Memalvada

Ok, so here's what happened:

I was talking with my GF today, and i was telling her all the reasons why I though and felt she was special. Then all of a sudden, she asks me to tell her what I didnt like about her. So, as I'm completely honest with her, i told her the truth...

And I screwed up by being completely honest with her because now she's sad ... And i cant seem to cheer her up again... what can I do?

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"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

Shokan

Maybe try putting something special together for her, such as dinner. And make her aware that all those good things you said far outweigh the bad.

Ask her to point out the things she doesnt like about you. That might help "even the score" so to speak.

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BoCo

Sorry, but you deserve to be called a dumbass. You never ever, ever tell a woman anything that is wrong with her when she wants you to.

Let's practice now, shall we: "I. Wouldn't. Change. Anything. Baby. You're. Perfect. The. Way. You. Are."

Sure it's B.S., but it's what she really wants to hear.

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gibber71

If I only knew then what I know now.

rogue49

You poor bastard, you stepped right into a classic trap.
Even if they do say they want the truth about that stuff,
they don't want to hear it about themselves.
And even now some ladies will tell you this is the more "honest" way.

Don't believe them, they don't know themselves.
Oh so many men, have fallen for that one.
Is it fair? no.
Is it reality? yes

Take her out on a nice long romantic dinner,
and start telling her again, all those nice things that are special about her that you were saying in the first place.

I hope you learned a lesson, because I certainly haven't yet.
I still fall for that one to this day.

Radio Monk33

LOL ah yes the classic trap.

Also be careful for "Does this make me look fat?"

I havent been exposed to it yet...but I have no doubt I'll have to face it soon. I'll be ready though..

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guthmund

You certainly screwed up, but you can fix it.

take her to dinner; maybe a nice walk.

take her home and graphically tell her why you like the parts and places of her you do like

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mtsgsd

Better yet, dump her and find someone who won't mess up your mind with these pathetic manipulative mind games. If you can't be honest when asked to be, then there's no where to go but downhill. Yeah, you can bow to her manipulation of her by attempting to manipulate her. Great basis for a relationship.

Memalvada

LOL, thanx for the advice guys...

I really was a "dumbass", but i thought the things I was telling her in the first place would completely outweight her negative aspects... guess they didn't...

Its hard to understand women

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"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

rweiss005

Women are wired differently than men are. Frustrating but true. But what you're dealing with is a confidence issue; she doesn't have enough self-confidence to trust that when you compliment her, there's not another shoe waiting to drop.

If you look at it this way, what you need to do is convince her not that she's pretty or smart or whatever enough (you can't, because she has to do that herself), but that you're happy to have her in your life and that she makes your life better. (If she does.) Those are things that you control, and they sound credible coming out of your mouth; she can't deny that if you say it's true. Or, better said, you're in good position to refute her if she does...

good luck

uptown

I don't understand why on earth she'd ruin a perfectly good adoration session by asking you such a question?

BigBlueWrecking

Next time a girl asks you if thie shirt makes her look fat, tell her no. Her fat makes her look fat!!

alpha

Heh, that's a classic trap indeed. Have fallen into it myself before, but now i know better.

Minx

Don't even try to understand us honey! I liked the idea mentioned about asking her to express your bad points but if she's sad or hurting she may lash out just to "get you back" so I wouldn't go that route perhaps. The best thing to do is remind how much you love her and all the good things about her. We're such sensitive creatures it's stupid! It'll all be water under the bridge in no time, but it wouldn't hurt to do a little sucking up in the meantime!

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Slims

Maybe you should offer to circle her 'problem areas' with a magic marker. I saw that on howard stern a long time ago and I have been dying to do that to someone.

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"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

ally

Hmmm.... I like gregs idea... but I dont think I'd want all my problem areas circled!!

Balaniki

Ok, I'm new here but I felt the need to reply. She asked you a question and you gave her an honest answer. If she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked you. YOU are not a fault here.

If I ask my husband a question I expect HONESTY. If it makes me look fat - tell me! I would rather not be walking around looking fat!! I trust him to tell me the truth - on big things and little ones. And if it's something I don't think I want to hear - I don't ask.

If you don't give and take honesty on the simple things - how is the relationship ever going to last? Love and trust go hand in hand. Without one you just can't have the other.

Ok, getting all mushy here - gotta go!

MrFlux

Exactly, if she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked! Tell her to stop messing around with you like that, it's not fair at all, expecially seeing as you did NOTHING at all wrong.
Just talk to her about it, explain to her that she asked in the first place and you were simply being honest, and there's nothing wrong with that. Also give her lots of compliments, she's obviously not the most secure person around if she can't stand hearing anything bad about herself.

Lebell

Folks,

You have to realize that the question asked was not the question voiced.

The question asked was "Can you please reassure me?".

While you can go off on the poor woman for not asking for what she really wanted, I think it is important to note that we all do this, sometimes more subtly, sometimes not.

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mtsgsd

I'm not sure I can agree there Lebell. This is what he said:

<I was talking with my GF today, and i was telling her all the reasons why I though and felt she was special. Then all of a sudden, she asks me to tell her what I didnt like about her. So, as I'm completely honest with her, i told her the truth...<

So, he was complimenting her (highly) in the first place, and she then asked him the loaded question. Looks like the only reassurance she wanted was that she had him wrapped around her finger. Now ok, that's a little harsh, but she's in the wrong here any way you look at it, and he shouldn't have to pay for it.

Eviltree

understanding women is like trying to 'cut down the mightyest tree in the forest.... with a herring'

GoldenOuroboros

Women = Enigma.. argh!

