hobo

There is this girl I kinda had a thing for. We started talking because of a mutual friend (her age) and I got to talk to her for a few months. We still didn't know each other very well and didn't really keep in contact. We didn't see each other for a few months because she is a grade 12 highschool student and I'm in university.

On her prom night, I went with the mutual friend as a friend-date. I didn't see the girl all night except when the last dance of the night was about to begin, she found me and asked me to dance. She too had went with a friend-date who I know she considers as no more than a friend. After that, we got some pictures and I got her e-mail. Later on we talked, and I mentioned how I'd just seen a certain movie. She said she wanted to see the movie but had spent a lot recently and didn't feel like spending more at the moment. I suggested that we go together, and I'd pay for her ticket, and gave a flexible range of days. She said she'd get back to me on that, and we moved on to another topic. Ofcourse, she never gave me an answer, so I assume she isn't interested. She hasn't gave me a reason or said anything else about it. We still talk though.

I am thinking that she isn't interested and I should settle with being friends, which isn't that bad. We are a lot alike and I although I think she'd make a good friend, I would prefer something more.

Do you think I'm correct, or is there still a reasonable chance for something more? What made me ask her to the movie was her approaching me at the dance. We didn't really know each other well, and hadn't spoken in a long time, yet she wanted to dance with me for the last dance of her prom when she had plenty of male friends available. She isn't very outgoing so I took it to mean that she was interested in me. I was probably wrong, but it could also be that I moved too quickly. It is possible that she wanted to get to know me better first, because she isn't one to make quick decisions and she is reluctant to do things without thinking it through carefully.

In any case, how should I continue from here? Just accept that we're going to be friends and continue at that? Or get to know her better and try to ask her out again? If she isn't interested, I don't want to lose her as a friend, but if I make another move, I don't know if she might think I will never settle with being friends and not want to be friends.

BooRadley

I don't want to be the bringer of bad news, but I've had a similar situation. In fact, I would venture to say it was nearly identical.

You want her... but she doesn't want you. You can never be "just friends" from this point, as you will always want her. You said yourself that she isn't interested ... usually assumptions there are correct. Girls don't need to give you reasons, the only important part is the fact you were rejected, no matter how ambigious/nice of a way it was.

Don't keep running these "maybe she likes me" scenarios through your head, as it will only feel worse when you realize you have no chance of ever getting with her. You've made your move. She knows how you feel.

The friendship will be edgy for the remainder of time you're friends with her.... and distance will grow. It is kind of hard to do friend things if she knows you want her, and you know you want her.

Continue to be friends if you want, but the friendship is already unravelling, and you can see it.

I'm sorry. She approached you first, then got disinterested, and now she is still disinterested. If she wanted to date you, she would have scheduled a time ( no-one on earth is that busy... ) or got back with you with an alternate activity.

todd

I agree with BooRadley, unfortunatly.

I hate it when girls do that. Do one thing that makes you think they obviously want you, but then do something that makes you think she obviously doesn't want you.

dirtyrascal7

assumptions are dangerous things... and rarely accurate when it comes to women.

if i were you, i'd back off the direct approach for a while just in case your thinking was right... but i'd still try to do a little flirting if you have the chance. maybe she is afraid of getting hurt, which means you'll just have to tone down the aggressiveness. still be confident, but also be respectful and let her open up to you at her own pace.

not all is lost, just hang out with her casually with a few other people and feel her out for the right approach... which may be letting her approach you again. who knows... probably not even her. haha

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hilbert25

Yeah, most girls are too nice to let down bastards like us. It took me 6 years of drooling over girls that wanted to "be friends" before I realized that. People say it all the time, but you usually have just that one chance to be anything more than a friend, after that, it's over, barring something really strange.

onetime2

I would try the direct. ask for a date approach. She may have thought you were only offering out of pity or whatever because she didn't have money at the moment.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Ask her on a date.

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st33lr4t

ask her to do something that doesnt involve money. maybe she just feels awkward about you paying for the movie. go to the park and kick the ball around or something and leave the assumptions at home and just have a good time.

pig

Allow me to back up onetime2's position. What's the worst that comes out of asking her out? She says no. She might very well have felt awkward about you asking her out, after mentioning that she didn't have any money. Or maybe she doesn't want to be the one to bring it up - not to sound condescending, but from my memory, girls in high school (guys in high school too) really don't know what the hell is going on - so much melodrama and unresolved issues and all that. You'll find out ten years later that some girl you could hardly breathe around wanted to jump your bones the entire time, but just didn't know how to tell you or some crazy-ass shit like that. You don't have to make it like Prince Charming on a horse to ask her out - just confident and as though you want to have a good time. Not necessary a good time, but a good time. Shoot, the hard part is already over...as I recall, the hardest part was having some fabricated excuse to call. You're already in. If she says "no," it's hardly unlikely that she'll say "No, you scumbag. I'm am disgusted in the knowledge that you find me attractive. I hereby banish you to a distance of fifty feet at all times." You can recover the friendship if she says "no." I've done it.

