zenmaster10665

Hi All.

Thanks for all the advice from the past...it definitely helped me, but my and my girlfriend of 3 years are now in a bit more of a mess...

We are getting along great and we love each other very much, but the sex has gotten really monotonous and hard to handle, almost. I am not sure why, but we can't seem to have good sex anymore...many times it just turns into a fight when we try to get intimate...

I really do love my girlfriend, and I am very attracted to her still, but I am sometimes not sure if I might be more attracted to other women...I am not sure if this is just due to the fact that we have been together 3 years, or that she is nearly 30 (I am 27) or that I am just an asshole who thinks that the grass is greener on the other side.

I really do love her, she is my best friend, and she is an attractive girl, but I cant help thinking: "I wonder if there is a hotter girl who is more perfect for me than her."

Am I being selfish and stupid? Will the sex come back around?? Should I end it and go on my planned travels alone?

thanks from listening.

__________________
"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."
-Kurt Vonnegut

maleficent

Are you being selfish and stupid? Only you can answer that question.

You are both getting older, and both getting to that stage where you might want to think about settling down and making your long term relationship permanent. She's a little older than you are, so she just might be hearing that annoying biological clock. Maybe the idea of "settling down" scares you a wee bit.

That hotter girl for you, that might or might not exist could be your brain screaming out you that you aren't ready to settle down.

Three years is a long time in a relationship, have you had conversations about what each of you want in the future?

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denim

What part of your first undeleted paragraph is unclear to you?

You know your relationship better than we do. It's possible that you're trying to tell yourself something, sure. OTOH, if she's your best friend and she's an attractive woman, the only problem I see from your post is that you're having some kind of communication issues. You two need to talk and figure out why some aspects of your relationship have deteriorated. Counseling might help, and just trying to talk to each other about it might help. Use the pro if y'all can't do it on your own.

Prince

Ya know, the thing is... Whenever I feel something similar to that, I watch some show like Elimidate. Y'know, totally ridiculous crap. The broads on that show are traditionally hot, but when you watch one try to communicate, you can tell there's nothing but oatmeal up there inside that skull of hers.

I mean sure, someone with a nice pair of tits and a piece of arse, they're good for a 20-minute fuck. Or maybe an hour. But what about the 23 other hours of the day?

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but once you actually get there, all you've got there is dead leaves.

I think you're trying too hard, and thinking too hard, and talking too little - to one another.

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Who is John Galt?

xda

Have you talked to your girlfriend about your feelings ? If you're really committed to the relationship thats where you've got to start.

If you can't talk to her about the issue then the relationship may not be as strong as you think.

XDA

uptown

Why not show your girlfriend this thread ? I'm sure she'll help you with this problem. After all no woman wants to feel as if her man isn't enjoying sex with her and that she's the problem because she isn't as young and as hot as he'd like her to be.

SilverScooter

talk, if its not a serious issue (which i don't see as a possibility if you love her) then just start kicking up the sex life. sounds easy, i know . i'm not good with that type of advice, but i can tell you that if you hold off for a while, when you start having sex again it might be mindblowing (one of those "don't know what you have 'til its gone" dynamics).

i don't think you're being selfish, but i do think that it might be a case of that "greener grass" thing. it happens to the best of us and it probably will fade as soon as it kicks in that you'd rather have a great friend than a real looker. both of these in the same package are good, but oftentimes (not all the time) girls who spend forever making themselves look good rarely have time to learn how to say, carry a conversation or balance a checkbook. (i'm merely agreeing with other statements here, don't all you hot, smart girls flame me at once, i know you exist and i know that there are stupid ugly people too...)

the end

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and that's the end of that chapter...

uptown

How would you like to be told that you were a great person but that you weren't really the "looker" that your partner felt she deserved and that she really had to work to muster up enough interest to have sex with you and that even when she did the sex was kind of lousy... but she loves you because you're smart enough to balance a checkbook?

I'll tell you that being on the receiving end of that, of being told that basically you're being treated to mercy sex is horrible !

The OP should be honest, he should tell this woman that he's been having strong urges to see what else is out there,that he wants to date/sleep with other women and he should allow her the same option.

lurkette

Can't remember who said this, but it's relevant:

No matter how hot she is, there's always some other guy who's sick of putting up with her shit.

If you're suffering from "grass is greener" syndrome, you probably need to examine your expectations for relationships. Look at what you really really want from a relationship, see where your current relationship falls short, and decide whether you can live without that for the sake of having a best friend who loves you and has sex with you.

Why does it turn into a fight when you try to get intimate? What are you doing to keep things interesting?

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France