fallenangel

Is there anyone you can be completely open with? I mean utterly and totally be yourself whomever that may be and feel so comfortable because you know they feel the same way. This doesn't have to be in a romantic relationship type of thing, but just one person to another.


Are there certain people you hide from as well? Like are afraid to be completely true to yourself. I put this in the sexuality forum because it just seems so raw and intimate when you get down to it sometimes i guess. I'm sorta bummed because as of late, i'm learning a lot more about my best friend than i've ever known before. He's made a point of hiding this aspect of his life from me. We were intimate at one point in time and we're very close now, but there are some things it almost feels like he's embarassed to talk about with me, even though i'm incredibly open and accepting of virtually anything. I wish i didn't have to find out things indirectly i guess.

I feel vulnerable because I feel like i've exposed myself almost as much as i'm aware i can to him in that regards (when we were still officially together) and although he's accepting of me, he can't open up the same. It just feels like he's uncomfortable around me sometimes... Hmm...

I'm beginning to notice a pattern recently. I think the fact that i am very open and willing to try new things (not just sexually but in life in general) is a bit scary to some people. I've had a few of my friends pull away because they're getting too close and it really hurts. I just want to get to a point that i can lose myself completely in someone and have them do the same. Just get wrapped up and swept away with life. That's not going to happen though because i seem to keep having people back away from me when they get too close.

I do'nt want to put up walls either, that's not who i am, but when i wear my proverbial heart on my sleave, it leaves the opportunity for it to get stomped on in life a lot more often than i'd like it to.

Damn the passion.

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

jay-g

For some reason, it is hard for me to show my feelings and emotions. Recently i have met a girl, that allows me to be more than open, and with her, i dont hold anything back. It was pretty difficult for me to open up to my parents. And now being with my g/f, has helped me open up alot more to other people, especially my p's. I guess, slowly but surely, i am growing and coming around. But being compassionate, like yourself, is definitely a good thing, more than bad...

Luki

I have a lot of secrets. I also tend to be online alot. So the friends I have in rl tend to know very little about my hopes desires and the such. But the people I connect with online, I can tell anything to. It's just that I'm only more then I am with my friends(mostly due to no vehicle)

And I have found that lately, the things I've been thinking and feeling the person I am, has changed dramatically, and I'mnot sure how my RL friends will react

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Your part is silent you little toad - a line from the new phantom of the opera

fallenangel

see this is my point exactly... when people i'm close with would rather open up to complete strangers (although i can't completely fault them for that because here i am asking for personal advice and feedback).... that's part of the contributing reason i started up with TFP, i stay now because it's awesome... but i originally joined to learn more about my ex, not to spy, but to just talk to him in general, learn about him i guess. Such a shame i think sometimes, but perhaps it worked out how it needed to for where we're both at right now.

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

lurkette

This "too close" stuff is such nonsense. I read somewhere that we live like our feelings are these precious objects to be guarded and sheltered, like we'll die if our feelings get injured. IMHO that's a slow death. Might as well just curl up and quit now if that's how you're going to live.

I say keep doing things the way you're doing. If you want to be open and try new things and be passionate, do it! The people who can't take it will fall away, and the people who can will become your circle of friends. It makes no sense to be hurt by the people who pull away - they're pulling away because of their own internal shit, not because of you. Learn to have compassion for them.

There's also something to be said, though, for moderation, and for respecting other people's comfort levels. You can feel things intensely and express yourself intensely in an appropriate way, and without demanding the same of those around you. I don't know what causes some people to back away because they're getting too close, but chances are it's because they feel uncomfortable. You can choose to accommodate that comfort level and moderate your behavior, or you can choose to live the way you want to live and accept the consequences.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Strange Famous

Kinda long, but I can give you a quick answer

I hide at least something from EVERYONE, and I always have, I dont feel I have ever known someone I wasnt afraid would reject me somehow if I let them see who I really was deep down, unedited.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Yakk

I'm not open, even with myself.

