Xothan

I'm new here...I love these boards, they are great; you guys really have a terrific community going here. That said, I want to ask some advice. Ever since I can remember, I've had confidence issues when it came to girls...it seems that every time I worked up the courage to finally ask a girl out, she either already had a BF or just plain didn't want to go out with me. I guess what I'm attempting to ask here is does anyone have any advice that could help me?


Thanks
Xothan

MadHatder

If at first you don't succeed, try again. You'll find the right one eventually.

motdakasha

Confidence doesn't happen overnight. Practice makes perfect.

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NetterButter

honestly...

i've been insecure about rejection since the beginning of time SO...

i use the internet. meaning, i get to know people and they get to know me (for a very LONG time) and then if it grows, then whatever, if not, then i know met a great friend.

you just don't walk around "looking" for someone...it should just happen after a friendship. that's my 2 cents. good luck.

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Focus

I would think that it all depends on what you want to happen with that girl.

If you want someone to just nail, yea, just keep trying.

But if you want a relationship, I would say, work on a friendship first. The best relationships Ive had started with a stable friendship as a foundation.

But about confidence, man, I try to just tell myself that they are probably just as nervous about me as I am of them and I mean, hell, they are human too! But good luck, relax, and be yourself.

Mojo_PeiPei

This is how it works Xothan....

Take war for example, I think this should work.

Your on the battle field and you have two men. Both are scared. The coward lets his fear take over and fucks up his mission. The hero is scared also, but he deals with it and wins the day.

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Mojo_PeiPei

As for some pratical adive....

I'm afraid your just going to have to seduce women from now on by playing tough to get. Just make some sexxxy eye contact, perhaps go on the offensive and ask questions. Hopefully that way it will take off some of the pressure on you. You'll have to figure out what works for yourself, but as a pointer, you should aim to dictate the pace of the game... hopefully that way your lack of confidence will be less on an issue. Women are predators, make them chase you.

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Charlatan

I can remember being in high school and being absolutely afraid to ask out a girl, terrified she would say no. Finally getting up the nerve and having her say yes.

After a couple times of this and experiencing the greatest levels of fear I realized that there really was nothing to it. The worst thing that will happen is she will say no. No harm, no foul.

It is just a date you are asking her out on.

Once on the date just be yourself. While you will likely be nervous at first, it will pass. Just remember she is likely to be nervous as well.

So just relax. If she does say no, ask someone else.

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sigma1042

liquid courage helps

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floydthebarber

I subscribe to the shotgun theory : Keep shooting (asking) until you hit something (get a date).
Always remember that girls are just as nervous as you are for the most part.

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Harshaw

Courage around women doesn't happen overnight. I had to have a long time relationship with someone before I was able to really get over my fear of women. It will get a lot easier as you realize they are not angels sent from heaven, they are just biological organisms like anyone else. Just start making friends with a lot of girls. The more options you have the better you will do. I'm all for the keep trying advice.


Also known as how to bag yourself a girlfriend.

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This too shall pass.

wubbawubba

Ask here out in an ambigous way, where it could be a date or it could just be friendly.
Like talk about a movie that you think she might want to see, when she shows interest ask her to go with you. That will open the door without leaving wide open for regection.

skier

it's that easy. YOu don't lose anything by asking her, and if you don't ask her, it's 100% chance that you won't go out with her.

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Jedbeck

One thing I have tried to tell myself over the years has been "They are just another person same as you, they were not born with anything any more special than you were."

Toecutter

Something I wished I had learned early on in this game (and it is that, for better or worse) is that confidence, either with women or anything else in life begins and ends with you. I had for too long pinned all my hopes and fears of approval based on what other ppl thought of me, this my friend is deadly! It's all an experiment, really. Try different things with different women i.e. attitude, eye contact, tonallity. Take notice of what works and dispose of what doesn't. I truely feel bad for folks who get so hung up on someone with whom they believe is their "soulmate" or some garbage to that effect that ppl end up getting either ignored, used and/or abused by the objects of their desire. Remember; Experiment! Ya can't go wrong!!! ;-)

Seaver

You know the great thing about Confidence? If you don't have it, act like you do and eventually it shows up.

No I'm not kidding, go up and talk to every girl you can. Your heart may be beating 500 times per min, but you'll learn that talking to girls IS easy.

Yes you'll be shot down, you'll be shot down a lot... but a few will be interested. Your confidence level will rise, and the more "true" confience shows up the higher your success will be.

Just talk to girls, dont over think it.

kurty[B]

Here's the habit I've been picking up, I've always played the eyeing game with girls. (Works better with an encouraging friend, even better with an encouraging female friend). Stare, not drooling stare, but semi sexy stare. 9 out of 10 times the girl will look away at first, and look back to see if you're still looking, when she does the second time, smile. If she smiles, get up and say something!!! At that moment! Walk over, say "Hi, may I sit/dance/whatever with you" (depending on the situation), and go from there. If you run out of something to say, then say "I've got to be heading out, would you like to go out some time?" If they say "No", oh well, take your que, leave, and move on. If she says yes, then you can move on to the next step.

Johnny Rotten

You know, it's a lot easier to just ask her if she wants to go out for a cup of coffee some time.

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bermuDa

I'm no good at picking up women, despite the fact that I've never really tried hard. I think friendship is a great place to start, and if she seems to be interested, something else may blossom.

but if you want to meet women, go to where they are, and start talkin. The great thing about talking to strangers is you don't really have to worry about seeing them every day and being awkward. Also, strangers haven't heard any of your stories or opinions a hundred times already, so you seem that much more interesting

It's ok to be nervous, don't try to be too outgoing if that's not who you are, but avoid the label of "blushing blustering bumbling baboon," shyness is only cute to a certain point. If you don't want to talk so much, ask the girl about herself. That way you get to know her better, and can have some time to build up your confidence to maybe talk about yourself if she asks.

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fallenangel

Remember, they're just females, sometimes they're as nervous as you are. Just giver, and if it doesn't work out, she's not the one for you right now anyway!

and welcome to tfp!

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lisa

Isn't this what the Getting Girls 101-thread is all about ???
I've never read it but it seems like a good place to look for advice!

Good luck though!

Strange Famous

I cant really give you any advice cos Im pretty much the same...

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Beefimator

All I have to say about that, is the numbers are in your favor my man. Do you have any idea how many girls there are out there for you to hit on? My only advice would be to have a short memory when it comes to rejection.

HockeyGuy

Story time.... I used to be exactly the same, but once when i was travelling in London I was on the London eye with some friends and there were a bunch of other ppl in our carriage thingy as per usual. In this carriage there were also couple of sisters talking with each other (as they would) and joking around about 'would you jump?.. etc...' and I threw in a comment 'na, the water is too cold'. was it cheesy? YES... But, It got me talking to them and we ended up having great conversation leadnig to one of them asking me out again. I don't know where my comment came from, but ever since then i've had the confidence i've never had before. It's worth giving it a shot, and hey... nothing lost if nothing happens eh? I'm much more confident at work, and all the time around women now and even my gf (after mutual flirting as i was workgin in teh pub) asked me out! (after 5 mo's still happily together). Good luck with it man, it's nothing easy and will NEVER be easy, but... from one accidental success story, GO FOR IT!
-T

fro2020

Confidence is one of those things you just have to fake at first - that is, if you don't have it. Once you have it it will just stay with you.

And keep trying

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