BigDonkey2

I've had multiple threads about my gf being in France. I'm doing ok now. I have a question though. I was just talking to my gf and she was at this school party last night and dancing with friends and strangers and stuff and this guy came up to her and started dancing with her and kissed her on the lips. She said she was pretty drunk and didnt remember if it was 2 different guys or the same guy. She told the guy that she had a boyfriend and the guy told her he had a girlfriend. Now my question is this; Why does this seem to be like its no big deal? My gf was just telling me its just a physical need. I understand this but don't people over there have any fucking morals? I wouldn't even think of doing anything like that to my gf. I would feel so guilty and thats why I don't put myself into those situations. I'm not focusing on her being gone anymore because I know shes coming back and everything will be back to normal. I find it really weird though that people over there have boyfriends and girlfriends and yet are out dancing and hooking up with different people. It doens't make any sense to me.

I guess it bothered me a little bit when my gf told me that some guy kissed her on the lips but I know that it doesn't mean anything and that she loves me and doesnt care for any of those guys. Now the thing that would get into my head would be "Did she push him away?" "Did she enjoy the kiss?" "How long was the kiss?" I'm trying not to let that get to me although it really wants to right now. I'm trying to be as strong as possible to fight the urges of getting pissed off. I know that I can't control what other guys do and thats what gets to me. I don't know these guys and I know they're hitting on my gf and trying to get with her. I think though that she also has to take my feelings into consideration about this type of stuff, unless I'm wrong here and if so then please tell me because I might be. I know shes off having the experience of a lifetime and having fun and all but damnit its fucking hard. I guess I'm not in the best of moods now, and once I get some more phone cards (hopefully today) I'll call her back and talk to her some more.

So I guess thats sort of my question/comment on the whole situation. What do you guys think?

Neptune

That's the worst part of having your partner overseas like that, you are limited to the occasional phone call and then spend the rest of your day worrying about the things you couldn't ask.

Try not to let it get to you. As you said, she'll be home soon and you can sort things out then if they need sorting out.
My guess is that when she comes home you'll both be too busy making up for lost time to worry about such things.

My wife went overseas when we were dating, and was persued by some mega-hunk while there. It really bothered me and cut me up at the time, but once she was home it wasn't a big issue to me. 8 years later she is still with me so obviously his efforts didn't have much of an effect on her

Missy

Yeah, what Neptune said! You need to trust your gf and hopefully her feelings for you will supercede any physical desires she may have.

irateplatypus

well, i would probably be pissed off at first. but, you've got to give her credit though... at least she told you what happened. with sketchy circumstances (she was drunk, she told the guy she had a boyfriend etc.) she probably could've rationalized it away pretty easily but decided to give you the heads up anyway. unless you get the feeling she was telling you just to make you angry or jealous... i think you've got to give her the benefit of the doubt for being so honest about something she could've easily gotten away with.

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If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill

adysav

She could've fucked him and you'd never know. It's a matter of trust. Stop being whiny and insecure and get on with your own life.

stonegrody

I'm impressed with how you're handling the situation. I think I would be pretty upset about it. In the long run, it probably doesn't matter and I'm sure things will be fine when she comes back but if your instinct is to get upset, then get upset. That's your right as a human being. What you do about it is what matters. Let it piss you off but if the relationship is worth it, deal with it and then let it go. It doesn't sound like she instigated anything or went along with what happened. Blow off some steam before she gets back and then greet her with open arms when she comes back. No sense in fighting about it or ruining what could be a good thing. Good luck!

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BigDonkey2

I'm an idiot. She told me that she wasn't going to tell me when guys hit on her and kissed her. I kinda asked her about it. She told me that last night was crazy and she drank a lot. So I asked if guys had hit on her and kissed her. She said yes. Then I asked if it was on the lips and she said yes. Thats what bothered me. She told me that she doesn't want to know if girls hit on me or kiss me or whatever, but I think if that happened I wouldn't be able to not tell her. I would feel guilty for knowing something that she doesn't, so I would have to tell her and I know she wouldn't like it. I don't think she feels guilty about it because it was a meaningless kiss. Of course I'm going to get upset about it. I told her I wouldn't but then it started to get into my head and now its pissing me off. So I'm going to be pissed off for a while. I just hope that she doesn't just let guys keep on kissing her. That would piss me off.

edit: I guess its like when they're dancing guys just come up and dance with her and don't even ask then just kiss her out of nowhere. Thats what pisses me off. Fucking Frenchies.

lukethebandgeek

I think its a betrayal of trust, but she did at least tell you about it. The whole damn thing seems fishy. I just came from France, and that shit only happens in the movies. Also, one of the reasons I don't drink to excess in the absence of my SO, is that I want to be able to be accountable for my actions and not blame them on alchohol.

However, people are much more open about kissing eachother in Europe, so I don't really know what to say. I'm just sitting here contradicting myself.

Howabout this then, I'd be mad, but I'd live, if I really loved her.

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CityOfAngels

Oh I'm sure she was drunk, but I think she knows exactly how many guys it was. She's probably using the "I can't remember" tactic because your initial response wasn't what she wanted it to be (nor should it).

Just think: If she was sober enough to remember a kiss, then she'd remember how many guys it was. If she wasn't sober enough to remember how many guys it was...then she probably wasn't sober enough to know if it was just a kiss or something more.

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BigDonkey2

I just talked to her a few hours ago and cleared everything up. It wasn't a big deal at all. It was the same guy twice. The guy tried to kiss her and she walked away from him. I feel a lot better now that we talked things over. It was nothing to get worked up about. I just over reacted. Thanks for the replies all.

fooster

nice to read, that everything turned out fine. usually, if distance is messing with ones security and trust, an open discussion can do wonders. But to come back to some of your initial sentiments against "frenchies", walking up to a girl inmidst a rush of alcohol in general, and having a go at her, isn't necessarely a geographical or ethnical trait. It happens all over the world, even in the good ol'usofa. yes, european are probably more open about abording a girl/guy or being flirtatuous, but that doesn't mean, that we jump on each other and fuck the living daylight at every good possibility in our lives...unlike some alk-parties I've attended in the states.

My wife was in germany before she moved to where we live now, and there were some hard times as well. try and be humble about it, you'll have to face even bigger challenges later on, so why murdering what's good before it really has a chance to grow?

what I am trying to say is; common-sense-man.

we aren't that different from each other (europe/usa). so it does not mather where you are, to find a relationship jeopardizing situation, it can happen everywhere. but you need to trust yourself and have faith in your partnership.

that is all I can say.

fhqwhgads

I've found that if a person is fucking around behind your back, they usually won't admit to a "lesser crime." In other words, if she's sleeping with people, why would she volunteer that she had kissed someone? If she truly had something to feel guilty for, she wouldn't bring the subject up at all...she wouldn't want to even plant the idea in your head that there could be some infidelity...

This, of course, only applies to "volunteered" information. If you come out and ask, she may admit to something minor just to appease you, but hold back what really happened. So, in summary, I know absolutely nothing about women.

Suave

LOL fhqwhgads. Best post ever. I agree though, on both sides of it. My gut says she's not cheating on you, and that's about as close to a scientific evaluation of the situation as you can get.