To preface this, one of the largest epiphanies I've ever had was the fact that people think differently. Really really differently. Not just slower, faster, better, worse, more educated or less: but different on really fundamental levels. And there aren't 16 different ways of thinking, there are 6 billion+.

So, to provide you with an alternate perspective, here is why I am less than open.

Once I have framed words for a feeling, the many levels and harmonics fade away. Instead of being a "why", it is now a set of words, and my thoughts on the matter are now framed by the words I chose. I can admit exceptions, but they are now only exceptions.

By defining my feelings, I rob them of life.

Which means I don't communicate general feelings. I communicate specific feelings about specific things, feelings that aren't harmed by the act of definition but rather clarified. Or broad generalizations, broad enough to both contain and not restrict my feelings on an issue.

I like Mathematics. This is a broad generalization that doesn't confine my feelings.

I don't think about what it is about Math I like. I can tell you which tricks I particularly like. But, telling you what it is about Math I find beautiful would get in the way of my finding Math beautiful.

Ask me if I liked a paritular part of a scene in a movie, I can answer. "The character of Mr Alfred Doolittle was sublime and hilarious." Ask me if the movie was good, I'll struggle. Ask me what my favourite movie is, and I'll look at you blankly.

You obviously think differently. And that is good, the world would be boring if we all thought the same way!

Maybe they aren't backing away. Maybe they just incapable of expressing something: not because they don't want to share, but because they aren't built that way.

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

Nancy

my boyfriend is the only with whom I can be 100% myself. I know that there's nothing I can tell him about myself that would make him think less of me and that makes me very confident and secure around him. I guess that's why our relationship is working so damn well

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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

noahfor

yea, im completely myself with my girlfriend, she knows me better than any person in the world, she has been in the room while i was pooping, and im a pretty shy person, i never lie to her, i tell her everything, i dont have to be clean around her, i dont care how i smell, im not trying to hide what or who i am

I hide from almost everyone else, except my close friends, and my parents, but even my relatives dont have a clue who i am, and my friends know about 60-75% of who i am, my parents more like 85-90%

forkies

i think, sadly, that my parents are the people i'd most like to be honest with yet they know me the least

not that i'd want to share as much with them as i do with my b/f, but relatively they know very little about the real me

noahfor

i know what you mean, i have felt like that, i feel that way now about my grandma, i dont think she has a clue who i really am, just a face really, and the thing is she loves me so much or something, we are just too different, i think alot of parents alienate their kids by getting too into the whole authoritarian parent role, my parents are just real open about things, and although they are pretty strict when it comes to my actions, they respect my opinions on things, just try to open up, and dont worry what your parents will think about you, because its better to have them know who you are even if they get mad for a little while, then it is to have them like a person that you really aren't

forkies

it's mostly that my opinions about political and religious issues is nearly the complete opposite of theirs. i feel like the black sheep whenever the subjects come up, so i don't say anything to make my opinions heard

Evil Milkman

I can really open up and be myself most of the time with one of my friends who is a girl. It's like there are no limits when I'm with her, and it's nice. I think she feels the same way, which is really great.

qtpye4u84

I 'm my self and most honnest with my boy firend and his family.
I cant really be as open to my dad as open as i can be with my step mom and boy friends mother.
My firends in high school never were to close to me due to the fact that they never knew how I felt cause they never had problems like i have had and they never really were in love before so they never understood about boy firends.

