shyguy

Here's the situation. I work on campus. There is this cute girl who is a regular customer. I want to ask her out. Doing so while working doesn't seem possible as she comes when there are a bunch of other customers (mostly).

However, I know her name because it comes up on the screen when she pays. It seems creepy to call her out of no where to ask her out when she doesn't know my name at all.

How can I contact her without being creepy?

Before you point me to the thread that says "be myself, just go up and ask," please re-read my question. I'm asking what is a non-creepy situation that I can ask her out without it being at my work. That's the only place I see her.

doncalypso

Sorry, son.... I have no advice to give you on this one because I'd be just as clueless as you on how to go about approaching her.

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lunchbox

find her in a place where you think she'd be. find out some classes she has and show up near them.

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wnker85

Its hard not to do that. Where I work a guy tried that all the time, and it drove people away. Long story short, he no longer works there and we are doing much more business.

But, I say make some small talk, Figure out what she is like, and see if she would be willing. IMO, don't call her name out let her tell you it, but introduce yourself by all means, even if it doesn't go anywhere

KirStang

Just say something like, "hey i see you come here often..."

Then, "What's your name" or whatever, try to make her smile/laugh.

After that, when you see her on campus or whatnot, go up to her and talk to her.

Worked for me...

**EDIT**: I knew this girls name too, but i made sure to not call her by her name to freak her out. Yep

blahblah454

Yea make jokes, just stupid but funny jokes, get her laughing. A sure fire way to start talking alot more with a person is to get them to remember you for something, and a great way to make her think about you everytime she goes to that store is to make her laugh when she sees you(just make sure she is laughing with you and not AT you!)

CityOfAngels

lol, and while you're at it, make the Friday the 13th sound..."CH Ch ch ch...HAW Haw haw haw...CH Ch ch ch...HAW Haw haw haw"

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RCR

tough not to be creepy if you find out where she will be often...

Kirstang's advice was good

shyguy

Thanks. She already smiles every time she comes. She gets (almost) the exact same thing every time, and she brings her own cup, so she just hands me her cup directly. I usually make some remark that makes her laugh. So smiling + laughing is covered. Now I just need to ask her name. I have never seen her anywhere else on campus so that's my biggest problem I think.

avhg1

Do you have any days off that she comes in? What type of work is it? Figure out a day that she should be in and act like you're there for something else and just introduce yourself to her. Tell her you work there and have noticed her coming in and wanted to meet her. I personally wouldn't think that would be creepy at all.

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ratbastid

*Bzzzt* Thank you for playing.

Stalking is creepy.

ratbastid

Great! So rapport is covered! You're halfway home.

You say "cup"... Is this a coffee place or something? Does she sit down to drink her coffee, or is it right out the door?

Either way, here's my suggestion: take OFF your apron (or whatever you wear that signifies "I'm on duty"), and approach her before she leaves. Ask her if she has a second to have a non-coffee-related conversation. Tell her how much it brightens your day when she walks in the door, and that you'd like to get to know her better. I leave the rest to you.

It's not a new strategy you need, you just need some cojones.

runtuff

Alright this is a good challenge. First of all how important is this job to you??? This does have CREEPY written all over it. At least you have already figured this out so proceed with caution; or you might lose your job. Even get labeled as a stalker etc.

The only creepy issue here is the name issue. You know her name, she doesn't know you know her name so. . . you usually make a remark to make her laugh . . . you have a prop, her cup, address her cup as in your "owner" has brought you back for a refill. That should easily work into a name conversation.

OR::: Name her cup if you don't get her name, play games guessing her name each time she brings "Fred" her cup and play around trying to guess her name.

Remember once you have her name nothing is creepy. Just remember don't "act" creepy, she never needs to know.

shyguy

Yeah it's a coffee place. It's really just a coffee bar in a relatively high traffic area on campus. People are always around studying there. I'm thinking of just studying at a table nearby one of these nights I don't work as she's bound to show up. She comes twice a night while I'm working (I have no idea about nights I don't work), but it's usually in and out. Once she hung around at some chairs with friends (guys). Going up to talk to her wouldn't be creepy if I'm not working as I can initiate normal conversation.

Giant Hamburger

Write her a note.

Suave

It's only stalking if you get caught. Since you're at a coffee place, try to get a day off, and hang out there and grab some coffee during the timeperiod she's normally there. It's casual, you're off-duty, and I don't think anyone could argue that it's stalker-ish.

1010011010

Wear a name tag.

WHAT? He said her not know his name is what makes it creepy.

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zen_tom

You: "Hey, what's your phone number?"
Her: "Why do you want my phone number?"
You: "I want to ask you out on a date."
Bang. There it is. Or is that creepy?

Rlyss

Winner! I like this one

I don't say this to discourage you but just remember if she says no or if she's got a boyfriend she probably won't be coming back to that coffee shop anymore... but if you take it slowly, smile a lot more and make small talk with her for the next week or so and then do what ratbastid says I can't see how she would say no!

MSD

When you get her change, slip a note in the stack of bills saiyng something cheesy and semi-clever like "If you have some free time, I'd like to change things around get coffee with you sometime. Call me if you'd like to." and put your name and phone number on the paper.

Going out for coffee with someone is one of the best ways to get to know them since it's informal and lets either person leave easily if they're uncomfortable. Because of the easy escape route, it carries a better chance of getting a "yes" from someone who is unsure.

edit: just calling her would be very creepy and stalkerish

World's King

I don't get why asking at work is bad?

It can't take to long. Keep the conversation goin' while you're helping other people? What type do you work in? If it's a Planned Parenthood office you might not want to ask her there. Or at all.

