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cocounselor23 · 09-28-2004, 01:49 PM

Looking mainly for responses from women. Been married for 10 years but have been with wife since high school. We have a enjoyed a pretty good sex life over the years, although there are still orgasm issues with her which I will not discuss here (posted previously). Anyway, we are in our mid-30's now with 3 awesome kids and of course our sex life has slowed down somewhat. This is to be expected. But, my question is on initiating sex. My wife works part time and handles most of the household and kids stuff, so I know she is pretty exhausted most of the time. We lead very busy lives, with me coaching kids' soccer and playing my own sports still. On weeknights, I usually do not get home until after 7:00 pm. I usually read to the kids, help with homework, eat dinner and then zone out for an hour or so in front of the TV or read. Wife has TV in bedroom and either watches her own shows or reads...it's kind of down time for both of us. I usually go to bed at 10:00 or 10:30 and she is usually asleep or almost there by then. There are times where I would like to initiate sex, but I am afraid of being rebuked. The way our relationship is right now is that whenever we have sex, she initiates...either by making a comment that lets me know she wants it or telling me to get back in bed in the morning to "snuggle." We had a discussion some time ago where I told her that I was uncomfortable initiating sex anymore because I figured that she would just come to me when she wanted it. She said this was not fair because how would she know that I wanted it when she did. The obvious answer that she got was that I am ready to go 24/7 and she should never worry about that...lol I am just wondering...do you think maybe she would like it if I initiated more? I mean, when we were younger...there were times I would come home and interrupt whatever she was doing and just take her right there and she definitely enjoyed that. But now, being older with kids and everything, I am wondering if she just likes it the way it is. I know some of you are going to say to just ask her, but to me that is no good because it puts her on the spot...plus the next time I initiate it she may feel obligated to do something, especially if she has told me that she wants me to do that.

So, I was thinking that maybe tonight I would go up to bed a little earlier and initiate something. What do you think? Ladies...even if you are not particularly "in the mood," can that change if your man comes and takes charge?

09-28-2004, 01:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
cocounselor23 Upright	To Initiate or Not? Looking mainly for responses from women. Been married for 10 years but have been with wife since high school. We have a enjoyed a pretty good sex life over the years, although there are still orgasm issues with her which I will not discuss here (posted previously). Anyway, we are in our mid-30's now with 3 awesome kids and of course our sex life has slowed down somewhat. This is to be expected. But, my question is on initiating sex. My wife works part time and handles most of the household and kids stuff, so I know she is pretty exhausted most of the time. We lead very busy lives, with me coaching kids' soccer and playing my own sports still. On weeknights, I usually do not get home until after 7:00 pm. I usually read to the kids, help with homework, eat dinner and then zone out for an hour or so in front of the TV or read. Wife has TV in bedroom and either watches her own shows or reads...it's kind of down time for both of us. I usually go to bed at 10:00 or 10:30 and she is usually asleep or almost there by then. There are times where I would like to initiate sex, but I am afraid of being rebuked. The way our relationship is right now is that whenever we have sex, she initiates...either by making a comment that lets me know she wants it or telling me to get back in bed in the morning to "snuggle." We had a discussion some time ago where I told her that I was uncomfortable initiating sex anymore because I figured that she would just come to me when she wanted it. She said this was not fair because how would she know that I wanted it when she did. The obvious answer that she got was that I am ready to go 24/7 and she should never worry about that...lol I am just wondering...do you think maybe she would like it if I initiated more? I mean, when we were younger...there were times I would come home and interrupt whatever she was doing and just take her right there and she definitely enjoyed that. But now, being older with kids and everything, I am wondering if she just likes it the way it is. I know some of you are going to say to just ask her, but to me that is no good because it puts her on the spot...plus the next time I initiate it she may feel obligated to do something, especially if she has told me that she wants me to do that. So, I was thinking that maybe tonight I would go up to bed a little earlier and initiate something. What do you think? Ladies...even if you are not particularly "in the mood," can that change if your man comes and takes charge?