Carno

***Warning: long rambling post***

I have a friend who I'd very much like to go out with and have tried multiple times to get things started, but nothing ever comes of it. She first came on to me and gave me her number and asked me when we were gonna hang out, so I thought she was interested, but then I'd ask her out and she would always be busy, or she would kinda deflect my question by saying, "I don't know, I'll call you back after I see what's going on." And then she wouldn't call back until later that night and she would be hanging out with one of her friends..

__________________
http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

Manic_Skafe

Stop assuming how she feels.

The only way you're really gonna know what's going on is if you grow a set and start asking some questions and saying how you feel. Chances are, she already knows how you feel and is waiting for you to work up the courage to do something about this.

Find out the reasoning behind her giving her phone number to your room mate and handle the situation accordingly - if she gave it to him with the same intentions that you have for her then it's obvious that she's not worth and you're just wasting your time but don't take the chance of letting all of this go to waste over something that you don't even know the details of.

Grow a set, find out what you need to know and act accordingly.

"You need to speak your mind, I'm trying to get a straight answer but you act blind and leave me here guessing and I don't really wanna wait and by the time you give me answers it could be too late."

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Carno

Yeah I know I've been acting like a bitch, but this girl scares the hell out of me. It's like I'd rather leave things hanging than find out whether or not she really likes me. Like if I leave things hanging then I can still entertain the thought that it might work out. But if she says no, then that's it; nothing. Which is certainly what it is now....

It's never been this way with any other girl though. All of the other girls I've dated I never would have really cared if they had turned me down.

__________________
http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

ibis

She's playing games with you.

This is what I'd do if you still want to get with her:

Don't call her or talk to her for a while. Let her start calling you, be vauge about your whereabouts and activities. Basically forget about her. If you know any other girls, hang out with them... mabye even one of her friends (if you do this, expect her to start talking to your roommate).

After a while she might start feeling rejected and ask why you don't hang out, why you're advoiding her, or something to that extent. Tell her flat out... "You're leading me on and I don't play games. I think you're a cool girl, but it's not worth it. Mabye we could be friends".

If she's the kind of girl you describe her to be, then she's probally never heard this before and it should blow her away. It'll make her think that to be with you she'll have to work. I've never met a girl that didn't like a chalenge.

Also, you need to be able to show interest. She already knows you want her, not showing it will make her think you're a wussy. Woman don't like that.

Don't every hide you're fealings around woman, because chances are they allready know you feel. They can smell fear.

[Disclamer]
Yeah, this is playing games, I know. Girls do, so why can't we?

Albion

If you see a $20 bill lying on the ground, do you sit around and wait to see if someone else picks it up, all the while wondering whether or not it's right to pick it up, or do you just pick it up and walk away?

My guess is that your girl though you weren’t interested in the beginning because of something, so she lost interest. Women tend to lose interest fast if a guy doesn't offer something they're looking for. I.E. you have enough confidence to go after what you want in life.

A bit of advice… The first meeting, the first phone call (Never use e-mail for this encounter), and the first date are crucial to the rest of the relationship. I'd have to say that 90% of what you do to make the relationship work past a few dates is determined in those first three "meetings".

In the first meeting you need to find out enough about her that you can make a good decision on what would be fun for a first date. Don't sound wishy washy, ask her questions about herself, and offer enough information about yourself to let her know you're not a creep but to keep her guessing. Also, do not spend to much time talking to her, find out the information, get her number and get back to your friends. If she is interested in you she'll virtually be sitting by the phone waiting for your call.

The first phone call should be short and sweet. It should last no longer then 15 or so minutes at the most. The crucial part is that you ask her on a first date. By no means ask her "Are you doing anything tonight?" This is wishy washy and it makes you sound like you're unable to take charge or make a decision. What works for me almost 90% of the time is to use what I found out about the girl at the first meeting (Hypothetically let's say we both love Shakespearian theater), "Hey, I got these tickets to see Macbeth at the Such and Such theater on Saturday Afternoon. I was supposed to go with a friend but she bombed out on me at the last minute. I was just going to let them go to waste, but figured since you really like Shakespeare you might want to go with?" Notice how I took charge? I didn't sound demanding but I gave her a real option instead of "Are you doing anything?"

