breaking the 'touch' barrier - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

AquaFox · 01-05-2005, 03:43 PM

share your stories and hints and tips on how to break the touch barrier

as i'm working my way up the ladder from being single again, i'm going to at all costs besure it turns out really good this time

the 'ohh, my back is sore' bit really is a good oldie and the arm around the shoulder when she's feeling blue or something.... but i want to look down the other roads too, like maybe taking her hand when looking at a watch or something, then, 'your hands are sooo soft" maybe.. lol, but that wouldn't work if her hands turned out to be dry or something!... i could say your hands are warm, but my hands would have to be cold for that to work...

lol, soo whats everyones opinions and such on breaking the touch barriers?

Willravel · 01-05-2005, 04:14 PM

For me, touch is a part of communication with people I am familiar with. Everything from a pat on the back for buisness friends, to a warm hug to friends to other things with my wife.

I remember when I first met my wife, we were touching amlost immediatally. Women use touch as a part of their signals that they use to say "yey" or "ney" to men who they are with. I suggest, as you are a man, you wait for the woman to playfully touch you in some way. Look for touching that specifically targets the upper legs, chest, neck, face, and hands. These are the erotic zones that women subconsciously target when dealing with someone they are itnerested in. One they brake the touch barrier, you are free to touch in change. If sh touches your hands, you can touch hers. If she touches your leg, you are free to do so in turn (simple open paln hold for a moment, much closer to her knee than to other areas).

Ultimatally it comes own to how comforatble you are not only with others, but with yourself. Touch is a sign of confidence, and we all know that women enjoy a more confident man. Just be content with beign accepted or not, and know that you'll be fine if you are rejected. That is a large part of confidence.

Have fun.

snowy · 01-05-2005, 04:19 PM

For my partner and I that's our signal that we want booty...he pretends he's cold and sticks his hands/feet on me or I pretend I'm cold and do likewise. As he is very, very shy it's something that allows him to make a move without actually making a move (despite my assurances he won't be rejected, he still fears it).

Casual touches are the best way to break the barrier. Note if she touches you first. That's a definite signal. If she grasps your arm or swats at you playfully, she's flirting. If you catch her hand when she swats at you and hold on to it...well...there you go.

stonegrody · 01-05-2005, 04:38 PM

Hold your finger about an inch from her face and say "I'm not touching you". Chicks dig that.

But seriously, you need to feel the chemistry. If you start the touchy stuff too soon, it will only ruin your chances or make her feel uncomfortable. If you're walking, start with a light hand on her back. If she's receptive to it, progress. If she's not, back off. Start slowly and don't be overbearing. Look for signs and know when to make your move. If it's too rehearsed or planned, you could blow it. It's best not to think about it and it will come naturally. Good luck.

countingsheep · 01-05-2005, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonegrody

But seriously, you need to feel the chemistry. If you start the touchy stuff too soon, it will only ruin your chances or make her feel uncomfortable. It's best not to think about it and it will come naturally. Good luck.

i agree with this. the problem is for a guy it's hard, it's so easy for girls. when we touch we can playfully hit you [lighty] while we're laughing or do things of that sort, for guys its very much different... i would say ease it in, get to know what kinda person she is, if she's the kinda person who will take your hand if u say "my hands are cold" then there ya go. girls are generally different. i hate guys that always wanna touch me so quickly.. everything falls into place in due time, guys need to realize this.

maleficent · 01-05-2005, 05:30 PM

The yawn and stretch is a bad move..

though could get a laugh out of her....

Pay attention to the signals and her body language. - she'll let you know when she wants to be touched.

bad jane · 01-05-2005, 06:13 PM

this one is tough because individuals are so different. personally i don't like people i don't know very well touching me. i don't even want strange people standing too close to me. i really like my space i guess! but after i'm comfy with someone, i'm very touchy.

i'd say the best guideline is letting her touch you first. but if done right, you could prolly get away with being first. a really light touch to guide her into a building or room is familiar without being sexual (provided you keep it light and don't linger too long). holding her arm while looking at her watch is another option--just don't grab cause that may freak her out. i like when my bf tucks a stray hair behind my ear when we're talking, you could easily turn that move into a touch on the cheek or side of the neck. if you're sitting next to her, a slight lean of your leg against hers is subtle but familiar. i dunno, so much of it is situational! under the right circumstances almost any kind of touch is possible.

chickentribs · 01-05-2005, 09:16 PM

Be aware of the surroundings if you are approaching somebody this way for the first few times. For example, if the two of you are with a group of friends having casual conversation expect that she will be much more self conscious of you trying to appear too familiar in front of her friends, and it will shut her down quickly. The "stick and move" keeps it comfortable for both people - touch her briefly to emphasize a point or while laughing, then back away and respect how she responds. Oh, and smile.

cavu · 01-05-2005, 10:44 PM

yeah i have a girl that when ever i see her in the halls she will reach out and grab my wrist or my hand and give it a squeeze. Also she has now taken to putting her arm around me when we are talking with each other, or friends. At first i didn't really pay much attention, but now that it is repetitive.... like yesterday she told me she was cold and gave me a hug for like 5-10 minutes so she could "warm up". Hmmm... hopefully this will lead to something good, what do you guys think?

