Flings: Good or Bad? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

jaypc2 · 01-03-2005, 07:08 PM

In a recent discussion with a friend of mine the topic of fligs came up. She believes that they're no big deal whereas I, on the otherhand, belive that physical intimacy should be only be had between partners. I mean is it so hard to control sexual frustration? so my question is Am I the only person who thinks this? or are flings a good thing? and i know it really all just comes down to an opinion in then end but i am very curious to see what others have to say about this

thanks

bing bing · 01-03-2005, 07:19 PM

Eddddddit. Sorry, misunderstood the question.

jaypc2 · 01-03-2005, 07:22 PM

im talking about when they're the flings that are only there to relese sexual frustration and nothing more

maleficent · 01-03-2005, 07:29 PM

so it's a one-night-stand you are talking about...

or are you talking flings while you are already in a relationship?

I honestly don't see a problem with one night stands as long as the parties protect themselves -- and are upfront about their desires... If that smooth talking dude in the bar says that he wants to get to know me better and he'll callthe next day-- but is lying - then no -- flings aren't good.... It requires honesty.

gar1976 · 01-03-2005, 07:39 PM

One-night stands?

If I wasn't married, I'd be nailing everything in sight. My wife and I each have around a 4-day tolerance of "not gettin' any" at the most. We've discussed this, and agree we'd both be bar sluts/pimps if single.

ICER · 01-03-2005, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypc2

im talking about when they're the flings that are only there to relese sexual frustration and nothing more

Sex for the sole reason of releasing frustration is not fair to the other person. Because they won't get much out of it. So, in that case. I would have to say "NO" the fling is not a good thing.

In a case where both parties are attracted to each of and just want a little casual sex. Then, yes, a fling is a good thing

Bacchanal · 01-04-2005, 12:04 AM

For the most part, I've experienced good things from flings, but I'm always up front and honest about it. "No, I dont want a relationship, this is purely for sex." If the other person is OK with that, and/or looking for the same thing, with absolutely no strings attached, they can be quite fun! It's when emotions start getting involved with one person and not the other that it can go badly.

Just to clarify, I'm talking more about "fuck buddies" than one night stands.

absorbentishe · 01-04-2005, 03:35 PM

As long as you're not in a relationship, flings can be a good thing. If you take precautions ahead of time. I've had one or two, many many years ago, and think they did a good thing, not just for "sexual tension" though.

Coppertop · 01-04-2005, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ICER

Sex for the sole reason of releasing frustration is not fair to the other person. Because they won't get much out of it. So, in that case. I would have to say "NO" the fling is not a good thing.

In a case where both parties are attracted to each of and just want a little casual sex. Then, yes, a fling is a good thing

Just a question: why are these exclusive? Two people cannot be attracted to one another and desire casual sex to release some frustration?

Oh, and I voted good. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks and all that jazz.

ehh19 · 01-04-2005, 03:55 PM

i think flings are only a good thing if they make you feel better about yourself after being severly/brutally dumped by your long term girlfriend/boyfriend.

other than that they are not really needed by yours truly that often. i never have a fling to release sexual frustration... there are other ways to do this. *ahem*

dont get me wrong, using someone to make yourself feel better is &$^#ing wrong! i completly agree with maleficent ... be honest with the other person.

ICER · 01-04-2005, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coppertop

Just a question: why are these exclusive? Two people cannot be attracted to one another and desire casual sex to release some frustration?

Oh, and I voted good. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks and all that jazz.

They are by no means exclusive. But in my opinion (and from my experience) sex without mutual attraction is flat and boring.

Ella · 01-04-2005, 04:25 PM

I think it depends on your state of mind at the time. I guess both need to be upfront about expectations of the fling so there are no hidden agendas.

However....I had a bit of a thing with a guy last weekend, and although we kinda went into it 'no strings', and he and I both told each other we're happily single, I can't seem to get him out of my head (to the point where I have his picture as my desktop pic).

