shAzb0t

I'm in first-year at university, and recently some shit has been really messing with my head. I know it's not anyone's fault but my own, but I need some help from somebody.

My roommate is a pretty good friend from high school. Down the hall are some girls who I've been an absolute god to, taking them to parties and helping them out when they get too drunk. Unfortunately, I fit into the role of the "nice guy" and so there's no way I can get seriously involved with any of them, because I know if I try to pull a move on one of them it will either get rid of my status as the trustworthy nice guy, or they will just not take me seriously. One girl I had my eye on slept with my roommate one night, which I thought I could take. A couple days after it seemed like it was just a one-night thing and I wouldn't have to worry. But the envy does get to me, since he's basically emotionless and hasn't put as much time into her as I have. As for the other girls, they have this obsession with the older members of my fraternity, which makes it awkward over at the frat house - I turn into a chauffeur whenever I bring them over to the house.

I feel the only thing I can do is to disassociate myself with them - find some other girls out on campus and just get away from my residence for a week or two. I've been trying to do so by just riding the bus around town with my discman on weekends, just to explore the city and think about stuff.

How can I get out of this pinch? How can I break out of the "nice guy"/"best friend" character without jeopardizing my current relationship with these girls?

Remember, TFP doesn't judge. I just know that this is a good place to turn when I need some help. Thanks in advance.

Suave

You can't break out of your role without jeapordizing the relationship. Tough question, simple answer. If you're dead-set on it, then you're going to have to take a risk.

JumpinJesus

You'll never know unless you take the risk. If it turns out they're not interested in that way, be up front about it and tell them that you're still willing to be there for them. Who knows, eventually things might change. What would you rather happen? A moment of discomfort or a lifetime of wondering, "what if...?"

Hopefully things will work out in your favor. Nice guys don't always finish last, you know.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

boredom

If its been more then 3 months i say move on. But like everyone else said go for it. If it doesnt work out, well you can still be friends.

radioguy

your answer is always no until you ask. i was the "nice guy" forever. i asked and the answer was "no", but i found out and could move on. good luck dude.

saigon1965

Fuck it, life is too short, ask the one you are attracted to out, if it doesn't work out, move on, there'll be more for you to take care of later, these girls sounds like they just want to have fun and there will always be the guy(you) down the hall to take them home and tuck them in safely.

brokenangel

i have two suggestions...

1) life's short.. so take chance and ask... save yourself the trouble of thinking about it day and night, night and day.. you never know what her answer would be.

2) take things slow - get to know her more... do express an interest in her... flirt with her more.. etc etc etc.. and let it develop from there... cuz maybe it's now just a small little crush. maybe if you got to know her better, you would realized she's not the girl you want to be with... but you guys can still be good friends.

shAzb0t

radioguy, the only problem is that i can't really "move on" since i will probably see her everyday, and i have no idea how she would react if i were to show my attraction to her. i need to find a balance between having a comfortable relationship and not starving myself by doing nothing about progressing it. the problem is that i also don't want to "go for it" and jeopardize my friendship with my roommate, being that he knows i know about the two of them.

would now be a wrong time to ask for commitment-free sex every now and then, just for fun? :P

shAzb0t

oops, i just read the Original King's sticky post, please delete this thread.

sorry everyone =(

Jay You Dee

I could think of so many things to do in that situation... but most are pretty gay and would either get me slapped or make me homicidal.

In all honesty, I would probably do like the others have said, though. Still be the good friend to all of the fly hunnies, but step it up a notch on this one. Try to catch her not with friends and still be the nice guy to her. Focus in on her more and be a little more caring. Build a trust and a good friendship with her, then a little later down the line let her know how you feel. If she says yes, then you're $$$. If she says no, well then you're fucked.. err I mean, hopefully there's enough trust and friendship between you guys to just kinda laugh about it and move on. As my friend used to tell me when he would get shitfaced, "Man, you never know till you find out, it's a crazy world." That'd be my approach to it, but I know the responses of two people I know that seem to get just chicks all the time.

Bryan C - old man, multimillionaire, married twice to two of the hottest females i've ever seen in my life once said, "Let me tell you to the secret to keeping a girl around. Every once in a while, you just have to treat 'em like shit, and give em a good horse fuckin' boy" Then he'd chuckle and say "So that's what I do man" and take a massive hit of his cigarette and walk off.

Or the one to top them all, the single worst advice any man has given me to get laid. The DKW once told me "Dude, all you gotta do is donkey punch 'er, fuck 'er in the ass, and dump 'er" (don't try this at home!)

Much love,
J-U-D

Sbudda

It's possible to be nice to someone and let them know your interested. Just think, "how would I hit on this girl if her Dad was standing right next to her?" If you can't think of how to do it, you'll never win her. For all of the changes between the sexes, they still like to see that we're willing to take a chance.

Besides, remember all those girls in high school that you were "such good friends with"? I'll bet you talk to maybe 2 of them now. The same thing will happen with these girls eventually. Life changes, you have to take from it what you want.

shAzb0t

Well, tonight I let it out. Turns out she really likes my roommate, go figure. So now I'm in the delicate position of relationship therapist, patching things up when their relationship begins to falter. I am, anyways, the one that knows the most about either party. I guess that will be the role in my life: the mediator. The one who is always rendered useless after an amount of time... One that has been abused to his full potential.

CityOfAngels

You are what you choose to be.
You aren't what you choose not to be.
That's all for now.

__________________
The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

Spidey

damn i got here too slow :E

speaking from experience telling them does not work. The only time it really works is if you get lucky and that doesn't happen often, probably same chance as winning the lottery. What i have discovered from being in this situation so many times is to firstly go see other people, you don't have to be interested in them, but surrounding yourself with lots of girls and making them laugh and such builds up some jealousy. Although this doesn't always work (if she REALLY likes the other guy) it has bought me some results. You need to distance yourself and make yourself unavaliable to her sometimes so that she can "miss you" and the only way to do this is to keep yourself busy with other females.

I can't promise you this will work 100% of the time, but from the results that i get nowdays after being in that situation many many times the only way to spark attraction is not to be there, but to make yourself unavalible. like the saying goes "you always want something you can't have" and the way to do it is to make it so she can't have you.

I know what you are thinking with the whole nice guy routine, i'm not saying that you should stop being a nice guy, its more like be nice to her but not be her personal psychologist. You can still make something out of this, what i recommend you do is to still be friends, but be lose friends and stand hanging out and making more chick friends. Surround yourself with them, then when she sees what she missed out the attraction will spark.

Good Luck, although luck isn't really the solution.

Edit: also like to throw in the "shes the one for me mindset" doesn't work. Try to see it as "if you let it go and it comes back then take things further if not then its all good" mindset.

superiorrain

I like Spidey's ways, jealousy is a powerful tool and plays nicely in the thing you can't have is always the thing you want most. Giving that a go will at least ensure the friendship thing is still on the cards.

Happy hunting

__________________
"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." - Arthur C. Clarke

mattevil

I like to thank shAzb0t for starting the thread and all theses answers becuse I was just about to start a thread asking the same thing.

Jizz-Fritter

Don't spend your time being her Plan B.

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"Principle is okay up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." Dick Cheney