awoma

I have a wonderful girlfriend. We have been together for a little over a year. She has a great personality, educated, positive attitude, and kind. Her family have been a joy to be around. Her friends are great. But for some reasons, my feelings have changed about her. I am no longer in love with her. I don't think about her as much. I don't miss her when she goes away. There have been many times that i just don't want to get together with her. And here is the worst part, I am attracted to her friends...esp. one that I can stop thinking about at times. I feel like crap. What should I do? I would be giving up a great person and her super family and friends. What should I do??

MageB420666

Talk to her explain how you feel, the relationship is probably going to end, and talking to her is not going to be easy. if you stay in a relationship with someone you have no feelings for then you are eventually just going to make you and her miserable.

And there is nothing that says you cannot stay friends with an ex.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

StickODynomite

Did you start having feelings for her friend BEFORE you fell out of love with her? If so, you may just be lusting after her friend and forgetting what your gf means to you. Is that a possibility?

If not.. you should just tell your gf how you feel. No need in pretending. It WILL be hard... and the longer you wait, the harder it'll be.

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"The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

radioguy

Unfortunately, you need to end your current relationship. You've said you don't have as strong of feelings for her as you once had and that you are attracted to her friends. Just talk with her, as hard as that will be, and tell what's going on with you. It won't be easy, nor pretty, but it needs to be done. Good luck. Hopefully, ya'll can remain friends of some sort.

Aladdin Sane

WARNING! If you are the romantic type you won't like the truth I am about to tell.

First, being "in love" will only sustain a relationship for a short time. Love, like every emotion, comes and goes with the circumstances of life. Human beings are incapable of sustaining any emotion for a long period of time. It is physically impossible. That's why being "in love" is not enough to maintain a relationship. This is where the rational mind must make its appearance. A commitment to continue in the relationship is what it takes. Lasting love is not an emotion, its a rational choice. obviously, you either haven't made a life-long commitment to her or you have and are now having second thoughts.

Having said that, I have a few questions for you:
How old are you? How old is she? Does she seem to be losing interest in you as well?

I suspect you are less than 20. You will probably have many more girlfriends before you find a wife, so just think of this as a good experience and move on. Yes, of course I know it won't be as easy as that, but truly first or second relationships usually don't last, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. That's life.

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

chickentribs

It's tough - especially when you get close to the family. I just left a 7 year relationship and I promise you I miss her family more than her! (note to self - don't like the family next time) If you do want a shot at being friends and maintaining that relationship, do it and sooner is better. Chances are once it backslides (you're already jonzing after her friend, right?) it can get ugly quick. Just show her the respect of being honest and not stringing it along until you have some stupid reason to break up. Oh physician heal thyself!

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

awoma

I agree about the 'love' as an emotion and not a pillar for a long lasting relationship. I have never made a life long commitment to her, nor I have implied it; however, we have 'lightly' touched the surface on the topic one or two times (and I mean lighlty). And yes...i am the romantic one. When we first began our relationship, I wrote poems to her, created artwork, made music CDs, and so on. But now, I don't have the motivation to do that. I have seen less, and less of her over the past months. She has not lost interest in me....I know that....but I have...and I feel like shit when I feel like that....I even met a girl one evening without her knowledge. No...nothing happened. But I can help knowing that was wrong.

awoma

I did breakup with her several months ago, ut I asked her back thinking that I made a huge mistake.

hubie

Aladdin Sane, that was a great post. Thanks for kick starting my brain on this subject, as I have felt the same way for quite sometime. For me, "Being in Love" has always been fleeting, while I have been in sucessfull relationships a couple of times.

legolas

um i really dont' think you have a shot at that friend... about ever. be honest though or it's gonna get worse.

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"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

TurbineSlut

Yeah if she still cares a lot for you, as you mentioned earlier, you might want to leave out that you are interested in her friend. Its going to be painful enough already if you tell her you're losing intrest in her. Telling her her friend is more interesting isn't going to make her feel better.

And like legolas has said, don't go for the friend. It'll make it worse for her.

Just my 2 eurocents.