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Hurleyboy,
In this mixed up world, some things are a little right and a little wrong. The Ladder Theory is one of those. I think it has some truth when applied to women's decisions about who they may have sex with as a boyfriend. But it fails to predict whom they'll choose for a husband.
The best marriages seem to come about when two people who've been platonic friends for years suddenly "discover" that they can feel romantic and sexually attracted to one another. This usually happens when neither of them ever thought about the other that way before. Maybe they dance together or some little thing like that, and suddenly feel an attraction. They begin to date, and eventually marry. And they have the happiest of marriages, because they have a depth of friendship underneath their relationship.
The second level of marriage formations is where two people dated, and were boyfriend-girlfriend for a very long time, like at least a year, and kept the sexual energy low so that they could grow into a friendship. Then when they decided it was time to move forward, they have good strong marriages.
But sex, and even romance, gets in the way of really knowing one another. Somehow it overwhelms the subtler sensitivities, so you have a great relationship of attraction, but you don't develop the deeper friendship. That's why people who live together and then marry tend to have a dismal rate of success at staying married. They have enjoyed the living together, but haven't been able to become deeply friendly and engaged with one another.
So, I recommend that when you don't feel the heat right away with a Miss, then don't even try to bring it on later. Understand that there are physical relationships based on attraction, and friendship relationships, based on having fun and friendship. If you feel the heat right off, then go for it, but recognize that the sex will be the basis of the relationship. Or the other way around.
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Trueheart
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