It also got me thinking that I'd kinda like to be sharing my bed with someone more often than I do. I've been single by choice for a couple of years now (with the exception of one relationship and one fuck buddy) and I'm thinking it may be time to see who's out there. But I'd really like my "fling" to be the one to share my bed, but that's wishful thinking on my behalf....

Tophat665 · 01-04-2005, 04:45 PM

I have no opinion. I have a wife.

ICER · 01-04-2005, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tophat665

I have no opinion. I have a wife.

LOL, that should go in as the quote of the day.

Willravel · 01-04-2005, 05:20 PM

Personally? No thanks. I have never had interest in sex outside of at least some form of relationship. The last thing I want to do is ruin the experience. Most of the 'good feelings' that come from sex (at least for me) is the mutual pleasure between you asnd that other special person. If that makes me a woman, oh well.

As for other people? Whatever blows your skirt up! Enjoy.

jaypc2 · 01-04-2005, 05:40 PM

to all of the people that said that flings are good things i have one question.. isn't intercourse a way to express feelings towards somebody in a physical way? I'm not trying to put anybody's way of living down or anything im just confused about why so many people find them a "good thing"...but then again maybe im just an idiot and have been missing out on all of the fun.hmmm.. i look foward to everybody's responses

01-04-2005, 05:51 PM

You can express your feelings for someone you don't know - it's easy to express feelings of warmth and affection to someone you've never even met before. You can have warm feelings for someone and not want them to be the ultimate mother/father of your children and express those feelings in a physical way. You don't even have to find them attractive. It's like having a nice chat.

So when you say

Quote:

"isn't intercourse a way to express feelings towards somebody in a physical way?"

The answer is yes of course, that's what's so good about it. I don't quite understand. I get on with most of the women I meet, and if I'm not in a relationship (i.e. a serious relationship with plans) I find them even remotely attractive, and no one is going to get upset, then I don't see any problem with a hug, or a kiss or any other form of physical display of affection.

doncalypso · 01-04-2005, 05:53 PM

I guess a fling would be okay if I was single, the woman was single, and we both knew up front that it was just a physical thing. However, despite my ravenous sexual appetite I prefer committed relationships where fidelity is of the essence, so even if it was a sex only relationship I would like to keep it with that one person only and hope she's not fucking anyone else.

Val_1 · 01-04-2005, 07:03 PM

Yeah, a fling would be good as long as both people involved are aware of what it is and take all necesary procautions. It relieves sexual frustratrion and releases some much needed endorphins. Not everybody is in the place of their life in which they are ready for a full blown committed relationship. So, a fling can be a healthy alternative. I think it needs to be in moderation. You can become addicted to them the same way you can to anything else.

Bacchanal · 01-04-2005, 07:09 PM

jaypc2, to answer your question, from my point of view at least, sex is fun regardless. I've been in love and the sex in that relationship was better, but it's rarely bad either way. In most circumstances, the women (flings) aren't anyone I would want a committed relationship with, for whatever reason (or vice versa), but they could still be killer in bed. I dont see a point in depriving myself of anything because I'm not in love with that person.

A little over a year ago work sent me out of town for over a month solid. There was a girl who worked where I was sent that was pretty attractive, and evidently she found me the same. We both talked about it from the beginning and knew that if we did anything, it'd be nothing more than sex. Now why the hell would I pass up on that? We were safe, honest, and had fun. Nobody was hurt emotionally, and now if I go there for any reason, I have someone to call and hang out with, even if nothing else happens.

El Kaz · 01-04-2005, 07:18 PM

If it weren't for flings, I'd be very lonely

Been carburating on those since I was last dumped, about 6 months ago, so obviously I'm all for them.

Golden rule is have both partners be not only consenting, but CONSCIOUS about what they're doing.. I've once refused a one-night stand because I judged that the lady was way too drunk to know what she was doing.. I don't think I'd like to handle waking up and being a regret to a partner.