Sorry to hijack your thread, i just thought my question was similar with yours, if you do mind just tell me and i will erase it.

martinguerre · 01-06-2005, 12:00 AM

this is a really interesting topic to me...i have long had issues with touch...i really appriciate when friends will break that boundary with me and show some intimacy...but i almost never do so myself.

i've come to think that its a good and proper thing to learn how to be more in contact with friends in general...which takes some of the pressure off it.

just because a person touches you, doesn't mean they want to hook up. just because you want to be close to someone, doesn't mean you have to worry about all the implicatations.

its a great way to build intimacy, friendly or otherwise, and it's all about the commuication that it does. if you touch someone just to touch them...it's probably not so hot. but when you can be in communication by how you are in contact...that's the whole name of the game.

Fate · 01-06-2005, 12:05 AM

Not sure what you guys did, but I'd end up at a movie with the girl, and I'd gently take her hand and kiss it. Then lay it back down and move to my ownspace (in the seat next to her) without touching her the rest of the night unless she did the next move.

edit:
Better yet, start off with a hello/good-bye hug, this is very ambiguous in manner so you're not implying anything at all.

Suave · 01-06-2005, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

If she grasps your arm or swats at you playfully, she's flirting. If you catch her hand when she swats at you and hold on to it...well...there you go.

Would you say that's almost always the case though? Because I've gotten arm grasping and stuff quite a bit, but a lot of the time from girls who I wasn't exactly showing interest in (not for any reason, just not in that "mode"). I'm pretty sure on ass grabbing, but arm grabbing too?

snowy · 01-06-2005, 01:13 AM

Yes, I would say that's almost always the case. I never touch a guy in a non-flirtatious manner unless he's my really good friend.

EULA · 01-06-2005, 02:23 AM

Hugs are good. Puppy piles are better.

typhus · 01-06-2005, 09:00 AM

How about "pull my finger". That might get something.

01-06-2005, 09:13 AM

Try not to think about it, and it will happen by itself.

monkeysugar · 01-06-2005, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cavu

yeah i have a girl that when ever i see her in the halls she will reach out and grab my wrist or my hand and give it a squeeze. Also she has now taken to putting her arm around me when we are talking with each other, or friends. At first i didn't really pay much attention, but now that it is repetitive.... like yesterday she told me she was cold and gave me a hug for like 5-10 minutes so she could "warm up". Hmmm... hopefully this will lead to something good, what do you guys think?

Sorry to hijack your thread, i just thought my question was similar with yours, if you do mind just tell me and i will erase it.

It sounds to me like she digs you. Anything more obvious would require the use of a 2x4 to the noggin.

She *could* also just be very affectionate, but do you see her doing this to other guys as well?

Aquafox, I don't really have any set method that has worked for me other than just kind of going with the flow and seeing where things go from there. I prefer not to initiate touching in the "building up" stage, but sometimes a light touch and go isn't bad. Follow the body language, and if you interpret it incorrectly, you can always just apologize.

777 · 01-06-2005, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

Look for touching that specifically targets the upper legs, chest, neck, face, and hands. These are the erotic zones that women subconsciously target when dealing with someone they are itnerested in.

I was touched on the top of my shoulder once, does that count? She's a small gal, so to reach up there, it wouldn't be subtle.

cavu · 01-06-2005, 04:45 PM

"It sounds to me like she digs you. Anything more obvious would require the use of a 2x4 to the noggin. She *could* also just be very affectionate, but do you see her doing this to other guys as well?"

yeah now she got some of her friends to envite me to thier party. It took me a while to figure out she was the one who influenced it, because i really don't know the girl who's party it is very well. And she was like, cool no we get to hang out. And she wants me to take her out afterwards. So i will see where this leads.... knowing my luck, not very far... lol!

docbungle · 01-06-2005, 07:43 PM

I tend to barrell right throught the touch barrier, as if there were no barrier at all. Oh wait, there ISN'T! Some finnese is sometimes in order, but if she wants to be touched, then by all means touch her. If she's too uptight to let me touch her, then things probably won't work out.