Long story short : There's always a chance, and you've lost nothing if she says no. Not in the long run.

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are "what might have been?"

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BooRadley

Don't you think if she was interested she would say something like
"Well, I can't go to the movie at XXXXX time, how about YYYYY or ZZZZZ?" or
"I don't really want to see XXXXX, how about YYYYY on ZZZZZ"?

How many of you would really flatout tell no to a person you were attracted to, knowing you would appear completely disinterested? You would at least make it somewhat clear you were interested....

Skettios

I agree.

Back off, and give her a chance to come to you.

Don't be pushy, but be cool and available. I think you might still have a shot, but you have to play it COOL.

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SpikeQX99

Give it time man! Women are like fine wines... You gotta let em breathe for a little while. She'll come around eventually, set yourself a time limit for how long you want to "wait", and then try asking her again...

If she still blows it off, just ask her straight up about it? If she's a friend, she'll give you an answer one way or the other...

Good Luck Brotha!

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hobo

update:

The most unexpected thing happened. Suddenly, she says "I never did get back to you about the movie" and I said "So do you want to go?" and she said "Yes" and that she was sorry for being slow to respond.

Now I'm even more confused. She keeps sending conflicting signals. I figure that means that she is undecided on how she feels about me, but has decided that she is willing to give it a try. There is also the possibility that she has decided that it is a friend event, and not a date. Either way, I'll have to take a step back and not be pushy in any way. I'm not sure how I'll end such an ambiguous "date" though. What do you all think?

dragon2fire

i have to disagree here. i have a female friend who is dating a friend of mine. i would like nothing more then to date her and she is well aware of this fact . however its not a option so i was direct with her and she was direct with me. and we are still friends to this day. she even comes over to my house on occasion. you just have to have open and honest communication with this person if you want the friendship to work.

dirtyrascal7

it's best not to plan the ending of any date until you're at the end of the date. you should be able to pick up on how she's viewing things throughout the date. and if not, when you drop her off... walk her to the door, make eye contact, and say goodbye. the eyes don't lie, so you should get a clear indication of whether you should go in for a kiss or not.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

BooRadley

What you mention would only work in one circumstance.
You had a girlfriend at the time. As long as you are single, and she knows that you want her , then the friendship will be awkward whether you think so or not.

John Henry

Take her out, play it cool (ish) and read up on some body language first (cos that's one way women are baaaaaaad at lying) then decide whether or not ot make your move. If she doesn't show an interest, then what the fuck, start chatting up some other bird. Either this will make her jealous and get her interested or it'll give you a chance with someone else. Good luck, squire. The most important thing is not to get too hung up on her. That way you're more likely to score, but you won't care if you don't.

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hobo

thanks for the responses, i guess i'll post an update later. I hope that it goes well, but I won't be dessimated if it doesn't.

dieseldog

If things go very well (you both flirt and enjoy the date a lot), as you say goodbye, you could lean over to kiss her and then retract and say "See you later." If she wanted to kiss you, she'll want to even more then.

hobo

It went pretty well. A few times we had trouble finding things to talk about, but we always managed to think of something.

She's going to my university this fall so we kinda started by taking a walk around campus and talking, since our movie was sold out and we got tickets for a later showing. We then went to a coffee shop, talked more, and after that we saw a movie. We talked a bit about the movie afterwards, and we ended with a goodbye. I said I wanted to see her again, and she reminded me that I have her number. I had a good time, and I think she did too. I think a 2nd date is assured, I just need to figure out something for us to do.

dieseldog

Shopping (browsing) can be fun if you're with a girl who has good taste.


... I can't believe I just said that.

Weezil

It's doable, but judging by your tone, you probably won't make it happen until you change your game.

Johnny Rotten

Get used to that . Women are master beguilers. The man who figures out a system to the madness will write a very successful book. In the mean time, cultivate guru-like patience and expert tactical nudging.

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