cocounselor23

Looking mainly for responses from women. Been married for 10 years but have been with wife since high school. We have a enjoyed a pretty good sex life over the years, although there are still orgasm issues with her which I will not discuss here (posted previously). Anyway, we are in our mid-30's now with 3 awesome kids and of course our sex life has slowed down somewhat. This is to be expected. But, my question is on initiating sex. My wife works part time and handles most of the household and kids stuff, so I know she is pretty exhausted most of the time. We lead very busy lives, with me coaching kids' soccer and playing my own sports still. On weeknights, I usually do not get home until after 7:00 pm. I usually read to the kids, help with homework, eat dinner and then zone out for an hour or so in front of the TV or read. Wife has TV in bedroom and either watches her own shows or reads...it's kind of down time for both of us. I usually go to bed at 10:00 or 10:30 and she is usually asleep or almost there by then. There are times where I would like to initiate sex, but I am afraid of being rebuked. The way our relationship is right now is that whenever we have sex, she initiates...either by making a comment that lets me know she wants it or telling me to get back in bed in the morning to "snuggle." We had a discussion some time ago where I told her that I was uncomfortable initiating sex anymore because I figured that she would just come to me when she wanted it. She said this was not fair because how would she know that I wanted it when she did. The obvious answer that she got was that I am ready to go 24/7 and she should never worry about that...lol I am just wondering...do you think maybe she would like it if I initiated more? I mean, when we were younger...there were times I would come home and interrupt whatever she was doing and just take her right there and she definitely enjoyed that. But now, being older with kids and everything, I am wondering if she just likes it the way it is. I know some of you are going to say to just ask her, but to me that is no good because it puts her on the spot...plus the next time I initiate it she may feel obligated to do something, especially if she has told me that she wants me to do that.

So, I was thinking that maybe tonight I would go up to bed a little earlier and initiate something. What do you think? Ladies...even if you are not particularly "in the mood," can that change if your man comes and takes charge?

Dane Bramage

I think that for the most part, they want to be wanted just as much as we do. Based on what you say above, I think she would like it if you intiated it more. Your desire for her can be a powerful turn on. I say go for it man! What ya got to loose?

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maleficent

Are you ever not in the mood when she initiates sex? She's putting herself out there and you could say no, but wouldn't be rejecting her (Saying no could happen...) If you initiate sex, and if by some chance she says she's not in the mood -- she's not rejecting you at all.

Maybe she does want you to initiate sex, if I were her, I'd probably be tired of initiating it all the time... I'd love it for him to come home and suprise me...

You both have full schedules, why not dump the kids somewhere else (grandparents, uncle, neighbor) and have an actual date-- go out and have some fun with yourselves...

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MageB420666

You should definitly initiate, nothing says I love you and find you attractive like initiating sex. Just telling her you love her and find her attractive will not work nearly as well as the act, remind her in the best way that you can that you love her and are still as attracted to her now as you where when you first met her.

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Squishor

Absolutely you should initiate it! If it was me, I'd start to wonder if I was still desirable if the man in my life never initiated sex. It sounds like you two are okay with talking about it but that's no substitute for showing her, hopefully at a time when she's not so tired. Can the kids sleep over at a friend's house or something? I'm thinking you'll probably find it very worthwhile to change your routine a little bit.

SparklingDot

Definitely initiate. If you're anxious that she isn't in the mood, help her get there. If you know she's willing and you're still waiting for her to start things... why are you waiting? It is possible that she won't be in the mood and will say no. Like maleficent said, its not rejection. Timing is just off. Try to be creative, romantic even. Send the kids away for a night or two. Everyone will enjoy the break.

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duck0987

It never hurts to ask, if she isn't interested don't push the issue obviously. If you want to put the icing on the cake go to bed a little earlier than normal and bring 2 glasses of wine to share with your sweetie. Being romantic never hurt.

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Ambient1

There's no rule that says that you have to initiate and then have sex right then and there...

When you get home from work, just whisper in her ear in exquisite detail what you will do to her that night. Trust me, she'll be thinking about that all night, and will be ready and waiting for you when the kids are asleep!

If you don't initiate, it could cause some fairly serious problems with her self-esteem - she may begin thinking that you don't find her attractive etc.

The other option is morning sex... even I like morning sex, and I HATE mornings!