's causing. Then again, I'm a bit of a mental housecleaner and I don't like being at the mercy of my reactions. However, it would be perfectly understandable to just leave your reactions exactly as they are and avoid the situations that trigger them: feel free to tell him that you're really not comfortable hearing about his sex life.

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Misz

Its not his sex life, its gay chat in general.
EDIT: The line above sounds weird, its anything about being gay.


I think iam Homophobic if there is such a thing...

Redlemon

Give us a little more background here...

Have you ever known anyone that you knew was homosexual?

What is "gay chat"? Is it "I just got a fabulous new pair of shoes?", or "I'm signing off to go pick up my boyfriend", or what?

Do you actually know he is gay, or did he just sense that you are homophobic and he is just messing with your head?

How old are you guys?

I used to be homophobic, back in high school. I'd be the kind of guy to intentionally wear corduroys on "gay jeans support day". But then I went to college. I met homosexual men. I realized it doesn't matter.

What are you scared of?

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Glory's Sun

I fail to see the difference here. 2 girls is just as gay as 2 guys.


There are lots of people who are not comfortable with homosexuality. It doesn't make you a bad person.. unless you hate that person or you act out violently against that person. You don't have to like what the person does sexually. That's a normal thing.

I think you should tell him that you like him or whatever but that you don't feel comfortable with his lifestyle. Both of you should be able to act civilized enough to be considerate of each others wishes. Who knows, after a while it won't be that big of a deal to you.

tecoyah

You are Homophobic without a doubt(in my opinion)....and I hate to say this but there are usually one of two reasons for such extreme reactions, I ask that you do not take this as an insult:

1) Underlying fear of subconscious sexual desires...ie: hiding gay tendencies/thoughts

2) Ignorance and Bigotry


One can only hope you fall into the first category

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maleficent

I dont disagree with you at all - but if you ask most women who've been with another woman - they wouldn't classify themselves as gay-- but as experimental or bisexual... Porn tells us that girl on girl action is both ok and even hot... There's a big double standard there, men don't really get the same respect..

Feeling ill from someone telling you that tehy are gay, seems a little off to me, what difference does it make what their sexual persuasion is... you like what you like - they like what they like.

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ophelia783

If it makes you uncomfortable, that's one thing; a lot of people have a hard time with homosexuality.

However, if any talk of him being gay at all disgusts you and makes you feel sick but the talking about two women together is fine, you are most definitly homophobic. Some people are, and that's part of society....

However, I do give you credit for acknowledging your issues; if you're friends, you need to come to terms with his sexuality (maybe by asking him not to talk about it). It's who he is, and friendship is about accepting your friends for who they are.

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ratbastid

You need to go meet some gay men. You'll find they're funny and personable and great. Or they're annoying jerks. Or they're loners. Or they're whatever else they are. In other words: they're no different from straight men.

I'm really glad you're being responsible for your reaction here. I can see from what you've said that you understand the issue is with you, not with him or with gays in general. Keep looking there. Start asking yourself why you find it so disgusting--what's the thought you have when he writes what he writes?

Glory's Sun

This is very true, yet.. it is what it is. It's only bi if they are interested in men also. Just like if a man likes men and women then he's bi. A homosexual act is still.. a homosexual act. There's no other way to classify it. :shrug:

ratbastid makes a very good point though. At least the problem is being recognized at it's very root. That is a major advantage and a good step forward.

Misz

He is a great guy and still a friend (mate) to me I have nothing against that, In that other post by tecoyah "1) Underlying fear of subconscious sexual desires...ie: hiding gay tendencies/thoughts"
Couldnt of been more wrong sorry.
I dont hate gays at all they are fine but its just that part of them that will make me gross out. (sorry again, I know I sound inconsiderate here and iam trying to curb that in ever post)

zen_tom

What part are you talking about?

I know someone who used to be very uneasy about gays, it turns out the only thing he knew about them was from what he'd seen on pulp fiction. I'd say try to take it easy, and learn as much as you can about what it is like to be gay (all it means is that you find other men attractive) What you do about it, and how you express that sexuality is something different entirely.

Anyways, this person I knew got to know some gay guys, discovered that they were regular people just like anyone else, and now laughs about his previous problem.

Koochy

A lot of online gamers have fun with one another with seemlingly harmless gay jokes. Constant hugs or sexing written over the chat just for a laugh. It happens a lot over many games.

