CityOfAngels

We've all been in the situation at work where we're just sitting there, bored with nothing to do. You start talking to a co-worker about nonsense, and suddenly the conversation moves on to your past and current relationships and the sexual adventures either you or "people you know" have taken place in.
Suddenly your co-worker says something that either contains too much information, or is just plain freaky. Silence follows, and you change the subject.

Here's my submission:
I was at work, monitoring a dig site with a fellow archaeologist. With nothing to do but to just sit around, we start talking about nonsense (yes, you can already see what's coming ). We start talking about our past girlfriends. He mentions how, in his travels, he met these two Australian women in a hostel who would change in front of him, and he then ended up bedding. I went on to say how the stereotype about how asian women are always tight is very true from my own experiences (my last girlfriend was Chinese ). We go on with the conversation, and suddenly he blurts out: "And yeah... then there are those women who have sex with dogs."

Silence.

Feeling the awkwardness, he tries to play it off with, "Yeah man. There are internet sites out there with these women having sex with their dogs! It's nasty!"

Still awkward.

Me: "So, how's everything going at the other site?"

Irishsean

When I was in college, there was a group of us that hung out alot in the UC and studied, planned parties, played games, etc. One day we were just hanging out talking and this guy we had seen around a couple times just walked up, said "If you ever want to fuck a sheep, do it on a cliff, it'll back up..." and walked away.

I have never seen 20 college students get so quiet since that day.

onetime2

Well, not a coworker but....

Sitting at a go-go bar with a couple of friends and we're talking to a dancer we know pretty well. She starts talking about how her boyfriend wants to try anal but she's hesitant. The bartender (a very hippyish woman in her early 40's at the time who was not particularly attractive) decides to chime in by saying that she and her ex-husband tried it a few times. He convinced her by saying that they would use some Anbesol to numb the area. We all just kind of looked at each other and she continued by saying "It didn't really work."

__________________
Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

tooth

"If you fuck a chicken right after it lays an egg, you won't kill it."

CrossEyedLover

My father-in-law told me a story once:

He was sitting at the breakroom table at his factory job, eating his lunch and shooting the shit. There's about five or six guys sitting there and just talking about the weather, the news, and whatever. All of a sudden, out of nowhere the weird, crazy, old-coot of the bunch blurted out, "I once screwed a n**ger in the ass in Firestone parking lot." Needless to say, the rest of the lunch hour was silent and spent playing cards.

__________________
Did you hear about the CrossEyedLover? He missed her kisser and kissed her pisser.

Averett

Uhh... Well, I've never been in that situation, and I never hope to be! Work is work, private life is private.

Friends on the other hand like to share a bit too much. I got to hear about one friends boyfriend who couldn't exactly get it up... Why she wanted to have sex with him in the first place is beyond me. Then theres another friend who had sex with a girl while her husband watched. Things I don't need to know about friends...

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

maleficent

There are some things that I believe are just too much information... I really could live the rest of my life without knowing about some people... Not so much co-workers but I have a pseudo-friend, who went into a very lengthy discussion in a bar, about how her last boyfriend broke up with her because he didn't like the fact that she bit him during sex. This was a rather detailed description of where she'd bite him, and duration and intensity of the bites and she just couldn't understand why he wasn't into it... (there was a table of guys behind us who was alternating between laughing at her misery and cringing at the graphic description - -she wasn't exactly quiet)

__________________

absorbentishe

Okay, I've got two, both were at the same time. It was a holiday party. I'm talking with two women, and we are feeling really good. The one says, "I would never have anal sex, that's disgusting", the other then says, "I don't like it, but I do it because he gets done some much faster". I almost fell off my chair!

Same ladies, we're talking about this other girl (she was 18) and how she told one of the women she was frigid. Well, she walks up to us, and say, "I'm so frigid", we all just busted out and laughed for like a half hour. Thank you's go to the liquor!

Aladdin Sane

"My sister and her daughter is the best sex I ever had."

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

CityOfAngels

I was tempted to ask you to elaborate on who said that, but then I quickly decided not to.