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The QTpie

cherriesue

I have a guy friend that I feel I can tell anything to and he won't judge me...he tells me anything and I don't judge him...it's nice to have someone like that in my life

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we die only once and for such a long time

anti fishstick

great topic. well, of course, i am the most comfortable with Will. we can go from a serious, political discussion, caring about the world around us to a totally silly one filled with laughs and jokes in the same conversation. i can be my complete self around him and i have nothing to hide.

i probably hide from my parents the most, sadly. especially my dad.

i used to feel a lot closer to my best friend melanie, but she has a completely different lifestyle from me and not to mention, on the other side of the US now so it's hard to feel much. whenever she visits, we always hang out and talk and catch up. but it's not the same. i think she probably hides a lot of things from me like how she really feels about things in her life, not just what's going on. in the past, she's been real open though.

i'm generally not a very open person. i'm kind of that mysterious girl. you have to get to know me a lot.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Beefimator

I have to admit, sometimes its hard to just tell people how you feel and think. I live and die by people have to ask me about things, if they want to know. But at some point, if I'm really comfortable with the person, then I can open up.

thebiz

I'm someone different to everyone. I don't think I've ever been 100% myself with anyone, because I'm just weird.

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Thebiz. Hes so hot right now. Thebiz.

sillygirl

There are two people in my life that I open up to. One I open up 100%, and the other I'm 98% open with. I'm honest with everyone, but being 'open' is different for me. I know that I can tell my boyfriend anything without fear. In my last relationship I was constantly worried about pissing off my boyfriend, and him being mad at me.

My current boyfriend takes me as I am. Doesn't 'expect' a certain thing out of me, and he's as open with me as I am with him. It's so easy for me to open up to him that it would kill me not to.

I've always hidden a piece of myself from everyone. There's always been a little bit of me that I was afraid to show because I didn't want to be vulnerable. My parents hardly know who I am. The rest of my family... well... they barely know I exist. They know the happy -smiley -nothing -wrong -the -world -is- perfect me. They'll never know any different, because I won't let them.

It's hard for me to trust people. I'd mostly rather listen to other people opening up, and learn about them than let them into my head.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Charlatan

I honestly don't believe you can be completely and 100% open with anyone but yourself.

There is always just that little something that you holdback. The thing you don't want to talk about or deal with or embarass the other person with... etc.

Sure you can come close with a good friend or your SO... but close is not 100%.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

CheeseButtons

I dont think anyone has really seen 100% of me.

I dont have anyone that I can see opening up to anytime soon.

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Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

Gortexfogg

For me, different aspects of my personality come out around different people. I don't usally talk about certain things with my friends, but with my family I'm open about them. With some people I'm quiet and with others I'm talkative and personable. Part of this is me hiding, part of it is me not knowing how to open up to certain people.

I don't think anyone besides myself will ever be able to know the complete me. And believing this, I don't expect anyone to know the complete me, though I'll still do my best so people can know the most of me.

analog

To all: don't be afraid to write your feelings, even if it means a lot of text- but soemtimes a tag like (kinda long) is helpful, so bravo on that. Hell, i've written RESPONSES (not original thread starts) WAY longer than that... lol

Who do I hide from?

I think, to some extent, I hide from my future... it's not that i'm afraid to "jump into real life", but more i'm afraid of just being a total, out-and-out failure... and that keeps me at bay sometimes when I should be proavtive.

xtreemmar1ne

I don't think you could have said it any better. I'm afraid.....not of the present but of the future....of the unknown. I see that big step away from my comfort zone and I think that's the reason I keep some things under wraps, even from myself sometimes, just because I'm trying to hold onto that comfort zone for as long as I can.

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A true gentleman believes that others are more important than he, that kindness is not a sign of weakness, and that respect is a necessity.

Devilfish

I met a girl I thought I could be completely open with. We became great friends and she saw more and more of the real me and we got closer and closer. Eventually we started dating and fell deeply in love, and I opened up to her more than anyone else.

I was still holding back my deepest insecurities and fears, though, and when those finally surfaced, she began to back away from what she saw, and eventually dumped me and broke my heart. I sometimes wonder if I can ever open up to anyone else, because it seems the real me has driven away the one girl I've ever loved.

Sorry to be gloomy, but that's my experience.

Eugeni

So right although I would like to be 100% myself with my so. I am about 98% with her. I will work on that 2%.

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