NeoSparky

Good idea, bad idea. Thoughts, concerns..

Just posing a question, not looking for advice.

StormBerlin

The responsiblity is fully hers to be faithful to her boyfriend because she is the one with the commitment to him. but on the other hand, do you really want to be that asshole?

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doncalypso

If a woman has a boyfriend I wouldn't even allow myself to think of asking her out or fooling around with her.

Hell.... if she is willing to cheat on her man with me, who says she won't cheat on me with another guy 0nce she gets with me?

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NoSoup

Agreed.

It is her responsibility to stay faithful to her boyfriend, but if the situation was reversed and some guy was debating asking your girlfriend out, I'd assume that you'd rather he didn't.

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Seaver

no

Averett

Bad idea.

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NeoSparky

ok, so bad idea if your lookin for something long term. What if your like 90% of the rest of the population and are just lookin to get hooked up for a night.

(90% may be a bit of a stretch but you know where i'm going with the question)

Averett

Still bad idea. Don't be that asshole.

Put yourself in the girls boyfriends shoes. How would you feel?

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StormBerlin

Well, her boyfriend should feel betrayed by his girlfriend. If she's gonna sleep with some random guy, she's gonna sleep with him no matter what. If it's not this guy, it'll be the next one.

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Sugar&Spice

Very bad idea. If you are just looking to get hooked up for the night go find some other girl who is single.

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Averett

Agreed, but shouldnt people just stay the fuck away from people who are otherwise involved?

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SecretMethod70

A guy did that to me once.

Don't do it. If the boyfriend hears about it he'll probably kick your ass and you'd be entirely deserving of it.

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losthellhound

people who cheat will continue to cheat throughout thier lives.. dont contribute

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Prince

Precisely.

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NeoSparky

But see, I'm not the one who would be cheating, she would.

On top of this thought... What if you only think the girl has a boyfriend, what if she really doesn't and is playing the game of making you think she has a boyfriend to weed out the guys that are non-agressive? or something like that?

anti fishstick

i wouldn't even trust a guy who would try to do that.
and i wouldn't trust a girl who would agree either.

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filtherton

You've probably had a girlfriend. How would you feel if some guy was hitting on her?
If you do hook up, you deserve whatever you get.

choskins

Well said! My little clique just went through this as one of the male members (and close friend of mine) just tried to kiss another's wife while drunk. Needless to say it did not go well!

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NeoSparky

lol. Yes I've had many girlfriends. To be honest I have no problem with other guys hitting on my girl. The second she goes out with the guy then the trust has been broken and the relationship over. Till then it's funny to watch other guys try.


question to all: Would you distinguish between hooking up with a friends girlfriend/ex-girlfriend and some strangers gf/ex?

KirStang

Well, if it was the friends g/f slash ex g/f, then that makes it much much worse to ask her out rather than just some stranger. In either case, hitting on someones girl is kinda wrong..but it happens.

phredgreen

and that's really where it boils down. if you just want to grab a few shags and move on with your life, then by all means, go ahead. if you're trying to develop a meaningful relationship, remember this one thing: she cheated on him. what's going to stop her from doing the same thing to you when she gets bored?

this is all supposing that she actually does leave her boyfriend for you, of course.

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SecretMethod70

Sounds like overly wishful thinking to me. 1) No girl would "weed out" non-aggressive guys by telling them she has a boyfriend to see if they continue to pursue. That is, of course, unless she's looking to hook up with disrespectful assholes. 2) If a girl says she has a boyfriend, then she's probably not trying to weed "non-aggressive" guys out (see above). More likely, she either really has a boyfriend, or she's trying to politely tell you to fuck off.

Either way, the point is, asking a girl out who you know is in a relationship with another guy makes you the asshole.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

BooRadley

Wrong. She might be trying to weed out the non aggressive guys. It is a very real possibility.

There are three likelihoods when a girl says she has a boyfriend.

1- She actually does, and she has no intentions to cheat on him. You struck out. If she wanted to cheat on him with you, she would bring it up much later... say , after a couple of dates. Happened to me once.

2 - She actually doesn't, but is politely saying fuck off. I'd say this is the most common "Kiss of Death" as it is the easiest.

3 - She actually doesn't, and is giving you a "shit test" to weed out the beta males. This occurs far more often than one would think. You stand no chance with this girl if you aren't an asshole.

I know more than one of my female friends have used this tactic before, whether they would admit to it or not. It seems like a subconcious thing for most girls, as are all 'tests'.

It is in no way the 'askers' fault the girl cheats. He gives her the oppurtunity, but she makes the decision. You read that? HERS. Unless it is a case of rape, then that is a wholly different issue.

But, if you can't trust her, that is an issue between you and her, not between you and some guy that neither one of you know. She has to have accountability for her actions. She would be the one "cheating" in the scenario.

If the jealous boyfriend, who can't even trust his girlfriend, takes his insecurity out on you, then HE deserves to get the ass kicking. Not you.

In fact, if he threatens you, just call the cops, get him in jail and then do his ex girlfriend. But don't trust her.