Dilbert1234567

so were sitting there removing spyware and bam, she say:

"i dont shave my legs, i hope you dont mind."

i gave no response, i just could not say anything...

__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

MSD

I hear a lot about friends' sex lives, I hear a lot about the sex lives of friends of friends. By now, paedophilia and bestiality are the only things that bother me to hear about, so it's a good thing I don't know any paedophiles (I probably would've severely hurt them by now if I did) or animal sex enthusiasts.

Howdee

"I hate it when you guys shove it in there. It is so tight that I have a hard time pulling it back out."

This coming from the delicious, very much single, MILF of a secratary, one day when I was putting a file in the file rack she keeps on her desk.

Howdee

WireX

Not co-workers (though getting a description of one sister how many shrooms too take on her cell), but friends are always good for a laugh

Me: Hey Sarah, do you know what a donkey punch is?
Sarah: Haha, I learned that the hard way
Whole group, including boyfriend: WTF!
Sarah: awwww, shit...

And the same girl:
Something about pies here.
Me: mmm, pies.
Sarah: I like pies too. I really want a creampie right now.
me : .... what...

scout

When I was going to school I worked nights as a janitor at the local university. One night they paired me up with this huge hippy biker guy that always smelled like garlic and had a beard down to his beer belly. The conversation turned to oral sex then somehow got on the subject of red wings. I was young and was saying " well I dunno about that shit", his reply was "aw hell it ain't to bad, don't breath through your nose, ya just eat a little then wipe a little". The mental picture that left ruined me for life, I'm 40 and still ain't got my "red-wings".

cuervo

I was going to post something, but Scout just scared me away.

DJ Happy

Q (from interested/bored person): "Has anyone ever had someone piss inside them during sex?"
A (from dizzy tart): "Yes. It wasn't his fault though. He was very drunk."
Q: "What was it like?"
A: "Well, it didn't taste very nice..."

Silence.

Kid_Karysma

I used to work in the produce dept. of a grocery store. We got a new employee and I had to work with him on a regular basis. He used to be a pro baseball player for the Kansas City Royals and on the road he gathered a lot of stories that fit this category.

Two of them I shall share.

One night, a group of guys decide to go hogging. So he follows this girl back to her place in New Orleans. She takes off her shirt and he says "There is a row of whiteheads across the top of her chest." But still he does his business. As soon as he's through, he says "So how's the view from your porch?" He steps outside and just takes off running.

Story Two (for the brave only)...

He goes home from some bar after a game with an average looking girl. Before long they are going at it and she pulls out some beads and inserts them into herself. After a while she says to pull them out as fast as he can. He complies, and she shits all over the place. She roles over and yells out "Fuck me in my shit!" He said he quickly gathered his clothes and got dressed int he hall.

That guy was cool.

__________________
Click Here to See All the Karysma Collection. You Will NOT be Disappointed.

saut

So what exactly are "red wings" ... or do I not want to know?

slimshaydee

think time of the month

saut

Oh lord that's gross.

SJS111567

OK, here's one that killed the conversation at a party one time, from some random dude that was dating a coworker at the time

Random dude : "You know what's best about having sex with a 18 year old girl?"
Me: "Do tell"
Random dude :"They have an ass like a 12 year old boy."

__________________
Gun Control - The difference between Lexington Green and Tianemen Square.

Stompy

Uh, haha what? "How's the view from your porch"? What does that mean?

__________________
I love lamp.

onetime2

It was just an excuse to get out the door and then he ran away rather than make small talk or stay the night.

__________________
Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

blindawg

THese are great.

__________________
( • Y • )

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

( • Y • )

- Jack Handey

Sargeman

Hot damn you had me rolling on that one!

Okay ex-co-worker and I were talking about the upcoming Texas-Texas Tech game. I told her UT would win and she said TT would win. So I look at her and ask her if she wants to put a bet on it. She looks up at me and says, "I don't do blowjobs!" "Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?"

Same co worker. We're going out to measure the distance between two wells, farming irrigation wells. We're driving around many corn fields and she blurts out, "You know, fucking in a corn field is very uncomfortable!"

__________________
...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....