Sex Change= What Would you Do? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

la petite moi · 11-29-2003, 12:06 PM

So I don't know how I thought this up, but I'm wondering- If you began dating someone, and found out that they had had a sex change previously, what would you do?

PLEASE READ THE POLL QUESTION CAREFULLY!

lurkette · 11-29-2003, 12:11 PM

I would stay with them. It wouldn't change who they are. It might be a different story if they were GOING to have a sex change, but even then I probably wouldn't have a problem with it - I like playing with men and women, and his/her personality would be the same.

Halx · 11-29-2003, 01:03 PM

I think it would be fairly obvious from the get-go. Sex change operations still turn out like preschool crafts. I don't believe you can get erections naturally with a reconstructed penis, you have to have a pump. Man-vaginas also cannot self-lubricate.

Either way.. no thanks. I'm outie.

raeanna74 · 11-29-2003, 01:30 PM

No I would not continue dating them. They would have either decieved me to begin with or we weren't going out long enough to become very close. It would take a lot of work for me to get past my notions of what defines a woman or a man physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Chemical Smoo · 11-29-2003, 01:51 PM

Nope... Lies all Lies, and um I think that would make me a Metro, and that I am not.

Rlyss · 11-29-2003, 04:16 PM

If I was dating someone and they told me they had had a sex change, I wouldn't continue dating them. Not because I think it's necessarily wrong, but because I thought they were one thing (a woman) but they weren't (in my mind).

If I was dating someone and they told me they wanted or were going to have a sex change I wouldn't continue with it either. Perhaps their personality might stay the same but I'm in that relationship partly because I'm attracted to that person on a physical level too, and if that changed so drastically then I think my feelings would change. I think that's one of the main differences between friendships and relationships - that physical attraction.

spived2 · 11-29-2003, 04:28 PM

Nope. In my mind, they're still a man, even if they have an operation to make them into somewhat a women. That just doesn't sit right at all to me.

skysooner · 11-29-2003, 08:41 PM

Not for me either. I'm all for open-mindedness, but there is something about the truly female psyche that I love too much.

sillygirl · 11-29-2003, 08:55 PM

So, I voted before I read the question on accident (

). Oh well.

I wouldn't keep dating them. I agree with raeanna. They'd have to have been lying to me/ deceiving me to begin with (I wouldn't date someone who I KNEW had had the operation - too wierd for me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable). And no matter what body parts they were surgically given, they aren't real. Those body parts, as Halx said, do not function the way that 'real' ones would. I love men. I love A man, to be more exact.

Anomaly_ · 11-29-2003, 09:25 PM

I'm kind of surprised even five males said they would continue to date the person. Maybe it's a case of reading the poll too quickly. In any event, I can't see this being anything other than a hypothetical situation unless one person is oblivious and the other is very deceptive, or both.

tritium · 11-29-2003, 10:06 PM

I would drop that hot mama like a load of bricks. Once a man, always a man in my, debatably ignorant, opinion.

hobo · 11-29-2003, 10:08 PM

I couldn't handle being with a woman that was once a man. It would just be too weird because then s/he wouldn't really be a woman.

Cervantes · 11-29-2003, 10:44 PM

I'm with hobo here 100%
It's not a woman, it is a man made to look like a woman.
No way I would be able to have a relationship somone like that.

Sho Nuff · 12-01-2003, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tritium
I would drop that hot mama like a load of bricks. Once a man, always a man in my, debatably ignorant, opinion.

Nothing ignorant about that at all. Im just shocked 9 guys (some by error) said they would stay. Anyone willing to explain that?

aurigus · 12-01-2003, 01:23 PM

Thats too much emotional (and physical?) baggage for me to deal with....

Another question would be ... if you found out your girl/guy used to be a hermaphrodite, what would you do? When looking up the correct spelling of hermaphrodite, I came up with this link:

http://www.angelfire.com/ca2/BornHermaphrodite/

Scarey, and sad at the same time!

Panopticon · 12-01-2003, 01:34 PM

I would dump "her". Definitely. Not only would it be all weird, but its just like...why are you just bringing this to my attention now? You lied to me for however long...

lurkette · 12-01-2003, 02:36 PM

I'm a little shocked at how many people would dump the person. I guess it depends on how long you'd been dating, and how much of your relationship was based on sex. If I found out Ratbastid was once a woman, I'd have no problem. I love him (her?