I also don't get why it's often assumed that loveless sex is automaticaly devoid of any feeling or passion.. SURE it's much more intimate if you love your partner.. but a one-night stand can have tenderness and affection in it too.. doesn't have to be "bang-bang in and out, bye I'm done~" if you know what I mean

Fate · 01-04-2005, 08:08 PM

There is honestly too much trouble surrounding flings. Usually one person gets attached and end up getting rejected. Even if both parties agree, it is nearly impossible to remove emotion and your heart from sex. Sexual desire imo isn't a big thing for me, I would rather care about the person deeply, than one night stand it.

01-04-2005, 08:12 PM

What if you care about them, but don't necessarily want to spend the rest of your life together?

How much do you have to love someone before you'll:
a) hug them
b) kiss them on the lips
c) fondle them
d) sleep *next* to them
e) have sex with them

Where does sex and affection cross over anyway?

btw you are right on the complication issue though

jaypc2 · 01-04-2005, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Kaz

.. but a one-night stand can have tenderness and affection in it too.. doesn't have to be "bang-bang in and out, bye I'm done~" if you know what I mean

How can you show tenderness and affection towards someboy you've known only one night wouldn't that be more considered an act of pure lust than tenderness and affection?

01-04-2005, 09:09 PM

it just depends on how friendly you are as a person - sex is about giving, not just recieving - what makes me feel good is to see someone else happy, its rare that I'll have a raging lust for them, I might just want to make someone's day.

Stompy · 01-04-2005, 11:05 PM

Flings get thumbs up in my book.

monkeysugar · 01-05-2005, 12:34 AM

It's not something I'd be interested in, but if it works for other people and is what they "need" I don't have anything against it.

countingsheep · 01-05-2005, 05:34 PM

i don't mind flings, sometimes i dont want a relationship but i want some ass. :] i'm a very horny girl.

chickentribs · 01-05-2005, 09:36 PM

I have had flings that didn't work out well and were uncomfortable afterwards, but I have also had flings that were great one time deals that led to good friendships and flings that have turned into long term relationships with wonderful people...

I tend to be attracted to individuals who don't hang an "albatross" around the neck of sex in a relationship, and make it the be-all end-all. Relaxed, uninhibited people are attractive to me and I would have missed out on some great people in my life if I had decided to judge them based on a strong mutual attraction that found us having breakfast the next day! What is so scary about sex??

View Poll Results: Flings: Good or Bad?
Good	43	62.32%
Bad	26	37.68%
Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

01-03-2005, 07:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
jaypc2 Tilted Location: south east	Flings: Good or Bad? In a recent discussion with a friend of mine the topic of fligs came up. She believes that they're no big deal whereas I, on the otherhand, belive that physical intimacy should be only be had between partners. I mean is it so hard to control sexual frustration? so my question is Am I the only person who thinks this? or are flings a good thing? and i know it really all just comes down to an opinion in then end but i am very curious to see what others have to say about this thanks __________________ Zero Cool stay sexy

01-03-2005, 07:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
bing bing Addict Location: Melbourne, Australia	Eddddddit. Sorry, misunderstood the question. Last edited by bing bing; 01-03-2005 at 11:40 PM..

01-03-2005, 07:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
jaypc2 Tilted Location: south east	im talking about when they're the flings that are only there to relese sexual frustration and nothing more __________________ Zero Cool stay sexy

01-03-2005, 07:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	so it's a one-night-stand you are talking about... or are you talking flings while you are already in a relationship? I honestly don't see a problem with one night stands as long as the parties protect themselves -- and are upfront about their desires... If that smooth talking dude in the bar says that he wants to get to know me better and he'll callthe next day-- but is lying - then no -- flings aren't good.... It requires honesty. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-03-2005, 07:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
gar1976 Custom User Title Location: Lurking. Under the desk.	One-night stands? If I wasn't married, I'd be nailing everything in sight. My wife and I each have around a 4-day tolerance of "not gettin' any" at the most. We've discussed this, and agree we'd both be bar sluts/pimps if single. __________________ Blistex, in regards to crappy games - They made pong look like a story driven RPG with a dynamic campaign.

