HurleyBoy

You know one thing thats gets me? is how you have girls you like so you figure you want to get to know them and see how you react and of course as you get to know them more you tend to like them more to the point you wanna date so you ask them out and all you get is "I just want to be your friend" argh I hate that. I mean I didn't mind it at first but damn it seems you shouldn't become too much into them or something cause you never get anywhere but just being a friend with them. or another thing I hate is when a girl tells you shes wants a guy to actually care for her, be there for her, love her, comfort her then when you show to her you can be that and be different from the other guys she has been with she and shes sees that she just tells you still she justs wants to be a friends and then go dates some asshole that AGAIN hurt her like the last one.

I'm just curious what does it take to get to know someone but yet still have not think of you as a friend but possibly more?

Supersonic

She finds you physically unnattractive.

There is no other explaination for "I just want to be your friend"

trust me on this one, your efforts there are wasted.

xxjuicesxx

fffffffg hhhhhhhgggggggg

Meier_Link

Here's your introduction to the <a href="http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html">Ladder Theory</a>

xxjuicesxx

ffffffffgg hhhhhhhhgggg

RainbowBright

As a girl whose gotten involved with several assholes I think it's something we just have to get out of our system (those guys are much more exciting you know). Eventually we come around and realize how much better the sensitive guys are. But if she's not attracted to you she's just not attracted to you and there's not much you can do about it. Just like you wouldn't be interested in someone your not attracted to. We all have a "type" and it not necessarily big buff men but there's something that attracts us to some people and not others.

Harshaw

Don't waste your time with girls who put you on the friend ladder. It will take a long fucking time to get out of the "friend" staus. Even if you do, you might find youself granted that staus again with the wave of a wand.

There are lots of girls out there.

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This too shall pass.

HurleyBoy

thanks for the replies all. I might not of explained myself good enough. I wasn't talking about any girl that im hangout with right now. Im talking in general but thanks for the replys and comments

sailor

Ill echo the others and say you can't. Unless maybe you have some insane skills, but I dont, so basically...

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

Schwan

Echo again. Check tha ladder theory - I found it to be true most of the time. If you're considered a friend, you are screwed. No chance for a relationship. Still, I'd point out to that girl the mistakes she's making. Sometimes people end up having their heads so deep up their asses they can't see what they're doing wrong, and friends are there to point these things out.

itch vaccine

You gotta make her not consider you as a frieNd man..

A player thought me some tricks.

main idea : play hard to get, yet at the same time, make her attracted to you.

filtherton

Don't waste your time on ladder theory, you don't have to be a misogynist to be succesful dating. She just wants to be friends, what's the problem? There are plenty of women in this great big world. Get over it. Move on. Women will continue to just want to be friends as long as they know that you will play the "aww shucks i'm such a nice guy, why doesn't anyone want to fuck me" game.

Kalnaur

The ladder theory, huh? that's a funny bit of fiction.

The women you seem to be talking about are the ones I usually equate to "high school girls". Look for a woman, not a girl; and make sure you are a man before you do go looking.

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PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

xxjuicesxx

fffffffffffhhhhhhgggggggvvvvvvvvv n

adam

I think it has elements of truth but a lot of gross distortion.

Menoman

It's dead on, garrenteed.

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Flyguy

Dude, in order to get women, you have to treat them like shit.

I'm serious. They like that bad boy shit. Who the fuck knows why. Something to do with a "challenge" of taming a bad boy. My opinion, those idiot women are shooting themselves in the foot in the end becasue of their bullshit games. I've been there one too many times with stupid bitches who think that I love to play games with my head like that.

And I agree with the others. Once on that "friend" ladder, move along. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Menoman

I've found a much better approach is to treat other random people like shit, and make it seem like your being a badass for her.

Meal is a bit cold at el restaurant? Make sure the waiter knows you'll have his fucking job if it ain't right the next time he comes out of the kitchen, because this woman here deserves much better than cold food!



works wonders!

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Locomotive

Look, it comes down to this.. the three C's: confidence, challenge, and [self]-control. Have those three, and women will not give you the "let's just be friends" line.

Summarily, you need to be a nice guy with rough edges.

Squishor

If I was at a restaurant with a guy who did this, he would immediately go on my "No fuck not ever" list.

Chuckles

The ladder theory is not true. I beat that stupid ladder theory to the ground, spit on it, picked it up again and kicked its ass again. I was my current gf's best friend for 2 years, got so incredibly close, and eventually got farther into somethign and are now bf / gf. EVen after her telling me she wasn't interested I was still her friend and when i started dating another girl she finally realized it. Stupid ladder theory. PSH!

Menoman

A playa can't win em all can he? Although from my own experience, this type of behavior is a fool proof way to take the win.

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Menoman

See, you think you beat it but you didn't. You were never on the friends ladder, you were on the Boyfriend ladder, just not at the top!

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xxjuicesxx

fghhhhhhhhhf fffffffffffffffghgggg

Menoman

Ahh yeah juice said it better than I did.

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MSD

It's amazing how widespread the ladder theory is. It never ceases to amaze me that something that was written as a particularly cynical joke has been taken as the truth by so many.

filtherton

I agree. Ladder theory makes sense if you buy into its particular narrow view of the world. So does scientology(sorry to any scientologists). It does not actually make sense in any kind of broader view of the way interpersonal relationships work between two mature, self respecting individuals. In my view it is definitely not a functional way to look at the world in terms of developing meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex.