) no matter what, and I can't see that changing because of chromosomes. And while you're all entitled to your opinions and preferences, it's hard enough to be different and HONEST without being afraid someone would dump you when they learn the truth.

I have a corrollary question:

for those who would dump the person because they were deceitful, at what point would they have to disclose this information for you to NOT dump them? right up front? third date? before you have sex? Would it be the same if you found out that had been married before and never told you, or is it just the gender-bending factor?

numist · 12-01-2003, 02:51 PM

Im kinda iffy about the gender bending, Im fairly prude, but I think I could do it and get over it.

If Im going out with the person already, I must have some reason to stay that way: I'm the pickiest person I know....
But, defying the odds, not single despite that fact

Mantus · 12-01-2003, 03:26 PM

Depends on the circumstance.

If they were born with both organs and their parents chose one, then it would be acceptable and I could get used to that.

If on the other hand the person decided at the age of 25 that he were a woman trapped in a man’s body then I would dump him(her) right there. I am not about to commit myself with some one who is that sexually imbalanced and in my opinion, confused.

pocon1 · 12-01-2003, 04:00 PM

I don't think that a person would be required to tell you their past history unless you were truly getting serious. Until that point, they were not lying to you. If they believe they are one sex, then they are.
Now, I am not saying that I would definitely continue in a relationship, but I would explore it and give the person the benefit of the doubt. I think that there are many people in the world, and not all of them are the same as me and my tidy little categories. I think there are people whose minds and psyche are one way, and their body is another.
One more thing, gay men swear that they have the best orgasms, because they have so much practice with the same equipment, and they understand it better than women. Well, a sex-changed person should give you the best of both worlds; experience of a guy, and female parts to play with. Hmm, could be interesting.

Cervantes · 12-01-2003, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lurkette
for those who would dump the person because they were deceitful, at what point would they have to disclose this information for you to NOT dump them? right up front? third date? before you have sex? Would it be the same if you found out that had been married before and never told you, or is it just the gender-bending factor?

Chromosomes are part of the basic structure of a human being they determine what sex we are, what speices we are, how many fingers, toes, noses etc.
The problem with changing sex is that the transformation is only on the surface. A sexchange is nothing but cosmetic surgery pushed to extreme.

The problem isn't that it "was" a guy, the problem is that it still is a guy who's just made to look like a woman. It's no different from a crossdresser, it's just that the illusion is better. If the change could someday be complete, that the chromosomes actually were changeable then I would probarbly reconsider my viewpoint.
But untill then a man is a man and a woman is a woman no matter how many surgeries and hormonetreatments they go through to change that.
I'm not passing judgment on those who "change" their sex, I'm just saying that up untill the day that science can make a man into a fertile woman with XX chromosomes and vice versa for a woman, the surgery remains to be a very severe mutilation of a perfectly functional body.
Hopefully some day gene theraphy will be able to exchange one chromosome with another and the change made perfect, at least I hope so for those who want to change their sex completly.
So the problem I have with it isn't that they want to change sex or that they feel that they are in the wrong body. It is simply because their sex is still a surgicly created illusion.

omega2K4 · 12-02-2003, 12:10 AM

If my girlfriend had a sex change, I wouldn't break up with her. I love her too much and have been with her way too long to just drop our relationship like that. Also, can women have sex changes!? How would they do it? Sew the vagina up and create a false-phallus?

Sho Nuff · 12-02-2003, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lurkette
I have a corrollary question:

for those who would dump the person because they were deceitful, at what point would they have to disclose this information for you to NOT dump them? right up front? third date? before you have sex? Would it be the same if you found out that had been married before and never told you, or is it just the gender-bending factor?

Oh I think definately BEFORE SEX!

Bloodslick · 12-02-2003, 07:44 AM

I don't understand the lot of you.

If a person has a sex change operation, it's because they feel that they are, mentally and emotionally, SO much closer to the other sex that they go through an operation they know to be not fully functional and somewhat "deforming", after a great deal of counselling.

They're not a man who has been made into a woman. They're a woman who was trapped in a man's body and was so desperate to get out that they went through not one, but a gradual progression of several surgical procedures.

