timalkin

How did you manage to pursue the career of your dreams while also being in a successful marriage? It seems that many people, especially new college graduates, have to make a difficult choice between being with the one you love and being in the career that you love.

Any hints or tips?

la petite moi

I think it's all about compensation if you know you really want to marry the person.

absorbentishe

Well, I was at a disadvantage before I started working, I already had kids. Here is what I do... I work when needed, as expected and above. But I always put family first. If I have something to do with the family, that takes priority. So far, I haven't missed out on anything. But I'm also in a rut, and going no where fast at work, but has nothing to do with my family.

Being in a relationship takes work in itself, and you can never stop working at it.

timalkin

Ah, let me clarify my question just a little bit. I'm facing a situation where I have to decide if I want to get married to the girl of my dreams or work in the career of my dreams. I can't have both at the same time. How did you manage that?

absorbentishe

I guess I really can't answer, since I had family before career, and what I'm working isn't the job of my dreams.

:::OshnSoul:::

it's all about balance. you don't have to sacrifice anything if you both support each other fully. Moon is going to be majoring in Photography with his prime interest in photojournalism. he wants to travel the world and capture moments of world events. I am behind him 100%, even though I may not be able to travel with him all of the time, I want him to be happy and I know that what matters most is our love and our family.

Blackthorn

Ya know after spending the last 13 years of my life in consulting which has led to a pretty lonely existance I can't say that a great career is worth all that you lose when you have a quality life partner who bails on you because you spend too much time at work.

Just a thought from someone who has loved and lost...

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What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

visotech

The girl of my dreams would respect my career choices and my goals, and at the same time I would respect hers. But then again if you got married and had jobs in diffrent towns it would be hard to figure out whos doing what so you can live togather...eh confusing ...

Tomservo

My wife and I both work full time, go to school full time, and raise a daughter. It's very difficult, but the main thing that keeps us happy is that we love each other above everything else, and we stick together as best friends no matter how hard things get.

It also helps that she's extraordinarily patient with me, as I've gotten incredibly frustrated over the past few months. So, my biggest piece of advice is to find someone who's going through exactly what you're going through, make them your best friend and lover, and make sure they're about 200% more gracious than you are in all things.

kel

Simple... I'm highly skilled and I am willing to make less money then I could If I fully dedicated myself to my work. Because of this I am able to work about 9-5 and spend a large amount of time with my SO.

This isn't to say that I'm poor because of this. I'm still quite well off, especially considering we have no children and don't plan to have any until later in our lives.

If you absolutely must have the time you have to be willing to compromise on your job. I wanted to move to Manhattan and make the big $$$ but my SO didn't want to. So I'm going to work another job with far less career potential. I'm fine with it though because I know what matters.

__________________
"It better be funny"

Redgirl

Your company will never care about you as much as your SO will (if she's really the right one). Your job will not be there to experience life with you. In fact, your company might just use you up and spit you out and then you'll be w/o your cool job AND alone.

It's all about priorities, man. My SO (Primal) and I have made career choices that allowed us to spend the most time with each other, and we haven't ever regretted it.

Primal went to Med School for 2 years and during that time he realized that life as a doctor would mean very little time for us and he met many, many divorced and unhappy doctors. He decided it just wouldn't be worth it, so he withdrew from med school. It was a hard choice, his whole family was upset with him. But you have to look at what is really important to you and what it would take to make you happy.

__________________
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

gar1976

You do need to give up some of your free time (hanging out with buddies/co-workers for beers after work) - not all, but some, or invite her along!

It's important to have compatible interests/hobbies/friends, since it's a great way to "double up" your social time, by hanging with friends and your SO at the same time.

She's going to want some one-on-one time, though, so keep that in mind.

/rambling, just woke up and haven't eaten breakfast yet

hossified

the one thing you have to remember is...if you give up your dream job for your SO...are you gonna resent her for it down the road...if times ever get tough??? I say go for the job...if the girl can't handle it...she;ll do her own thing...but if she truely loves...she will come back!

Cimarron29414

Well, I think I need more information in order to answer the question. Can you not do both because one of the parties (work/SO) is unwilling to share with the other party? If you can't have the job because the SO is jealous or unsupportive, then I would say she's not the girl for you.

Now, getting back to my advice. Having learned the hard way, the key to a successful marriage is putting your spouse above all other things. There is no room for compromise in this premise. If there is ever a choice between spouse and something else, spouse comes first.

Secondly, make your spouse your best friend. This comes through listening, not talking. It is your job to learn everything you can about your spouse and therefore creating communication, empathy, trust, and support. You need to create common hobbies and common friends.

Third, do not hang around with divorcing, separated, divorced or bitterly single people. They will create a wedge for you because their complaining is infectious.

Finally, obey the well known saying: You have never seen a tombstone that read: Here lies Jim - he was a really hard worker. In this day and age, you need to work to live, not live to work. If your dream job prevents you from marrying your dream girl, THEN IT'S NOT YOUR DREAM JOB.

I think you already know what to do, you just want to hear it from someone else.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."