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MacGnG

communication: theres problems just talk about it, she's wrong for being mad, you were just tellin the truth. nothing u can do but talk, make her dinner and talk about it. you'll make the relationship better and u never know what might happen afterwards

DelayedReaction

Remember; you can play mind games too. Next time she asks you for something like that, ask her to criticize you instead.

You'll end up in a big fight, but the makeup sex will be worth it.

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If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.

Frowning Budah

Balaniki it isn't a matter of right or wrong. It is a matter of staying out of trouble with the one you love. When it comes to questions of this nature, lie, lie, lie and then lie some more.
And just to be fair. Ladies if your guy asks a stupid question like "does size matter" lie, lie, lie and then lie some more.

mtsgsd

Oh right, that's the basis for a long relationship all right, just lie like crazy so you don't hurt each other's feelings. 'Course, you'll never actually know each other, and will be miserable doing things you hate because you think the other person likes it, when they're actually doing it because they think YOU like it. etc. etc.\

I'm not saying pure honesty isn't the path to hell as well, but you can't lie like budah is saying either. A relationship that dies because of honesty is one that needed to end anyway IMHO.

HFrankenstein

I didn't take the time to read the whole thread, so pardon me if someone has already said this:

Next time you encounter that trap, just jokingly say "Well, pretty much everything. I'm only with you for your money, y'know." Then laugh, pray that she laughs too, and change the subject. If she doesn't laugh, then she's got no sense of humor and is probably a tightwad. Let her start a fight, then dump her the next day. If she does laugh, then congrats, you just made your girl laugh, one of the most important things for a boyfriend to do.

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When in doubt, sauerkraut.

ganon

interesting thread. having been married for over 16yrs to one of the many psycho hose beasts, i have some wisdom to share. I have figured out women. i have also learned how not to play the game. this young gentleman needs to understand that some woman desire to create chaos in their lives in order to feel the rush, excitement, and unpredictability that emotions bring to their lives (read: drama) because they want to feel ALIVE! when you can supply that in a healthy way, without having to dip into the sucking black hole of the female self-image wasteland, you'll be on your way. Always leave the responsibility for the question asked on the asker. but do it at the time the question is asked. If she wants to know what you think is wrong with her, ask her why. find the root issue, don't waste time scratching the surface. Don't allow the drama to fire up.

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"My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks

mtsgsd

Excellent response Ganon.

far2bored

I'd have to agree with Balaniki. If she asks you a question she probably expects an honest answer. On the other hand, women are sensitive critters, so be subtle and gentle. She doesn't need the full details of why she drives you nuts, give her the essentials directly and breifly and move on.
As the saying goes, a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.

HFrankenstein

<i>Never</i> tell a woman what's wrong with her, far2bored, <i>ever</i>. It was a test, Memalvada. Don't worry, you'll pass it next time (see my earlier post).

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When in doubt, sauerkraut.

ganon

I can't agree with this one, because as i see it, tests aren't allowed. don't play the game, at all.

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suviko

Hmm. I know what my bf doesn't like in me and he knows what ticks me off or annoys in him. Depends on how long you have been together, but during the years you will at some point come clean about these issues. They are usually best left to be taken out when you are both in a good mood and everything is good in your relationship, but it takes time before couples get the stage of being casually able to analyse stuff together. If you have just fallen in love and have romantic ideas about being the perfect couple or your being the only man she sees and vv. it's not yet a good idea.

There are some individuals who can't take critique very well. And everybody have some weak posts they would like to hide from others and keep the illusion that their partner doesn't see this flaw, cos love makes it all just perfect. Use your common sense before saying out the bad things. A normal person will sulk after hearing negative critique for a few days, but get back to normal pretty soon.

You think only women can be moody after hearing the truth or your opinion anyway? A girl had told my bf that he has a great looking ass. He was watching it from the mirror and told me this and I just casually said "nah, your ass is not special, you just have a pretty face so you are just generally cute and you used to be athletic after army". He has mentioned his butt as "nothing special" almost every time when he's been putting his trousers on when I have been in the same room. Three men I know whined after xmas that they had gotten a "christmas belly" after all eating going on during holidays. I said to all of them (in separate discussions) that there is no such thing, it has been there before. One of them showed me his tummy in March. "See, no tummy!!" Two are still sulking or in denial. It's nearky summer so maybe it's a grill belly or beach belly season for them soon.

4thTimeLucky

Another related life lesson that I learnt the hard way:

When you are deciding whether to get back together with your ex and your friends tell you to write a pros and cons list.... DON'T. Furthermore, NEVER let your friends add their own thoughts to the list. And, finally, IF you are too stupid to follow the above advice, don't be so stupid as to let your once-again girlfriend find the list. She won't see the funny side. Probably because there isn't one

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I've been 4thTimeLucky, you've been great. Goodnight and God bless!

suviko

4thTimeLucky:

"And, finally, IF you are too stupid to follow the above advice--"

You have great input, but that attitude towards other posters' opinions being stupid is uncorrect.

308 holez

don't blame it on women. If youa sked a woman, during sex, who her best lover was, and she said "that would be howard. He was in the marines, and his shoulders were broad, and he could do it for hours." how do you think your erection would fare? Honesty works when it's really wanted. If it's not, then change the subject.

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HFrankenstein

My point exactly. That was the test, to see if he'd dance around it properly.

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When in doubt, sauerkraut.

gibber71

If she can't accept and respect your honest opinion, then I'm afraid she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship. Get a real woman,not a wannabe.