Zorvox

*GEEZ THIS IS BIG EH* Sorry :P

G'day all..... I'll tell you a Little story.... and if you have any advice, or anything you wish to say... go ahead, as everything is valued.

Well in the past, I have only had 3 girlfriends... One was pretty much nothing.. the other I was in love with when I was about 15 (she was 17) anyway, I impregnated her, and we discussed it etc, anyway about 2 1/2 months into the pregnancy she went away, she just left... to another state and never said good bye, no contact details or anything... I took me ages to get over her and I had always carried knowing whether I was a father not was oblivious to me.

Anyway, years later, I had opportunities to start new relationships etc... with girls I liked too I may add... but I never did, because I was too afraid that things will just go sour again.

Anyway. a mate of mine introduced me to this girl.... that he liked and wanted to get with and stuff yeah.. I was like, hey yeah man, she's pretty cool... shes a nice person, and she's gorgeous too.

So... we all went out one night... and I ended up kissing her and stuff yeah.. So I did the whole "im smart thing" and a few days later got in contact with her and said sorry blah blah.. she said it was okay yeah...

So we ended up going places, talking to one another all that and ended up started "going out"...

I wasn't afraid... things just seemed so right, we just pretty much clicked..

So we went up to my mothers (Whic was pretty quick, cos it was holiday time) so we went up there and all that and things were good, It was probably about 3 weeks, maybe a month into the relationship... and I came to realize that I actually loved her.... it wasn't exactly like this hell strong "OMG I LOVE YOU" but it was the beginning of something good... she told me that she "loved me too"

We both wanted something that we could count on... not something that was just going to die in the arse and get all pathetic and childish and blah blah, meaningful. something strong, so that we weren't wasting our time.

Anyway, she ended up a little bit later, telling me that she didn't exactly love me, because it would take her a bit longer.... she just practically said it because it sounded right..

So.... we would see each other as much as possible, and speak to one another as much as we could. things were, I spose.. ok/good..

And after 2 months, she said that she "loved me" and couldn't imagine losing me, and me not being a big part in her life... she was so afraid of losing me etc.. yeah...

(Oh, I've had a pretty sort of shit life, and I have a bit of a problem with depression and using bad words - but I am a good person, I think anyway)

So yeah... one night I went out for a bit of a drink got pretty wasted with a mate of mine, I got home... And before then we had been talking about "Fixing one another's problems, and getting here and where we want to be in the future etc (not relationship wise - just in general)" so I said I'd help her and help her figure out stuff...

Anyway, I got home spoke to her on MSN and I don't know why, I was like.. swearing and shit and calling her a "Stupid bitch" and stuff yeah? I knew I was doing it, And I was like... no don't do it.. but I kept doing it

So later on, she ended up breaking it off... said it was over, she was sick of me calling her names and making her feel bad etc...

And that I had issues and problems that need to be adressed... and for about one hour she wouldn't even speak to me..

So yeah... i've had a mate that I speak to on the net only, known him for about 6 years... he's a very very WEIRD INDIVIDUAL, he hsa all these extreme self-opinionated outlooks on life. which are extremely weird, creative... but I don't really think should be spread around, because I guess they could become dangerous...

Me and my EX girlfriend we're having a bit of a problem between one another, So I let him in a chat and he helped us yeah.. all was good and was getting sorted out and she added him to her MSN List, so I guess they started talking and he was like telling her all the shit he use to tell me "you are a cloud, as you move along you must adapt to your different surroundings" your happiness is all that counts, not other's... blah blah blah etc.

Me and him had a bit of a falling out, and I hadn't spoken to him for ages, because he was being a complete cunt.

SO that night when she broke up with me, she had completely turnd into a different person, It was like I was talking to him... I was like, You've changed, what the hell?

I know his writing style, he has a very very unique style and because I spoke to him for so long I am pretty much able to acknowledge what he's said/written etc..

Obviously, she was relaying what we had been saying and he was pretty much writing for her.. and she was just copy/pasting, but she said she wasn't.

Anyway... things got pretty heated and I still couldn't live with the fact that she had ended things, and she wouldn't let me call her, she wouldn't let me call her no matter what. which infuriated me, I was so pissed off and upset, I was like standing up jumping around going "no no no no no no no no no" to myself.. it was freaking me out, it had happened again.. I was fucking my life up, destroying the things which were important to me.

