asudevil83

alright everyone...get ready for a story that pretty

alright, i'm 20. i got this job at an icecream shop with my best friend. i've known him since first grade. it payed shitty, but hell it was a job. my first day i met this chick. i was all quiet and we didnt talk much. but it didnt take long at all for us to warm up to eachother. and damn she was a cutie, only 17 but very mature. she's one of those chicks that knows she's hot but really doesnt act it. she's a very chill stoner chick. and i myself am a VERY chill, former stoner guy.

she grew on me, and i on her. and before i know it....i'm crazy about her. i'm THE ONLY guy she flirst with, and for that matter holds conversations with. and when i flirt with another girl, she'll get all quiet and shit.

it never really occured to me that she really liked me untill the other day. me and my best friend were having one of our rare drunken, coke, indepth coversations. he decided to bring her up. the first thing he said was "man that girl wants you." i was perfectly fine with just being her friend, untill then.

he said that he'd hit on her once or twice, tried his moves and shit, and got nothing.
and all i've got to do is smile at her and she turns to butter, with a big smile that just lights up her face.
when she goes home and some of us are still at work it a "see you guys later....goodnight james (thats me)."
she's very comfortable around me. its weird. i was changing for work one day in the back room. she walked in with me in my boxers. if that had happened with any other chick, i would have been pretty fucking embarrassed. and if that had been any other guy, she would have the same. but it was all cool....like "opps, i'll try not to do that again, but thanks for the peak anyway."

i would love nothing more than to ask her out. i've wanted to for SO LONG.
i know she's got a boyfriend, not because she flat out told me, but because he's called her at work dozens of times. from what i know, he's a prick. one night he called her at work 20 times. i was pissed, and my best friend was pissed, so after probably the 18th time, he tells the guy to just chill for another hour. he gets pissed and threatens both of us....not by him coming down and kicking our asses, but HIS FUCKING FRIENDS doing it for him. its always my luck though, i find a great girl, and she's with an ass shit dick face.

generally i wouldnt have a problem with that, but this girl seems perfect for me. i dont think i've found one quite like her before. and i think my window of opportunity is dwindling. we both put in our two weeks on the same night together. and that means that on the day before valentines we are both done. she's just moved kinda far from my house, but she's still just down the street from my school....which is hella far from my house.

i'm just trying to get some advice about what to do. i really dont think that she thinks that i'm all that interested in her, maybe that its just playful work flirting...but i am. i'm not going to try and steal her away from her boyfriend....i do believe in Karma, and thats just bad Karma. but i know that i could if i tried. nor do i want to just give up, because if i do that i'll never get the chance.

ive never been in this situation. its crappy...i feel like crap, and i hate that. i know what i could do, but i dont want to be a fool, nor do i want to make it look like i'm trying to steal her.

i'm just looking for some real advice.
Do i.....
A.) spill the guts and just tell her how i feel now?
B.) tell her that i'd still love to be friends with her, and then see where things go from there?
C.) tell her that she's a great girl and say that i want to be friends....and then when valentines rolls around do something nice for her?
D.) just give it up?
E.) be the "bad Karma man, and try to weasle my way in?"
F.) just ride it out...being cool? i've got her number. she's got mine.

HELP....BTW, i'll keep this updated as things progress. and i actually feel better just getting this off my chest.

Strange Famous

If it was me, I would tell her I had some feelings for her and ask her out on a date. If you like her, why not? if she loves her boyfriend, she can just tell you that - you wont really have lost anything , and you could always claim that you thought they werent going out. She doesnt "belong" to this guy anyway, if she wants to be with you there is no Karmic reason she shouldnt as far as I can see.

It sounds to me like you like her a lot, and if you dont go for it, you will probably regret it and be thinking about what might of been, so if I was you I would just go for it!

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Averett

Hmm..

1. She has a boyfriend
2. Shes flirting with you and "catching" you changing clothes
3. She's a great girl


There have been sooo many times where a guy will tell the same story. Met this "great girl" but (sniff, sniff) she has a boyfriend! But hey, she really must like me! She always flirts with me, she always talks to me etc. And hey, I hear that her boyfriend is a real dick anyway.

1. Don't be That Guy.
-Don't be the guy who will make the excuse that even though this girl has a boyfriend, he just must be an asshole. And hey, she flirts with me anyway, so whats the problem?
2. Is she really a Great Girl?
-I'd say not. Do you want to become her boyfriend, only to have her flirt with the next guy? And then that guy will become you? (do you follow?)

I'm not trying to dump on her or you. Hell, I don't know you folks. You may be great, she may be great, and her boyfriend may be a baby killer. I have no idea. But the simple fact is that she's taken. And do you want a girl who would flirt with somebody else while already in a relationship?

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

tisonlyi

I think Avarett is overgeneralising there.

Not all relationships start perfectly. Not all relationships end perfectly.

Life is grey, not black and white (IMHO).

