claustin8605

Ok, this is my problem. My boyfriend and I are approaching the one year mark in our relationship. This is the longest relationship I have ever had. He is really serious about me and I feel the same about him. But for some reason I am nervous about the idea of "one year" together. He has only had one previous relationship before me which lasted a little over two years and I have dated guys on and off but nothing serious. He is the first one I have felt so deeply about like I do right now. I have never dated a guy and thought I could see myself marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him, but I feel this way about him. For him though in his previous relationship I asked and he admitted that he felt the same way about his ex-girlfriend as he does about me now. I mean he has told me he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me and he mentioned the idea of engagement in the future. But I don't understand how he could go from feeling this way about her to feeling like this about me. I mean if he has felt like this before and his ex wasn't "the one" then how does he know I am? What should I do? I mean I am really nervous and in way apprehensive about our whole relationship.

Buk

Maybe I can help, alot like your boyfriend now I had a previous long-term relationship before I met my wife. It lasted 9 months and we both thought we were going to get engaged and eventually married someday. But due to circumstances with our careers, colleges being far away, and things just not being the same anymore we no longer were in love. It wasn't a situation where she was no longer "the one" but she never was "the one" and neither of us realized it.

I always entered relationships when I was single with clean slates, because feelings and baggage from previous relationships only drag down and doom new ones. Just because he feels "the same" about you as he did about his ex-gf doesnt mean it really is the same. Circumstances, the people involved, timing, experience are ALL different. The way things ended in that relationship really have little to do with what you two have right now.

My advice would be to worry less, and spend that time enjoying your relationship more. No relationship will ever be perfect, but if love is there it is all worth it.

Sugar&Spice

They say everyone has at least 13 potential soul mates out there..maybe you are just another one for him?? I'd say don't let his feelings for his ex in the past get in the way of how you feel for him now. It seems like you both love each other a lot and it would be a shame to just throw it away. Just ride it out for a while and see where it takes you.

He saw potential "wife" qualities in his ex, but did she dump him?? If she did, he was probably in it for the long run and didn't just tire of her after awhile. Just remember that everyone has different qualities and he's with you now because of the ones that are unique to you.

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water_boy1999

Several things to think about:
1) You have a man that feels very strongly for you. Treasure that! Good men, and women for that matter, are hard to find.
2) You can't judge your current relationship on past experiences. The girl he was with before had nothing to do with your current situation so you can't compare yourself to her and the relationship they once had.
3) Don't take offense, but the two of you seem young. Perhaps early 20's? You have all the time in the world to figure things out.
4) Keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your boyfriend about the way you feel. I am sure he will reassure you that you are the love of his life and will reaffirm what has been said in my first 3 points.

I recommend you stay with him. Seems like you do like him and feel strongly for him but have some slight "wet feet" about being together. This feeling is likely to come and go as you build your relationship together. One day things will be completely fine, the next day you might have some apprehension. It is completely normal to have those feelings. Go with your gut instinct.

I wish you the best.

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Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

la petite moi

My current boyfriend and I have been going out a year. He has told me that he thought he was going to marry his last girlfriend, despite the fact that they were a couple only three months (I think). Yes, they did know each other for practically all of their young lives, but he soon realised she wasn't 'the one.'

The point of my rambling is to say that he obviously is with you for a reason. If he says that he loves you just as much as his last girlfriend- firstly, he isn't very thoughtful for your feelings and secondly, you can take it as a compliment because he wants to spend his life with you. I guess all you can do is continue to be yourself and let things play out.

Sorry..../rant

ratbastid

I object very very strongly to the whole notion of "the one". There's no "one". Any given person could be rampantly happy with a great number of other people. The romantic notion of "the one" is a fantasy designed to make us unhappy and to have relationships not work, and perpetrated on us by our love songs and romantic movies.

I'm extremely delighted with the woman I'm sharing my life with. She's A one, for sure. But is she the only person on the planet with whom I could be leading a wonderful life? And if so, what are the odds that I'd meet her, out of 6.3 billion people on the planet? What are the odds ANYONE would meet their "one".

And don't get me started on fate!!

In short, you're being silly. This guy wants a future, he wants a life with someone. He found someone before with whom he could see that working. And now he's found (and kept, it sounds like) you, with whom he can also see that working. What's the bad?

claustin8605

Perhaps I am one of many who believe in the conceited idea of "the one". But still I don't understand how you could feel such deep emotions for one person and then say you feel them for another. Like I said I have never felt so deeply for someone as I do for him but he has said what he feels for me, he has felt before. Then how does he know it's real? How does he know that we will last? I mean I am still in high school and he is in college. There is a lot of difference between the two of us. He will be out of school a few years before I and ready to start a life while I still have school to finish. I don't see him waiting on me despite what he says. The thought of him proposing to me is always enough to make my heart melt I am just having doubt in the idea that we will make it to that point. And this is not all about the idea of "marriage", it's about the idea that as one member posted that I have "wet feet". I am just nervous and maybe I am the one with the problem not him. Perhaps I am just scared with the idea of an actual "commitment" and someone being so serious about me.

mr sticky

That's some damn fine wisdom kids. I totally agree.

My line was always...Honey, your one in a million, but on a planet with six billion people...remember, there are still six thousand of you out there.

As an aside, Claustin...I still look back fondly on women I dated previously...despite a few lapses in judgement, I have pretty good taste in women!

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