If I had gotten involved with them and hadn't realized, then I'd stay involved. People who go through sex changes are not trying to fool anyone. They're trying to make their physical appearance match who they believe they are inside.

Cervantes · 12-02-2003, 08:35 AM

Bloodslick,

I can understand you viewpoint and symphatize with it to a certain extent. It is just that I can't get over the fact that "she" is not a woman in "her" chromosomes. One of the fundamental pieces needed is missing. (does it show that genetics is a very big part of my life

)

Elitegibson · 12-02-2003, 08:51 AM

She's a man, baby! There's no way I'd continue going out with girl if I found out she used to be a man. I'd also pull an Ace Ventura and take lots of showers and burn my clothes.

herostar · 12-02-2003, 02:43 PM

that would freak me out waaayyyyy toooo much

motdakasha · 12-02-2003, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chemical Smoo
Nope... Lies all Lies, and um I think that would make me a Metro, and that I am not.

You're not heterosexual? It sounds like you have a misunderstanding of the term. Metrosexual typically describes effeminate heterosexual males. Urbandictionary.com concurs with me. http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...etrosexual&f=1

Quote:

Originally posted by Bloodslick
I don't understand the lot of you.

If a person has a sex change operation, it's because they feel that they are, mentally and emotionally, SO much closer to the other sex that they go through an operation they know to be not fully functional and somewhat "deforming", after a great deal of counselling.

It's not just that they believe they should be the opposite sex, being the "wrong" gender causes them to hate who they are, depression, and anxiety.

Quote:

Originally posted by Cervantes
Bloodslick,

I can understand you viewpoint and symphatize with it to a certain extent. It is just that I can't get over the fact that "she" is not a woman in "her" chromosomes. One of the fundamental pieces needed is missing. (does it show that genetics is a very big part of my life )

From their point of view, everything in their bodies (hormones, genetics, etc.) tell them they should be the opposite sex. So, they would probably believe that their chromosomes should have been "she"(or "he) and that the operation helps them to achieve that.
From my Abnormal Psychology textbook, "Gender Identity Disorder is diagnosed when individuals believe that they were born with the wrong sex's genitals and are fundamentally persons of the opposite sex..." To them, they are matching their reproductive organs to what everything else in their bodies tell them they are. Also from my textbook is a story about a doctor who underwent reassignment surgery. "All of my life I harbored the strongest conviction that I was inappropriately assigned to the wrong gender--that of a man--when inside I knew myself to be a woman."

So, while I understand that you feel a reassigned person is not truly that gender, you have to understand that they feel they are the gender they were supposed to be as much as they can possibly be given their circumstances.

Honestly, I think the answer to this question is directly related to "Is beauty only skin deep?" If you answer yes, it basically means that what's on the outside really does matter. If you answer no, your feelings for that person transcend physical appearance. There's no doubt in my mind that people who answered yes think it isn't the same question and that reassigned genders are completely different story. I disagree; let's leave it at that. Maybe it's obvious by now, but my answer is that it doesn't matter if the person had reassignment ("corrective") surgery. I was disappointed to see the response was overwhelmingly yes.

Evil Milkman · 12-02-2003, 04:37 PM

I'd want to say that I wouldn't break up, but I can tell you that I'd feel pretty damned uncomfortable around that person.

Cervantes · 12-03-2003, 06:54 AM

motdakasha:

Yes to them they are women, I can understand that, I have no problems with it on any psychological level, you are what you choose. It is just that "she" was born a man and in "her" chromosomes "she" is still a man. Maybe it is a light streak of homophobia or it may be our insticts telling us that a relationship with "her" could not under any circumstance result in any offspring.
I'm honestly not sure why I would break it off but I know for sure that I would.

rocinante2003 · 12-03-2003, 07:51 AM

Its not the sex change that bothers me, the fact they kept it from you would, so no go.

vveronica · 12-03-2003, 09:53 AM

if they could make a girl look big enough and make it work tooo now that would be cool..

View Poll Results: If you found out that your lover had a sex change, would you break up with him/her?
Guys- Yes	50	59.52%
Guys- No	23	27.38%
Girls- Yes	4	4.76%
Girls- No	7	8.33%
Voters: 84. You may not vote on this poll

11-29-2003, 12:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Sex Change= What Would you Do? So I don't know how I thought this up, but I'm wondering- If you began dating someone, and found out that they had had a sex change previously, what would you do? PLEASE READ THE POLL QUESTION CAREFULLY! Last edited by la petite moi; 11-30-2003 at 09:13 AM..

