For alll these "SHOULD" questions.... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

01-05-2004, 12:54 PM

There IS no should.
Why ask for others' opinions on what you should do?- as others' opinions vary. One's opinion they could claim as "right", while someone else would say the same thing about their opinion, even though it is different.
Ask YOURSELF for a change- the most reliable is yourself. What feels right to you? WHat feels good to you? What would be the consequences of your actions/words/etc.? The answers are there, try and choose to rely on your own decisions for once. See the results. BE yourself. Don't make your decisions based on other people's ideas & beliefs.
Not a rant, it's a positive enforcement.

tenchi069 · 01-05-2004, 01:03 PM

Sometime just venting and hearing feedback makes our own choices clearer to us. I won't do something because someone else suggested I should nor because they are doing it too, but rather it is nice to hear about how other people handled the situation.

Rodney · 01-05-2004, 01:13 PM

Of course you should make your own decisions, but do it with as much information as possible. Asking others for their experiences, advice, and reasons for that advice, is a much better road to a sound decision than something that merely "feels right." Okay, it feels right -- but there be another option beyond your current experience that feels even righter, once someone brings it to your attention.

Of course, not all advice is created equal, and only you can decide what is and isn't relevant to your own situation. But again, that's what puts you in control of the process, no matter how many different opinions you gather.

Woody182 · 01-05-2004, 01:26 PM

I think getting another view other than your own can be helpful. Obviously no one here is going to read on reply to their post and go do exactly as the person says. However, by reading some posts it can force the original poster to be more open minded, see other points, or reaffirm their thoughts.
I do not think that the "should" posts are seeking direct advice, merely gathering opinions/clearing their conscience.

sexymama · 01-05-2004, 01:45 PM

So the only should is that you "should" make up your own mind!

Maybe it is better to ask, what is your opinion or what do you think, when seeking other's input? I agree, that input can help one clarify his/her own thoughts.

hobo · 01-05-2004, 01:51 PM

While I usually make what I feel to be the right decision for me, it is nice to hear other opinions because sometimes they carry bits of information that could affect my decision.

NeoSparky · 01-05-2004, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Woody182
I think getting another view other than your own can be helpful. Obviously no one here is going to read on reply to their post and go do exactly as the person says. However, by reading some posts it can force the original poster to be more open minded, see other points, or reaffirm their thoughts.
I do not think that the "should" posts are seeking direct advice, merely gathering opinions/clearing their conscience.

This is exactly what I look for when I post. I like getting other's opinion's. Sometimes I use them, sometimes not. Just like with friends in real life. Some offer good suggestions, some dont.

Often times it's good just to get things off your chest. No sense in bottling up all the emotions till you explode.

Steenoob · 01-05-2004, 09:14 PM

I'd have to agree with you guys on this one. While it may seem like "OMG i'm asking on the intarweb for advice!!!" it's not really like that at all. Other forums (I know, ban me

) are far less mature than TFP, and are most definitely not the places to be discussing relationship problems and silly anecdotes.

Quote:

Sometime just venting and hearing feedback makes our own choices clearer to us. I won't do something because someone else suggested I should nor because they are doing it too, but rather it is nice to hear about how other people handled the situation.

You hit it right on the head, Tenchi. Hearing about others allows you to reflect upon your own situation and make heads-or-tails of it

analog · 01-06-2004, 12:48 AM

I give out advice all the time about love and relationships, and I have some degree of successful guidance under my belt from people I know personally who i've helped, but i'll be the first person to ask for help when my own love boat is rocking. I can give out all the ideas I want, but I can keep none for myself. It sucks, but I get by because I have supportive friends, and a great community here.

anti fishstick · 01-06-2004, 03:27 AM

yes, it is good to gather decisions from yourself and for yourself. do not get lost in other peoples advice. sometimes, however, it's helpful to have other people's perspectives to help gather your own.

skysooner · 01-06-2004, 06:20 AM

I never let "should" dictate what I will do, but sometimes there is an overwhelming weight of opinion that might make me rethink a position that I don't strongly hold. If so many are taking the opposite side of an argument, I look more closely at my own beliefs/opinions to see if there is something I might have missed.

01-05-2004, 12:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	For alll these "SHOULD" questions.... There IS no should. Why ask for others' opinions on what you should do?- as others' opinions vary. One's opinion they could claim as "right", while someone else would say the same thing about their opinion, even though it is different. Ask YOURSELF for a change- the most reliable is yourself. What feels right to you? WHat feels good to you? What would be the consequences of your actions/words/etc.? The answers are there, try and choose to rely on your own decisions for once. See the results. BE yourself. Don't make your decisions based on other people's ideas & beliefs. Not a rant, it's a positive enforcement.

01-05-2004, 01:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
tenchi069 Lost Location: One step closer to the padded cell...	Sometime just venting and hearing feedback makes our own choices clearer to us. I won't do something because someone else suggested I should nor because they are doing it too, but rather it is nice to hear about how other people handled the situation. __________________ ERROR- PLBSAK Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

01-05-2004, 01:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Woody182 Crazy Location: Near Chicago, IL	I think getting another view other than your own can be helpful. Obviously no one here is going to read on reply to their post and go do exactly as the person says. However, by reading some posts it can force the original poster to be more open minded, see other points, or reaffirm their thoughts. I do not think that the "should" posts are seeking direct advice, merely gathering opinions/clearing their conscience. __________________ If I fall in love, will you forgive me? If I lose my way, will you choose me? If I change my mind, will you change me? -Smashing Pumpkins

01-05-2004, 01:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	So the only should is that you "should" make up your own mind! Maybe it is better to ask, what is your opinion or what do you think, when seeking other's input? I agree, that input can help one clarify his/her own thoughts. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

01-06-2004, 03:27 AM	#10 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	yes, it is good to gather decisions from yourself and for yourself. do not get lost in other peoples advice. sometimes, however, it's helpful to have other people's perspectives to help gather your own. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

01-05-2004, 01:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Of course you should make your own decisions, but do it with as much information as possible. Asking others for their experiences, advice, and reasons for that advice, is a much better road to a sound decision than something that merely "feels right." Okay, it feels right -- but there be another option beyond your current experience that feels even righter, once someone brings it to your attention. Of course, not all advice is created equal, and only you can decide what is and isn't relevant to your own situation. But again, that's what puts you in control of the process, no matter how many different opinions you gather.

01-05-2004, 01:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	While I usually make what I feel to be the right decision for me, it is nice to hear other opinions because sometimes they carry bits of information that could affect my decision.

01-06-2004, 12:48 AM	#9 (permalink)
analog Banned	I give out advice all the time about love and relationships, and I have some degree of successful guidance under my belt from people I know personally who i've helped, but i'll be the first person to ask for help when my own love boat is rocking. I can give out all the ideas I want, but I can keep none for myself. It sucks, but I get by because I have supportive friends, and a great community here.

01-06-2004, 06:20 AM	#11 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	I never let "should" dictate what I will do, but sometimes there is an overwhelming weight of opinion that might make me rethink a position that I don't strongly hold. If so many are taking the opposite side of an argument, I look more closely at my own beliefs/opinions to see if there is something I might have missed.