cj22009

For the first time in 8 years im going to be alone. Let me explain three weeks ago my wife came home and said she wanted a divorce. I knew it was coming probably has been for two or so years. So last tuesday we talked and decided the best thing for us was a divorce. We have 2 kids dog cat bla bla but I can't get over how weird its going to be own my own again. Its just a scary feeling. I dont have any real close friends anymore married life kinda made me drift apart from that all I do around here is lurk most of the time and post every now and then I just had to vent get some of this off my chest I havent really talked to anybody about it.

teflonian

Wow CJ.. Sorry to hear it! I can't offer you very much advice as I have never been in your situation, but I would guess keeping your self busy with other aspects of your life will be essential. You can always come hear and argue in the Titled Politics or try to figure out the Tilted Knowledge physics posts!

absorbentishe

Sorry dude, that really sucks. Not having any close friends will also hurt, but you'll be able to rekindle some lost relationships with your friends. Now you might want to look at doing something that you wouldn't have been able to do before, just to keep you mind off of things. When my brother got divorced, he started attending a divorce group at church, and that helped him.

Redgirl

I have some friends going through divorces right now and it's tough to watch. I can't imagine all the feelings involved, but I know I would be scared, too, if it were happening to me.

I gave the same advice in a ladies lounge forum that I'll give to you: volunteer somewhere. It's a great way to meet people and it will take up some of that time when you would otherwise be sitting around the house wondering what she's doing. Plus helping other people might fill a void in your heart where she used to be.

Unless you already volunteer, then I'll have to think of something else!

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moonstrucksoul

I think that Redgirl has some solid advice. best of luck.

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Hurricane1

That sounds terribly rough. Hopefully, you have a great support group in your family.

This IS an overly emotional time for anyone. Please try to keep your emotions in check when it comes to the welfare of your children. They are the most important!! ((hugs))

Terminal Frost

I'm 19 now and my parents got divorced two years ago when I was 17. They simply talked it over and then told my sister and I. There was never a single fight or anything, they just both decided it should be over. Anyway, my dad and mom BOTH seem happier now. It's almost like they're kids again. Both of them have boyfriends and girlfriends respectivly and they are out almost more than I am and my dad comes home later than me too. My mom moved in with her boyfriend and my sister and I live with my dad. We both get to see both of them a lot so it has been really good with us. My dad sold our property and bought an awesome new house that we have been completely renovating which has been a lot of fun and also time consuming. My dad is also getting a motorcycle and from talking to him about the whole situation he said he couldn't be happier and he feels like he's a kid again. I know it may not be the same for you - but you can look at it that way. This could be a chance to do all the things you wanted to do before but couldn't.

lurkette

I'm so sorry. Change is always painful.

Do your best to find things that you really enjoy. Take this opportunity to work on who you want to be, and surround yourself with people who know you and support you. New friends are often the best kind - no baggage! Volunteering is great advice, as is joining any social groups you can find. Do all the stuff you didn't do before - take dancing lessons, join a book club, take cooking classes, whatever! Remember that the flip side of the scary part of being on your own is the freedom you'll have. You'll still be a dad, and you'll still have your kids to think about, but look at this as an opportunity to find yourself independent of your definition as "Husband" and "Father." Best of luck!

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Dilbert1234567

you'll get through it, my parrents devorce screwed my dad up for a while, but he got over it and so will you, its better that you seperate rather then driving the relationship into the ground. good luck.

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cas305

Everybody is giving you real sound advice here, and by human nature you will survive. I went through a similiar thing when my wife of 7 years passed away. I moved in with her from my parents house, so I had never lived alone. Lucky for me I had a five year old to keep me focused and moving forward. After a couple of years I meet someone and her and my son got along great. We have married about a year ago and now are expecting a new little one in August. All I can say is keep your head high and try to remain positive and things will work out!

cj22009

Thanks for all the great advice guys. You just don't know how great it is to have feedback from any body I know life goes on but im like cas moved from my moms place into an apartment with her. Like I said bfore thanks a million

Tuffy_McGee

Hey cj22009,
I know how you feel.
It can be really hard for the first few months. I was only 26 when I broke up with my SO; And it took me about a year to adjust to single living.
But I think that the whole process just makes you stronger.

I recommend you get either the dog or the cat! Seriously they keep you company (I wish I'd have gotten the cat)
Sorry to hear about your situation. Are you worried about your kids?
Keep your head up!

cj22009

Na Tuffy im not worried about the kids we havent been fighting about anything just dicussing what she's going to get and what im going to get and how much child support. The not fighting part is making it eaiser

Aladdin Sane

Sounds like a tough time ahead for you.
Mods, is Sexuality the appropriate forum for this post? Maybe it would fit better in Relationships? Just a thought.