I used to join in the sillyness of it all, but now see the odd side of it. As soon as someone begins to enjoy it, or actually says they are gay; it loses its fun (if you'd call it that).

I've stopped from acting like this, but still see it around the place. I now realise I could have offended many people, or possibly even given others the wrong idea.

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Lasereth

It sounds like you're simply homophobic to me. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just the way people have been brought up. All of my friends in high school constantly made fun of gay people and being called gay was the worst of the worst insults. I think you might be feeling sick because you're associating with a gay person. <B>Maybe you feel that if anyone else found out you played CS with a gay guy then they'd have suspicions that you're gay also?</B> I'd put my money on that feeling. You won't stop feeling sick until you honestly are completely comfortable with someone you know being gay.

Same here. After I went to college I realized how immature I was being. Gay people aren't any different than straight people. I hate when people make gay jokes or call others "faggots."

I personally think homosexuals are the human species method of population control on our planet. Make more and more of our population gay and the population WILL fall due to the lowered reproduction. Maybe it's just evolution that is preventing us from overcrowding the earth?

-Lasereth

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FoolThemAll

I'd expand that into three categories, 2 and 3 being "Ignorance" and "Ignorance and Bigotry". It's been touched upon in this thread already, but ignorance alone can be enough to bring it about.

Ant from Last Comic Standing annoys the everliving fuck out of me. If I were under the impression that all gay guys were like that, I'd be homophobic too. (Hell, I'd probably veer into the realm of hate, and there's category #3 for ya.)

You don't see how someone could find interest in lesbian sex but be repelled by gay sex?

That's not even necessarily a matter of homophobia. Just personal preferences.

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Martian

Oh man, this is practically out of a textbook.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not homophobic, you are not a closet skinhead or a closet fairy. You just have no experience in the subject and your reaction is a product of your upbringing.

Okay, I'll contradict myself now. I still assert that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, but I will go back on what I said above in that you are highly homophobic in a very literal sense. You're afraid of gay people. So was I at one point. Somewhere in the back of your head while all of that's going on, you're thinking 'what if other people start thinking I'm gay? What if I am gay? What if he hits on me? What if what if what if...' and causing an extremely strong aversion as a result. The reason for this is conflicting messages. We're at once told that we need to be tolerant but simultaneously learn that Gays Are Bad (note the reference someone above made to the negative connotations of the words gay and faggot in middle school and high school) and since you've never met a real example to help resolve the conflict you don't know how to deal with it.

My advice, just deal with it. You're not doing anything out of the ordinary and you have nothing to worry about. I'd even put money on you having met a gay person already but not knowing it. Once you've met someone whom you know is gay and seen that he's just a regular guy apart from liking cock you'll be fine.

A former drinking buddy of mine was thoroughly gay and also a cross dresser. That was my eye-opener. At first I was uncomfortable, but eventually I was actually going to his shows at the local gay bar (always with a date to fend off unwanted attention). I went from there to spending a year living with two gay roommates. You find out that there's nothing wrong with it and then you can safely put it aside, just like you do guys who are into asian chicks or red hair or whatever else.

And one more quick aside; the reaon you're cool with lesbians is because it doesn't have the same social stigma. Picture yourself at your local sports bar and imagine what the crowd's reaction would be if two chicks started making out. Now imagine if it were two guys. I'd put money on your picturing two very different reactions.

EDIT - Minor typos and phrasing.

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Funnel

Well nobody is gonna hurt you and i have no problem whatsoever with homosexuality or homosexual marriage even relationships happening right in front of me. I am straight and am positive about it but have even kissed a guy just for the hell of it to see if i was wrong. I know tons of people who have just always thought it was wrong and they realize although they might not be able to change how it makes them feel they just say it is fine to them and that they personally don't care what other people are doing because they don't plan on doing it.

la petite moi

Personally, I don't think you should think of a person by their sexuality. Who gives a shit if the guy is gay or not? He's your buddy, right? When you meet someone, do they walk up to you and shake your hand while saying: "Hi, I'm gay" ? No, they don't, just like someone wouldn't say: "Hi, I'm straight."
And what is "gay talk"? Like...lisping and nancying about? Cos, I have a roommate who is homosexual- and he watches football, is a big guy, and doesn't have high fashion.