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Suave

Probably because you can get fired for stuff like that.

shyguy

Well I just sat in a chair near the coffee bar most of the night studying. I didn't see her, which is weird since her coming in twice while I work would seem to mean she can't go without her coffee. But I could have missed her while I was working or the few times I had got up for something or another.

bal8664

This is how I'd do it:

She comes in and hands you her cup as usual and says what she wants or whatever.
You go get her her drink and after handing it to her say, "What's your name" she replies with "(her name)", you say "Well (her name) I'm (your name), I get off work at (time) how about you meet me back here and we can have some coffee and get to know each other". Remember the worse thing that could happen is she says no and at least you tried. I doubt even if your boss was listening for this 15 second conversation you'd get in too much trouble. Good luck and let us know how it goes

minimedgirl

guys....notes are cute but juvenile. i'm sorry..but they are! forget the notes and just tell her in person as previously suggested by others. it's all about courage!!!

tommyboy

i like the note idea....just hand it to her when you givin back change

Redlemon

Or, she knows the nights that you work, and doesn't come by on the nights that you don't? Can someone passing by see the counter from the window? Perhaps she didn't see you behind the counter and therefore didn't bother to come in.

Here's another conversational opener to consider: "Nice to see you again, it brightens my day when come in here. But I've never seen you anywhere else; any hints where I should look?". Please note that I have been with the same woman for 17 years, and therefore may be a bit rusty.

ratbastid

Yeah, well, it's been 13 years for me... Your suggestion is cute, though.

Picture this: "Hey, welcome back! Great to see you as always! (conspiratorially) Listen, there's this policy here at the coffee shop--no asking customers out while on duty. Fireable offence. They mean business. So... You got any suggestion about somewhere I might run into you where I could ask you out?"

xxSquirtxx

I like that!

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shyguy

Well I screwed up today. She came in, got something to drink, and cause I was working with the boss I barely even gave her the time of day. I smiled, she smiled back, and the boss took her order and filled it.

The worst part is she came just as I was getting off. I could have skipped out on the last few customers and taken off (without a problem), caught up to her, and actually talked to her off the clock, but alas, now I must go back and read this thread a couple more times. I used the fact that there were still customers there to chicken out...

toxic515

I was about to reply with some brilliant witty "how to" since I met my wife while working at a convenience store.. but she pointed out that I DIDN'T ask her out, she asked ME, because she got tired of waiting... As a result, my brilliant strategy is apparently wait until she just HAS to have you... What I was GOING to suggest, before discovering that I apparently haven't the nuts and all to do it myself is pretty much what the others have suggested. "Hi, I'm glad to see you again. I don't think I've ever caught your name." If her answer is "I didn't give it to you" then you're sold out. If she does, then it's a simple transition to begin addressing her more directly for brief conversation on a more personal nature. "What's your major" blah blah blah. Chance are good that if she hasn't ever shown up with an obvious boyfriend, she may well not have one.

Good luck!

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The Magic

As you hand her her cup of coffee, smile, look her directly in the eyes, and then say:

"Hey baby, why don't we make like this cup of coffee and let me pour my cream into you?"

rabblerouser

I think you have to begin with introducing yourself. In return you will get her name (hopefully). Don't worry about being creepy. Just be friendly. You work there, she will just assume it is good customer service; you getting to know your regular customers.

Once the name thing is out of the way, keep up talking with her every time she comes in. The process will be a little slow, but there is no way she will find you creepy if you establish a rapport with her before you take a plunge and ask her out. SHe will most likely just be flattered.

Hirare

If you aren't brazen enough to go up to her and ask her out, this is a great way to proceed. Being a shy guy myself, I have used this type of approach many times and while it takes a lot longer to get to the first date, you can usually find out what type of person they are and whether you really want to go out on a date with them.

Mephisto2

Sounds like you are selling her coffee.

So next time, when you give her back her cup, why not say something like "So, you wanna go grab a cup of coffee sometime?" with a big smile on your face?


Mr Mephisto

mandal

seems to me that the next step after smiling at each other is a simple "how are you?" Being in a high traffic area where there isn't much chance to talk this is quick and easy. Asking her name would come second to this. I know you already make her laugh and stuff, but asking how she is allows room for small talk and actual converstions rather then just remarks. I think things should easily build from there, or at least they usually do for me. good luck.

oh yah, stalking is just unreturned love.

shyguy

Well, it's a slow battle. However, I feel progress was made the last time I worked. We had a mini conversation as she got her order. The last few times she hasn't brought her own cup so I inquired about it the first time, and this time made a joke which got her laughing.

Before she leaves, she always looks at me. This last time, before she left, we made eye contact that lasted several seconds just before she left (with smiles). This is a good sign, right?

xxSquirtxx

I think that is a very good sign.

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slimshaydee

This is a very good sign, but its also a sign that you should make a move because girls tend to lose interest pretty fast at a young age.

1010011010

I have this vision of another thread on another message board where some poor girl is all conflicted about whether this cute guy at a coffee shop is flirting with her or if he's just being nice because he's an employee and she's a customer.

You're going to have to do something outside of the accepted bounds of service industry interaction. Having short conversations that are entirely encapsulated in the service transaction will get you no where. Break the fourth wall.

Take a conversation to subjects outside the coffee shop. You say she's almost always in-and-out. Ask about what keeps her so busy. Get her talking about something other than than coffee, what she puts in it, or what she puts it in.

You definitely have a time limit, though. Don't wait until it looks like she's losing interest to finally act.

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