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doncalypso

My advice to you would be to keep your head up and your shoulders squared back, pal.

Sure it's scary to be thrust back into the singles' life after having been married for so long, but you can survive it.
It must be tough not having any real close friends to talk to about this, but don't you have any siblings or cousins you're close enough to that you could talk this over with? There has got to be someone in whom you can trust and to whom you can go vent.

As for your post-divorce life, I wouldn't sweat it too much if I were you. Start going to the gym.... Pick up a hobby (gardening, carpentry, etc.)... take Karate lessons.... learn to play the guitar or piano... just get out there and do something. The more you keep yourself busy with other activities the less this whole divorce thing will eat you up inside and the sooner you'll be on the road back to enjoying a healthy enjoyeable life.

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la petite moi

CJ, I'm sorry. I've never been married, never been through divorce...but I've been in love.

I know everyone will tell you to go to counselling or talk it out, but do what you think is right. Things will work out in the long run. Good luck; we're all looking out for you.

SixEdxMia

I am on the other side of this.
I am a girl.I spent eight years being the depressed,fat,bored,ugly,boring,housewife mom.

One day it was just over. I packed up and left with nothing.I had never known anything but the life that I made with him.

Its been almost two years.I'm now 24.
And I will say.. the past two years have given me the chance that I needed to reclaim myself as human and as independent.
I am once again me.

One you get over the inital shock of the situation you will be able to move swiftly from it.

Go back to school
Get healthy,be fit,read,watch,go.Do something!
The world is your playground. It is sad to play alone but take your healing time and get to know yourself.The time that you will have to yourself will give you the space that you need to see things clearly and to get back in touch with the long lost you..

Where are you going,what will you do there? What will you see?

No one knows. But you will survive,and someday.. someone else will come along and the ex wife will pale in comparision.

Things that have been so far gone to you will be at your fingertips,You will have them,and it will feel fucking amazing.
Remember all of the things that you used to wonder about.... you know... the daydreams that filled your head once...They are yours to be had now. You are all your own and you will be the better for it.You now for the first time in eight years have the chance to put yourself first..

And well no offense.... but I never liked your wife anyway. : X.

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hu-man

This is some good advice. I say that now's the time to find out what the world has to offer. When you're with one person you tend to be very singular, and not mingle as much because you have a bond, the two of you.
Now you can go to concerts, the theater, clubs, activities, the gym, do all kinds of things that you mayb has done while with your SO, but not with the openness that single life offers. You'll be amazed at how many new people are out there, just waiting for you to make contact! Or, indeed, makes contact with you. You'll get new friends quickly, and who knows, maybe even meet some cute girl, when time is right.
Reclaim your life, do what you want to, wear nothing but underwear for a week, take up ice sculpturing, dye your hair purple, paint the house... the possibilities are endless.

tekaweni

Well its a good thing you have TFP, we'll all be here!

But yeah you'll need to expand your circle a bit now.. I agree with pretty much all the advice already given (especially <b>hu-man</b>'s, you need to see this as a positive thing - theres a lot of fun to be had out there.

All the best

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Xsas

I think this is another great example of why people shoulnd't get married in the first place.

Devilfish

I feel for you, buddy. Keep your chin up.

Buk

I reccomend a very expensive sports car and penis enlargement... Perhaps a personal trainer with large breasts at the local gym 3 times/week...

Peetster

Don't do anything stupid, anything you will later regret. Stick to your existing routine as best you can. Focus on work, it will give you a sense of worth.

Whether it's your fault or her fault is now immaterial. It's happening, so get used to it. No binges, no blow-outs. Nothing in excess.

As many members have pointed out, you might want to add something to your schedule eventually, but I recommend you wait at least a few months. Get used to being by yourself for a bit. You are not going to be yourself for a while. Wait until you are yourself.

cj22009

Guys let me give you all and update I moved out saturday and to my suprise my daughter wanted to go with me we packed up all her stuff along with mine and she's doing really well my x had my son and I have my daughter and it been helping alot just to have around but also I have began talking to people particualry this one female she has helped me a great deal just having somebody to talk to I guess just wanted to give an updated

ally

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well.
It seems to me that you are sad that this part of your life is ending, but that you are being very positive. Hopefully your family will be able to stay close, and that looks possible with the lack of fighting and bitterness.
I hope you take this oppurtunity to take your life in a direction that you really want it to move in.