It sounds like you have not experienced the real world, or are from a very conservative mindset.

Blaise

You can't help how you feel. What you can help, is how you express how you feel- you can't help feeling sick, but you can help telling people they disgust you.

And since you're not avoiding him or being rude to him, I would say you're not being insensitive at all, you're actually being very considerate to carry on being polite despite how you feel. It's quite natural to feel weird about something you have no experience with and can't understand. Eventually, you'll probably find yourself forgetting about it. When you first find out someone is gay, it's normal to keep defining them in terms of gayness at first, but after being exposed to something for a while you usually get 'desensitised' to it and just get used to it. And then as you go through life you'll probably find yourself meeting other people who are exactly like you and just happen to be gay, and it stops being something alien and weird.

For now, I wouldn't worry about it. If your friend needs someone to talk to about being gay, it would be decent if you can handle that.. but honestly, if them talking about sex or anything else that makes you feel weird is bothering you, you could try to politely say you don't like hearing about other people's personal business, gay or otherwise. And if he's fairly young and has only recently realised he's gay, he may be talking about it so much it becomes tedious- it's quite an issue for a lot of people, and they can end up really wanting to vent and talk about it, to the point where it may annoy others.

Glory's Sun

You obviously didn't read what I was responding to. Of course I understand how some could find interest in lesbian sex but not male homo sex. The point I'm trying to make here is that under the label "gay" we have men and women under this banner. A lesbian is gay. A guy who likes guys (only guys) is gay. The original statement was something to the degree of " I have no problem with lesbian sex.. only "gays". Explain to me how a homosexual act between two women is different than a homosexual between two men. If you're not going to support one half of the gay community what's the point in supporting any of them? I'm pretty sure they couldn't care less if you think women are more beautiful or you get your rocks off to two chicks.

Jinn

There are gays, and there are lesbians. I do not refer to lesbian women as gay, and therefore the line is very clear to me. We differeniate between men and women, heterosexual and homosexual, and of course.. gay and lesbian. I understand that other people use gay to refer to both, but I think its an inappropriately vague terminology. If I'm talking about two lesbians, the sex and preference of the above is clear. If I'm talking about two "gays," the sex and preference should be just as clear. I don't need any more ambigious terms.

Sooooo.. that's why I didn't seem a problem with his "I like lesbians just not gays" statement aside from its homophobia. To the OP; I have a friend in the Navy Seals who had a similar "sick" reaction when meeting or talking about gay people. He got over it, but my other friend (still in University) cannot get over it. It's your God-or-Government given right to choose whether you learn more about gay-dom or not. However, if you're getting sick over it... I think the choice would be pretty clear.

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Glory's Sun

I'm sorry.. and maybe I'm wrong on this whole thing but I don't see how there's a difference. I never will.

gay
adj. gay·er, gay·est

1. Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.

Jinn

All in how you define the word:
Gay:
Lesbian:
If you want to talk about gays AND lesbians, using the term "homosexual" works just fine. If "Gay" can apply to homosexual women, why would the word "Lesbian" even be neccessary? To describe a female subset of homosexuals, perhaps? There's a reason, to me.. for Gay AND LESBIAN support groups. In most social circles, I'd argue -- gay refers only to male homosexuals, and I hope the vagueness of "gay" as referring to all homosexuals does not persist.

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Glory's Sun

I think gay can represent both sides of the coin. How could it not? I'm going to wait until a gay member voices an oppinon. Be it a lesbian or a "gay" male.

la petite moi

But....he does have experience with "gays." It's called living. Homosexuals are like everyone else. Any other human being.

Martian

la petite moi - You and I and most of the other people here know that. But without actually knowing someone who is gay, the concept can be harder to grasp. That's the part he doesn't have experience with, is actual interaction with a homosexual person to discover for himself that they are the same as everyone else.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

FoolThemAll

No, I did. I took it as an issue of aesthetics, not morality. Perhaps I misread him, perhaps he could clarify.

Morally, sure. No difference.

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Blaise

If you hadn't quoted one line out of context, you'll see I said the same thing- that while at first it may seem weird to meet someone with a sexuality you can't understand, after exposure you'll usually realise there's no real difference and stop thinking of them in terms of their sexuality and just see them as "people who are exactly like you and just happen to be gay"