01-04-2005, 12:04 AM	#7 (permalink)
Bacchanal Laid back Location: Jayhawkland	For the most part, I've experienced good things from flings, but I'm always up front and honest about it. "No, I dont want a relationship, this is purely for sex." If the other person is OK with that, and/or looking for the same thing, with absolutely no strings attached, they can be quite fun! It's when emotions start getting involved with one person and not the other that it can go badly. Just to clarify, I'm talking more about "fuck buddies" than one night stands.

01-04-2005, 03:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	As long as you're not in a relationship, flings can be a good thing. If you take precautions ahead of time. I've had one or two, many many years ago, and think they did a good thing, not just for "sexual tension" though.

01-04-2005, 03:55 PM	#10 (permalink)
ehh19 Upright	i think flings are only a good thing if they make you feel better about yourself after being severly/brutally dumped by your long term girlfriend/boyfriend. other than that they are not really needed by yours truly that often. i never have a fling to release sexual frustration... there are other ways to do this. ahem dont get me wrong, using someone to make yourself feel better is &$^#ing wrong! i completly agree with maleficent ... be honest with the other person. __________________ "A dead Lois?!?" - Stewie "Does this look like a Q to you? ... How 'bout now?" - Quagmire

01-04-2005, 04:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
Ella Ella Bo Bella Location: Australia	I think it depends on your state of mind at the time. I guess both need to be upfront about expectations of the fling so there are no hidden agendas. However....I had a bit of a thing with a guy last weekend, and although we kinda went into it 'no strings', and he and I both told each other we're happily single, I can't seem to get him out of my head (to the point where I have his picture as my desktop pic). It also got me thinking that I'd kinda like to be sharing my bed with someone more often than I do. I've been single by choice for a couple of years now (with the exception of one relationship and one fuck buddy) and I'm thinking it may be time to see who's out there. But I'd really like my "fling" to be the one to share my bed, but that's wishful thinking on my behalf.... __________________ "Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

01-04-2005, 04:45 PM	#13 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	I have no opinion. I have a wife. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

01-04-2005, 05:20 PM	#15 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Personally? No thanks. I have never had interest in sex outside of at least some form of relationship. The last thing I want to do is ruin the experience. Most of the 'good feelings' that come from sex (at least for me) is the mutual pleasure between you asnd that other special person. If that makes me a woman, oh well. As for other people? Whatever blows your skirt up! Enjoy.

01-04-2005, 05:40 PM	#16 (permalink)
jaypc2 Tilted Location: south east	to all of the people that said that flings are good things i have one question.. isn't intercourse a way to express feelings towards somebody in a physical way? I'm not trying to put anybody's way of living down or anything im just confused about why so many people find them a "good thing"...but then again maybe im just an idiot and have been missing out on all of the fun.hmmm.. i look foward to everybody's responses __________________ Zero Cool stay sexy

01-04-2005, 05:53 PM	#18 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	I guess a fling would be okay if I was single, the woman was single, and we both knew up front that it was just a physical thing. However, despite my ravenous sexual appetite I prefer committed relationships where fidelity is of the essence, so even if it was a sex only relationship I would like to keep it with that one person only and hope she's not fucking anyone else. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

01-04-2005, 07:03 PM	#19 (permalink)
Val_1 Addict Location: In a State of Denial	Yeah, a fling would be good as long as both people involved are aware of what it is and take all necesary procautions. It relieves sexual frustratrion and releases some much needed endorphins. Not everybody is in the place of their life in which they are ready for a full blown committed relationship. So, a fling can be a healthy alternative. I think it needs to be in moderation. You can become addicted to them the same way you can to anything else. __________________ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