I think you should tell her you'd like to take her out, but that the boyfriend must not be on the scene before anything like that could happen.

Me - not meaning to dump on anyone.

__________________
"I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

skysooner

Well the good part is that you won't have to see each other in a couple of week if it doesn't work out. I'm not all hung up on the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. We have all dated people more out of something to do than any real commitment. She may like a bunch or she may not. She may simply be making sure she is still attractive to random guys. However, there is nothing wrong with at least telling her that she think she is attractive and would she like to grab some coffee sometime. If she is truly attached, she will tell you this and that will be the end of it. However, I have often found that a seed is planted by doing this. It gives her something to think about anyway. You never know what could happen 6 months down the line if she were to break up with her boyfriend.

I'll relate a story of mine. My sister had this friend who was an attractive blonde, but she was only about 17. I was about 21 at the time. I met her and asked her out. She said yes, and we proceeded to go out. It was a little awkward as I had a drink, and she wanted one but couldn't due to the age. We got along fairly well for a first date. However right before I dropped her off, she told me that she had a boyfriend (WTF?). I think she thought I would try and compete with him or something. I backed off instead and didn't ask her out again. About 3 months later, she called me and said she had broken up with her boyfriend, and she had been confused when I didn't ask her out again. I said, "You were taken. I didn't want to mess with somebody I don't know for a girl I don't know very well". We went out a few times and weren't right for each other.

ratbastid

Cool! Multiple choice advice! Should have made it a poll!

I say A. No harm can come from laying it on the table, unless having her not feel the same way would totally crush you. And if that's the case, you're probaby not emotionally mature enough for a relationship in the first place.

mr sticky

I also say "ratbastid speaks the truth."

I go full tilt(ed) when I go after girl, but of course I know what I want. If I want the full on relationship, I say it! I mean it's perfect, she's kind of close, so if she says yes, you're ok...and she's not close enough... that if she says no, you won't have to see her everyday.

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The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

Prince

I say go for it. To say that she must love the bf since she's "with" him doesn't always apply. Sometimes ppl stay in a relationship just because it's convenient...even if the relationship is bad. Then again, you could be just "relief" to her rocky relationship, someone who's nice and sweet and of whom to fantasize even though she could never leave the assfaced analmonkey.

What a gamble life is. Better to regret something you did than something you did not do.

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Who is John Galt?

tritium

I'm with Averett on this one. If you do spill the beans, and she actually does go for it, then you'll just be the next sucker she dates. I'm skeptical...

__________________
Blah.

Plan9Senior

The answer is not listed, but I will add it in there for you.

G.) Tell her, "You have my number...give me a call when you break up with your boyfriend. I'd like to hang out with you when you get rid of that baggage." Then move on. You are developing One-itus with a girl that you arent even dating. Stop putting so much energy and thought into girls you aren't dating yet. You are making a fuss over nothing. Chances are this girl isn't as great of a catch as you think she is considering she has a psycho boyfriend she keeps around. Put the ball in her court... let her know you are interested... then move on. If you hear from her again then cool... if not... her loss right? Keep that attitude otherwise you will never land a girl like her. She sounds like she likes assholes, and you are playing the sensitive AFC. She senses this... trust me.

Man up asudevil83!

Averett

At least somebody agrees with me!

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

skier

So whatcha do man? I hope you went for it, there's no loss if you don't, and if she is unhappy in her current relationship she'll break up with her current boyfriend to be with you. If she tells ya she broke up with him though make sure she actually did. If the boyfriend is how you described him, your girl will have some problems letting go.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

:::OshnSoul:::

IMHO- I would ride it out. I am sure she knows how you feel for her, but the important thing is for her to make her own choices and to see for herself who she wants to be with.
Don't try to change her mind or infuence her. If she's meant for you, it will happen.

wry1

It comes down to this: would you want your girlfriend flirting around behind your back?

Think about it this way: if she has a thing for you, then why is she still with her boyfriend? There's something of a connection between the two of them, otherwise she would have been on her merry way long before now.....

Ride it out, see if she gets rid of the guy. If so, then ask her out.

But Averett's right....don't be that guy.

asudevil83

yeah, fuck that. i'm not going to be THAT GUY. like i said...i'm a karma man, and even though i've gotten fucked over in the same way, i'm not going to do it to some other guy, even though he's an ass.

but i really havent made up my mind on what to do. i am concidering just asking her out for coffee or something of that nature, and just talking to her for a bit...letting her know how i feel and all. i think what i'm really caught up on not doing is just blowing it off. like people have said, theirs more regret in not doing something than doing something.

and i honestly wouldnt say that its just playfully flirting going on between us. their are things that i would really say only someone who "likes" you would do. for example...last saturday i was supposed to close with by friend. he was running behind on what he had to do, and i would have been left alone to help all these fucking customers. she decided to stay for a couple extra hours and help me out. and when she did leave, she told me that the only reason she did stay was because she didnt want ot leave me by myself. to me that really says something.