Carno · 01-06-2005, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docbungle

I tend to barrell right throught the touch barrier, as if there were no barrier at all. Oh wait, there ISN'T! Some finnese is sometimes in order, but if she wants to be touched, then by all means touch her. If she's too uptight to let me touch her, then things probably won't work out.

Me too. I go straight for the boobies.

lol, j/k... I always wait for the girl to initiate contact, because they usually know when it's the right time better than I do

Bauer_Power · 01-07-2005, 02:47 AM

You need to just stop worrying about it and start touching her. Not in an aggresive manner, but in a supportive one. Women love confidence, and if you aren't confident enough to put your hand on her back or shoulder, or touch her hand, she will see that. Also, keeping continuous physical contact, no matter how inocent, will make her that much more comfortable with you touching her, if you never touch her, she will never think about you in a physical manner. You will be on the friends list. And you do not want to be there my friend. You do not want to be there.

Bauer_Power · 01-07-2005, 02:49 AM

And if she is down, be aggresive. You know she wants it!!

cavu · 01-09-2005, 12:15 AM

ahhh the party tuned out to be not very eventful. Oh well, About all i got was a hug, and just being close for like 10 minutes. ahhh, my luck.

01-05-2005, 03:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	breaking the 'touch' barrier share your stories and hints and tips on how to break the touch barrier as i'm working my way up the ladder from being single again, i'm going to at all costs besure it turns out really good this time the 'ohh, my back is sore' bit really is a good oldie and the arm around the shoulder when she's feeling blue or something.... but i want to look down the other roads too, like maybe taking her hand when looking at a watch or something, then, 'your hands are sooo soft" maybe.. lol, but that wouldn't work if her hands turned out to be dry or something!... i could say your hands are warm, but my hands would have to be cold for that to work... lol, soo whats everyones opinions and such on breaking the touch barriers? __________________ ...AquaFox...

01-05-2005, 04:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	For my partner and I that's our signal that we want booty...he pretends he's cold and sticks his hands/feet on me or I pretend I'm cold and do likewise. As he is very, very shy it's something that allows him to make a move without actually making a move (despite my assurances he won't be rejected, he still fears it). Casual touches are the best way to break the barrier. Note if she touches you first. That's a definite signal. If she grasps your arm or swats at you playfully, she's flirting. If you catch her hand when she swats at you and hold on to it...well...there you go. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-05-2005, 04:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
stonegrody Brooding. Location: CA-USA	Hold your finger about an inch from her face and say "I'm not touching you". Chicks dig that. But seriously, you need to feel the chemistry. If you start the touchy stuff too soon, it will only ruin your chances or make her feel uncomfortable. If you're walking, start with a light hand on her back. If she's receptive to it, progress. If she's not, back off. Start slowly and don't be overbearing. Look for signs and know when to make your move. If it's too rehearsed or planned, you could blow it. It's best not to think about it and it will come naturally. Good luck. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion. Tool - Parabola

01-05-2005, 05:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	The yawn and stretch is a bad move.. though could get a laugh out of her.... Pay attention to the signals and her body language. - she'll let you know when she wants to be touched. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-05-2005, 09:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	Be aware of the surroundings if you are approaching somebody this way for the first few times. For example, if the two of you are with a group of friends having casual conversation expect that she will be much more self conscious of you trying to appear too familiar in front of her friends, and it will shut her down quickly. The "stick and move" keeps it comfortable for both people - touch her briefly to emphasize a point or while laughing, then back away and respect how she responds. Oh, and smile. __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.

01-05-2005, 04:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	For me, touch is a part of communication with people I am familiar with. Everything from a pat on the back for buisness friends, to a warm hug to friends to other things with my wife. I remember when I first met my wife, we were touching amlost immediatally. Women use touch as a part of their signals that they use to say "yey" or "ney" to men who they are with. I suggest, as you are a man, you wait for the woman to playfully touch you in some way. Look for touching that specifically targets the upper legs, chest, neck, face, and hands. These are the erotic zones that women subconsciously target when dealing with someone they are itnerested in. One they brake the touch barrier, you are free to touch in change. If sh touches your hands, you can touch hers. If she touches your leg, you are free to do so in turn (simple open paln hold for a moment, much closer to her knee than to other areas). Ultimatally it comes own to how comforatble you are not only with others, but with yourself. Touch is a sign of confidence, and we all know that women enjoy a more confident man. Just be content with beign accepted or not, and know that you'll be fine if you are rejected. That is a large part of confidence. Have fun.