01-04-2005, 07:09 PM	#20 (permalink)
Bacchanal Laid back Location: Jayhawkland	jaypc2, to answer your question, from my point of view at least, sex is fun regardless. I've been in love and the sex in that relationship was better, but it's rarely bad either way. In most circumstances, the women (flings) aren't anyone I would want a committed relationship with, for whatever reason (or vice versa), but they could still be killer in bed. I dont see a point in depriving myself of anything because I'm not in love with that person. A little over a year ago work sent me out of town for over a month solid. There was a girl who worked where I was sent that was pretty attractive, and evidently she found me the same. We both talked about it from the beginning and knew that if we did anything, it'd be nothing more than sex. Now why the hell would I pass up on that? We were safe, honest, and had fun. Nobody was hurt emotionally, and now if I go there for any reason, I have someone to call and hang out with, even if nothing else happens.

01-04-2005, 07:18 PM	#21 (permalink)
El Kaz Crazy Location: Canada	If it weren't for flings, I'd be very lonely Been carburating on those since I was last dumped, about 6 months ago, so obviously I'm all for them. Golden rule is have both partners be not only consenting, but CONSCIOUS about what they're doing.. I've once refused a one-night stand because I judged that the lady was way too drunk to know what she was doing.. I don't think I'd like to handle waking up and being a regret to a partner. I also don't get why it's often assumed that loveless sex is automaticaly devoid of any feeling or passion.. SURE it's much more intimate if you love your partner.. but a one-night stand can have tenderness and affection in it too.. doesn't have to be "bang-bang in and out, bye I'm done~" if you know what I mean Last edited by El Kaz; 01-04-2005 at 07:20 PM..

01-04-2005, 08:08 PM	#22 (permalink)
Fate Crazy Location: Montreal	There is honestly too much trouble surrounding flings. Usually one person gets attached and end up getting rejected. Even if both parties agree, it is nearly impossible to remove emotion and your heart from sex. Sexual desire imo isn't a big thing for me, I would rather care about the person deeply, than one night stand it. __________________ vB code is On Smilies are On [IMG] code is Off HTML code is Off

01-04-2005, 08:12 PM	#23 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	What if you care about them, but don't necessarily want to spend the rest of your life together? How much do you have to love someone before you'll: a) hug them b) kiss them on the lips c) fondle them d) sleep next to them e) have sex with them Where does sex and affection cross over anyway? btw you are right on the complication issue though

01-04-2005, 09:09 PM	#25 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	it just depends on how friendly you are as a person - sex is about giving, not just recieving - what makes me feel good is to see someone else happy, its rare that I'll have a raging lust for them, I might just want to make someone's day.

01-04-2005, 11:05 PM	#26 (permalink)
Stompy Banned from being Banned Location: Donkey	Flings get thumbs up in my book. __________________ I love lamp.

01-05-2005, 12:34 AM	#27 (permalink)
monkeysugar I'll be on the veranda, since you're on the cross. Location: Rand McNally's friendliest small town in America. They must have strayed from the dodgy parts...	It's not something I'd be interested in, but if it works for other people and is what they "need" I don't have anything against it. __________________ I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

01-05-2005, 05:34 PM	#28 (permalink)
countingsheep Upright Location: beach	i don't mind flings, sometimes i dont want a relationship but i want some ass. :] i'm a very horny girl. __________________ lick it before you stick it

01-05-2005, 09:36 PM	#29 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	I have had flings that didn't work out well and were uncomfortable afterwards, but I have also had flings that were great one time deals that led to good friendships and flings that have turned into long term relationships with wonderful people... I tend to be attracted to individuals who don't hang an "albatross" around the neck of sex in a relationship, and make it the be-all end-all. Relaxed, uninhibited people are attractive to me and I would have missed out on some great people in my life if I had decided to judge them based on a strong mutual attraction that found us having breakfast the next day! What is so scary about sex?? __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.