11-29-2003, 12:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I would stay with them. It wouldn't change who they are. It might be a different story if they were GOING to have a sex change, but even then I probably wouldn't have a problem with it - I like playing with men and women, and his/her personality would be the same. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

11-29-2003, 01:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	I think it would be fairly obvious from the get-go. Sex change operations still turn out like preschool crafts. I don't believe you can get erections naturally with a reconstructed penis, you have to have a pump. Man-vaginas also cannot self-lubricate. Either way.. no thanks. I'm outie. __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

11-29-2003, 01:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	No I would not continue dating them. They would have either decieved me to begin with or we weren't going out long enough to become very close. It would take a lot of work for me to get past my notions of what defines a woman or a man physically, emotionally, and mentally. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

11-29-2003, 01:51 PM	#5 (permalink)
Chemical Smoo Crazy	Nope... Lies all Lies, and um I think that would make me a Metro, and that I am not.

11-29-2003, 04:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	If I was dating someone and they told me they had had a sex change, I wouldn't continue dating them. Not because I think it's necessarily wrong, but because I thought they were one thing (a woman) but they weren't (in my mind). If I was dating someone and they told me they wanted or were going to have a sex change I wouldn't continue with it either. Perhaps their personality might stay the same but I'm in that relationship partly because I'm attracted to that person on a physical level too, and if that changed so drastically then I think my feelings would change. I think that's one of the main differences between friendships and relationships - that physical attraction.

11-29-2003, 04:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
spived2 Desert Rat Location: Arizona	Nope. In my mind, they're still a man, even if they have an operation to make them into somewhat a women. That just doesn't sit right at all to me. __________________ "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V

11-29-2003, 08:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Not for me either. I'm all for open-mindedness, but there is something about the truly female psyche that I love too much.

11-29-2003, 08:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	So, I voted before I read the question on accident ( ). Oh well. I wouldn't keep dating them. I agree with raeanna. They'd have to have been lying to me/ deceiving me to begin with (I wouldn't date someone who I KNEW had had the operation - too wierd for me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable). And no matter what body parts they were surgically given, they aren't real. Those body parts, as Halx said, do not function the way that 'real' ones would. I love men. I love A man, to be more exact. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-29-2003, 09:25 PM	#10 (permalink)
Anomaly_ Insane	I'm kind of surprised even five males said they would continue to date the person. Maybe it's a case of reading the poll too quickly. In any event, I can't see this being anything other than a hypothetical situation unless one person is oblivious and the other is very deceptive, or both.

11-29-2003, 10:06 PM	#11 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	I would drop that hot mama like a load of bricks. Once a man, always a man in my, debatably ignorant, opinion. __________________ Blah.

11-29-2003, 10:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	I couldn't handle being with a woman that was once a man. It would just be too weird because then s/he wouldn't really be a woman.

11-29-2003, 10:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	I'm with hobo here 100% It's not a woman, it is a man made to look like a woman. No way I would be able to have a relationship somone like that. __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

12-01-2003, 01:23 PM	#15 (permalink)
aurigus Insane	Thats too much emotional (and physical?) baggage for me to deal with.... Another question would be ... if you found out your girl/guy used to be a hermaphrodite, what would you do? When looking up the correct spelling of hermaphrodite, I came up with this link: http://www.angelfire.com/ca2/BornHermaphrodite/ Scarey, and sad at the same time!

12-01-2003, 01:34 PM	#16 (permalink)
Panopticon Psycho	I would dump "her". Definitely. Not only would it be all weird, but its just like...why are you just bringing this to my attention now? You lied to me for however long... __________________ .:Panopticon:.