01-05-2005, 06:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	this one is tough because individuals are so different. personally i don't like people i don't know very well touching me. i don't even want strange people standing too close to me. i really like my space i guess! but after i'm comfy with someone, i'm very touchy. i'd say the best guideline is letting her touch you first. but if done right, you could prolly get away with being first. a really light touch to guide her into a building or room is familiar without being sexual (provided you keep it light and don't linger too long). holding her arm while looking at her watch is another option--just don't grab cause that may freak her out. i like when my bf tucks a stray hair behind my ear when we're talking, you could easily turn that move into a touch on the cheek or side of the neck. if you're sitting next to her, a slight lean of your leg against hers is subtle but familiar. i dunno, so much of it is situational! under the right circumstances almost any kind of touch is possible.

01-05-2005, 10:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
cavu Upright	yeah i have a girl that when ever i see her in the halls she will reach out and grab my wrist or my hand and give it a squeeze. Also she has now taken to putting her arm around me when we are talking with each other, or friends. At first i didn't really pay much attention, but now that it is repetitive.... like yesterday she told me she was cold and gave me a hug for like 5-10 minutes so she could "warm up". Hmmm... hopefully this will lead to something good, what do you guys think? Sorry to hijack your thread, i just thought my question was similar with yours, if you do mind just tell me and i will erase it.

01-06-2005, 12:00 AM	#10 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	this is a really interesting topic to me...i have long had issues with touch...i really appriciate when friends will break that boundary with me and show some intimacy...but i almost never do so myself. i've come to think that its a good and proper thing to learn how to be more in contact with friends in general...which takes some of the pressure off it. just because a person touches you, doesn't mean they want to hook up. just because you want to be close to someone, doesn't mean you have to worry about all the implicatations. its a great way to build intimacy, friendly or otherwise, and it's all about the commuication that it does. if you touch someone just to touch them...it's probably not so hot. but when you can be in communication by how you are in contact...that's the whole name of the game. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

01-06-2005, 12:05 AM	#11 (permalink)
Fate Crazy Location: Montreal	Not sure what you guys did, but I'd end up at a movie with the girl, and I'd gently take her hand and kiss it. Then lay it back down and move to my ownspace (in the seat next to her) without touching her the rest of the night unless she did the next move. edit: Better yet, start off with a hello/good-bye hug, this is very ambiguous in manner so you're not implying anything at all. __________________ vB code is On Smilies are On [IMG] code is Off HTML code is Off Last edited by Fate; 01-06-2005 at 01:06 AM..

01-06-2005, 01:13 AM	#13 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Yes, I would say that's almost always the case. I never touch a guy in a non-flirtatious manner unless he's my really good friend. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-06-2005, 02:23 AM	#14 (permalink)
EULA Crazy Location: Bowling Green, KY	Hugs are good. Puppy piles are better.

01-06-2005, 09:00 AM	#15 (permalink)
typhus Tilted Location: USA	How about "pull my finger". That might get something.

01-06-2005, 09:13 AM	#16 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	Try not to think about it, and it will happen by itself.

01-06-2005, 04:45 PM	#19 (permalink)
cavu Upright	"It sounds to me like she digs you. Anything more obvious would require the use of a 2x4 to the noggin. She could also just be very affectionate, but do you see her doing this to other guys as well?" yeah now she got some of her friends to envite me to thier party. It took me a while to figure out she was the one who influenced it, because i really don't know the girl who's party it is very well. And she was like, cool no we get to hang out. And she wants me to take her out afterwards. So i will see where this leads.... knowing my luck, not very far... lol!

01-06-2005, 07:43 PM	#20 (permalink)
docbungle It's all downhill from here Location: Denver	I tend to barrell right throught the touch barrier, as if there were no barrier at all. Oh wait, there ISN'T! Some finnese is sometimes in order, but if she wants to be touched, then by all means touch her. If she's too uptight to let me touch her, then things probably won't work out. __________________ Bad Luck City

01-07-2005, 02:47 AM	#22 (permalink)
Bauer_Power Tilted Location: Nebraska	You need to just stop worrying about it and start touching her. Not in an aggresive manner, but in a supportive one. Women love confidence, and if you aren't confident enough to put your hand on her back or shoulder, or touch her hand, she will see that. Also, keeping continuous physical contact, no matter how inocent, will make her that much more comfortable with you touching her, if you never touch her, she will never think about you in a physical manner. You will be on the friends list. And you do not want to be there my friend. You do not want to be there.

01-07-2005, 02:49 AM	#23 (permalink)
Bauer_Power Tilted Location: Nebraska	And if she is down, be aggresive. You know she wants it!!

01-09-2005, 12:15 AM	#24 (permalink)
cavu Upright	ahhh the party tuned out to be not very eventful. Oh well, About all i got was a hug, and just being close for like 10 minutes. ahhh, my luck.