NeoSparky

Awesome quote.

sailor

Dont be that guy. Thats all Ill say.

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frozenstellar

two golden rules to live by....

#1. dont persue a girl who's already taken.
#2. dont persue a mates sister.

end of story.

SecretMethod70

Like I said, *IF* a girl is actually testing someone in that way, they only want to date assholes. In which case, as phred said, if all you're looking for is someone to have meaningless sex with and an absolutely empty relationship, go for it. Almost all of my good friends are female, and none of them do that. I would not have respect for anyone that would.


You're right. It's her decision. And when a guy asked out my girlfriend at the time, she told him no, was DEEPLY offended, and told me about it for that very reason. I wasn't pissed out of jealousy, or out of lack of trust for my girlfriend, I was pissed because of the guy's display of blatent disrespect and social worth.

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toxic515

I'm not at all clear why it has to be "cheating" There's no harm in asking. You don't know what that relationship is like, and if it's not your friend, then you certainly have no obligation to the other male. If she says yes, I think I'd wait until I knew that she'd chosen to break it off with the other guy before I got in very deep. Fact is, just because she's been going out with someone for a while doesn't mean that she's committed or promised anything, and without that information, I'd have to say don't assume. Ask.

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BooRadley

Then I apologize. Yes, it is reasonable to be pissed for some guy treating your girlfriend like trash, but does not justify an asskicking unless he persists. People, in general, are rude to strangers.

There are cases in which the guy honestly has no clue whether she has a boyfriend are not, and the boyfriend is jealous. There are cases where the guy will mention it once, and never again. It always isn't a clear cut case for anger.

I've seen the jealous boyfriend routine way too many times. More often than not, there really is nothing to worry about.

Sorry for a long post, but...

This goes hand in hand with my statement "People in general are rude, especially to strangers". You do have no obligation to the other male, unless he is your friend. She has no obligation to pay attention to you whatsoever.

phredgreen

again, people. if you're propositioning a girl and she's with someone, the simple fact that she would cheat/quickly break it off with him means that, in the future, it more than likely that she'll do the same to you. if you're willing to put up with that, then go for it. otherwise, don't be an ass and fuck up some other guy's relationship. if they aren't meant to be together, they'll eventually break up. let their relationship run its own course.

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NeoSparky

Isn't this basicly saying that your no better than the other guy and that just because the girl decides to go for you that she's just in it for sex or for something new then? Why couldn't the girl just be more interested in you than her current bf? Why couldn't she be faithful to you more so than the past?

Isn't it fairly unfair to assume something is going to happen based on past situations?

doncalypso

If you already know she has a boyfriend then you're just as guilty as she is if she cheats on him with you.

It's one thing if you're unaware that she's involved and she hooks up with you without bothering to let you know she already has a man. But if you know she's with someone and still decided to hook up with her then you deserve to get beaten to a bloody pulp by the boyfriend when he finds out.

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crow_daw

I would never do it personally. I just think how it pisses me off when the same is done to me. I hate that, and I will not do it to another person.

MO.

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sprocket

I'm gonna be blunt sparky..

Yes Sparky, its true. You have a magical penis. Your penis is so spectacularly magical that it can make this girl forget about all other penises in the world. You have the power, Sparky. Steal her from her boyfriend. Now that shes with you and your magical penis she will never think about another one again. She will not eventually end up cheating on you, or resenting you for fucking up a relationship that was working.. no Sparky.. that will not happen because your penis is magical. It will be *different* with you (and your magical penis).

Its not really unfair at all. Its called observation. People tend to repeat their mistakes.

Your Beef Bus wants this girl and is screaming "Park me in Tuna Town!!". Your mind doesnt seem so sure its a good idea. Your going through an awful lot to try to justify to yourself that this whole scenario would be ok. Its really just a shitty thing to do. I would try listening to what your intuition is already telling ya: "Bad idea".

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NeoSparky

such sarcasim is great. If you read the original post then you would know I'm not reffering to myself, or anyone in particular. Just asking a question to the group. No need to bring my penis into the conversation (even tho it is magical and every women in the world wants it.) ok couldn't resist, had to add some sarcasim back.

stevie667

Bad idea in 99.9% of circumstances.

stevie667

Wow, mental image of Dr.Cox from Scrubs there...

la petite moi

Bad idea. She has that boyfriend for a reason. Plus, you'll probably just be rejected, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

NeoSparky

Who cares if your rejected. Rejection is part of life, you win some. you loose some. But just because one assumes a girl has a bf, do we not give her the chance to get to know us?

BooRadley

Girls don't get rejected, as they do not have to. They do the picking. They will pick whoever seems best, but will always have a reserve.

Most girls I know might be single for one whole month out of the year. The off-time between boyfriends is usually days if anything, and most of the time they already have found a new boy before breaking it off with the old one.

It is a fact of life. They may be serious with their boyfriend, they may not be serious, they may be this, they may be that, but you will never get a chance with them unless you try.

At least you have a decent attitude about the whole situation.