If, however, you have a sociopathic yearning to get your dick wet then by all means get out your ladder theory. I tend to think that it is just a little fucked up that anyone would pretend to be an asshole (if you think you're only pretending than you're deluding yourself) to a complete stranger to get laid. Don't pretend that it is gospel for anyone who doesn't have a self-pitying frat-boy mentality.

I have noticed, though, that most of its proponents are unable to argue for it in terms other than those set forth by the theory. They can argue about the details, but not about the underlying motivation or necessity. Why is that?

Menoman

Well the ladder theory doesnt say anything about being an asshole to get laid. That's just what I put in there because it works. You can refute it all you want but there's way too many people that do it... and it works more often than not.

Why will nobody argue for its underlymotivation or necessity? No one has ever argued it with me, or anyone else on any threads I've seen.

When pretty much every point imaginable falls under some category in the ladder, how can you argue for its necessity? Take the law of kinetic energy, can you personally prove it exists without a doubt, with no loopholes? No, but its accepted. You can't prove that the Ladder theory does'nt exist and isn't valid either.


Oh and by the way, Yes, I am an asshole. Thank you

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filtherton

I'm well aware of the existence of ladder theory. It does exist, the fact that there is a whole website devoted to it far exceeds what is needed to meet the criteria required for existence.

I guess my point is that ladder theory describes and deals with a mentality that is immature, unnecessary, and even detrimental to society. The fact that you think it is ok to be an asshole to complete strangers if you know it will help you get your selfish dick wet is proof of that. Imagine thousands of people just like you, assholes to anyone who stands in the way of vagina. If that's okay with you then perhaps you need to deal with the things that don't allow you to feel empathy or sypathy. Ladder theory attempts to provide a viable strategy for shallow men to use shallow women for sex. That's what it boils down to for me.

What you don't realize is that there is a huge section of the population who doesn't feel the need to play stupid fucking little games with the people they choose to associate with. There are tens of millions of men who can befriend a beautiful woman and not want to fuck her. There are a similar number of women who choose not to use pathetic vagina hunting men for emotional stability.

In short, there is a portion of the population that ladder theory does indeed apply very well to. Unfortunately, by its very nature that segment is characterized by selfishness, immaturity, and emotional instability. In fact, from what i can remember from high school, it seems like ladder theory sums up that culture quite nicely. 'nuff said.

I would love to get into it more, but i have to work, so maybe later.

waltert

it took me about 1 year total to get onto the friend ladder, then from there onto the relationship tower. after about 9 months i was ready to leap off of the friend ladder into oblivion, I worked out on a regular basis, but I always wore modest clothing, and never talked about what my body looked like or how big my muscles were (I think its assenine, and usually never flex my muscles for girls that ask me to). she graduated 1st in her class in a class of about 500, so she might qualify as nerdy to some, I never really figured she would be interested in knowing how my body looked.

we were talking one day, and I said that I had a "relatively flat stomach" sounds like a pretty reasonable claim since it was really more like a "6 pack". I told her I'd take a picture of my stomach and send it to her. apparently she liked it, because she began showing it to all of her friends, and even tried to argue with me that it wasnt me (though it obviously was). after that, and only after that did she begin to remove me from the friend ladder (took about 3 months). I put alot of care and patience into developing a relationship with her, and once I got off of the friend ladder, it has been nothing but worth it

EDIT: and I also had to let her start dressing me in express men's clothing that was tight around my body. lol, women are funny, but if you really put enough genuine effort onto it you can succeed. I also had a few several supportive friends that I talked to when I was ready to give up on trying to get her, they always encouraged me to stick with it.

Menoman

I cannot disagree with anything you said. It's all correct and all personal attacks toward me aside, completely a valid point.

You, however fail to realize that, the assholes in this world outnumber the goody goods.

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Caphreak

took me 7 years to make it from the friends ladder to the real ladder :x

Dale Kemp

Hurleyboy,

In this mixed up world, some things are a little right and a little wrong. The Ladder Theory is one of those. I think it has some truth when applied to women's decisions about who they may have sex with as a boyfriend. But it fails to predict whom they'll choose for a husband.

The best marriages seem to come about when two people who've been platonic friends for years suddenly "discover" that they can feel romantic and sexually attracted to one another. This usually happens when neither of them ever thought about the other that way before. Maybe they dance together or some little thing like that, and suddenly feel an attraction. They begin to date, and eventually marry. And they have the happiest of marriages, because they have a depth of friendship underneath their relationship.

The second level of marriage formations is where two people dated, and were boyfriend-girlfriend for a very long time, like at least a year, and kept the sexual energy low so that they could grow into a friendship. Then when they decided it was time to move forward, they have good strong marriages.

But sex, and even romance, gets in the way of really knowing one another. Somehow it overwhelms the subtler sensitivities, so you have a great relationship of attraction, but you don't develop the deeper friendship. That's why people who live together and then marry tend to have a dismal rate of success at staying married. They have enjoyed the living together, but haven't been able to become deeply friendly and engaged with one another.

So, I recommend that when you don't feel the heat right away with a Miss, then don't even try to bring it on later. Understand that there are physical relationships based on attraction, and friendship relationships, based on having fun and friendship. If you feel the heat right off, then go for it, but recognize that the sex will be the basis of the relationship. Or the other way around.

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Trueheart