Helping depression - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

chumpster · 01-07-2005, 01:25 PM

This is for everyone that has had, or has dealt with someone who is fighting depression.

I have been with my girlfriend for several years now. She is finishing school and we are talking about moving off to start somewhere else soon. I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week saving money so that someday we can be married and buy a house. Recently she has decided to do something about her depression. She has had some obvious problems, but I guess I never really thought of them as signs of depression ( yeah yeah, remember that commercial... Signs of Depression... did you check more than one of these symptoms??...). She went and saw her doctor, who put her on Lexapro, a new antidepresant.

I am really frustratred now.. cause I really wish I could help her. She makes plans to do things... like go out and go shopping, or travel to see her relatives on winterbreak... call her friends to hang out..... even when we talk on the phone, she seems miserable. I encourage her to do what she has spoken about, potentially to the point where I may sound naggy, but I doesn't seem to help. Other things are now coming up that are directly starting to affect plans. this last semester is perfectly scheduled so that she can get a job and work part time. We really need the extra income to help this move....

I am trying not to be selfish, but her depression seems to keep her from thinking about me. I have been doing a lot of things to try and help. I've picked up a lot of her slack with chores etc..., I've made a point to try and go out of my way and do nice things.. On top of this work has been very stressful, and my family has been ill.... I've not heard a "how are you doing?", or a "thanks for the help."
Our sex life has turned to once a month maybe. Not that this is really that much of a concern for me, but I have to take care of myself often....

How can I help, what can I do? I don't want to nag her to get things done. She has just started this week taking the Lexapro, and it should start taking effect in the next week or so. I guess that means it will/should get better.... It's just very frustrating. I love her very much, but it's really hard to deal with.

And suggestions?

Grasshopper Green · 01-07-2005, 02:18 PM

I am on Lexapro, and I noticed a difference in about 3-4 days. I started on it after my brother passed away this summer, although I have always suffered from depression. I don't know if this will help you, but I feel like a completely different person since I've started taking it. I worry less, I sleep better, I have an interest in things, I have a general better outlook on life. One bad thing about antidepressants is they tend to lower the sex drive and sometimes lessen the ability to have an orgasm; this doesn't always happen but its a common side effect.

I know it's difficult to deal with someone with depression, but hang in there. Hopefully the Lexapro will help and your girlfriend will start to feel better. Depression sucks for the person dealing with it AND the people who love that person. You can always come here and vent/get something off your chest. I'll certainly listen!!

chumpster · 01-07-2005, 03:29 PM

thanks Medusa...

snowy · 01-07-2005, 05:05 PM

I was on Celexa, the precedent to Lexapro, for many years. I know it's REALLY hard on a person to be in a relationship with a depressed person, but if you stick it out the medication will seriously help. The fact that it's winter isn't helpful either. Just BE there for her, and let her know you are there for her. It's a hard hump to get over, but as long as you're helping her, she'll get there.

mike059 · 01-07-2005, 09:03 PM

I take prozac, and it makes a big difference for me. There is no single antidepressant that works for everyone, so if you do not see an improvement in a few weeks or so, she may need to change the dosage or switch to a different medication.

Willravel · 01-07-2005, 09:12 PM

Well, I've never taken meds to aid with depression, but I did have to deal with it (not that I'm better than anyone, my medical insurance didn't cover it). A lot of depression can stem from helplessness and LONELYNESS. Being there for her when she needs you is medicine in and of itself. Keep showing her the love and supporty she needs. Beyond that, I'd say it's up to her doctor, psychologist, or psychiatist.

Aladdin Sane · 01-07-2005, 09:30 PM

Zoloft is my drug of choice. I've been on it for 9 years. Let me tell you it saved my life. I was chronically depressed. I went through years of therapy with no drugs. When I stopped therapy I went back to being depressed. Because of Zoloft, the last 9 years my life have been good. It took about one week for it to start doing its magic. It has not suppressed by sex drive (Yeah!!!) but I occasionally have difficulty reaching orgasm. I can go on and on like a porn star, which is good if you are a woman who likes long sessions of intercourse... But I digress. Give your girl a few weeks and see how the drug is working. If it doesn't give her some relief after a month, she should try something different. Good luck.

EULA · 01-07-2005, 11:54 PM

Going for walks is a good little antidepressent that can be good in many other ways (health, spending time together, etc...)

monica · 01-10-2005, 09:37 AM

How long has she been taking the anti-depressants? It's quite possible that they will begin to work soon and you may see a huge difference. However, it can take time to find a drug that works well so she may have to try a few drugs before finding one that works.

In the meantime, I've always found it helps me a lot to have someone simply care for me... someone to hug me and kiss me a lot and just tell me that they love me. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do, and that's when you can just be there. Even being in the same room can help sometimes.

It is definitely important to try to get her to leave the house and do things, but maybe she'll need you with her when she does them.

I'm sure this is very hard for you, and you are doing a lot of extra work to try and help her. Try to remember that even though she isn't verbally thanking you, your help is very much needed and appreciated. She is probably very relieved that she has you to help her, even if she hasn't expressed it.