Two things to remember; obviously make sure you either have or can get the tickets. Personally I would buy the tickets and waste them if she said no before I would try to get them after she said yes. And secondly, have a nice quiet public place picked out to go talk afterward. Preferably a place you know and like to go. It's always bonus points if you know people who work at the place you're going to.

NOTE: NEVER take a girl to a club on the first or second date. You want her undivided attention on you, not other people at the club who may be hitting on her. It could swing her attraction toward you if she starts talking to someone who shows her a better time.

And lastly the date itself… Many people will say, and I agree, that seeing a movie or theater on a first date isn't a good idea because it doesn't give the two of you a chance to talk. This is why I choose theater in the afternoon and coffee afterward. You both get to enjoy something you really love and then have enough time talk afterward. This is where you really start to get to know her. Just keep asking her questions as if you are genuinely interested in the answers (actually if you like her you should be genuinely interested). You should give her a little bit more information about yourself but only offer it up if she asks you about it. Keeping a woman guessing increases her attraction toward you.

And two last notes… First, be genuine! Even if you're not all that interested in something that she's passionate about, seem as if you are interested. And second, if after a few dates you are not interested in her, genuinely let her know that. Don't lead her to believe that you feel differently then you do.

-Al

Carno

Well I have been thinking it over a lot and I have decided that I'm going to give it one more try and be totally straight with her, and if she isn't interested, I'll just let it go.

I don't think my buddy will try to hook up with her, but if he did I don't think I'd really care that much. I'm kinda over this whole situation, so I'm gonna step up and if she doesn't feel what I feel, I'll be cool with it. At least I'll have tried. Thanks for the replies yall, that helped me out..

__________________
http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

gentlesoul43

Yes it sucks when you have a friend who might be interested or she is interested in your friend. I've been there and I absolutely hate it, which is also why I never do that to my friends. I try to keep them away and sometimes it works, but don't be too obvious about it.

The are lots of women who like having guys as friends. If you ask them, they will tell you that guys give them less problems (women can be very bitchy among each other) That doesn't mean they don't like the extra attention. Even among men, we all try to outdo each other among ourselves. However, she hasn't gone overboard by blatantly flirting and leaving you in the high and dry (women like that exist and they don't realise that they're doing it). Her actions are very normal - calling you up, hanging out together, going to parties etc.

But eventually, she's gonna have to like someone. Question is whether that's going to be you or someone else.

I see two strategies here for a girl like her:

Strategy No 1 - As what the rest of the guys have been suggesting, don't sit around and wait for things to happen. Do the right things.. date her, take her out, make it obvious that you want to be more than friends. I would stop short of "confessing" - it will be quite obvious if she already had interest and I think she doesn't yet. But if you start asking her out alone, sending her flowers etc, she might think again and start seeing you differently. Of course, the risk here is that she could say no and you'll never see her again.

Strategy No 2 - be a good friend. She may fall for you. Since she's the type who likes hanging out with friends (and from my experience, girls like that like hanging out with gays cause they are harmless) I think you can put yourself in her life this way. Once she finds you "harmless", she will be more open and will seek you out more often. Obviously, don't start telling her you're in love too early and don't act wierd when she's out with her friends. The risk here is a very broken heart if she decides to confide in you about other men. But you never know - she might just turn around one day and ask you why you've never gone after her like the rest of the men - and thats your cue then.

Good luck. Personally, I'd take Strategy No 1 because it can be less painful, but then it's also cowardly. I'd advise Strategy No 2 because that's long term thinking if you really like the girl.

ibis

No offence or anything, but I think you're not reading this chick correctly. Askin her out and sending her flowers will only prove that he's like every other guy out there. Don't get me wrong, if he wants to have a long term relationship these things are good, but not before she has expressed interest.

Or... mabye I'm geting a false impression about this girl... Am I Carn? She seems like she gets around (not nessecerly sexualy but more socialy). Am I right?

Carno

Yeah, she has a lot of male friends, but I don't think any of them have ever been anything more than friends. I think she just likes the attention - a lot. I only recently came to this conclusion; I always thought she was genuinely interested in me, but now I am not so sure of that.

She tells me when she hangs out with her other male friends, and I'm sure they all want to hook up with her, but I always get the feeling from her that she doesn't like any of them. That's kinda where my problem is.. I don't know if I'm just another guy giving her attention, or if she actually was/is interested in me.

I was going to go hang out with her today and see where things are at, but I called her and her phone is off..

__________________
http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/