So things pretty much ended on a sour note.

I sent her like 3 huuuge e-mails, saying that she has shown me what the REAL problem is, and that it needs to be adressed immediately otherwise, things will continue to go down hill. and that I was sorry, and that I am going to address the problem... (I rang my old psychiatrist about it, who had helped me in the past with my depresion / problems) so I am now speaking to him about it all.

And that I wish and hope that she will help me through it and not end things, as that's what relationships are about... to be there together to help one another through thick and thin and help address one another's problems and help them through it.

Your meant to fight for love right? not just give up and say, fuck it... it's over.. blah blah for me to start a relationship with her, was a huuuge thing and took alot of courage from me because I was so scared of shit happening again.

I told her that she said she loved me 3 days prior to all this, and that I truly love her and I never wanted to lose her, and I don't plan on doing so, That I am going to fight.. that's why i am fixing my problem..

Anyway, she said... "There is no way that we will ever get back together, no matter what - it's completely no, no going back" we will only ever be friends.

Me, I can't live with just being her friend she means the world to me, I love her so much... ever since I met her, I have continued to fall for her, find out more about her and grow to love her even more... she's a wonderful person, and she's so beautiful she's smart all that sort of stuff (but I mean it, and know it).

I just can't seem to get her to just look at the situation as a whole.. "Your trying to fix the problem, I guess that I should be reasonable and help you through it and support you because things will get better and the PROBLEM will be NO MORE"

IT feels like that guy has brain washed her..... he's like 3 states away, so they don't see one another physically or anything just over the internet... she said she feels more comfortable talking over the internet and stuff so...

I rang her, the night after and said "look, I love you... I don't want you to just throw all of this away, you mean the world to me.. Im not going to lose you over this, I am going to fight for you because I love you... Just give us some time, I need it to fix what's wrong will you please just wait?" she said no, it's over..

So i pretty much told her to shutup and let me finish, repeated what I said then I said "I love you, good-bye" and hungup..

5 mins later, she rang back and said "don't hang up on me, and tried to talk - I said that's the only way your going to understand" so I hung up again.

Said I wasn't going to speak to her, let things settle down because things were shaken up... but I msg'd her again and said "look I can't handle not speaking to you, can we just talk like normal people?" she said no, you know it won't work, well not now anyway.. and put me on block.

And that's where it's at now..

I know, that I love her, no matter how hurt I am now... I do love her, I have found so much within her that I love and I am going to fix my problems, no matter what, whether she's with me or not, I guess I should do it for myself also..

I know that I will eventually move on, if somehow I can't get her back... that it just takes time and positive energy.

I don't want to move on - I love her, I want to be with her and I can't imagine me seeing her with someone else, it would pain me so much...

I don't know how I will feel in a weeks time, a month's time etc... but this is now.. And it's now that matters..

I mean, she said she loved me... and she said she meant it etc... why is she just letting go like this - she can't really see what i'm saying, and I guess it's due to the fact of all that shit my old mate has said to her, I know he's infected her with all of his shit and I told her not to speak to him because it could have a negative impact on her, which it has.

Am I in the right.. what I am saying is correct, and is making sense, it's not wrong of me... I am doing the right thing? and it's not unreasonable or anything is it?

What should I do?

I think I have the right approach.. just let it settle, let emotions settle down so the impact of it all has gone,

I really do want to be her friend, but how I feel now.. there is no way it would work..

IF anyone can think of ANYTHING please tell me, as I am desperate for some sort of a solution..

Cheers

Harshaw

Someone can love you and still need to let go. It doesn't mean she was lying it just means it wasn't meant to be. I know that isn't a lot to hold on to right now, but love isn't the only thing that is needed to make a relationship work.

You may want to look at taking a break from her. Take some time off, keep seeing your Psychiatrist. Working on depression is hard, it's even harder after something like this. But he should be able to give you a hand. Give her some space for now, I'm not saying cut off contact, but cut it way down. Then in a little while, if you are ready, she may be ready again. She probably won't be able to switch her love on and off. So if you try again in a few months and show some improvement, she may be willing to try again.