12-01-2003, 02:36 PM	#17 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I'm a little shocked at how many people would dump the person. I guess it depends on how long you'd been dating, and how much of your relationship was based on sex. If I found out Ratbastid was once a woman, I'd have no problem. I love him (her? ) no matter what, and I can't see that changing because of chromosomes. And while you're all entitled to your opinions and preferences, it's hard enough to be different and HONEST without being afraid someone would dump you when they learn the truth. I have a corrollary question: for those who would dump the person because they were deceitful, at what point would they have to disclose this information for you to NOT dump them? right up front? third date? before you have sex? Would it be the same if you found out that had been married before and never told you, or is it just the gender-bending factor? __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

12-01-2003, 02:51 PM	#18 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	Im kinda iffy about the gender bending, Im fairly prude, but I think I could do it and get over it. If Im going out with the person already, I must have some reason to stay that way: I'm the pickiest person I know.... But, defying the odds, not single despite that fact

12-01-2003, 03:26 PM	#19 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	Depends on the circumstance. If they were born with both organs and their parents chose one, then it would be acceptable and I could get used to that. If on the other hand the person decided at the age of 25 that he were a woman trapped in a man’s body then I would dump him(her) right there. I am not about to commit myself with some one who is that sexually imbalanced and in my opinion, confused.

12-01-2003, 04:00 PM	#20 (permalink)
pocon1 Banned	I don't think that a person would be required to tell you their past history unless you were truly getting serious. Until that point, they were not lying to you. If they believe they are one sex, then they are. Now, I am not saying that I would definitely continue in a relationship, but I would explore it and give the person the benefit of the doubt. I think that there are many people in the world, and not all of them are the same as me and my tidy little categories. I think there are people whose minds and psyche are one way, and their body is another. One more thing, gay men swear that they have the best orgasms, because they have so much practice with the same equipment, and they understand it better than women. Well, a sex-changed person should give you the best of both worlds; experience of a guy, and female parts to play with. Hmm, could be interesting.

12-02-2003, 12:10 AM	#22 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	If my girlfriend had a sex change, I wouldn't break up with her. I love her too much and have been with her way too long to just drop our relationship like that. Also, can women have sex changes!? How would they do it? Sew the vagina up and create a false-phallus? __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

12-02-2003, 07:44 AM	#24 (permalink)
Bloodslick Loser Location: a darkened back alley	I don't understand the lot of you. If a person has a sex change operation, it's because they feel that they are, mentally and emotionally, SO much closer to the other sex that they go through an operation they know to be not fully functional and somewhat "deforming", after a great deal of counselling. They're not a man who has been made into a woman. They're a woman who was trapped in a man's body and was so desperate to get out that they went through not one, but a gradual progression of several surgical procedures. If I had gotten involved with them and hadn't realized, then I'd stay involved. People who go through sex changes are not trying to fool anyone. They're trying to make their physical appearance match who they believe they are inside.

12-02-2003, 08:35 AM	#25 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	Bloodslick, I can understand you viewpoint and symphatize with it to a certain extent. It is just that I can't get over the fact that "she" is not a woman in "her" chromosomes. One of the fundamental pieces needed is missing. (does it show that genetics is a very big part of my life ) __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

12-02-2003, 08:51 AM	#26 (permalink)
Elitegibson More Freedom, Less Bullshit Location: Tulsa, OK	She's a man, baby! There's no way I'd continue going out with girl if I found out she used to be a man. I'd also pull an Ace Ventura and take lots of showers and burn my clothes. __________________ -Erik Stupid people shouldn't breed.

12-02-2003, 02:43 PM	#27 (permalink)
herostar Psycho Location: South Dakota	that would freak me out waaayyyyy toooo much __________________ Got time to chill?

12-02-2003, 04:37 PM	#29 (permalink)
Evil Milkman Addict Location: Illinois	I'd want to say that I wouldn't break up, but I can tell you that I'd feel pretty damned uncomfortable around that person.

12-03-2003, 06:54 AM	#30 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	motdakasha: Yes to them they are women, I can understand that, I have no problems with it on any psychological level, you are what you choose. It is just that "she" was born a man and in "her" chromosomes "she" is still a man. Maybe it is a light streak of homophobia or it may be our insticts telling us that a relationship with "her" could not under any circumstance result in any offspring. I'm honestly not sure why I would break it off but I know for sure that I would. __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

12-03-2003, 07:51 AM	#31 (permalink)
rocinante2003 Insane Location: Dallas	Its not the sex change that bothers me, the fact they kept it from you would, so no go.

12-03-2003, 09:53 AM	#32 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	if they could make a girl look big enough and make it work tooo now that would be cool.. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...