01-07-2005, 01:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
chumpster Upright	Helping depression This is for everyone that has had, or has dealt with someone who is fighting depression. I have been with my girlfriend for several years now. She is finishing school and we are talking about moving off to start somewhere else soon. I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week saving money so that someday we can be married and buy a house. Recently she has decided to do something about her depression. She has had some obvious problems, but I guess I never really thought of them as signs of depression ( yeah yeah, remember that commercial... Signs of Depression... did you check more than one of these symptoms??...). She went and saw her doctor, who put her on Lexapro, a new antidepresant. I am really frustratred now.. cause I really wish I could help her. She makes plans to do things... like go out and go shopping, or travel to see her relatives on winterbreak... call her friends to hang out..... even when we talk on the phone, she seems miserable. I encourage her to do what she has spoken about, potentially to the point where I may sound naggy, but I doesn't seem to help. Other things are now coming up that are directly starting to affect plans. this last semester is perfectly scheduled so that she can get a job and work part time. We really need the extra income to help this move.... I am trying not to be selfish, but her depression seems to keep her from thinking about me. I have been doing a lot of things to try and help. I've picked up a lot of her slack with chores etc..., I've made a point to try and go out of my way and do nice things.. On top of this work has been very stressful, and my family has been ill.... I've not heard a "how are you doing?", or a "thanks for the help." Our sex life has turned to once a month maybe. Not that this is really that much of a concern for me, but I have to take care of myself often.... How can I help, what can I do? I don't want to nag her to get things done. She has just started this week taking the Lexapro, and it should start taking effect in the next week or so. I guess that means it will/should get better.... It's just very frustrating. I love her very much, but it's really hard to deal with. And suggestions?

01-07-2005, 05:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I was on Celexa, the precedent to Lexapro, for many years. I know it's REALLY hard on a person to be in a relationship with a depressed person, but if you stick it out the medication will seriously help. The fact that it's winter isn't helpful either. Just BE there for her, and let her know you are there for her. It's a hard hump to get over, but as long as you're helping her, she'll get there. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-07-2005, 09:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	Zoloft is my drug of choice. I've been on it for 9 years. Let me tell you it saved my life. I was chronically depressed. I went through years of therapy with no drugs. When I stopped therapy I went back to being depressed. Because of Zoloft, the last 9 years my life have been good. It took about one week for it to start doing its magic. It has not suppressed by sex drive (Yeah!!!) but I occasionally have difficulty reaching orgasm. I can go on and on like a porn star, which is good if you are a woman who likes long sessions of intercourse... But I digress. Give your girl a few weeks and see how the drug is working. If it doesn't give her some relief after a month, she should try something different. Good luck. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

01-10-2005, 09:37 AM	#9 (permalink)
monica Upright Location: Canada!	How long has she been taking the anti-depressants? It's quite possible that they will begin to work soon and you may see a huge difference. However, it can take time to find a drug that works well so she may have to try a few drugs before finding one that works. In the meantime, I've always found it helps me a lot to have someone simply care for me... someone to hug me and kiss me a lot and just tell me that they love me. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do, and that's when you can just be there. Even being in the same room can help sometimes. It is definitely important to try to get her to leave the house and do things, but maybe she'll need you with her when she does them. I'm sure this is very hard for you, and you are doing a lot of extra work to try and help her. Try to remember that even though she isn't verbally thanking you, your help is very much needed and appreciated. She is probably very relieved that she has you to help her, even if she hasn't expressed it. __________________ ---- Monica's Reviews

01-07-2005, 02:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	I am on Lexapro, and I noticed a difference in about 3-4 days. I started on it after my brother passed away this summer, although I have always suffered from depression. I don't know if this will help you, but I feel like a completely different person since I've started taking it. I worry less, I sleep better, I have an interest in things, I have a general better outlook on life. One bad thing about antidepressants is they tend to lower the sex drive and sometimes lessen the ability to have an orgasm; this doesn't always happen but its a common side effect. I know it's difficult to deal with someone with depression, but hang in there. Hopefully the Lexapro will help and your girlfriend will start to feel better. Depression sucks for the person dealing with it AND the people who love that person. You can always come here and vent/get something off your chest. I'll certainly listen!!

01-07-2005, 03:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
chumpster Upright	thanks Medusa...

01-07-2005, 09:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
mike059 Tilted Location: Pensacola, Florida	I take prozac, and it makes a big difference for me. There is no single antidepressant that works for everyone, so if you do not see an improvement in a few weeks or so, she may need to change the dosage or switch to a different medication.

01-07-2005, 09:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Well, I've never taken meds to aid with depression, but I did have to deal with it (not that I'm better than anyone, my medical insurance didn't cover it). A lot of depression can stem from helplessness and LONELYNESS. Being there for her when she needs you is medicine in and of itself. Keep showing her the love and supporty she needs. Beyond that, I'd say it's up to her doctor, psychologist, or psychiatist.

01-07-2005, 11:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
EULA Crazy Location: Bowling Green, KY	Going for walks is a good little antidepressent that can be good in many other ways (health, spending time together, etc...)