I think you may need to tell yourself that if it is meant to be, it will work out in the end. Fighting for love is nice and romantic and worthwhile, but you have to know when to retreat and regroup. I think that might be what you need to do.

I know how hard it is to even think about taking a break from someone you love. It took me two months and I don't know how many posts on this message board to come to that conclusion. Talking to people will help you along. Not only friends, sometimes, with stuff like this it helps to talk to random strangers.

Also, just curious, how old are you?

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This too shall pass.

Mantus

I know you will not want to hear this, but I think what happened is that you were taking her feelings from granted.

I went though hell just to understand such a basic concept. The worst 6 months of my life.

Its something like this:

She is your girlfriend and you expect allot from her. She has been there for a while and you guys had trouble every now and then. In the end you stayed together. After a while though people start to take this resilience and bond for granted. They forget that it is has limits. They forget that just because it is there, doesn’t mean it should be constantly tested. They begin to get comfortable with arguing, insulting, and not working things out.

Eventually all this spill over the brim. Both you and your partner end up wondering what the hell just happened. But that’s what happened. The dam is broken, and has to be re-built from the ground up. This usually equals all the time you have been together time two. It also takes the awareness of both partners. Its not easy and most couple never get back together after such an event. What is more unfortunate is that most people walk away from a relationship without realizing what happened.

To illustrate this. Notice how we don’t fight constantly with our close friends. If we did we would not be friend for long. We consider our friend’s feelings and care about how we are viewed in their eyes. Yet we see so many couples doing the exact opposite to each other.

analog

sweet mother of GOD that was long. no big deal, i have my big posts too, but damn... lol

anyhow, I hate to be the first one to say it, but if you stay with her, you're nuts. it seems like maybe you both have some (mental) issues to deal with before you can truly commit yourselves to anyone anyway.

i say let her be, and sort yourself out first.

wilbjammin

Just a note: If you can't control yourself when you drink, then you probably shouldn't drink. A lot of people talk about how they don't like what they do or who they are when they drink... so... it seems pretty evident that drinking in conjunction with whatever issues you have boiling under the surface made you into someone you don't want to be.

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Innominate.

Zorvox

Thanks fellas, I know what your all saying, and it all makes sense... I just want to convince her to just give me another go... or just not say "NO" straightup, just to think about things and not just give up.

It pains me so much, to picture myself not being with her.... In a way.. I sort of still feel like I still with her

I feel cheated.. and I am really angry, and sort of dissapointed at her for not just holding on I guess..

wilbjammin

You're holding on too tight. You can only control yourself, and you should only want to control yourself. Feel disappointment, let go, and work on yourself.

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Innominate.

Zorvox

I am pretty much okay when I drink.... I don't lose my temper or anything, when I got home I was just in a weird mood and I don't know what I was doing... I was thinking I won't speak to her, but you know what it's like... when ur with someone that's all you want to do.

wilbjammin

Like I said, you are only in control of yourself... you sound like you're telling me that you aren't in control of yourself. Take control.

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Innominate.

thebiz

Send her flowers.

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Thebiz. Hes so hot right now. Thebiz.

Bloodslick

I was in a situation much like this in the past. I made a silly mistake, and she said that she neither wanted to speak with or see me again.

She never has.

Here's the part that it's not fun to hear:
It was the best way. I had other relationships after that one, and most of them ended badly, too. They helped me understand how to be a good boyfriend, and they helped me realize what I was looking for in a relationship. Now I have the perfect woman, I realize it, and I know what to do to keep her.

Learning is a part of life.

jay-g

I feel your pain there Zorvox. I know people are telling you to move on and let go and theres plenty of fish in the sea. The only thing is you dont want to move on or get over anything. You want to be with her and thats it. All I can say is(easier said than done) for now, dont let it consume you. Make some effort here and there to make it work. See what happens. If it was meant to be, you will be chilling in the sun with her by your side. If not, there is a girl thats better, smarter, and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, waiting for you, somewhere out there.

Good Luck.....

Zorvox

HEH, It's all so damn hard

I am going to go and see my psychiatrist for atleast 1 week (3 times a week) then contact her again and just see how she is, and whats up etc..... and just try to be her friend again first.. and perhaps 2 or so weeks later just do some stuff with her (if she will) and if things are going to happen.. they will..

Cheers